I'm 32 and have just discovered I'm pregnant. The father is a work colleague and I conceived because of a drunken one night stand after a work party. He's a nice guy and we are still friends but he doesn't want any more than that. I simply don't know how to tell him. He might be angry because I wasn't on any birth control. Eventually he is going to notice when I start showing. Is anyone else in similar predicament? ↓
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Name: MelissaP | Date: Sep 1st, 2006 4:27 PM
Well...as long as you didn't tell him you were on birth control at the time, I don't see any reason why he should be angry. He should know the responsibilities that come with having sex....but the point is, is that you two were drunk and were having fun after a party and things got a little crazy. Things happen.Call him and tell him you want to meet up with him to talk. Good Luck, take care and I really hope he doesn't act like an ass towards you! ↑
Name: eponine | Date: Sep 2nd, 2006 1:02 PM
I think I'm nervous because I don't know how he will react at all. It's going to be really awkward if he takes it badly because I have to see him every day at work. I'm not going to tell him at all until its absolutely necessary. ↑
Name: MelissaP | Date: Sep 2nd, 2006 1:21 PM
Well, if I were you I would tell him as soon as you can. He is going to need time to absorb the news and think about things.Maybe you could approach him like "Remeber the last time we had sex.?......well, i'm pregnant. I thought I should tell you because 1) You are the father and 2)I want to give you time to absorb the news and think things through" Then go on to tell him what you need or (don't need) from him and explain your plans. I would leave it at that, give him a number to best reach you and tell him to call after he has thought things through. Then it will be up to him to contact you.If he doesn't want to be involved... he'll still need to pay child support to help you raise the baby. Good luck and let me know how everything goes. ↑
Name: tyler0323 | Date: Sep 3rd, 2006 4:06 PM
i think the sooner the better in this situation. If you wait to long, then he is going to pull the how do i know its mine. he may pull it anyways as it was a one night stand, but i still say sooner is better. I was in this situation along time ago, but ended in a miscarriage. I always say, everything happens for a reason. good luck ↑
Name: eponine | Date: Sep 4th, 2006 9:57 AM
Thanks for the advice. He's on holiday for the next week but I'll try to tell him when he gets back. It was bad enough telling my parents. ↑
Name: marigallion | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 6:41 PM
Hey, Eponine! Have to say I have tons of advice for you, but too much to put all here. Go to my web site, www.singlepregnancy.com. It is a site for women who have deicded to continue with unplanned pregnancies to become single parents, and has a focus on the mother's happiness, legal issues, nutrition issues, and self-help. As far as telling him is concerned, I wrote my son's father a letter telling him that he didn't have to be involved, but that I wanted a medical history from him. Guess what? the medical history never came. Eight years later, I'm still finding out about a heart attack here, diabetes there, gallstones over there... They can really be turds about this whole pregnancy thing. Whatever happens, realize that if it hurts, you are in good company. Don't feel guilty about not being on birth control. It's your right not to be on birth control, and what silly man doesn't understand that pregnancy is a natural consequence of sexual activity that sometimes can't be prevented no matter what you use? MY son was a condom baby (with only one possibility for a father, so I knew, despite the condom, that the father was who he was), so you can imagine what kind of crap I got for the next nine months after that! (i.e. "that baby's not mine-- she's lying," etc.) Whatever you go through, you WILL be okay, I just know it--MG ↑
Name: bev | Date: Oct 10th, 2006 8:26 PM
I'm in a very simular situation- one night-one time & he says that he doesn't want anything to do with me. There is so much more though but I've been so hurt that is is hard to bear my pain and soul so publicly. I want the pain of his dismissal to end but it seems to want to live forever. I hate my pain. If you would like to talk please e-mail me. I'm 39 in the process of a divorce and living on my own for the very first time in my life. Good luck and be well. ↑
Name: Victoria21 | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 7:10 PM
How can we deal with this? All I do is cry. I am 7 mths along and he is somewhat around, wants to be part of the babys life, but sometimes I think it is just to make me miserable. We aren't together he just makes me feel awful. Wants to be friends, but then makes no effort to talk to me. Anytime he actually is around, he makes me cry. And now he has been hanging out with some other girl and her 2 year old. How can he be watching her kid when he doesnt even try to be my friend? I can't stop crying... ↑
Name: marigallion | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 7:32 PM
Hi, ladies! I have to say that sometimes it's best just to rip a man out of your life like you're ripping the wax off your bikini line. Stings like hell for a second, and then you have nice, smooth skin underneath. In my opinion, this is better than being dragged over the gravel-- those scrapes don't heal for a long time. If your BFs are waffling, treat 'em like the dirty lost dogs they are, and tell 'em to GIT! And kick at 'em when you say that. It's so selfish for them to keep you on their emotional roller-coasters when you have to focus on your nutrition, your mental health, and everything else. AND it's nobody's business to be mad at anyone for not being on birth control!! Birth control actually carries a lot of medical risks that really aren't worth it if you don't have a regular partner. Whoever said it was your responsibility to be on birth control at all times? If any man blames you for getting pregnant, ask him why he didn't have a condom. Then tell everyone in town that he tried to "trap" you into a marriage because he knew you wouldn't have an abortion. Pull the same s**t on them that they pull on us! That'll teach 'em. AND Bev and Victoria, get my book: The Single Woman's Guide to HAPPY Pregnancy. (and I stress HAPPY) Available on Amazon. No more tears-- you ladies should be having the time of your lives!!!!! You should be excited for the baby and for your independence, your health, and the fact that you are not married to these bozos, and that ultimate true love awaits you in your FUTURE! -www.singlepregnancy.com ↑
Name: Victoria21 | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 1:16 PM
You are right. I have to get him out of my life like pulling off a bandaid. I have given him too many chances and all he does is complain about being stressed when I am 3000 miles away from my friends and family. He blamed me for not being on birth control too. It's just ahrd being alone when I need someone the most :( And Mari, you are right, a better man is in the future!! ↑
Name: tyler0323 | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 4:33 PM
yes you do need to pull yourself away emotionaly from him, but remember as much as you dont like him, the baby deserves to have his father in his life, you just need to clear your heart and mind of this guy, so your baby can have a healthy relationship with his other parent without you feeling so bad. There is someone for you just wait for it, dont look for it ↑
Name: confusedchick | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 8:50 AM
I think i may end up in the same predicament..........had an extremely drunken one night stand at the weekend and am worried now about possible pregnancy! Boy I hope I am wrong though. How long before you discovered? ↑
Name: Heather27 | Date: Nov 17th, 2006 6:11 PM
kinda ...I already told my guy...he tried to tell me to abort but I ain't going to. We have been dating like 2 months and I think I got preg. the first time we had sex!!! So i feel your pain girl..and im 27 with 2 boys already from my exhusband...i don't know how to tell them! ↑
Name: ajh | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 2:19 AM
I don't understand what is so wrong with abortion. Everyone here is talking about fornicating, so what is the big moral holdup when it comes up abortion?
Melissa says: Well...as long as you didn't tell him you were on birth control at the time, I don't see any reason why he should be angry. He should know the responsibilities that come with having sex.
Reality: Women know the responsibilities, too. It's amazing how women love to say it's about a man's responsibilities when they want a baby. Maybe you shouldn't be involved with irresponsible people and you won't have this problem. Of course, if you got pregnant by a guy who wanted the baby and you didn't, you would no longer be concerned about YOUR responsibilities, would you?
Melissa says: should tell you because 1) You are the father
Reality: How do you know he is the father?
Marigallion says: Go to my web site. It is a site for women who have deicded to continue with unplanned pregnancies to become single parents, and has a focus on the mother's happiness,
Reality: Kids need two parents. You are a selfish individual because you focus on a mother's happiness above a child. I have taken steps to ensure I can not impregnate someone because I realize my career will always be my primary concern and it would not be fair to a child, as much as I may enjoy having one.
Marigallion says: As far as telling him is concerned, I wrote my son's father a letter telling him that he didn't have to be involved, but that I wanted a medical history from him. Guess what? the medical history never came.
Reality: That's because you chose to procreate with a deadbeat. He wanted to have sex with you, nothing more. Next time choose responsible people and you'll get a different result.
Marigallion says: They can really be turds about this whole pregnancy thing.
Reality: That's your opinion because they don't do what you want them to do. They never wanted to be fathers in the first place, but you decided to try to force the issue. How would you react if you just wanted someone for their body and they tried to force obligations and a relationship on you? I'm not saying I defend the actions of every guy who prowls for one woman after another to bed and move on, but if you have this great "sixth sense" I always hear women have about people, shouldn't you know the guy is a loser before you sleep with him? If you don't, it's because you slept with him too soon. Imagine, a guy telling women not to have sex so quickly. By the way, alcohol is just an excuse - you still know what you're doing. I drink occassionally, but I still know if I'm having sex. Don't blame the booze; take responsibility for having a one night stand.
Bev says: one night-one time & he says that he doesn't want anything to do with me
Reality: Why would he necessarily want anything to do with you? You were easy access for a night. If you want to be a "good girl", don't have one night stands and you'll get more respect and more guys who actually care about you. The jerks who are good in bed won't want you, but that's up to you whether you want them or not. I have a feeling you just enjoy complaining about jerks rather than doing something about it, i.e. making guys wait. This will get rid of the a-holes and leave those who actually care.
Bev says: I'm 39 in the process of a divorce and living on my own for the very first time in my life.
Reality: Bev, you really need help. Not to be obnoxious, but this is a problem. You are afraid to be alone, and that is not healthy. Why? Because it means you hate yourself. You have low self-esteem and can't bear to not be with somebody, even if that somebody is not good for you.
Marigallion says: If your BFs are waffling, treat 'em like the dirty lost dogs they are, and tell 'em to GIT!
Reality: You chose the "dogs". I personally had a vasectomy, use a condom everytime, and discuss what would happen if she got pregnant with each girl I'm involved with. I am upfront and say I don't want kids - not because I don't like kids, but because I have a very successful career and am always building it up. I travel more and more often for work and I am not going to let up on my career. It would be selfish for me to have a child, so I take every measure to prevent it. I don't lie about my intentions. If you're with someone who does, you need to examine yourself and what's wrong with you. If you're having a sweaty one-night stand, the guy doesn't know anything about you - how could he possibly know or love you after an hour in a bar? And by the way, this notion that any man who doesn't want to be a parent is getting old. I don't want kids, yet women I date have a good time, we like each other, and I don't really favor one-nighters. If a woman came to me, after I have been good to her, and told me she was having my child after I told her I didn't want one, I will most definitely waffle (of course, with a vasectomy, condoms, and possibly her on BC, the odds are slim to none). Am I such a monster because of this?
Marigallion says: And kick at 'em when you say that.
Reality: That's assault, and it's a crime. I guess you're advocating women commit crimes? I would have hit anyone, but you seem to think it's OK.
Marigallion says: Birth control actually carries a lot of medical risks that really aren't worth it if you don't have a regular partner. Whoever said it was your responsibility to be on birth control at all times? If any man blames you for getting pregnant, ask him why he didn't have a condom. Then tell everyone in town that he tried to "trap" you into a marriage because he knew you wouldn't have an abortion. Pull the same s**t on them that they pull on us! That'll teach 'em.
Reality: There are a dozen forms of birth control; pick one if you want to be "responsible". We hear about irresponsible guys, but not irresponsible women. If you're not on BC, it's because you wouldn't mind getting pregnant. I use condoms everytime even with a vasectomy, so you can't pin anything on me, and if your guy doesn't wear a condom, you should refuse to have sex with him until he does. Unless he rapes you, there is no excuse. By the way, many of us don't want to be married to you, it is you who want to use the pregnancy to cajole us into marriage. I had a colleague who told his girlfriend he would marry her if she had an abortion (after she said she wouldn't) and she had the abortion. What does that say? By the way, dear, it doesn't "teach" us anything... my colleague is still a playboy dating new women, and his old flame is stuck at home with a baby tying her down. As to the best days being ahead, I disagree. I wouldn't date someone with a child. Most people with the high income I have wouldn't. Why would I want to raise some jerk's kid when I'm too responsible that I won't have one of my own?
Victoria: I have given him too many chances and all he does is complain about being stressed when I am 3000 miles away from my friends and family. He blamed me for not being on birth control too. It's just ahrd being alone when I need someone the most.
Reality: I'm far away from my family and friends, too. We all get on with life. If you've given him too many chances, that's on you, not him.
Tyler says: yes you do need to pull yourself away emotionaly from him, but remember as much as you dont like him, the baby deserves to have his father in his life, you just need to clear your heart and mind of this guy, so your baby can have a healthy relationship with his other parent without you feeling so bad.
Reality: Finally some unselfish enough to put the needs of the kid first. It seems the rest of you are just hellbent on having "a baby!" regardless what loser is that kid's father or the fact that one government study after another shows that kids raised by single mothers are far more likely to be criminals, be high school drop-outs, etc.
Confusedchick says: I think i may end up in the same predicament..........had an extremely drunken one night stand at the weekend and am worried now about possible pregnancy! Boy I hope I am wrong though
Reality: So have an abortion. Don't tell us you're against abortion, because you're not against having a one night stand. Morality (or religion) is supposed to be applied evenly, not just when you feel like it to suit your own needs.
Confusedchick says: How long before you discovered?
Reality: If you don't know the process that happens around pregnancy, you're not mature enough to care for a child.
Heather: he tried to tell me to abort but I ain't going to. We have been dating like 2 months and I think I got preg. the first time we had sex!!!
Reality: Again, you are morally opposed to abortion (because you want a baby to fulfill yourself) but not to having sex with guys you met a month ago. If you cared about your boyfriend (or whatever he is), wouldn't you want to take his opinion into consideration? Didn't you talk about possible pregnancy before this happened? Nope, because you're 27, you want another kid, and you'll do it whether anyone else likes it or not. If you didn't want another kid, you would abort or give it up for adoption.
Heather: So i feel your pain girl..and im 27 with 2 boys already from my exhusband...i don't know how to tell them!
Reality: Tell them mommy likes to sleep around. Didn't your parents tell you when you were little that if you didn't want to have to explain something embarassing, don't put yourself in a potentially embarassing situation? Maybe you were raised by a single mother who was too busy working and dating random guys to teach you right from wrong? I hope your children turn out better.
I'm glad I don't run into women like this who have sex with guys they don't know or that won't commit to them, and then complain about it. My sister was impregnated at 17 by a convicted felon who became homeless during her pregnancy. I had told all of my sisters if they ever had a problem like this to call me and I would help, even pay for an abortion if they wanted. I care about them and this particular sister is now leading a very sad life. My mother seems to enable this type of behavior and tried to suggest adoption, but no. My sister is keeping the child. How selfish that a homeless couple - yes, homeless - is keeping a child. How is that good for the kid? It's not, but my sister is very fragile and needs something to love her, even if she has to create a child that doesn't deserve such an environment just to fulfill herself.
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Name: Teddyfinch | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 6:48 PM
holy crap. let me give you some facts ajh. they don't call it drunk because you are thinking completely straight. sex is an animal instinct in humans and when we lose the ability to control ourselves, instinct takes over. duh. but yeah it is the man's responsibility as much as the woman's. your "reality" crap is getting on my nerves. your reality is bullshit i'm afraid. no, kids don't "need" two parents. there are children that grow up with one parent and grow up just fine. who says the ken and barbie life is necessary to survive? and from what it sounds like to me, you've taken steps to make sure you can't impregnate someone so you can f*** around with no worries. that makes you a man whore. how about keep it in your pants so you don't spread crap to everyone desperate enough to need a gigolo like you. and tell me, do you have sex with winners every time? i doubt it. how should someone know what kind of person someone else will become? last time i checked no one is psychic (not really anyway). don't assume all women think they have that sixth sense. we're not dumb. apparently you are, though. omfg. you're an asshole. just because someone is scared to be alone after being married, they have a problem? the whole point of marriage *not that you'll ever know* is that you learn to trust someone and rely on them. once they leave, and you're used to relying on someone, you feel alone. much like you will all your life. ok and so what you're saying is men who don't want to wear a condom for whatever bitchy reason actually wouldn't mind being a father? no. they can both use bc of some sort. i can't wait until men get a pill that raises their chances of heart attacks and strokes, makes them gain weight, feel depressed, all so they can not worry about babies. like a man could stand it. regarding your friend? that says he's a loser and is selfish. she should have kicked him to the curb because he sounds pretty worthless to me. no one should force a woman to have an abortion. she should have forced him to have his d*** cut off so he couldn't mess up a second time. fair's fair. your next comment shows you will never understand love. when you love someone and are ready to commit, you accept any children and past that they have. you are so shallow you will never find love. and i'm glad. you don't deserve it. an abortion is not the same as a one night stand. her "perdicament" she is possibly in is that she may be pregnant from a one night stand. where did she complain about it? you read too much into things. especially where you don't belong. and do you feel it necessary to insult people? who said she was raised by a single mom? who cares if she was? last time i checked we're all human and humans make mistakes. even you. when a woman gets pregnant, we immediately move our priorities around to care for that baby. not all women will use abortion as a form of birth control. that right there is something a loser would do. oh maybe that's why you support it so much? ↑
Name: Teddyfinch | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 6:56 PM
let me sum it up for you. the next time any of us want some little fag to come in here to insult every single thing we do, we'll give you the first call. i find it amusing that you find fault in everything any woman can do. tell me, do you think you can find fault with me? i'm married to the perfect man. one who actually respects women and understands that we all make mistakes. i gripe at him to take out the trash and he does it and he gripes when i spend too much time worrying about loser assholes like you. you only wish you could be 1/1 000 000th the man my husband is. i'm sure you think that couples that argue won't last, but then again i doubt you've been in any "relationship" long enough to learn her name. you act like you're this metrosexual businessman who got himself snipped to ensure he doesn't bother anyone with a baby (which apparently kids are a bother to you). Reality: you're a 45 year old loser locked in his mother's basement. your b***s haven't dropped yet and you pee sitting down because you lack anything to pleasure yourself much less a woman. if you can't have children, then you should get a medal because i'll sleep better knowing your spawn won't ever roam this earth. get over yourself, you big nobody. ↑
Name: ajh | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 7:45 PM
Dear Teddy:
You said: they don't call it drunk because you are thinking completely straight.
I say (see, I'll spare you "Reality"): Drunk isn't an affirmative defense under the law. You may know nothing about the law because you probably don't read much, but if a guy raped you while he was drunk, I don't think you'd say he should get a pass because he wasn't "thinking straight".
You said: sex is an animal instinct in humans and when we lose the ability to control ourselves, instinct takes over. duh.
I say: There are perverts whose instinct is to want to have sex with little children. Does that make those instincts acceptable? You use the line so many use that men should "keep it in their pants", but when it comes to you, it's all about animal instincts you can't control.
You said: but yeah it is the man's responsibility as much as the woman's. your "reality" crap is getting on my nerves.
I say: It is my responsibility and I have and will take multiple precautions. As to reality, I'm sure it does get on your nerves. Women are biologically more emotional than logical, and if reality is something you don't like, you in particular will call me names to change the topic.
You said: no, kids don't "need" two parents. there are children that grow up with one parent and grow up just fine.
I say: There are people who jump off an eight-story building and survive. Study after study after study shows that kids raised with two parents (preferably married) are more likely to be successful and less likely to be criminals. Those are studies done by experts in the field. Ignore them all you want, but at least I am conscious enough of what is involved in raising a child that I make sure I would be ready to raise it properly before having one. Do you agree my sister, whose boyfriend is homeless, is being selfish by having the child? No, heaven forbid she have an abortion or give it up for adoption. She is too selfish and wants to fulfill herself with a child to do that. I'm sure you support her raising a baby in a dumpster.
You said: who says the ken and barbie life is necessary to survive?
I say: Someone's bitter they can't have it.
You said: and from what it sounds like to me, you've taken steps to make sure you can't impregnate someone so you can f*** around with no worries.
I say: So I can't make generalizations (which I didn't) about anyone, but you can about me? You have no idea who I sleep with. In reality, I've never jumped into bed on the first date or with some drunk woman at a bar.
You said: that makes you a man whore.
I say: Again, you have no basis to make this statement. I may not, but most guys would be happy to have that title anyway.
You said: how about keep it in your pants so you don't spread crap to everyone desperate enough to need a gigolo like you.
I say: So anyone who is interested in someone with logic is "desperate"? You haven't seen me. You know nothing about me to make that comment. I don't have indiscrimate sex like you imply. But if I were to, maybe you as the woman should tell a guy "I'm not sleeping with you". You won't, because you know you hold 50% of the blame for anything that happens. Practice doing what you do to the guys in the IT department who you reject... tell a man no once in awhile if you want to complain.
You said: and tell me, do you have sex with winners every time? i doubt it.
I say: I have respect for every woman I've slept with, and I don't refer to these women as "skanks", "bitches", "sluts", etc., as many guys do.
You said: how should someone know what kind of person someone else will become? last time i checked no one is psychic (not really anyway).
I say: You don't have to be psychic. I am a manifestly responsible individual who went to school, made a multi-six figure income by age 22, pays my bills, save, invest, and doesn't run from obligations. I don't drink that much, don't smoke, have never done drugs, and don't sleep with people I just met at a bar. You can pretty much bet if I owe you, I'm going to pay. If I impregnated somebody, I would pay what I owe. On the other hand, some guy you meet at a bar who lives with his mother, snorts coke, lives in a flophouse, is an alcoholic, etc., is probably not going to be responsible. So, yes, you can tell. If one of the men of the ladder category tried to get a job at a high-ranking investment banking firm, he probably wouldn't - because you can tell the responsible people from the deadbeats.
You said: we're not dumb. apparently you are, though. omfg. you're an asshole.
I say: You now you have no way to win an argument except by calling me names? Not that I go around telling people, but since you'll never know me, let's just use this as a barometer of how smart I am... a 161 IQ and a self-made multi-six figure income. What an idiot I am.
You said: just because someone is scared to be alone after being married, they have a problem?
I say: Yes. As someone who's been to therapy, I know that. You'll probably make fun of me for that, but that's OK. I can handle it. Maybe if you got to know people who cared enough about improving themself to do things like that you wouldn't be so bitter about men.
You said: the whole point of marriage *not that you'll ever know* is that you learn to trust someone and rely on them.
I say: No, it's to have a partner to live life with. I don't rely on anybody. That doesn't mean I can't love somebody, it just means I won't fall apart and become a trainwreck if that person leaves my life for whatever reason.
You said: once they leave, and you're used to relying on someone, you feel alone. much like you will all your life.
I say: Again, you shouldn't rely on someone for every fiber of your being. Why not have your own identity? If you don't, that's called being co-dependent. That warrants seeking help, as well. As to me being alone, that's an easy shot and one men have heard before. You're so arrogant that anyone who doesn't want the exact same life as you will be alone. I have family I care about, friends I love, and women I care about as well.
You said: ok and so what you're saying is men who don't want to wear a condom for whatever bitchy reason actually wouldn't mind being a father? no.
I say: Yes. You've ignored the fact that I am so logical and fair that I would blame a man for impregnating somebody when he wasn't wearing a condom. It is a man's responsibility, too, and there are plenty of dumb guys I'd like to slap upside the head for being idiots. So, yes, if you don't take such easy precautions to protect yourself from pregnancy, whether you're a man or a woman, you either wouldn't mind either possible outcome, or you're a complete idiot.
You said: they can both use bc of some sort. i can't wait until men get a pill that raises their chances of heart attacks and strokes, makes them gain weight, feel depressed, all so they can not worry about babies.
I say: I just got done saying men should use condoms, and now you're accusing me of not wanting men to take responsibility for birth control. So please pick a position and stick with it. And, actually, there are actually 11 forms of birth control, not just a pill. A cervical cap doesn't make you gain weight. Nor does a sponge, a diapraghm, or many of the other forms. By the way, they are close to coming out with a male birth control pill. If you ever read a newspaper, you might know that.
You said: regarding your friend? that says he's a loser and is selfish. she should have kicked him to the curb because he sounds pretty worthless to me. no one should force a woman to have an abortion.
I say: I never said he was my friend; he's a colleague. You're not friends with everyone you work with. He kicked her to the curb first, but yes, she should have. Only she didn't. And if you read correctly, he didn't force her to have an abortion, he simply lied to her to convince her to do it of her own free will. I don't support that, but I also don't support the fact that she got pregnant to keep in a relationship. She said no abortion, he promised her a relationship, and she changed her mind and had the abortion. Is that a moral thing to do? On either side? No.
You said: she should have forced him to have his d*** cut off so he couldn't mess up a second time. fair's fair.
I say: Your anger is showing. He could simply wear a condom or get a vasectomy (or she could refuse to have sex with him again), but you, in all your bitterness, want his d*** cut off. Why? Because you're angry.
You said: when you love someone and are ready to commit, you accept any children and past that they have.
I say: No, I refuse to look into the eyes of a child you had with some fling, while I stand around and wipe their runny noses. The guy you had great sex with is now working at another Burger King and not living up to his responsibilities. Why should I get all the dirty work when he got all of the fun? I don't believe there is only one "soulmate" for each person, so I am more the capable of finding someone who doesn't already have children to love.
You said: and do you feel it necessary to insult people?
I say: Who did I insult? I offered a suggestion to one woman based on my own past experiences in therapy - she needs it.
You said: who said she was raised by a single mom? who cares if she was? last time i checked we're all human and humans make mistakes. even you.
I say: I never said she was, I was merely speculating as to a possible reason she got herself in such an irresponsible circumstance. It's her own fault that she has to tell her kids she get impregnated by some random guy. Yes, we all make mistakes, and we all, including her, have to live with the consequences. Telling her kids is the consequence. I don't see what you add by saying I make mistakes, too; I never claimed otherwise. What you want is to be able to commit mistakes and then suffer no reprecussions. Actually, you want that AND to be able to blame everything on some guy.
You said: when a woman gets pregnant, we immediately move our priorities around to care for that baby.
I say: That's great. It really is. Of course, your view of how to care for a baby may not be correct, like girls who get pregnant at 18 when they and their boyfriend are making $8 an hour. They can't properly care for a child. So merely shifting your priorities isn't always enough. And the reality is that most women want to get pregnant at one time or another anyway, so for the 80-some percent of women that statistics show want children, many of them see getting pregnant, regardless of the circumstances, as a blessing. I've seen it.
You said: not all women will use abortion as a form of birth control. that right there is something a loser would do. oh maybe that's why you support it so much?
I say: Of course not everyone uses abortion. But I don't understand why. Is it a religious view? If so, whatever religion you practice tells you not to have sex outside of marriage. So, you treat morality like a Chinese buffet - one from column A and one from column B. You practice morality when it suits you. The fact that you say abortion is something a loser would do speaks volumes. It is a legal procedure that is done my hundreds of thousands a year, including some of the most successful women in the world. By the way, wasn't it feminists that fought to make aborton legal? I don't think "Roe" was a guy. You wrap up your argument by calling me a loser, which is fine, but the fact that I am a responsible individual who takes care of his obligations, almost certainly makes more money than you, etc., means I'm a loser? I guess so. I don't have to ask women to have abortions because I took responsibility. Although I suspect your real issue is that you view any man who doesn't want children as a horrible human being, because you think any man who won't give you what you want (a baby) is no good.
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Name: ajh | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 8:09 PM
You said: let me sum it up for you. the next time any of us want some little fag to come in here to insult every single thing we do, we'll give you the first call.
I say: You really can't win an argument without insults, can you? How about facts? Logic? No... you'd rather defame my character with untrue characterizations. You accuse me of being a "big nobody" (see below), but at least I can spell "some" and know how to properly capitalize the first letter of each sentence.
You said: i find it amusing that you find fault in everything any woman can do.
I say: No, just women who complain that everything that happens to them is a man's fault. I have plenty of fulfilling relationships with women (including my mother, whom I just spoke with) but steer clear of those who want to drag me into the quicksand. I will anticipate your reply as "good, we don't want you". That's fine; if you met me in real life you might feel differently. A lot of women come up to me, but I guess they're all less intelligent than you.
You said: tell me, do you think you can find fault with me?
I say: Yes, you're a bitter individual who hates any time a man has an opinion that doesn't fit into your emotional view of the world.
You said: i'm married to the perfect man.
I say: I'd like to talk to him.
You said: one who actually respects women and understands that we all make mistakes.
I say: I've admitted I make mistakes, too, so how about we move to the next argument? Unlike some of those here, I take responsibility. You'll note I applauded the woman who actually cared about raising her child in a manner good for - the child! As to respecting women, I respect a lot of people, including a lot of women. What I don't do is respect an entire gender, race, or group. There are women who deserve respect, and those who don't, so I decide on a case by case basis. Feminists created the argument about how we should "respect women" because it basically means nobody can argue with any decision a woman makes, regardless of how irresponsible a decision it is. We should all bow down to women and be servants. I support an equal partnership, not men "respecting [all] women" when the reality is people like you don't "respect men". I don't give respect where it's not given.
You say: i gripe at him to take out the trash and he does it and he gripes when i spend too much time worrying about loser assholes like you.
I say: So you're a nag. And we've again determined that you can't win an argument without calling me names. Come down to my office and see if I'm a loser.
You say: you only wish you could be 1/1 000 000th the man my husband is.
I say: Yes, I spend my time wishing for nothing more.
You say: i'm sure you think that couples that argue won't last, but then again i doubt you've been in any "relationship" long enough to learn her name.
I say: I've already debunked this. I don't have sex with people I don't know. Of course, you'd then argue that because I haven't married every woman I've dated, I'm a playboy who "can't commit". And, yes, I don't believe arguing in a relationship is a good thing. People should be happy, rather than being in relationships because it's comfortable or they're too lazy to leave. If I have to argue with someone, it's not going to work. And any woman who doesn't like me for whatever reason is free to leave as well, because both people should be happy.
You said: you act like you're this metrosexual businessman
I say: Now you're getting better at playing guessing games.
You said: who got himself snipped to ensure he doesn't bother anyone with a baby (which apparently kids are a bother to you).
I say: That I don't bother myself with a baby or it with the things I have to do to be successful. Yes, a child wouldn't be the best thing in my life; you think that any man who doesn't want a child is a heathen. So be it. I don't dislike children; I have a baby cousin I spend time with and look forward to having nieces and nephews to hand out with. I don't have the capability to take care of a kid myself, so I don't do it for myself or for the betterment of the kid.
You said: you're a 45 year old loser locked in his mother's basement.
I say: I'm 20 years younger and live in a penthouse condo.
You said: your b***s haven't dropped yet and you pee sitting down because you lack anything to pleasure yourself much less a woman.
I say: More insults.
You said: if you can't have children, then you should get a medal because i'll sleep better knowing your spawn won't ever roam this earth.
I say: You're right; we need more progeny of women who sleep with guys on the first date and guys who troll bars look for easy hook-ups, and fewer kids resulting from people who have the resources to raise children and know that you have to devote 100% of your life to a child.
You said: get over yourself, you big nobody.
I say: Insults, insults, insults. It's getting old even mentioning how every other argument from you is an insult rather than a fact. I guess I'm a nobody. I guess most of us here are.
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Name: Teddyfinch | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 8:29 PM
my god man. get a life. no need to hit me with a novel here. ↑
Name: Teddyfinch | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 9:22 PM
no it doesn't mean anything under the law, but no one was trying to blame anyone. they knew they did wrong by getting drunk and getting into that situation. i know more about law than you know, little man, so don't assume. and what makes you think i don't read much? oh because you think i was raised by a single mom right? sorry, my parents are still together after 35 years. never been divorced. never had any ex-spouses. stick that in ur pipe and f*** it. no one was talking about having sex with children. just you, pervert. sex between two consenting adults is completely different. and no, reality doesn't get on my nerves. you trying to make a big show out of it by putting "Reality" before every line of bullshit you type is what's annoying. which do you think is better for a child? 2 parents that argue non stop and beat the shit out of each other or a loving mom who leaves that situation to raise a child in a loving household? 2 parents aren't always the perfect family environment. as much as i hate to agree with you, however, i do not agree with what your sister is doing. a child should not be raised on the streets homeless. but i am pro-life, so i wouldn't suggest abortion. it is not a form of birth control. had she been raped, that is probably the only time i would say that it should be considered. i made that generalisation about you because that's exactly what you did to everyone who posted in this topic. if you don't like your own medicine, fuck off. these ladies don't need your petty bullshit and i will verbally castrate you (what should have been done instead of leaving you with a teeny weeny) before i let you bash these women. for your information, i do not and have not ever slept with any man other than my husband. i don't need to tell anyone anything. i'm married. but once again, you'll never know what that's like. well, i have to say congrats on your living habits. however, i don't drink at all, don't smoke at all, have never done drugs. so if this is a competition which is what it seems you are making it to be, that one goes to me. wow, i guess i should be impressed on your iq. too bad i'm not. an iq only shows your capacity to retain knowledge and shows nothing of common sense. you have none, otherwise you wouldn't come in here insulting people. and no, i wouldn't make fun of you for it. if you had a problem that required therapy and you were man enough to seek treatment, that's nothing to be made fun of. frankly, i don't care, though. ok let me explain marriage, since apparently you know nothing about it. there are so many symbols in wedding ceremonies to represent the "joining of [a] couple". the lighting of a unity candle, the binding of hands. it is to show that when you get married, two people become one and live for each other. that is relying on someone. i don't expect you to know. no iq is going to teach you anything about that. only living it. i do know about the male birth control pill. it isn't out, however, and i doubt men will go for that. it has been in the making for some time now. i take it you're still young. i think if a man forces a woman to destroy a child she wanted, then he should have his d*** cut off. i'm not angry. i actually smile at the thought. i believe in karma. so you believe there are multiple "soulmates" for people. is that how you get the ladies into bed? you prey on a woman's feelings? "hey baby you're my soulmate. wanna get busy?" you know women think heavily with their heart. once again, i don't care if you've been in therapy. if you're not a therapist, no one gives a rip about what you've learned from your shrink. each person's experience is different. who said i wanted to be able to make mistakes without consequence? don't make assumptions. and, no sorry, i'm not a femenist. i don't believe in social abortion, which is pretty much what pro choice is to me. and what's wrong of not wanting to have sex before marriage? you don't know how much my husband and i make, so don't begin to imagine. yeah, you are still a loser. live with it. lol, i didn't misspell the word "some". i meant to type "sum". you know, "sum it up"? retard. i don't think my husband would waste his time to talk to you. he and i have our disagreements, but we work through things and i think you can't stand that you will never find that type of relationship. and now i've figured out that you are, indeed, a sexist. you call me a nag because i gripe at him for something, but if he does to me, nothing is thought of it. you are absolutely not worth anything. argument is not always fighting. i'm talking about disagreeing. if you leave a girl because she disagrees with you, then you are the one who is punishing yourself. no two people are the same. i don't think you're a heathen for being snipped. i believe you bragging about it is the problem. i guarantee you nobody but the women you're about to have sex with cares. the nobodies here are the people who have no other mission but to be rude to the people here. women come here to complain about men and men do it their way. we come here because we feel comforted by other women who have been through it and we do not ask to be criticised. of course we don't ask the other side of the story. that is what a man's friends are for. i insult you because you have no business in these boards. you come here where women (over a year ago, mind you) are talking about a problem that they had and you are not offering advice or support and that is what they are looking for. how about this. i've read your post. you are a waste of time and effort and hopefully no one else will bother posting so this one gets buried. all you have done is come in here insulting everything every woman has said. you are either gay, sexist, or have been raped by a woman and hate all women. as if anyone would want you. get off your high horse. ↑
Name: bellybubble | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 9:33 PM
Ummmm ajh - I couldnt even be assed reading your novel - just skimmed it - and glad I didnt waste more then a minute of my life on those sorry posts!
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Name: bellybubble | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 9:44 PM
Oh and ajh - if you have no intention of ever getting anyone pregnant, why are you even on this site? Doesnt that strike you as a little odd???? ↑
Name: Teddyfinch | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 11:40 PM
he's here to spread his 6 figure income knowledge lol. ↑
Name: ajh | Date: Feb 15th, 2008 12:49 AM
In summary, Teddy, I have a JD, so if you're a lawyer, then perhaps we're equal or you know more from experience seeing that you're likely older than I am. I assume you don't read because you are a woman of child-bearing age and most don't read (a lot of dumb guys don't read either, but that's a different story). My reference to sex with children was an analogy, not literal, but you'll bend the truth on that one to make me look bad. So be it. As to agreeing with me, it wouldn't pain me to agree with you, and if you are what you say than I don't know why you're so mad because you are not any of the things I say. I will say that kids need two parents, and if the parents are ripping each others' heads off, maybe they should have spent more time together before they had kids. No, I don't know what marriage is like, but I don't want to know if it means getting nagged for not taking the garbage out. I live alone and my home is spotless because I keep it clean. If your husband nags you, shame on him. It goes both ways, although I see a lot more guys just going to the other room and getting drunk, vs. women who tend to nag. But no one should be nagging. Again, you keep thinking I am a "predator" preying on women; that's fine, except that you've read many times it's not true. You find it impossible to believe anyone who disagrees with anything YOU have to say couldn't care about a woman. I am not bragging about having a vasectomy, other to say that people who are responsible will take precautions to make sure undesirable results don't happen. I brought it up as an indication that people that are against having kids will take precautions, and those who are irresponsible will go without a condom and wonder what happened when they impregnate somebody. If the OP had their tubes tied, they wouldn't be in this predicament and no one could call them irresponsible. You mention that I'm a sexist because I don't complain about your husband being a nag (which I'd support you on), but you mention that only women can use this board and that men "do it their own way". Well, you'll call me a name for saying this, but maybe injecting somebody with logic would help. My older sister enables the younger sister that's pregnant and makes her think it's OK to be procreating with a deadbeat felon. And, no, I didn't insult everything every woman said; I agreed with more than one of them.
I'm literally laughing as I read this. I wasn't aware I had been raped by a woman. Although I'm sure you'd love that, just like you love calling me a loser, an a-hole, and countless other names. I don't call you names. But I actually have excellent debating skills, so I don't need to - it's a shame most women aren't logical creatures. That's not an insult, it's a fact. In some ways, that is a positivee thing as it adds a different dimension to relationships. As to those who said I wrote a book, you'll note that more than half of what I wrote consists of quotes from other posters who I was responding to. I'll depart now, but please keep in mind... if I did hate women as much as you say I do, maybe it's because a lot of them told me "nobody wants you" like you did, Teddy. Maybe you ought to look yourself in the mirror and wonder what all the guys you've rejected are doing now. I'm fortunate I have never been rejected nearly as much as most guys are, so I couldn't tell you.
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Name: bellybubble | Date: Feb 15th, 2008 12:55 AM
Ummm I say it again ajh - why are you even here again?? haha. ↑
Name: lunamoo | Date: Feb 15th, 2008 11:02 AM
WTF, don't you people read the dates on these posts!!! This one is over 2 years old. ↑
Name: Teddyfinch | Date: Feb 18th, 2008 5:48 AM
ah, today is the day i choose to argue with this git. don't assume that i don't read because i'm of child bearing age. that means nothing. and makes no sense. like you see guys in their early to late 20s going to the library as opposed to a bar? yeah sorry, don't think so. those hangovers aren't from edgar allan poe. you claim you aren't sexist, yet spout out incorrect statistics. how many times do you see women duking it out because they get angry? not very many. men are less likely to think things through before they act. women are by far the more logical thinkers. but that is your opinion, as is this mine. once again, though, you could never measure up to the man my husband is. just because he says "hey babe, get off the pc and don't bother with that guy. let's watch a movie." doesn't mean he is shameful. and because i say "it's time to take out the trash" doesn't make me a nag. men forget and women remind. not all men do, but as i'm sure you know, everyone forgets sometimes. although i'm sure you'll say you never have and that you can walk on water. we say you write a book because you make the longest posts. not that you're literally writing a book, fool. i tell you that nobody would want you because your attitude, if presented when trying to pick up women, would only succeed in driving them away. if some guy had come up to me years ago telling me how women are nags for asking someone to do something and should get abortions because they shouldn't be having babies, i'd have told him to go get bent. if that is how you treat women and they still bed you, they're desperate. i have seen quite a few of the guys i have rejected in my life (i live in a small town. yay.) and they are deadbeats and i was able to see it before ever wasting my time on them. sorry to disappoint, but i'm nothing like the women you have commented on in this post. i simply defend because when someone is going through a hard time, they don't need someone criticising what they do. same as if there was a men's forum (who knows what you strange creatures do on the net) i wouldn't agree with a woman going into a sensitive post and verbally lashing at the men there. you have no business here. kindly log out and never come back. ↑
Name: Jezebel | Date: Feb 19th, 2008 8:14 PM
who pissed in ajh's cheerios...thats what i want to know. ↑
Name: Jezebel | Date: Feb 19th, 2008 8:16 PM
and why is he/she replying so vehemently to a post that is almost 2 years old? even eponine doesnt give a shit at this point. ↑
Name: Teddyfinch | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 3:07 AM
i think his Metrosexual He Man Woman Hater Club had a night off and he needed somewhere to flex his clipped weenie. ↑
