Am I Ready For A Baby

15 Replies
SNM - October 28

Hello, I will be 29 yrs old in a few months and I have the “BABY BUG SYNDROME” Yes I do!! Lately, I just can’t seem to enjoy anything I do and I don’t have the desire for anything else but to have a baby. My boyfriend will be 32 yrs in a few months as well but he is a pragmatist and thinks we should wait until things starts to look a little better for us (financially) We talked about what I am going through and he asks me to wait just a little while longer or at least until I finish school (getting my diploma) and get my drivers license as well. Sometime however, I just want us to start planning now even though I know things aren’t the way they should be. We live in a 1 bdr apt now. I feel as if this baby will complete me in some way because of what I’ve been through in my life and I also know that I am not getting any younger. I get so depress about the whole situation and then I have crazy thoughts about stop taking my pills so I could get pregnant. Fortunately, I catch myself every time because I know it’s wrong and that could probably ruin us if I were to do something like that to him. We’ve only been together for two years and we’ve talked about getting married, having a family the whole nine. He has a good job and he’s also an entrepreneur so I know that he will be successful…he is very smart. I on the hand don’t have much of a career going for me right now because I want to be a stay home mom and raise my child/children. I recently quit my job (corp) of five year because there wasn’t any growth in the company. And honestly I really got tired of the people I worked with…hated the office politics. I then started another job (retail) because I do have the experience but I quit that too after working a month. The hours were too long and I just couldn’t get acclimated to the transition. This man of mine has been my rock and I don’t know what I would do without him. He supported me 150% in both decisions I made recently (job wise) and I know he will be a great father/husband to me and our child/children. He wants us to wait until he can either replace his income or mine and I do want to wait as well. However, the urges of having a baby just keeps haunting me and because of that I offered to baby sit our friend’s children (3 ½ and 8 mths) just to give me heads up on what’s to come. I am very excited about taking care of these kids but the thought of having my own is still with me. I will appreciate any advise/input on my situation. Thank you!

 

gopher it - October 28

well you're right ... you're both not getting any younger and you're not old either but if you like shopping at thrift stores and going to garage sales and don't mind driving a minivan instead of a vet every bit of income beyond that is just extra and not necessary . Children change your life and fill the void that you've spoken of . No regrets here . Children are wonderful just do it before you do get much older .

 

S - October 29

My husband and I started having children young. We started dating at 17. Married at 21. Had our first at 23, second at 25, third at 28. We are currently trying for #4. Our theory is that if you wait till you are financially ready to have children then you never will. Things just always seem to work out.

 

D - October 29

Its true that there never is a good time to have children, however, I feel that you both need to be on the same page before having children. If he wants to wait, then you need to respect that. Forcing him into being a dad by not taking birth control pills is only going to cause him to resent you and the child (but I think you know that already). You still have many childbearing years ahead of you, and if you have talked about marriage and family then you are pretty certain that you are going to stay together. What's the rush? My husband and I have been married for four years without children (and together two years before that) and it has been the best time of my life. We have become stable financially, and we have really enjoyed our time together as a couple where we can do things spontaneously. It has given us a chance to grow in our marriage, because face it, when you have children, it is no longer about you and your man, it is only about the child. You won't ever get to spend time together just as a couple until the kids are out of the house, 20 or so years later. That's my two cents. Good luck to you.

 

Bonnie - October 29

I agree with D completely. Wait until he is ready.Get married first and enjoy a couple years. You are 29 and still have plenty of time. I totally can understand how you feel though as I was the same way. I am 34 (been married 7 years) and am just now pregnant with my first. I've been wanting a baby since I was a teenager and the time just never seemed right. Quite honestly I never thought we would be ready. But we finally made the decision to go for it. Hang in there for a little while longer until you are both ready. You still have plenty of time :)

 

HH - October 30

I was in the same boat a few years ago. I was in college, trying to get through, talking about marriage iwth my boyfriend, and going batty about having a baby. I was eating drinking and sleepy baies. It was the singular focus of my life. Now, fast forward two years. I've finished school and we got married. We are planning to start trying for a baby in a few months- my husband has had this plan for some time knowing I was ready any second. I am thrilled with my life now and I'm glad to be just starting the baby part (I'm 32). It has worked out great. It will work out for you. I think you need to work on finding something else you love to do, jobwise, and everything will fall into place. Good luck!! It will turn out just fine.

 

carrie - October 31

I think its grreat that you have found your soulmate,both are supportive of each other.I always look on life as feeling someone somewhere is worse off.For you,you have found your man,others at your age has'nt.I was with my husband for over twenty yrs,and had our 1st at 37.He had always wanted children,but he was supportive,believing that it took two to make that decision.Not once did he keep on,saying our lives were wasting away,even though family and friends were settling down.Together we built up a home,and financially secure,then,I started counting down the mths,weeks,and one day I said that I was ready.His face lit up and you know,even approaching 37 I became pregnant that 1st mth.As I say I always look at thing in a positive way.If I only have one child,there are some who neve has any.My advice to you,would be show support to your man,he has a valid point,you are only 29,focus on something else,once you have a baby they are demanding,and take take take.I know you are longing for a baby,but you don't want to have a baby,and wonder "what if" get yourself sorted,then settle down.

 

SNM - October 31

I have to say I’m astound with all the genuine support I’ve received from you ladies. When I posted my situation I was afraid I would be judged and taught of as a fool…surprisingly it’s the opposite. I am a very emotional person and it brings tears to my eyes as I read all the responses. Thank you for letting me into your lives and opening my eyes to a new light. I do have a wonderful man and I will wait for him as long as he wants me to. I know in my heart that waiting will definitely be the smartest thing for us right now. And from the way things are looking, I probably wont have to wait that long. He has a plan and if all goes well we will start planning in less than a year to have our first. He is very excited to be a father but as I mentioned, he just wants to be able to provide for us the right way. He told me he really doesn’t want me to go back to work just yet unless I want to. I will take this opportunity (working with the kids) and get myself together and then we can go for it. Once again, thank you all for your kind words and good luck to you all.

 

pathetic - October 31

I am 28 and have the "baby bug" too. It has become an obsession with me, to the point my husband gets angry because I keep bringing it up. We have been married for 3 years, dated for 5 before that. We are in the same situation that you two are in....not enough $$$$$$$, we live in California (in a 1 bedroom apt) and both work full-time at decent jobs but with the cost of living here it is not enough. So I am trying to be patient but I find myself wandering the baby isles at the store (sometimes buying something to "put away" for later), or researching baby products online and I feel so pathetic!!! I even started my own eBay store selling upscale baby produts! I try to find other things to do or think about but I can't! I was taking a walk the other day and went by a yard sale and they had a beautiful wicker ba__sinet for sale, it needs a little work, but I thought it would be fun to fix up. So I dragged it home and you should have seen the look on my husbands face when he came home & it was sitting there in the living room. I feel like I am going crazy!!!

 

SNM - October 31

Pathetic…you are NOT pathetic. It’s just that time. But like these women say we should wait until our man is ready… hang in there girl and good luck!

 

SNM - November 24

Hello again, this is just an update on my current situation. Well, it has been my third week working with the kids and I must say it’s a lot of work! If I weren’t this age I would probably say HELL NO!! I am not having any children. It takes a lot out of you…I mean that. I am loosing sleep at nights because the baby gets up twice in the morning around 2:30 am and then again at around 4:30 am. It’s no joke when you’re trying to sleep and you have to feed and burp the baby…which could take a while sometimes. Their parents are there and they get involve as well and it’s still overwhelming for me at times. In all, it’s a great experience and I know this will prepare me for the near future because I still want to have a baby. I guess what I am trying to say is, all you young girls that thinks that you are ready to have a baby please think hard about it before you get pregnant. Just imagine doing everything on your own…it's not easy at all. Make sure you’re fully ready and that you will get the help you need especially from your partner because that is very important.

 

Melissa - November 28

OK, my advice? Since you have a few years before you need to worry, you can wait. BUT if you really don't want to, then come to a comprimise with your boyfriend. If he wasnt to be better off financially, then ask him to set a target amoutn to have in the savings account, or a target salary etc. Tell him that his "wait until we are better off" argument is too vague and if you had a concrete goal to work toward, you'd feel better. Also, in the meantime go get your drivers license. Also, ask him if marriage is anywhere on the list (if you want to marry him). DO NOT stop taking your pill without discussing it first. That would be so so wrong of you! The urge is so strong, I know! It's impossible to ignore, but you don't have to ignore it. You just need to do some concrete planning and strategizing and then you guys can try. You have to show him that you are willing to wait as long as waiting means that you are both working toward the same goal and not just waiting around with no goal or timeframe in sight.

 

SNM - December 27

Hello again, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas because I did!! I got everything I need…health, family, peace, happiness and of course love. I’m no longer baby sitting the kids…that’s right. My boyfriend and I had to cut our agreement short with our friends because it wasn’t working out as planned. Let’s just say it was too close to home and you know how that can get. Anyway, my sweetheart asked me to come home and really use this time to finish up my studies (I just love this man so much) He also said No More Pills…Yes!! I am so happy right now because this is what I wanted and I know now for sure he wants it too. His att_tude is a lot different lately when topic comes up about us having a baby...he’s ready!! I am glad I waited until he was ready to make this decision because it just makes it so much easier for the both of us. We are really not trying to conceive right now but the possibility of getting pregnant just makes me feel so overjoyed. If it happens now we will be ready for it. We are going to use the ovulation method to avoid us from getting pregnant for now but I know that will last for a little while before I get pregnant. I can feel it. He has big plans for us next year and I just love it all. Thank you all for your time. Have a blessed New Year!!

 

frankschick2001 - February 11

Wow, we are similar in a lot of ways! To make a long story short, we were living in a two bedroom apt. I knew we were serious and I was not getting any younger. But I wanted to get a little more settled first, so we looked into buying a house in a nice neighborhood. We found a great townhouse that was in our price range. Neighborhood is great. Plenty of room! Anyway I was working for a fortune 500 corporation. I like the company but hated my department, so I ransferred to a better one. Loving it! I've been there for two years and received a 22.5% raise this year. If you guys wait until you feel finacially ready, you probably won't ever feel like you are there yet. So as long as the two of you don't have any crushing debt, I'd say it is OK to have a baby. Not to say that you shouldnt be saving. You should. Maybe he wants to give the relationship a little more time to grow before making that kind of commitment? I'm not saying he doesn't want to be with you, but maybe he doesnt want to hurt your feelings or sound like he has doubts about the two of you. I'm sure he doesn't. But if he really wants a little more time, give it to him. But set your own limits too. Agree to give him one year or until you turn 30. Tell him that if in this time he still doesn't know, that it might be a problem for you. But in that time frame, don't put any pressure on him or talk extensively about babies. Give him time, he'll come around. Explain to him that women do have a clock, and that the biological clock thing is more than just a joke from "My Cousin Vinny". It's unfortunate, but we can't wait forever. (as if women don't have enough pressure on them already!). I used to work in retail many years ago. I know how grueling that was and I don't think the transition from a corporate environment to retail would be easy at all. It would be impossible for me, so I give you credit for trying! If your boyfriend has a entreprenurial flair, maybe the two of you can start something together. this way, you can do the work from home thing? Juts an idea. The urge for a baby is so very strong, I know. I had a miscarriage in October 2005. It was my first pregnancy. Before that, I never felt the urge in a strong way. But being pregnant for that time has flipped a switch in me that absolutely screams out for a baby! So I understand how that little voice is relentlentless! Anyway, we are currently trying again. Good luck to you guys, it'll all be fine, you'll see!

 

Frances - February 14

My advice would be to wait until you are married (ideally) but you should keep talking about it and educating yourselves on the ins and outs of parenthood. Let me tell you that it doesn't really matter if you know how to drive or not. My Grandmother didn't learn until she was in her 30s and she had 5 kids by then. My mother was in her 20s when she learned. They never really needed it because they always lived in places that had big public transportation systems. Paying for a license was just an unnecessary expense. My dh and I are trying for baby #2 and we live in a small house and we are both still in college. There are ways to do everything, but your relationship really needs to be concrete first! Good luck.

 

MRB - February 6

Hi everyone. So I originally came onto this website because i have like this really strong need for a baby. It is like a feeling coming from deep inside and so so strong. I am 17. Yes i know im very young and anyone would pry first say that i am too young and dont know what im getting into. Yes, i do know that having a baby is not at all easy but all so worth it. I mean really it is all very new and difficult for any woman who is having her first baby because its all new. My boyfriend shared/shares these feelings of mine only pry not as strong anymore. We had decided that we were going to have a baby we even planned it out completely. He was even the one to say "what if we cant wait that long" but i thought we should and when we came close to that point he backed out. that was the worse hurt ever. He says its because of my mom but idk? I just have such a longing and i only want to have one with him. Before its like we were on the same page, lately he has been telling me that im in a rush. what happened? what do i do? I recently got a new job and i feel like every baby in town goes there. I feel like everyone has a baby except for me :( im going so nuts!

 

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