How Long To Be Married Before You Start A Family

7 Replies
Kate - September 21

I am 24, I have been married for 5 months, my husband is 30. I am a nurse and he is a business manager, we are financially and emotionally sercure, we have travelled extensively and have another trip planned for the start of 2006. But when should we start a family, I'm confused, I don't want to rush it but it still feels right, should I wait 1 - 2 years, my husband is very excited about becoming a father, please give me some guideance.

 

Andi - September 21

Go ahead! At least your married, a lot of people don't even do that. Good Luck on your baby making adventures!! Baby Dust to you!!

 

wondering - September 22

the sooner the better- but I am wondering a little about your defintion of settling down because although I probably shouldn't say this , I am reading little bits and pieces of self freedoms into your question and sense a little that children may equal burden or unexpected surprise too you . I have nothing but good to say about having children but ask you personally what do you believe having a child would bring to your relationship ?

 

Kate - September 22

Great Question - but one I don't think I can answer. Only because I don't think that it needs anything right now - except the two of us. Perhaps you've just summed everything up for me - I just might not be ready to give up some things that my husband and I might not be able to dedicate so much time too once we start a family. And that for me is a huge fear. When do you know when to let go? I love our freedom, my sleep in's, my day off just for me, i love shopping alone, I love my independance, i love it just being the two us. I love having nice things, we've just built a new house and we are slowly building into a home. I guess some of my influences into this question come from outside audiences. I have huge pressure from the inlaws - and my husbands only other sibling and his wife, whom are a textbook couple - beautiful home, beautiful wedding, married 12 months and then had a baby, he is now 3 and they are just pregnant again, everything seems so perfect and I feel like I have to follow in their footsteps. What do you think? I definately don't take the decision lightly and when it happens I do want it to be for the right reasons - thanks heaps for your comments it really means alot. This is the first time I've been on a site like this and I'm not sure where my curiosity has come from. Which confuses me even more.

 

I waited - September 22

Hi Kate, When I married I had just turned 23, my husband is about 9yrs older then me, he always wanted childern but I wasn't ready, I wanted to really settle into marriage and I still wanted to pay more off mortgage etc. We will be married 4yrs in December and we are expecting our first in Feb, and we are so ready for childern. Don't feel pressure to have babies straight away , I know people who chose to have their first 6yrs into marriage. My mother told me it's always good to have the first year to yourselves. Good luck, pregnancy is wonderful when it's the right time :)

 

wondering - September 22

follow your own heart don't let your surroundings pressure you , I wasn't trying to deter you but I will say that usually having children is something which fulfills you and retires all those freedoms . For myself I was lucky to meet the right partner and dating and dinners can be awfully boring after the umteen thousndth time . Children also replace alot of emptiness ... you'll know when the time is right ... Best wishes

 

Kate - September 23

Thanks ladies for your guideance. Had a great chat with my hubby last night and told him bout this website and the question I posted. He felt a bit bad and thought he was putting a bit of pressure me - even though he isn't too bad. Anyway, in the end we've decided to concentrate on the house and garden and enjoy each other a bit more and re-evaluate our feeling in 12 months time. Thanks for all the advise - I now feel like a huge weight has been lifted of my shoulders and for the first time today after about 2 months I have not really though about when we should start our family. I know it will happen one day and it will be a fantastic experience - till then I'll cherish all the other things in life :> Thanks.

 

mandy. - September 23

good for you kate.My husband and I have been married 8 yrs,moved intogether the previous year,been together for twenty yrs,he's always wanted a family,wanted us to marry early on,but I'm pretty steady,there was also one reason or another why I was'nt ready for children,and no pressure from my partner.It is sensible to know each other very well indeed to make sure the same values are shared,also it takes huge pressure off the relationship if the houseis ready,and you are financially secure before you take on a lifetime commitment.

 

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