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Hello, Id like to share my story of taking Cytotec in hopes it will help out some people who may be going through the same situation. Sorry this story is really long.
First of, I'll tell you that I have one daughter born in 2008 - unplanned and uncomplicated.
We have since had two missed miscarriages from planned pregnancies, one in March 2012 and one just now August 2012. I am 29 years old and consider myself healthy.
The first was detected by my midwife being unable to find a heartbeat.
I had heard a healthy heart beat at my 12 week appointment.
For this appointment I was 16 weeks, 6 days, she heard nothing, she had another midwife try and she heard nothing also, my 4 year old daughter was with me, my midwife joked with her about the baby hiding and didn't make it obvious if she thought something was really wrong. At this point I was thinking, ya.. its ok.. the placenta is in the way, and I didn't want to scare my daughter.
She scheduled an ultrasound for me for the next day.
We went in thinking nothing could possibly be wrong.. They brought the baby up on the screen and there was no heart beat, just a crumpled little baby. It was devastating to say the least, I was completely shocked and saddened.. my first thought was how am I going to tell my 4 year old, who was really excited to be a big sister. We had gotten past the "12 week rule", how can this be happening!
Because I was farther along, the baby was measuring between 14-15 weeks, they suggested D&C - I wasn't cool with that, our other choices were to "wait for it to happen" - no thanks, walking around with a dead baby in my belly wasn't a pleasing thought.. or take pills to make it happen.
We chose the pills.
After sitting in the emergency ward for a few hours, and telling the same sad story over and over we were told to go home and they would call us when they had a room.
Three excruciating days later we were taken into hospital - the maternity ward - which at first felt like a cruel unusual joke, but later became respected. It made sense.. I was after all, having a baby.
I took 2 cytotec pills every 4 hours from 3pm til around 1am. They gave me diarrhea and the cramps were intense, they were very mild at first.. (I took tylenol and advil which did nothing). I felt like it was manageable though. The nurse checked my temp and my blood pressure every hour. I slept on and off from 8-9pm on-wards, around 2am the cramps became like contractions, coming and going every minute or so, I was rocking to escape the pain.
I felt a "pop" like feeling, what I now know was the fetus/sac breaking away from the uterine wall, and the baby moving downwards, I knew I had to get up out of bed, so I had my husband help me get to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and I knew that the baby was going to come out. I had to hold onto him (husband) to allow myself to relax and let it out. So, out it came.. into the toilet. I looked down and it was dangling, in its sac with the cord hanging from me. My husband rang the nurse, she came and helped me walk back to the bed - she held the baby still dangling, on a pad now - she said it was important that the baby and cord didn't separate from the placenta.
I laid in bed bawling my eyes out for a good hour and a half, the baby on a pad between my legs, I was unable to look at it out of fear. I knew again that in order to move things along I had to stand up and move around. The nurse and my husband helped me back to the bathroom, where I passed the placenta out onto another pad the nurse was holding. I sat on the toilet, crying and crying - the cramps were no comparison for the absolute and terrible loss I was feeling.
The nurse said when we were ready we could come and look at the baby.
I cleaned up and we came out and sat in the room. She had removed him from his sac and displayed him on a pad. I held the pad and was shocked at how calm I felt.
I was sad to see him (you could tell he was a boy), but also relieved, if I had a D&C I wouldn't have had this chance. He was the size of my whole hand, finger tip to wrist, with closed eyes, nose, ears, fingers, toes, everything. We said our goodbyes and he was cremated at the hospital.
I got my period back in April, I was excited to start trying again. We were pregnant by June.
At my 10 1/2 week appointment I heard the heartbeat and I asked the midwife if I could go for a "dating" ultrasound - to be nosy and to see a heart beating.
It was scheduled for when I would be 11 weeks, August 8th. My husband and I went together, exciting. I had it in the back of my head that it could happen again, but didn't say anything.
I told the tech about having a previous miscarriage.
She put the thing on my belly and I knew right away that there was no heart beat. I looked away immediately. She said, sorry, it doesnt look good - shocked again, at least this time my daughter had no idea and I wouldn't have to break the news to her.
We opted again to do the cytotec but this time at home - baby was measuring 11 weeks.
A week after the ultrasound, I took the pills, 5 va___ally, at 10:30am - my daughter away at daycare and my husband home with me. By 2pm I was cramping mildly.. I laid in bed and watched a movie, wanting the pills to dissolve. My mom showed up around 3:30pm, so I got up and moved around a bit - this made the cramps much worse, I laid back in bed and took one tylenol and one advil, by 5pm the cramps were coming like contractions, every minute and almost unbearable - I had no bleeding yet, just some brownish discharge. I again felt the "pop", the fetus/sac separating itself from my body.
I knew I had to get to the toilet - I called my mom up and asked her to take my daughter for a walk to the store for candy as I was pretty sure it was going to come out now, I didnt want to scare her if I started crying hysterically. As soon as my daughter heard the word candy, she was out of there.
I sat on the toilet, had my husband stand in front of me and relaxed my body, letting everything come out. There was a big gush or water/blood, then the fetus, again dangling. I reached down and pulled it out to look at it. It was much much smaller then the 14-15 week old (the actual measurement was 9.5cm), this one was about the size of my pinky, and not formed at all. No discernible features. I looked at my husband, he looked at me and we decided to flush it.
I wasn't as sad as last time. I did much of my crying the day before and I felt good that I was at home, Anyways, after that I sat on the toilet a bit more, letting blood and clots come out, cramps just like a heavy period - totally manageable. I got in the shower, passed more clots.. I put on some clothes, underwear and big pad.. It felt uncomfortable to let loose into a pad so I did most of my bleeding and passing of clots into the toilet. I went to bed around 10pm - exhausted. I wore a depends diaper for fear of ruining my mattress. The cramps were pretty bad in bed so I took another advil and tylenol. I was up until about 2am with bad cramping and some trips to the toilet to pass clots.. After that I was able to sleep.
The next today (today, August 16th), has been ok - mild cramps, some light bleeding, maybe one clot, very tired and thirsty though.
If you are going through a missed miscarriage, I feel your pain. I had a friend tell me once "when someone dies you grieve the past, their life etc... but when you miscarry, you grieve the future" and its so very true. You have lost a little one that you would have had, the milestones, the kisses, the love, the pain in the ass parts.. Its gone.
I wanted to say that the cytotec is not as scary as you think it is, or might be - there are rare cases of intense bleeding etc., but the usual outcome IS manageable, the pain, the bleeding, its not so bad, so try not to be too scared! Have someone with you if you can, and have lots of water to drink so you don't dehydrate. Try to eat something light before you take it - toast with butter, soup.. nothing heavy.
If you want someone to talk too about it, please reach out to me! I am honest and detailed.
Sincerely,
Dana
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