Hello ladies. I desperately need advice. I have a 16 month old DS who is exhibiting aggressive behaviour towards other children and adults. IE, he bit DH and scratched him in the face yesterday. Then, when we went to our in-laws for supper, he pushed his little cousin on the floor, hit him on the head twice with the sippy cup, and pulled his hair. When he does this sometimes he looks at us while he is doing it to see our reactions. He seems to do this when he is tired, cranky, or looking for attention. So far, what we have been doing is telling him firmly and sternly that it is not nice and that it hurts people, and to stop it. We have been very consistant with that, but nothing seems to be working. DH and I are very docile people. I have no idea where he learned this behavior and am at a loss on how to stop it. He is otherwise a very happy child, can also be angelic when he is not being such a little monster lol. I have just recently given birth to DS#2, he is a week old, and his behaviour has of course gotten worse. Most of the time he seems to love his little brother (patting his head, kissing him, etc) but when he gets into one of his moods, he is trying to smack him on the head or pinch him. Yea, my DS pinches too. Pinches, bites, smacks, pushes, and pulls hair. EEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Please, if any of you have been through this, let me know what has helped you etc. Thanks so much!! ↓
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Name: Kiersten | Date: Jul 21st, 2008 11:38 AM
I haven't been through that yet (ds is almost 8 months) but dh and I plan on nipping that in the bud with a warning followed by spanks if not obeyed. I don't think they have to see it to act that way. We're all born with a sin nature! :) Good luck as you guys figure this out whatever you decide to do and congratulations on the birth of your new son! I'm sure they'll be great friends... ↑
Name: MelissaK | Date: Jul 21st, 2008 11:51 AM
Jessie - My LO is 10 months. I was thumbing through "The First Year" book yesterday and for the "10 month old" chapter, there is this whole section on Discipline I found very insightful. For behaviour not "becoming," say the NO firmly then follow up by promptly removing the LO from the situation. In effect you are creating distraction. It reinforces over time but the point is you say NO, then you ACT. And you act not in anger, but by using Distraction. They get it over time. You also need to engage in positive reinforcement such as "<Name> you are playing so well with your new sibling, your are SUCH a good boy!!" And kisses and stuff. I liked what I read and will try to follow this approach as my LO is already deep in the "testing" phase lol. ↑
Name: Buffi R. | Date: Jul 21st, 2008 12:20 PM
16 months might be too young for this, but with our son (he's now 5 yo, but we did this at younger ages too), timeouts worked well. The warning is important for this too, except in really extreme situations when the behavior is so bad they get a timeout without a warning. If he won't stay in the "naught spot" or wherever you extablish the timeout place, just keep putting him back calmly. The rule of thumb is 1 minute for every year old, so 1 minute would be fine for your son, and the clock starts over again each time he moves out of the time out spot. Like I said, 16 months might be too young for this, but you can try. ↑
Name: Buffi R. | Date: Jul 21st, 2008 12:24 PM
I just remembered, another thing you can do is encourage him to use his words instead of his hands to express himself. That might be one of the reasons he's hitting, biting, etc. because at this age, his communication skills are still being refined. ↑
Name: Crystal83 | Date: Jul 21st, 2008 2:43 PM
I think almost every toddler goes through a phase like this around that age. What worked for me with my 2 oldest when they did that, was to get down to their level and look them straight in the eye and say very firmly," You do not ever hit or bite, that is not nice!" Then I would remove them from the area and person whom they hurt for awhile and if they wanted to go back and play after a few minutes then I would reinforce what I said before by saying, "Okay, you can go back and play if you don't hit/bite anymore, if you do, no more play time." You just have to be firm and sound really serious so they can try to understand that it is a serious matter, and stay consistent everytime they do it so they start to remember that there will be a consequence for their actions. I hope maybe that might help you a bit, but I wouldn't worry too much because he will grow out of it if he knows it's wrong. ↑
Name: MelissaK | Date: Jul 21st, 2008 3:46 PM
Consistency. I agree that is extremely important. ↑
