No Heartbeat Found At 16 Weeks

17 Replies
ay0603 - March 3

I went to the Doctor for my 16 week appointment on Thursday, when the nurse tried to find the heartbeat with the doppler, nothing. She told me it was probably just the position of the baby and sent me into the ultrasound room, after 10 minutes of the ultrasound tech looking and I could see my baby on the screen perfectly, but she said nothing, she went and got the doctor, he sat down and watched the ultrasound for a minute and then said I don't know if you are seeing what we are seeing but there is no heartbeat. My heart sank, I had a normal ultrasound at 8 weeks, heard the heartbeat on the doppler at 12 weeks, and now nothing? He said that I have 3 options, go home and let it go naturally but it could take a while b/c my cervix was still completely in tact, go to the hospital and have the labor be induced by medication or a D&C. He suggested the second option of using medication to induce and set me up to into the hospital on Sunday night and told me to expect to be there a few days, the thing that got me is that he said if you want to get a second opinion, you can go somewhere else and get another ultrasound, but that they would redo the ultrasound at the hospital. He was so cold about it and this was totally unexpected to me. So here is it Saturday and I go in tomorrow and I have been a complete mess. Can anyone who has been through a similar situation give me any advice as what to expect, from what I read it is basically delivering a really small baby, will they let me see the baby, will they be able to tell if it is a boy or girl? I had my ultrasound scheduled for 3/21 to find out the s_x. I just really want to know what to expect as my doctor really told me nothing and sent me home for 3 days before going into the hospital. I have had early miscarriages before, and I have 1 healthy child, but this far along I never expected this to happen. I am just so heart broken.

 

ForOzzie - March 5

I am heart broken as well and I hope that my testimony will help you in some way. I delivered my son, Ozzie, on February 4, 2012. I carried him for 20 weeks but the doctors estimated that he died somewhere between the 16th and 17th week of my pregnancy. I had no signs! I went to the doctor thinking we were going to be able to tell the s_x and when they showed me the scan there was no heartbeat. I had had two previous scans that showed he was developing right on target. I have had 3 previous pregnancies and all three were delivered on time and healthy. I was in no way prepared for what I faced. You asked for someone to help you prepare for what is to come. I'm sure for everyone it is different just like a live birth. However, I will tell you that I went to a wonderful hospital and everyone there was very compa__sionate. My labor started when the doctor inserted a pill into my cervix. They gave me morphine through my IV and I could push a b___ton to get more every 5 minutes. I didn't need any more medication but you can get an epideral if you want. After my water broke, the pain seemed to go away. I tried to sleep off and on. The morphine made me a little naucous but I did not throw up. In the morning I felt like I had to uriniate so I asked for the bed pan. The act of me sitting up delivered the baby. It did not hurt. The placenta delivered fine and I did not need a D&C. He was 4.5 oz. and 7.5 in. long. To me and my husband he was beautiful and looked perfect. The nurses could not tell the s_x for sure at delivery. They dressed him and baptized him and we held him for a long time. I have pictures that the nurses took and I find them very helpful. We had every test ran on him and the placenta that the hospital offered, including a full autopsy. So far all tests have come back normal. Normal? This experience was anything but normal. The only thing the tests showed was that the placenta was on the small side but the doctor didn't seem to think that caused his death. We had him creamated and laid to rest on top of my mother's grave. I hope you have supportive people around you. Be prepared for people to say things that hurt you. Just remember that they don't know what you are going through and they are trying to help in their own way. Please don't hesitate to write back and let me know how you are doing.

 

beautifulpackage - March 5

I am soooooooo sorry to hear both your stories!!!!! I'm sure devastation is not the right word to use for what you must be feeling. Thank you for sharing your stories. I'm almost 10 weeks and have been very nervous throughout this pregnancy as I just miscarried 5 months ago....praying and hoping this pregnancy continues to progress and that I will be able to deliver a healthy baby. When the miscarriage happened 5 months ago, I was in shock..it was my first miscarriage and honestly I never believed it could happen to me as I had already been pregnant and delivered a healthy girl..who is now 12 years old. As I grow week to week with this pregnancy, all I can do is pray and be positive. I asked the doctor was there anything I should do in this pregnancy since I had miscarried recently....she advised I do nothing...which confirms that there is nothing I did to cause the first miscarriage...and there's nothing you ladies did either...its an unfortunate event in nature thats unavoidable it seems. Are either of you going to try to concieve again? I hope this event does not deter you from wanting another child or scare you to try again. You are both in my prayers as well as my little baby.

 

ay0603 - March 6

ForOzzie, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I was just released from the hospital today. I delivered my little girl that we named Payton yesterday, 3/5 at 11:16am, she was 6.5 inches long and 3oz and she was beautiful, I did get to hold her although I had to wait a while because I had a problem with trying to deliver the placenta, but luckily after the use of some medication I was able to deliver it and was able to avoid the D&C. My husband wasn't sure if he would want to see her but he did finally decide to. My labor was started the same way with a medication being inserted and I decided not to get an epidural. In the beginning I was so upset about my doctor making me wait several days before being able to deliver, the thought of carrying my baby around knowing she was no longer alive was horrible to me, but now I am actually glad that I had those few days to grieve and cope with what was about to happen. I also had great people at the hospital who helped me a great deal and I was given a keepsake box for my baby with the blanket she was wrapped in, and I am so glad I was able to see her and hold her. As far as people saying hurtful things, I have so far been avoiding people for the last 6 days because I know the first time someone asks me about my pregnancy, as I was already showing quite a bit that it really going to hurt me and I have no idea what to say without being completely rude. I also had an incident at the hospital because I was in the labor and delivery area of the hospital, the woman who came in to draw my blood kept asking my about my baby and about how excited I must be, I told her politely that there were some problems and it wasn't exactly a happy moment for me, she just kept going saying that it would all be fine and it made me so angry, I know she was just trying to make conversation and be nice, but it was so hurtful to me, they did have this leaf thing with a tear drop on my door which I believe means it isn't a live birth to everyone coming in, but she must not have known. This is seriously the hardest experience I have ever gone through in my life, and it is still all so new to me I'm trying my best to cope with it. This was my husband's first child as my daughter is from a prevous relationship and I know he is in just as much pain as I am but he has been so sweet and helpful to me and I am very greatful for that. I really do appreciate you reaching out to me as it is helpful to me and I am so sorry for your loss.

 

ay0603 - March 6

Beautifulpackage, Thank you for your kind words and I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy. I have a 6 year old daughter and I got pregnant with her within 2 months of a previous early miscarriage. To answer your question about trying again, When I first got the news about this baby last week I did think of how I never wanted to have to go through this again but after discussing it with my husband and realizing just how much he really wants a child as this one wasn't planned so we hadn't really discussed it too much before. we have come to the decision that we will try again after my body is healed and I have healed some emotionally. My doctor suggested to wait 3-4 months before trying again to make sure my body is completely healed and able to handle another pregnancy. So we will see how it goes. I really am hoping that we are able to have a successful pregnancy after this one and my doctor seems pretty confident that we should be able to. They ran a bunch of tests on me and the baby to screen for any problems and I will have those results in about a week. Thank you so much for your prayers, they really help during a time like this and you and your baby will be in mine as well.

 

ForOzzie - March 6

My husband felt the same way about not being sure he wanted to see the baby. He has said over and over that he is so glad that he held him and spent time with him. I have a keepsake box as well and I cherish it. I totally understand you not wanting to see people. I had extreme anxiety everytime I would have to enter a place where I knew people were going to ask me about what happened. I tried to go back to work a week after I delivered but I had a terrible time trying to hide my emotions. I am off now until March 21st and even then I know I will not want to go back. Going places has gotten easier but I always seem to zone in on babies and pregnant women. I feel like they are everywhere. I do not begudge anyone a healthy baby it just reminds me of my loss. How is your daughter doing? My girls took it very hard. My son was upset but doesn't really understand because he is only 5. Now we have to decide if we want to try again. I am 35 and I was happy with our family size before this pregnancy. Ozzie was a complete surprise but now I can't imagine how I will go on without him. I know having another baby will not replace him so I wonder if we should even try.

 

ay0603 - March 6

I am supposed to go back to work on Monday and I am already dreading it, I have thought about staying home a little longer but I am not sure which will be worse, going back to work and having to deal with everyone or sitting at home alone all day. To make it worse my employer's daughter had a baby not long ago and she brings the baby to work with her every day so I know that isn't going to be easy. I already know how you feel in regards to other women with babies, there was one in the hospital who had a baby that was born with drugs in his system, they made the family bring the baby home instead of the mother, but it still makes me wonder how women like that have full term preganacys and go on to deliver an healthy baby when clearly they didn't even care enough about the pregnancy to stop doing drugs - then someone like me who did everything right ends up in this situation. My daughter suprisingly doesn't have much emotion about it, I think maybe she doesn't completely understand, she was very excited about the new baby before all of this. In attempt to make me feel better she said mom, you didn't really want to have to raise 2 kids did you? I didn't know what to say..and I don't want my being upset to upset her so luckily she seems to be okay. When we started our relationship, my husband told me he didnt think he could have children, so even though I wanted more children I accepted that so we weren't trying but we weren't preventing it either, so getting pregnant this time was like a big great suprise to us, and now knowing that we can we both feel like we should try to get pregnant again when I'm ready. I feel like I will have an emptiness if I don't, although if i do get pregnant again that may not go away because we still lost this child and as you said nothing will ever replace her. I finally have found the perfect man to have a family with and I just want to be able to give him that so badly, he is so good to my daughter and is really looking forward to being a father. I think the decision to try again after something like this happens is individual and different for everyone and I'm sure you will after you have had some more time figure out that is best for you and your family. I am just so terrified that this will happen again and so afraid that I will be terrified the entire time if/when I am able to conceive again, the doctors tell me the odds of this happening again are small, but it is still so scary. I said earlier that in my previous relationship I had 2 early miscarriages so even in the beginning of this pregnancy I tried not to get overly excited just in case, but once I started my second trimester I pretty much let all of my fears go, I never thought of this happening this far into my pregnancy. I have to tell you how helpful it has been to me today to be able to vent to you and how nice it is to have someone to relate to in such a sad situation, people have said things to me to try to make me feel better, but they really have no idea what I am going through, so I would really like to thank you for that.

 

ForOzzie - March 7

I have also found comfort talking to you and I don't feel so alone. I have a friend that lost her baby at 32 weeks do to a birth defect. I have tried talking to her but she is almost too close, if you know what I mean. I feel bad upsetting her when we talk so I don't bring it up anymore. I am a high school teacher. When I tried to go back to work it was hard because all of my students were very upset and I felt like I had to comfort them. Plus their was a fellow teacher who was pregnant and the first day I came back she came in my room and gave me a hug. All I could feel was her pregnant belly, and it made me very sad. I just can't handle being around so many people right now. I had run out of sick days so I went back for fear that we wouldn't be able to pay our bills. 3 teachers saw how miserable I was and donated enough days for me to stay home until the end of March. I think you will find that people will surprise you with generosity that you never expected. I will pray for God to give you strength on Monday. It will be a tough day but easier ones will follow. I am not a stranger to grief. My mother pa__sed away 4 years ago. Time is the only thing that helps and unfortunately we have no control over that. I think I am starting my period today, so the pregnancy has come in full circle.

 

ay0603 - March 7

I just got off of the phone with my Doctor's office, I had to schedule a follow-up appointment for Tuesday. I was actually advised not to go back to work on Monday as the doctor felt it was too soon so I think I will just take one more week and go back the following Monday, the nurse also told me they would give me more instructions after they see me and let me know then when exactly would be the best time to go back based on how I'm healing. The hospital didn't give me many instructions so I had no idea how long I should wait to go back, the only things on my discharge papers said no baths, no driving, no s_x. I actually feel really releaved that I will get a little more time. I am having a hard time even getting myself to call the office to tell them because I know who ever answers the phone will recognize my voice and ask me about how I'm doing and I really don't want to deal with that right now. I do leasing for a pretty large apartment community and I am constantly dealing with people and I am just afraid I'm too emotional right now to deal with it. I am so sorry to hear about your mother, I know that must be hard. I have no relationship with my mother, she left when I was young and I was raised by my Dad. How are you feeling about getting your period? Was it upsetting to you? I am feeling emotionally drained today and just very tired. I had a hard time falling asleep last night so I was up unitl about 3am. Every time I would lay down I would start crying. My daughter comes home today, she has been with my dad and step-mother while I was in the hospital so I am excited to see her.

 

ForOzzie - March 12

I'm so sorry I haven't responded. I received some info about my baby last week that threw me for a loop and I haven't been on the computer since. We were waiting on one more test to come back about the baby and I was prepared to hear there was nothing wrong because that was what all the other tests had said. However, the Dr.'s office called and said he had down syndrome. I was completely shocked! I still do not understand what caused him to die. The nurse told me there are different degrees of severity and we will have to a__sume that his physical disabilities were too great. At first, I didn't want to tell anybody. I could hear their anecdotes in my head. I knew I was going to hear, it's for the best, or ,God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I am really sick of that one. Probably, the hardest thing I am dealing with now is knowing that we will not try to have any more children. We had decided if any tests showed an abnormality we would not try again. I knew my chances of a down's child increased with age, but at 35, I thought my chances were still slim. Now that I know more about him it just makes me miss him more. Even though it was hard to hear, I do have some closure now as to what caused his death. I'm glad you decided to take more time off work. No one told me when to go back either. I still do not feel ready but my sick days are running out and I have to go back March 21st. You asked about my period. It was a rough one. I was very emotional and the bleeding was heavy. The Dr. said I would get one between 5 - 8 weeks after delivery and he was right.

 

ay0603 - March 12

I was wondering if there might be something wrong when I didn't hear back from you, I am so sorry to hear the results but I am glad that you feel like you have some bit of closure, that is something that I too am hoping to have. I totally understand what you are saying about people's comments - I still don't know yet what caused my baby's death and I am already hearing the "well, just think of how hard it would have been to have a baby with a disability" - for some reason people don't seem to see the fact that we lost a baby, yes early miscarriages are a hard thing to go through but to me going through this is a totally different thing and my family is already giving me the well it's time to get over it , yes its sad but it's not the end of the world, you'll get pregnant again. As much as I never would wish the pain that you and I are both going through on anyone, I really wish my family had a little understanding of what I am going through and how much pain it is causing me. My husband is already taking about getting pregnant again and I am terrified about it, I know I could not take going through this again and he doesn't even want to know the results of the testing we had done he just wants to try again. I am so thankful for having you to talk to because everyone I know that I have tried talking to about it really doesn't get it they basically tell me to stop thinking about it and move on. I know it must be heart breaking to not have anymore children, did your doctor give you the odds on this happening again? I can understand not wanting to risk it happening again. For me, I have a huge guilt about possibly not being able to give my husband any children, this would have been his first child. I just keep thinking what if something with our genes just don't work together but he refuses to go any further with testing. My doctor told me this was probably a "fluke" and we most likely wouldn't have any problems in the future but the uncertainty about it kills me. I am so sorry to hear that you are having to go through all of this and I am always here if you need someone to talk to.

 

ForOzzie - March 13

I don't blame you for wanting to try again. If we didn't already have 3 children I would definitely try again no matter what the risk. The doctor said because I had three healthy pregnancies before the stillbirth, that was a good indication that Ozzie having down syndrome was a fluke. In my situation, I feel like the risk is too great. It breaks my heart though and I try not to think about it. When I lost Ozzie, I would have done anything to get pregnant right away and fill the emptiness. I understand your husband not wanting to hear the test results because ignorance is bliss. If you are for sure going to try again no matter what the results, then maybe you shouldn't find them out. My family is also pushing me to just get over it. Every time I talk to my dad or my sister they tell me to get on medication and go back to work. I have been on anti-depressants before and they just don't work for me. My sister never had children so she has absolutely no idea and I am trying to give her some slack. Just make sure that you and your husband make your own decisions and not worry about what other people think. I know I worry too much about what other people think about my life and my decisions. When I started to tell people I was pregnant with my fourth child I got mostly negative feedback. Who is anyone to judge? My husband and I have good jobs, a nice house, and we take good care of our children. One thing I have learned through all of this is to choose my words more carefully because they do hurt and to not judge others too harshly.

 

ay0603 - March 14

I had my doctor's appointment today, it went okay, to my suprise they didn't really do much. While at the doctor I ran into a woman that I went to high school with and haven't seen her in years and she was so happily pregnant, I was hoping she didn't see me, but she did and came over and said hello as she showed off her ultrasound and as much as I wanted to be happy for her, inside it made me so angry that she had what I just lost. It was so hard for me to stand there and carry on a conversation when seeing her was making me so upset inside. My doctor did tell me that all of the tests that have come back so far were normal, waiting on a couple more. I told my husband that I wanted the results for the tests that we already had done on me and the ones for our baby, but did agree that I would not pressure him to go through all of the genetics testing that I originally wanted to do. I just want some closure, I feel like if it is something we could do to possibly avoid a problem the next time then I would really want to know. I asked my doctor if I should be terrified of this happening again (and broke into tears as I was asking him) and he told me that although he couldn't guarantee it that he was almost certain that it wouldn't and that all of the test results were good. Although it's looking like I may never know, I would just really like to have an answer as to why, but my husband told me he doesn't because he thinks there would be some sort of resentment between us if we found out it is something with our genes or that I may blame him for it in some way which I know I wouldn't but I have decided to honor his wishes as far as that is concerned because he seems to feel very strongly about it. I am having some problems with being very light headed and dizzy so I'm going tomorrow for more blood testing and then I go back for another follow-up next Tuesday and I have decided to try to go back to work on Monday although I really don't feel up for it yet. I too find myself caring way too much about what everyone thinks. I am sorry to hear you are in the same boat as me with the family thing, My family has suggested going to a therapist and going on medication as well, and I just wish they knew what I was going through to see it isn't as easy as wake up tomorrow and be over it, this is a life changing thing. I have one sister and she also has no children and no desire to have any, she is the one person I thought I could count on for support and it is almost like she is avoiding me. My mother-law told me today how much she wanted me to have this baby and how heartbroken she was about it, and how she can't believe this happened which I think was kind of a pep talk to make sure that I was going to agree to try to get pregnant again, but in a weird way it hurt my feelings and made me feel like I disappointed her and my husband...I don't know if that is my emotional state making me read further into everything or not but it made me feel so bad for some reason. Everyone has a different idea on what they want their family and life to be, I don't believe anyone should judge those choices that you make. I think that the empty feeling may never go away completely, but I am hoping in time it gets easier. You have every right to grieve over Ozzie for as long as you need and take as much time as you need. You lost a member of your family and unfortunatly most people just don't understand the pain and loss that you feel.

 

Kat_27 - March 18

Im so very sorry for your loss hun.. 5 months ago I also Lost a baby.. I was 22 weeks pregnant...Like you , I went to the scans , but were all fine, one scan I went to , the doctor said there wasnt as much amniotic fluid around my baby as he'd like there to be, but he said he'd wait to see in 2 weeks time how my big scan went.. well my big scan came, was so excited to find out the s_x , As we already have 2 healthy girls, one 6yrs old and the other 3 yrs old.. During the ultrasound, the lady that was doing it was very quiet, and I asked her if everything was ok, and she turned to me shaking her head, and said sorry but your baby has died.. OH my god, my heart felt like it broke into a Million pieces, and i had never cried so much in my life.. I was terrified that I had to give birth to her, I didnt know what to expect and what it would feel like as my first child was an emergency c-section (after 14hours of full on labour) and my 2nd girl was also a c-section... So the very first time to experience a natural birth was this way, and it was heart wrenching to know that I wouldn't have a healthy bundle of joy at the end of it all... I went into hospital in the afternoon, they had to use 2 lots of the tablets before the contractions started... was a very long night, I finally gave birth to her 5:15am the next day.. and the baby was a little girl.. My 5yr old named her ' Lilliana Rose ',, it was so hard to explain to a 5 yr old and 3 yr old that their little sister was in heaven.. We had the doctor also do all the tests , but they couldnt find nothing wrong, only that the placenta had a couple of blood clots...She was 18cm long and weighed only a small 140grams... :( I was too scared to hold her and look at her, and now its something i dearly regret, I have photo's of her, but its not the same.. We had her cremated and not a day goes by that I don't think of her.. its been 5 months, and still find it very hard to deal with, i think the worse thing was that my younger sister was pregnant as well, there was only a weeks difference between us, so I had to watch her go through her pregnancy and deliver a gorgeous little healthy baby , it broke my heart but i was very happy for her, and i for some reason feel i have a really strong connection with my new baby niece.. she's a little angel.. I feel for you honey, and I hope you have lots of support, because you will need it... xxxx

 

ay0603 - March 20

Kat, I am so sorry to hear about your loss and I appreciate your kind words. I did hold my baby but I have no pictures at all, there were supposed to be some in the box that the hospital made for me with her blanket and information but when I got it home and finally looked in it the pictures weren't there - it broke my heart and I really wish I had them. I had a very hard time explaining about the baby to my 6 year old daughter as well, it took me two days to finally get the strength up to tell her and when I did she didn't really seem to have much emotion about it, I think maybe she is having a hard time understanding. I went back to work yesterday and I am finding myself getting very emotional out of the blue. I went back to my doctor today and received all of my test results which were all negative. I also got Payon's autopsy results today and because my insurance would not cover all of the testing they were only able to narrow the cause of death to a chromsional disorder, all of the other test results I have received before now came back normal. It really upset me this morning but I do feel like I have a since of closure more so than I did having no idea at all why this happened. I am still not sleeping like I should but I do think getting out and going back to work has been a positive for me so far. I can't imagine how hard it would be for you for your sister to be pregnant during this happening, but I think it is awesome that you were able to form such a good bond with your niece. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me.

 

mikes_babymama2012 - July 11

i am 16 weeks pregnant and i went to the ER becauce i was cramping really bad and they looked for the baby's heart beat and didnt find one im really scared and idk what to think i dont know if the baby's alive or not and its really hard on me i just lost my 3 month old son to SIDS and i dont know if i can handle losing another baby can anyone help me threw this ????????????

 

camillarg82 - July 13

mikes_babymama2012 Maybe the baby is position funny or something I'm praying for the best outcome.

 

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