My Wife Is Crazy Need Some Advice

11 Replies
tryintohangin - February 20

My wife is 26 I am 40 this is our first pregnancy the constant mood swing are really starting to wear on my patience , it seem like she looks for any reason to pick a fight or anything I do is not good enough. I am almost at a point when the next time she makes a threat that she will leave and not come back if I want to leave to cool off and remove myself because she is really p___sing me off. I just want to say then bounce and hit me up for child support but I don't want to be that guy. This is getting very difficult to deal with. Can anyone give me any freindly advice on how to deal with this and will things get better we are just entering the second trimester?

 

thp9914 - February 28

Well since no one has replied to you and I'm sure you have read hours on here about this.... PATIENCE!!! I'm going through it too. 28 weeks and in separate rooms. Plus lots of other "I just don't think its going too work", " its different now" ect ect. My advise is to swallow alittle pride and let it roll off. She is going through something as men we can't rap our heads around. It sucks soooo bad but stay calm and civil. Listen to her and pick out somethings she says. She will give up what is bothering her. Take it and let her know its all going to be ok. Give her space. Let her do stuff on her own. Be there but off to the side. Let her know at any time she can come to you. Sometimes go her but if she isn't into it back off. Take NOTHING PERSONAL!!! talk listen and watch. Wish I had the answer but women hormones and pregnant don't come with instructions. No one is brave enough to put it in writing. Oh VERY important..... you won't win, don't try. Trust me bro it ain't worth it. Improvise Adapt and Overcome

 

tryintohangin - February 28

Thanks man she is starting to calm down a bit since she just pa__sed the first trimester, and I'm really trying to take it with a grain of salt and trying to be more helpful and understanding. It's funny because I just told a coworker the same thing you just told me so again Thank You sooo much..

 

thp9914 - February 28

Anytime! Its an extremely difficult time for everyone and definitely makes you realize where your character stands and exposes its faults. Typically after the first tri they chill out some. Don't get relaxed cause just under the surface hormones still hide and she will still hurt you in your sleep if she needs to. Sound like you have it going your way. Best of luck to you and yours! Take care of mom and your growing child. Oh yea think of nice little things to do. Snacks to take if she works. Occasional card or flowers just to say hi. Don't expect anything back or even a reaction from her? Don't know her but if she downtown respond let it go. She knows. Good luck

 

JamesM75 - March 26

Hope it works out for you. Keep in the back of your head it may not get better. This is where I'm left at. I would study Zen and radical acceptance. No matter if it gets better or not it will serve you well. If things don't improve google BPD and see if that rings a bell for you. I wish you the best.

 

iHateHormones - April 2

My wife will be 20 weeks next week and this will be my first child. She has me down right afraid. I try to do all the sweet little things like the laundry, cooking dinner, breakfast in bed, flowers for no reason, and all the "i love you's and you're beautiful's" that I can stomach. Not much works consistently. Just keep changing it up. I'm with you bruh. Don't know how much more I can take. All I know is that every guy who has been through this, tells me to just keep my mouth shut and my head down. I've been told to memorize over and over, the phrase "I'm sorry. I was wrong". I also realize that I cherish the time when she is asleep. At least then she can't yell at me then. Keep your chin up. I think every guy has to go through this. I've heard from many, that there is not much good in being a guy when the wife is pregnant. We just gotta get used to it. Thoughts?

 

mjvdec01 - May 15

Good Boys!! You have it right. I am 36 with two kids and possibly another on the way. I love my husband dearly, and normally he can do no wrong. However, I did tell him when I was pregnant with our daughter that he was, "too stupid to eat pie!", and then I punched him in the delivery room. Totally out of character for me. Hang in there gentlemen, it does get better, just not right after the baby's born. I'm sorry to say, she will probably be "crazy" until the baby hits about 3 months old. It takes a long time for the hormones to subside. Take as much time off as you can once the baby is born. If you can't take much, the get a family member to stay with her and the baby. Just make sure it's someone she really likes. Your mother is not the best choice. Also, if your schedule allows, go in to work late, or come home early if you can. My husband did all of this and I loved him all the more for it. You will be fine, just endure and be ready for a wild ride. When you start to feel abused, just look at great of a mother she is, and how much she loves that baby. You gave that to her, and she knows it.

 

dski - July 28

I feel relieved that there are other guys out there who share the same problems. My wife really feels like her world is over and that she will become fat and ugly. She is worried about her career. She hates that she had to move countries from a fairly buoyant city to a heavily recession hit city. She misses her friends and cant seem to quite catch a break here. Today I had the pleasure of telling her parents and a few friends. Personally, I'm thrilled, over the moon and delighted. But with her feelings so messed up right now, where she's not sure she even wants the baby sometimes, its hard. We fight bitterly. She has tantrums and throws things and breaks things. I have been trying hard but clearly not hard enough. I work as a surgeon in another city right now, so its tough that we are separated. Sometimes I actually think I might have some benefits. if I'm not around, I'm not there to screw up. I did screw up tonight. I wrote a text to multiple friends telling the good news. this was not given explicit permission and she has stormed out. I feel awful when we should be happy. there has not been one happy moment since we found out. except the artificial ones I manage to muster up when I cajole her into trying to break a smile. I am thinking of getting a nanny from day one. A friend of a friend, said, throw money at the situation. Maybe this is a good idea. take the heat off her when the child is born....if I get that far. I know now, I just need to be patient. i just need to listen. I need to give space. i need to be attentive yet not smother. I need to pay attention to more details. its not about showering her with gifts. It's not about love. it's about coping.

 

tryintohangin - July 30

Throwing money at a problem isn't always a solution. My wife is nine months and we are what we like to call in "house limbo", in between houses.This has been very stressful on both of us. We do not have any real money , but as this pregnancy has gone on I would say that our relationship has gotten a lot stronger . We started to realize that we will have to come together as a whole team unit to make the best of our situation and raise this little girl to be a young lady. So my advice to you is just try to be patient it is a lot to deal with I think the first trimester is the worst. As the baby grows inside of her her feelings will change. Unless she says nanny DO NOT be the one to suggest it from day one she might get offended and think that you think she will not be a good mother. Just give it time you need to try to be there for her as much as possible, I know it's really difficult to deal with the mood swings. Just hang in there and thing will get better.. Good Luck on your journey my freind.

 

LNLYDADDY - January 6

I don't know if you are still one this site, but I was wondering how your issue turned out?

 

tryintohangin - January 7

Not here to often these days as we have a beautiful 4 month little girl now. Things are still very tough new house and a baby are really an adjustment, sometimes I think I am in over my head getting this house that she wanted. My wife promised she would work more and try to loose some weight and she has done neither one. In fact it looks like she gained more weight and for the life of me I can't figure out a way to discuss it with her without upsetting her. It is difficult because it's kind of a turn off so I really don't want to have s_x with her. I am about to start looking for a part time gig to go with my full time. Sometimes I wish I haden't showed her this house I would have been happy with something smaller and less expensive. But it's ours now so I just have to suck it up and do what I have to do for my family

 

E457 - August 23

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