As you know I am gonna be a single mum and the father doesn't even want to know about this and doesn't want to get involved. I am curious what should the baby's last name be mine or his? And should I put his name on the birth certificate? Any suggestion will be a great help. Thanks. ↓
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Name: Cat24 | Date: Jun 9th, 2008 7:45 AM
i would put his name on the birth certificate but wouldnt give my baby his last name. he doesnt deserve to have his last name permanently attached to your baby, at the end of the day if he isnt going to be involved and you see no future with him, it makes more sense to have your little one having her/his mothers name rather than a father's name who isnt bothered. plus i think it sounds much nicer when mum and daughter have the same surname, you can tell they are related that way. ↑
Name: 1stTimeMum | Date: Jun 9th, 2008 8:45 AM
Thank you so much that's like the best advice I had so far. Yeah I think that's a good idea. There is no future between us at all and I hate his last name anyway. Lol. And I will put his name on the birth certificate despise what he thinks. Lol. Thanks so much :D ↑
Name: springbaby | Date: Jun 9th, 2008 10:51 AM
Definitely your last name. I was in the same boat but now the father is involved. Still I gave baby my last name because I wasnt married and I wanted to make sure my son would always identify with the one constant in my life. ↑
Name: gummibear | Date: Jul 24th, 2008 2:03 PM
I find it amusing that some people make a big deal over the baby's last name. I am staying with my child's father, and everyone - friends and family - have automatically presumed the child would have his last name (it's come up when discussing baby names). But my s.o. and I mutually agreed to give the child my last name. He has his mother's last name, regardless that his parents were married, and he suggested taking my last name when we eventually marry so that we would all have the same name. I don't mind his last name, but I rather like mine better, while to him, a name is just a name. Also, the child will be primarily around my family, my clan, while much of his family have passed away or will not be around. So from my answer, I think you can tell what I'd say about your situation. Sperm donors don't get to attach their names to the sperm, now do they? ↑
Name: jenna32 | Date: Jul 24th, 2008 6:04 PM
YOURS!! Definately,in case something happens. Also don't put him on the birth certificate, JUST IN CASE. i know i sound like a bitch when i say this but plus he has no rights to the child if he comes back like 5 years later deciding he wants something to do with the child. it is illegal to put someone else who is not the father on the birth certificate, i am like 99% sure my baby's father is who i think it is,she even looks like him a lot more then me. But i still didn't list him on it just in case something weird ever happened,lol. ↑
Name: 1stTimeMum | Date: Jul 25th, 2008 4:01 AM
Oh thanks guys. Yeah the bubs will have my last name and the baby daddy won't be on the birth certificate either. Thanks for the advice guys :D ↑
Name: gummibear | Date: Jul 25th, 2008 2:01 PM
Hmmm, actually I agree w/cat & disagree w/jenna re: the birth certificate. the way i see it, the benefit outweighs to harm. the benefit is relatively marginal - to your kid - where his birth certificate has a name he can point to as to his biological origins. your kid might not care, a lot of ppl don't, but then he might. you never know, esp. if something happens to you and he wants to know who his bio father is. on the other hand, if the guy eventually comes around asserting parental rights, a blank on the cert isn't going to stop him - that's what paternity tests are for. so the marginal benefits outweigh the minimal harm. the child's last name is for you or for the dad - either way the kid gets something. but on the birth certificate, somebody's name under 'father' is better than a blank space. also, even after 5 years, the father does have rights - moreover, depending on your state, one day your child may have rights to him (or his assets) that your child may want to assert & that may be worth protecting - ie when absent father keels over. my three cents. ↑
Name: 1stTimeMum | Date: Jul 30th, 2008 5:34 AM
Thanks guys for your advice. I won't put daddy's name on birth certificate and when he/she gets older I will tell who he is if that what they want to know. I am not making a big deal of it I was just curious for what other think that's all. Thanks everyone. ↑
Name: Franny | Date: Jul 30th, 2008 8:56 AM
I don't understand why you would not put the fathers name on the birth certificate, You know who he is, you were at one point in love with him enough to have an intimate relationship and now you avoid putting his name on the birth certificate. What do you have to gain from this? How sad is it for a child to look at his/her birth certificate (and we all need to for various things in life, like pass ports, s.s numbers, marraige, etc) and he/she HAS NO father....? Just curious, 1stTimeMum why did you change your mind now? ↑
Name: erycalin | Date: Jul 31st, 2008 9:44 AM
My father left when I was baby. He really didnt want anything to do with me. My mother diddont out him on my birth certificate. She got married when I was 3 and because there was no father listed he husband was able to adoopt me with no problem. Had my birth father been listed we would have had to find him and get his permission. If he wanted to be a jerk he could have said no. But thankfully it was what it was and I was able to have the same last name as my family. If you give the baby your name, and in the future get married and have children, you cant change the babys name without the fathers permission. Dont give him rights he doesnt deserve. ↑
Name: Franny | Date: Jul 31st, 2008 3:42 PM
YIKES eyraclin is that true!?!?! I had no idea. Very good point then if he is really dead beat. ↑
Name: lunamoo | Date: Jul 31st, 2008 3:47 PM
Actually as far as I know that is not true...If you decide to have your child without notifying the biological Father, yes, you could get into some legal trouble. This man still has his parental rights, even though he does not know he is the Father and he is not on the birth certificate. Since you have not given him the opportunity to express his interest or disinterest, if he should find out about the child and your actions, you could see yourself in court. To make everything you do is done legally, you should notify him of his child. It could well be that he will show no interest but that is his decision to make. You should not be making that decision for him. ↑
Thanks ladies. I have indeed inform the father and he knows but he decide he doesn't want to know. I be telling him what I am having and when I have the baby and he can decide what he wants to do. I cannot make the decision for him. I am not sure what the rights here in Australia but if he doesn't want to be on the birth certificate then I better find out information about it. Thanks once again. ↑
Name: Franny | Date: Aug 1st, 2008 4:13 AM
Try to get it in writing. Maybe send him a registered letter saying when your due date. Then save the receipt and a copy of the letter for your files. Good luck and sorry he is such an ass! ↑
Name: 1stTimeMum | Date: Aug 1st, 2008 6:06 AM
I actually sent him a text message telling him I was pregnant yes I was a scarey cat. Lol. I still have the respond to his reply and I will keep it. I guess I just have to see how the rest of the pregnancy goes and him. Lol. Thanks everyone. ↑
Name: gummibear | Date: Aug 2nd, 2008 3:21 AM
I did some digging, and this response is completely unhelpful to 1stTimeMum, being in Australia. But for those in the US, apparently certain states have a presumption of sole custody to the mother if there's no father's name on the birth certificate and the parents weren't married at time of conception. Other states do not make any presumption, or they presume joint custody regardless of marital status. Google 'custody birth certificate' to locate an article titled 'presumed custody for unwed mothers'. Would provide the link but I can't on these forums. The site has a directory to various states to research, depending on where you live. There is also an article on the same About site for Unwed Fathers, "Prevent your infant child from being adopted without your consent". Its an interesting read on unwed father's rights, and supports what erycalin was saying. I know there have been recent movements to protect fathers' rights in various states, but so far I haven't seen anything supporting what lunamoo said about getting into legal trouble if you don't notify the bio father - not in the US at least. And I just can't see a US court fining or citing or jailing a woman for not informing the father; there are just too many complexities in relationships and courts have so many other problems to deal with, abusive relationships aside. In fact, what I've seen online says the reverse - mostly in complaints that women can get away with it to begin with. Google "paternity rights unwed". In a bunch of states, guys can lose the right to veto adoption if they don't establish legal paternity in time, provide financial support during the pregnancy, or list themselves in putative registries - requirements varying per state. Point being, in the US, apparently its not an automatic right to veto adoption, and in some states if they act it too late, the court says 'so sorry too bad'. So ditto erycalin, for the US anyway. I'm curious how things are in other parts of the world. ↑
Name: gummibear | Date: Aug 2nd, 2008 3:29 AM
Also, fathers' rights are changing, so what was true when erycalin was 3 may not be true today, even assuming you're in the same state she was in at age 3. All this to say, at the end of the day, do the research online and consider consulting a lawyer if you think things will get sticky... I officially rescind my previous position about the certificate -jenna has a point. I've been schooled ^.^ ↑
Name: PrettyPurtty | Date: Aug 7th, 2008 1:30 PM
If you have a good relationship with his parents then that can have an effect on the last name, otherwise give the baby your last time. You and your baby will ALWAYS be together and you'll never regret it. ↑
Name: micsmms3 | Date: Aug 12th, 2008 5:13 PM
I have to throw my opinion in- def--- YOURS. If he is does not want to be involved, even if in the future he changes his mind and wants to be involved, or if his parents/ family want to be involved- go with YOURS. Good luck and know you can be a strong mom for your little one! ↑
Name: 1stTimeMum | Date: Aug 13th, 2008 4:19 AM
Thanks ladies. The thing is we don't know each other families as it was only a casual relationship and wasn't serious. To say to least my little munchkin was ah a little accident but will be well loved so it will have my last name and I am going to give him the option is he wants to put his name on there or not. Thanks once again. ↑
