Date Rape...but then slept with him again...is it still RAPE
Name: lier | Date: Sep 27th, 2007 7:57 PM
ok, my boyfriend got really drunk and we started making out...we didn't have any protection I said just pull out he said he wanted to just do it in my butt. I said NO I don't want that I think it will hurt and in my opinion is gross. Well he did it anyways. I started crying and he swore never would do it again. We went on and about a month later we were in the same situation and again he did it. And again I stupidly forgave him because to make up for it he did this thing I like sexually and then we had sex the old fashion way...anyways because of that I am now pregnant. He told me to have an abortion or he would break up with me. I said you know I always thought abortion was murder. Anyways since this was my first time on my own I couldnt afford to live on my own so I moved back in with my parents. I ended up telling my mom about what happen and she wants me to press charges because in her opinion he raped me. Because both times I begged him not to put it in my butt and he did. But I slept with him afterwards...I am kind of embarrass to tell anyone this and I dont want it going anywhere. My mother said he did other things to me that would be consider abuse and I need to stand up to him...but I just want him to go away and for me to raise our child what do you all think?? ↓
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Name: Baliezer | Date: Sep 27th, 2007 10:06 PM
I think you would be wasting your time going to the police. You are right the fact that you slept with him willingly would not hold up a rape conviction in court. This guy is an a--hole though. You need to get away from him asap, and seek counciling for what he has done to you. ↑
Name: GimmeaBub | Date: Sep 28th, 2007 5:32 AM
When you say No, and they go ahead thats rape, but you quite happily slept with him again, I doubt you would have much of a case, i feel sorry for you, because i think your gonna find it very hard, but I am sure you are very capable. To be honest lier, i dunno how to pronounce it likeBaliezer said your best of staying away from him and he is not very mature, and from what you said you dont sound too mature iether for repeatably going back, however people make mistakes, and maybe a baby will help you grow up. Best of luck ↑
Name: January | Date: Oct 14th, 2007 9:28 AM
I agree.. no case for rape.. you gave your consent to have sex with him.. just because you didn't like where he finished isn't rape. On another note, he does sound like an ass. I'd break it off or if you are serious about making it work, maybe enlist the help of a therapist for the both of you. Good luck! ↑
Name: jennifer_33106 | Date: Oct 15th, 2007 1:05 PM
You know, I may have read it again but at any time if you said NO and he continued anyways, THAT IS RAPE!!! You can make out with someone take all your clothes off but if you say NO and they DO NOT STOP then that is rape. End of story. Again though I agree with Gimmeabub. You just need to stay away from him. BUT BY ALL MEANS if you wanna pursue a coarse of action I support you 100%. ↑
Name: tish212 | Date: Oct 15th, 2007 11:41 PM
the saddest thing is yes I is rape..u told him no...but honestly in court...if it ever got to that his lawyer could really make u feel like the guilty one because u did chose to go back. I am not saying woman shouldn't stand up for themselves...just realize because u chose to forgive him and consent to sex again...a lawyer could easily humiliate u in court...I am not being mean but let me end with this stay away from him...and if u chose to go back to him and it happens yet again u have no one to blame but urself because u know what kind of person he is...u do need to seek therapy though for what happened to u...gl and please don't take what I said the wrong way... ↑
Name: lier | Date: Oct 16th, 2007 12:34 AM
Thanks for your respond...I am not with him anymore...and want nothing to do with him. He called the other day and said to get rid of the baby or he will get rid of it for me...I can't believe I was so stupid...why do women stay with men that abuse them. I hate myself for ever loving him...I am so afraid that my baby will turn out like him. But I can't kill it. To me it is a life. I don't want to press charges because I just want him to go away but my mom is another story. She said she wants him to pay but I am afraid...as Jennifer brought out the lawyer can make me look foolish. I just wish I could disapper ↑
Name: tish212 | Date: Oct 16th, 2007 10:22 AM
now is when u need to be strong. u have chosen to keep u lo...and s/he needs u to be strong for them. ignore him honestly u don't need him no woman NEEDS a man...and u can raise a happy healthy child without him. the decision to keep the baby is urs and urs alone he was a complete ass to u and took advantage of u don't give him that power anymore...and since ur mom is so adament against him let her talk to him when he calls...more than likely he will stop calling if he has to deal with her anger and hate for him....I reread my first post and realized I came across sounding so mean and please forgive me for that I didn't mean it in that way. I just want u to know that I've been to enough court cases of abusive men against their abused women..and the mans lawyer always makes the woman look like a fool and it ends up seriously breaking them down. u don't need that stress while ur trying to grow this new life. don't answer when he calls and don't go to see him..pretend he no longer exisits and move on... but be strong...don't let him win by getting depressed and sad...ur better then him... ↑
Name: jennifer_33106 | Date: Oct 16th, 2007 1:48 PM
If he is making threats to you GET A RESTRAINING ORDER!!! TO say get rid of the baby or he will get rid of it for me, is serious and SHOULD NOT be taken lightly. I would seriously suggest getting a restraining order on that nut job!! ↑
Name: tish212 | Date: Oct 17th, 2007 12:14 PM
jennifer is right however way too often I see women get restraining orders...then they r the ones that break them by going back to the man that abused them. ur mom seems like a strong woman...use her strength to help u through this...ur baby needs a strong mom... ↑
Name: name | Date: Oct 18th, 2007 6:51 PM
Wow soooo much like my story. Me and my ex broke up 2 years ago and I went 2 years with no contact. Then in March he pops up and I told him I didn't wanna have sex. We're messin around and he sticks IT in, and I move IT out and tell him NO, he puts it back in and I take it out and tell him STOP, this happens 3-5 times (while I'm saying NO STOP) and after about a minute he stops (b/c he came. I didn't know he came at first until I felt the bed). The next morning I had sex (willingly) and again 2 weeks later. I'm pregnant, he wants nothing to do with me or this baby, he's taken off to another state, and I'm due in a month. I have went over the details of what happened to my therapist and he said IMMEDIATELY that was rape. He said it doesn't matter if 2 people are married, if the woman says NO and/or doesn't want to, then it's considered rape. ↑
Name: reneenay | Date: Oct 19th, 2007 3:50 PM
At the very least, get a RESTRAINING ORDER. He is abusive...abusive men do not stop for anything. When he calls, don't answer, no matter how bad he may have made you feel or no matter how much you think you miss him. Move on with your life, raise you baby with love and lots of attention and there is no way it will turn out like him. DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! Hopefully over time you will gain some confidence and self-worth and realize that you deserve to be treated with respect. ↑
Name: violet928 | Date: Oct 21st, 2007 10:53 AM
I feel so sad for you. That is an awful situation to be in. I hate that men still have the upper hand when it comes to ow women are treated. Here all of us are pregnant and or single moms and many of us have tragic stories to share. as for your question regarding a rape case.... YES it was definatly rape and Yes he should have to pay for however I do think the case would be hard to prove, but you could however use the rape and the threats he has made against you and the baby to get a restraining order on him and then if he continues to bother you, you can use the restraining order to put him in jail. For the sake of your baby's safety and your own, you owe it to yourself to take some tyoe of action against him. Men like him must be stopped before they commit further assaults on women. I have been in a date rape situation before and I regret not pressing charges on the guy. Somehow being young and stupid I found a way to blame myself for putting myself in a stupid situation that resulted in me being forced to have intercourse. Thankfully I did not get pregnant or any stds from him but it certainly left a mark on my trust and my pride. I wish you the best. Also as for being a single mom, it really is not so bad. I have a two year old and a 2 month old. Their father left me for a woman who is 11 years older than him when I was 5 months pregnant. Yes it can be hard especially when you are pregnant but the happiness, love and joy a child brings makes all the hard times worth while. Krrp your head up, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. ↑
Name: lunamoo | Date: Jan 4th, 2008 4:21 AM
I am sorry but I must be daft. Last October was 3 months ago, now you have a 6 month old son...? ↑
Name: mommybabyboy21 | Date: Jan 4th, 2008 8:19 PM
LUNAMOO this was written in sept of 07 its now Jan of 08 she was probably talking about oct 06 when she was first pregnant. do the math...oct 06 means she had her baby in may ish and that would make her baby 6 months old in sept.... ↑
Name: mommybabyboy21 | Date: Jan 4th, 2008 8:22 PM
i am sorry it would make her son 6 months old at around xmass time ↑
Name: Franny | Date: Jan 5th, 2008 4:54 AM
??? You haven't heard from him in over a year and yet the last post says otherwise...yes this is confusing. Sorry but I just can't sort this one out. Lier are you out there?? ↑
Name: Franny | Date: Jan 5th, 2008 4:58 AM
Got it lier, re read and I think I am up to date. What happened now?? ↑
Name: Teddyfinch | Date: Jan 5th, 2008 9:44 PM
ok wait. i wish these stupid boards would put when the original post was made. anyway, i'm assuming this is september of 07. in her other post she is saying she hadn't heard from him in over a year, but she's just now pregnant with his kid? i think she needs to clarify when this post was lol. ↑
Name: xoxoDENNIxoxo | Date: Jun 26th, 2008 5:55 AM
lier regardless of whether you later had consensual sex with him, it is rape. people have this idea in their heads that if you are in a relationship with them or married and you sometimes have consensual sex with them, then that negates the rape. it does NOT. it is still classed as rape and you should press charges. this animal has no right to think 'its my girlfriend so therefore if she says NO i can just continue anyway and ignore her'. a lawyer could not humiliate you in court and i would not believe that for one second. it is this fear that people instill in you that make rape victims think 'oh god i don't want to be made to feel dirty and stupid'. the fact is you were in love with this guy and he abused you thinking rape was acceptable. the fact is that it may be stressful going through the Courts etc but it MUST be done. its not a case of 'this guy stole my shoes but i'll let him off' its a case of 'this guy is a sick rapist who WILL carry on doing the same thing to other vulnerable women. i find it difficult to read posts where women are saying to a rape victim 'don't take it to Court as you don't need the stress'. so in other words just let a rapist roam the streets still, using and abusing whoever he chooses to! like paedophiles, rapists do NOT CHANGE. they have the highest reconviction rates because they can't stop doing what they do. your mother is right in this case lier and i wouldnt listen to anyone who is trying to sugar coat it by suggesting you just let him get away with it so you wont be 'humiliated' or 'stressed'. would the same women who say that want such a sick animal near one of their children? doing the same thing? i don't think so. i know this is longwinded but i just think its wrong when people try to make it out that its 'nothing' when in reality its a sick, serious crime where the criminal should face the justice system and pay the price for what he has done. ↑
