Can T Stand In Laws Being Around Baby

14 Replies
sparkles - May 8

OK. This question is for anyone who has in law problems. I can't stand my in laws!!! They have never been really nice people to hubby and I and have caused some problems. I'd love it if we never had to see them again! But that's not an option. Despite the problems with them, my hubby won't just tell them like it is and I'm left having to put up with them when we visit or see them. I can't stand them holding or cooing over my baby, talking about being grandparents or my baby being their grand daughter, or them acting like they never do anything wrong. Funny how before the baby was born, they told people that they didn't think we were ready for a baby and told us that we would hate our lives after our baby was born. They even got snotty towards us because we didn't wait to have a baby until they were ready to be grandparents. But now they want to be around the baby and hold her and play with her. They keep asking my hubby if I'm mad at them, because I don't talk to them that much. Yet they won't come and talk to me. And I know they talk to other people about us behind our backs. I hate every moment of it! Anyone else with a similar problem and how did you handle it?

 

Tanaja - May 8

I don't know if when this was written but I had to respond because it seems like you're talking about my life. I cannot stand my MIL, she is divorced but it's horrible for me. My husband does not get along with his mother and she so she basically a__sumes that I will be the daughter that she never had. She acts all hurt when I don't call her and she wants to be in the delivery room with me when I have the little one. I have a mother thank you, I don't want another one. She likes to tell me how I need to do things regarding the baby and she smokes so I know that she is going to want to babysit and I don't want my baby smelling like smoke. I just don't know how to handle the situation either and if I had it my way she would only see our baby at reunions and special occasions. I only pray that we move far away from her and not have to worry about her popping in whenever the hell she feels like it!!!!!

 

HannahBaby - May 9

Alot of parents react to pregnancy like that.. i was 19 when i got pregnant (very planned pregnancy and my mom knew it but didnt think it would happen so fast) Everyone is my family said the same thing that yours did "your not ready for ababy" "your going to regret it" blahblahblah and you know what. After that baby was born everyone was so happy for me and loved my baby to pieces.

 

sparkles - May 9

excuse the poor typing. it's one handed, as my baby girl won't be happy right now unless she's in my arms. tanaja, i feel the same way about moving. lol i'm envious of my siblings who's in laws live hours from them, so there's limited contact. unfortunately, my in laws only live about 40 minutes from us, live in the same town i work in, and go to the same church we do. their like leeches now when i'm at church. i'm getting so sick of it. i turn around and their standing right behind me or next to me ALL the time. i just feel like telling them to go away. i am just amazed at how parents can act towards their kids and then think their the greatest thing that happened to parenting. they have always said such mean, negative things about my hubby and even tried to break us up before we were married by "warning" me about him. they won't make any of these comments in front of my hubby, because they know he'll get mad at them. when i got pregnant, my fil gave me the cold shoulder, because i didn't wait until he was ready for a grandchild. he tried to contradict anything i said regarding my pregnancy. when a comment was made about them babysitting the baby, he remarked "oh no. were not raising your child". it makes me so mad that now they want to be the sweet little grandparents and act like they haven't been rude to us. hannahbaby, i could see them saying those things if we were 19. although it still wouldn't be any of their business. but were both in our mid to late twenties, have a strong loving relationship and a good marriage, have been married for several years, have steady great paying jobs, dependable cars, a house, money, and are very mature responsible people. we both work with kids in our jobs and are really good with them. so the whole not being ready thing is just one more of their rude ignorant comments about us. but i'm glad things turned out good with your situation. anyway, i'll have to finish my posting later, as the baby wants to eat. talk to you soon.

 

rl - May 19

I feel so bad for all of you...my inlaws are wonderful and have been from the start when I first started dating their son I was a bit worried as I am divorced with 2 kids he was never married no kids...so I figured they would hate me and tell him he should find someone else but when I first met them they treated me so nice and my kids as well when they realized that we were past the point of just dating and were starting to become serious they treated us like part of their family and have every since and now that their son is my husband and we had a baby together they are just thrilled and are wonderful grandparents and try to take the baby when they know my other two have gone to their dad's house for the weekend so we can have some time alone together....that is just really sad that you all have to deal with such horrid inlaws and hate them I am really sorry for you all!! Maybe one day things will get better and you can some how work things out good luck!!

 

KATE - May 19

SPARKLES - I CAN TOTALLY RELATE. I CAN'S STAND MY MOTHER IN LAW. SHE HAS NEVER BEEN NICE TO ME AND I HAVE KNOWN MY HUSBAND FOR MORE THAN 10 YEARS. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER OFF AND ON AND NOW MARRIED FOR 3 YEARS. I HAVE A 12 YEAR OLD SON AND WE JSUT HAD A PREMATURE BABY 3 MONTHS AGO. SHE IS A CONTROLLING, VINDICTIVE, NASTY PERSON AND I HATE HER BEING ANYWHERE NEAR THE BABY. THSI IS PARTLY BECUASE SHE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY 12 YEAR OLD SON AND HAS MADE COMMENTS ABOUT NOT BEING EXPECTED TO BABYSIT FOR MY KID. NOW THAT THE BABY IS HERE SHE CAN'T GET IN LINE FAST ENOUGH TO BABYSIT FOR HIM. I WOULD LOVE TO TELL HER TO BUZZ OFF, BUT MY HUBBY WON'T HAVE THAT. I THINK HE IS TORN BETWEEN BEING HER LOYAL SON AND BEING ANNOYED WITH HER. I AM JSUT SICK OF THE SAME OLD CRAP WITH HER ALL THE TIME!

 

Brenda - June 3

I know what you mean sparkles, my FIL was such an a__s at the begenning that i didnt even want to go to their house. I had to visit them and to tell you the truth he always looked mad. But the problem wasn't really him it was my sister in law, she didnt like me. my hubby and her were really close since they are only one year appart and she tought I was telling him to hate her or something anyhow she has insecurity issues, and has a thing about not being loved. I thought to myself well i have to show them that i'm more mature than them. I started to limit my stays there and well i told my hubby that he nedded to talk to his family. i said I am your new family and you are either with me or not. he talked to his family and his dad said that he had not noticed he was acting weird its just that they didnt expect their son to get married so soon and have a baby so soon. his sister and i are civil but she is also not in my favorite people list, I know that it is hard to have inlaws but remember that this is your new "family" and at least learn to have a center ground. I am not saying kiss a__s but at least have a civil relationship, I thought well these people are gonna love my baby cause its their grandchild no matter what, it is not the babies problem cause we as adults can't get along. Just think of the good gifts your child will be getting ; ) well think about it ladies. Good luck.

 

gma36 - June 11

LOL, I'm sure there are quit a number of us who know what you are going threw. My in-laws drive me pyscho and my husband and I get in big fights every year right before christmas because I dread the thought of going to his parents house. If you ever need someone to talk to I will give you my email.

 

danni22 - March 2

yes, i've been dealing with this since 2000. (thats when i first met MIL, she walked right past me, not a handshake, smile, or acknowledgement that i was even there. after it was apparent that i was going to be around for a while, she tried to make nice and pretend to be a sweet person, but all she did was smile to my face while she bad mouthed husband and I to anyone who would listen... she was unsupportive and MIA throughout the whole planning of the wedding. her and the rest of the ILs were late to the wedding, and during the reception she barely said two words to husband and I instead she spent 75% of her time becoming the focus of everyone's attention and makeing it all about her. when my older sister got pregnant she had att_tude with me, as if the possiblity of hubby and I having a child was somehow sinful to her. and when my nephew was born she said to me that "all children are evil"... (as if persuading us not to have children) 4 years ago i successfully cut her (along with all of the rest of the ILs) off from my life; ofcourse with the complete support of my husband who was tired of seeing his wife cry, and was tired of the fights that always ensued when i was expected to spend anytime around the ILs. I went through 6 years of malicious back stabbing, Pa__sive aggressive comments, and typical rude nasty behavior from Narcissitic MIL and her goons. these last 4 years have been a blessing to me, and made my marriage stronger. I know i wouldn't have been able to do it with out my husband's support... it took him 6 years to realize that I was fighting an up hill battle with his family. and that it wasn't worth losing his marriage over. he still keeps in contact with his family. he visits them whenever he wants (usually just Christmas and Easter, and maybe an event or two throughout the year) and he can call them anytime he wants (but he never calls them, and barely returns their phone calls, they call maybe 4-5 times a year... mostly to tell him when and where he needs to be for things...) hubby and i are TTC right now, and we have already talked about how we would handle the issue of his family. personally, i don't think that his family will want to be very much involved in any child that we have (mostly b/c they have never been involved in anything we do) but i know it is important to hubby that his family at least has the chance to know any child of ours, so we have a choice. i completely and 100% trust in my husband that he will do the right thing. so he can take the child to see/visit with his family, but to enforce rules if they don't behave. I plan on doing the usual sending cards, and pics to the ILs as usual to help keep them up-to-date, but that will be the extent of my communication with them... the only reason why i choose to be so uninvolved with this is b/c we are planning on moving out of state inbetween 3-5 years from now, we will be moving almost 1000 miles away from his family (closer to mine) so i wouldn't mind for him to have this experience with his family. also, MIL is 76, and FIL is 73... (they hadhubby really late in life, hubby is 37, and i will be 29 soon) so, there really isn't much more life ahead of MIL & FIL and they have gone so long without being grandparents that i am really willing and almost wanting them to be involved in the lives of any grandchild that they may have. so, ofcourse that all makes the choice all that much easier for me to be able to allow my husband to take any child of ours off (by himself) to visit the ILs.

 

Jill Baker - January 20

I seem to have a slightly different in law problem. I am due to give birth and they have don't want to have anything to do with me or our child. They (his family) speak to my husband but barely say two words to me. They never ask how I'm feeling or about the baby. The rest of his family are now giving me the silent treatment. We seem to think this sudden exclusion is caused by the fact that my husband can't afford to employ my sister in law anymore, partly because we'll be on one income and I will be helping him out while I'm not working. None of his family are attending my baby shower. They won't answer phone calls, texts or emails from me. We were excluded from any organising for Christmas. However, I am constantly being criticised for not helping out or being domestic enough. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I would like his family to be involved in my child's life but they seem to have little interest and are being incredibly immature and rude?

 

pequitas - July 14

oh my gosh, the same happened to me! My inlaws were super nice to us before we had the baby but now I just can't stand them~! they want to be with baby all the time, they call him "my baby", when they didn't even want us do have kids to begin with and we are in our late twenties and have never asked them for money or anything and somehow they think they have some owndership in our baby. The want to hold baby all the time (he is 15 months) always want to babysit (but not at our place, they want to take him overnight to their place but then I hardly get to see baby next day. they are driving me crazy and when i tell my husband he says he has no problems with it and that I should just tell themwhat i think. they also say stupid things such as he's going to get a lot of chicks and are already planning what his hobbies and interests will be. I cant stand them!

 

Maeleerae09 - September 22

I'm in a different situation. Before I had my son I had no problems with my boyfriends mom and step dad but now I just can't stand them. I've tried to figure out y but have yet to come up with it. I don't want his mom touching my baby and I don't want to go to there house. A few weeks ago they called and said that they had to make an appointment to see their grandson. Well that's far from the truth. I don't like going over there but I go anyway. We stay for a couple hours and when we get ready to leave they always say " your leaving already". What 2 hours isnt enough? I just don't like them that's how I feel. My bf's niece had a baby one yr ago and whenever she saw me holding her baby she would come And take her from me. Well now she wants to hold my baby! Huh I don't know what to do. Can I get married to the man if I feel this way towards his family.

 

dbestar - March 2

I know exactly how you are feeling . I am in the same exact situation and I don't know if I can get away from it or them. My in-laws are the worst everyone of them. urggg.

 

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fionadrew - August 25

i am   from USA My boyfriend and I were happy as far as I could tell and I never thought that we would break up. When his cousin died in a tragic car accident he went back to Philippine for a week to be with his family. I could not go because I was in the middle of entertaining out of town clients for work. He did not seem to be upset that I could not go so I let him be. The next thing that I know, he reconnected with an old friend from high school that he had a crush on years ago and they started to have an affair! I had no clue what was going on until a month after he came back from Philippine.He proceeded to see both her and I until I caught him testing her one night. I confronted him and he told me the truth about what happened. We broke up and went our separate ways. Neither of us fought for our relationship. I was angry and decided not to be upset about it and just keep it moving. Then after about 7 month of not speaking to him I became sad. I wanted him to tell me that he wanted to be with me and not her. I contacted Dr .Ebolo for a love spell and he totally helped me! he was able to get him to miss me to where he wanted to get back together again. He had a lot of regrets and felt bad for not fighting to keep me and for cheating in general. He values our relationship so much more now and we are together now! You can also get your lover back with the help of Dr. Ebolo contact him through his email: +2349033455855

 

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