37 Weeks Husbands Cheating What Do I Do

13 Replies
Anna - January 14

Hi i just found out a week ago that my husband has been seeing someone at work for 3 months now. Im 37 weeks gone and already have a i 1/2 yr old. I do have a bad temper and have hit him a few times which i deeply regret and have stopped for a long time. Thing is he says he has just been talking to her but i found texts from him saying he wants 2 b with her and ones from her saying "i miss u", he makes her lunch and changes his clothes at work every day. He still says its innocent but i don't believe him.i don't think? maybe its my hormones i don't know. I love him so much and can't live without him, i don't wanna be a single mum im only 24. I begged for him to give it another go and he said we should muddle through and see if his feelings change when baby gets here. i asked if he still loves me and he said in a way. I cant live with him if we're not together, he won't come back to our bed since sat, he's forever taking his wedding rings off and now they've stayed off. We tried to giv it another go at new year and it was gr8 until she phoned and i got questioning, then he left me again. This is the 5th time in 3 months he has left me to think bout things, how can he when he still sees her at work. He hasn't been to hardly any of my appointments but im willing to forget everything and try again but he keeps telling me to wait and stop being impatient. I don't want the kids to suffer, im a nervous wreck with high B.P and i know my other baby can tell somethings wrong. I don't think its right to use a baby to decide ur feelings, but thats all he's going on. Has anyone been in similar or could please advise. i need to make a decision to give up which i dont think i can do or to do what he says.What do u think?

 

g - January 14

I am so sorry. My ex cheated on me for 8 years on off-well al the times we were on he waas cheating. He cheats on everyone he's with. Its so hard to let go of him but i need to. We are broken up and it's for the better. He still is pulling stuff on me an d we are not even together. Look i hate to say this but if he cant stay away from this girl and stay home with you AND has to make an excuse that he wants to wait and see how he feels after the baby is born then forget him. Being a single mom is hard but whats harder is the back and forth stress of your husband doing this to you and your kids. You will know what do do in your heart no matter what we say on this forum, or your family and friends. If you give him one last chance i would not put up with this girl. Does he know you saw the text where he said he missed her? And did you confront and show him that rite then and there? I say he's not worth it. But when you are ready, you will know what to do deep down. It sounds as if he is blaming it all on you and that sweetie makes him even more guilty in my my experience. My ex tells me to call him and when i do he ignores me for a week to 3 weeks the he'll call drunk again same ol. We have a child already and one on the way and yes i believe kids do see a change in the situation even though they might not understand it. Good luck and be strong. I'm still trying to figure out how to to that myself! :)

 

yungmama - January 16

Leave him! He is making excuses and you shouldnt use the baby to tell if you are gonna stay together. That is the wrong reason and the children will see that you are both unhappy and it will effect them greatly. I would leave him. I know it is hard and you shouldn't have to but it will be best for your children and him. He has the nerve to tell you to be patient, live with him while he cheats with this other woman. You deserve better and so do your kids.

 

Anna (update) - January 18

Well, we are still living together and i decided to try and "muddle through". it hasn't worked. I don't trust a word he says now and i'm a paranoid freak. As for it being likely to work, i don't think so. He has made no effort to prove it's me he wants and also he found out that he cannot keep the house if i leave which was the plan, so i think he just sticking around for that reason. I called off the muddling through idea and told him i don't even trust that he will even stick around throughout the whole labour which is how i feel. So my mum is my new birth partner. It's really sad buti have my old circle of friends back to support me which has helped. As for my husband, i don't think we will make it. I asked him again to stop speaking to this girl but he still claims she is just a friend and nothing happened. He has however started to get paranoid himself about my phone, prob guilty conscience but he has admitted he is insecure now i have my old friends. Oh yeah the snake had the nerve to call me a slag (excuse my lang) for having a one night stand b4 we got 2gether. Any more views????

 

Layla - January 18

Anna i cant say that I know exactly what your going thru because I have never been married before but I am single and pregnant because my boyfriend of 2 years left me shortly after he found out I was pregnant. I can relate to your situation because I do know how hard it is to let go of someone you love even though you know no more good can possibly come from the relationship especially being pregnant because the thought of being a single mom is a scarey one. But u have to just take comfort in the fact that with time the pain will go away and u have these 2 little ppl depending on you to be strong and do whats best for them. The quicker u get out of this unhealthy relationship the quicker u will find someone who is truly deserving of the love of u and your children cuz this guy certainly isnt. You are making this guy your priority when to him you are only an option. Its not fair to you. Lean on your family and friends to give you the support you need and deserve. This may seem like the hardest decision u've ever made right now but soon you'll realize it was the only decision that could have been made. I wish you all the best, keep us updated, we're here for you ;-)

 

shea - January 20

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I'm crying for you right now. I know nothing I say will even influence your decision, because in order for you to go through with something you have to feel very strongly about it. and me making a suggestion isn't going to make you feel one way. But my husband knows that if he were to cheat on me then I would leave him (if I didn't kill him first). although life without him would be hard, life with him cheating would be unbearable. Let her have him honey, you're too good for him. BTW watch Diary of a Mad Black Woman. It's a movie about a cheating husband and I think you will see what you need to do if you watch it. At least I hope so... Good luck and keep us updated

 

nikol - January 20

Watching Diary of a Mad Black Woman is a great idea. I own that movie and sometimes when I start feeling sad about my situation I'll watch it and it makes me feel way better. It's such a feel good movie for people in our situation. Seriously watch it and you'll see what I mean.

 

tracy - January 22

I am also 37 weeks pregnant and don't know what to do. A couple of months ago, after my husband was very late (and very drunk) getting home from a work night out, I looked on his mobile phone. There were two messages in the inbox saying 'Thinking about you too' and 'Go home to your pregnant wife'. I went absolutely mad at him but didn't have the savvy to look and see what messages he had sent (I've always trusted him in the past and not looked through his phone before). He spent the whole weekend answering my questions, rea__suring me that he loved me, soothing me. He told me that I was misinterpreting the messages, nothing had or will happen. It was just a bit of drunken flirting. After alot of soul searching, I decided to believe him, but asked him to delete her from his phone. A couple of days ago, he came home drunk from another work do. While he was out of the room, his phone flashed up 'incoming message from...' with just a number (it would usually have the persons name). I didn't look through his phone but asked him who the message was from. He told me it was from one of his male friends, but I knew he was lying because the name would have flashed up. After he fell asleep and two hours of torment, I couldn't stop myself looking through his phone, this time looking at both sent and received messages. He had sent '...loads of time for you, luv u!', she replied 'you too but feeling ill right now'. Him 'OK but...like you!' Her 'like you too but not right'. Again I confronted him. He went mad that I had looked through his phone, but at this point he was still drunk and I had woken him in the early hours of the morning screaming at him! The next day, he told me that again, I had misinterpreted the messages, that nothing had happened, nothing will happen, he loves me. He sent me flowers and sat with me while I sobbed. He says that it is the same girl as the previous time, it is someone he works with, who he gets on with very well as a friend and likes her in that way only. He admits that they do connect but he says he doesn't fancy her. I desperately want to believe him, I think I do, but then I have a panic attack. I feel sick to my stomach, I can't eat. I'm so scared that my stress will affect the baby. If he's innocent, I'll end up driving him away with my paranoia, I can tell he's started to get irritated by my constant crying and questioning. He says I have to choose whether to believe him or not and then decide what I want to do about it. I really love him and want things to work out, but am I being a fool to myself? Can I trust him? He's told me that its me he loves and that its only ever been me. That he wants to be with me and be a family when the baby comes. He's said all the right things, but he sees this girl every day at work. I can't help thinking that, although we've been together eight years, we only married last year and have our first baby on the way, this should be the happiest time of our lives. Why is he flirting with someone else? In answer to Anna, your husband also says its innocent - do we believe them, can we trust them? I don't know but I'm so up and down at the moment, I don't feel I can make a rational decision. I'm not sure whether I'm b__wing it all out of proportion. I don't want to do something I may regret later, so I think I'll hang on in there, at least until I either drive him away with my insecurity or come to the conclusion that I'll never be able to trust him again and the stress just isn't worth it. I do feel I have to give him a chance, innocent 'til proven guilty and all that. We could be doing them a huge injustice by condemning them or am I just being naive and desperately clutching at straws? Any feedback would be appreciated

 

yungmama - January 24

Tracy, please get away from him honey. He may be saying everything you want to hear, but you are vulnerable right now and he is taking advantage of that. There is no reason for these messages. And If you ask me it sounds like he is the one making moves on her and she is saying it is not right. You deserve better and so does your baby. Please don't put yourself through anymore stress. Good Luck!!!

 

Anna - January 30

Tracy, it's Anna. I had decided to stayu away from my husband 10 days ago and live with my parents until baby is born. as he got violent with me. I went back after 5 days and he was worse than ever. I found the condom that has been in his wallet our whole marriage was missing and he said he just cleared out his wallet. He also had washed 2 sets of bedding and claimed that it was cos he had been with smokers and it made the bed smell (yeah right)!!! I went home to make a go of things but he said i will never change (my temper) that is. he is also going to the gym with this girl now. anyway i went back to mums after he was violent and still as a fool i been begging him back. He's moving out this weekend cos apparantly 2 years marriage to me has been torture and he can't live like this anymore. ironically he's got a bedsit near where she lives which is an hour from where we live now. He's also started clubbing again and even his mates are threatening to get me out the house. I had my sweep today and have been contracting ever since, told him this and he said "o" and hung up. Said he wants to be there for the birth of his boy but he will not be there to support me and play happy families when we're not. I amazingly still love him and tols him i'm having trouble accepting it's over when all he can say is you will never change, because i know i can stop being angry it's just hormones so i cling on that he's not actually saying he doesn't love me anymore. I begged him to tell me straight that he doesn't want me so i can get on with my life but he said you know i can't do that cos i have feelings for you. So why is he moving out then? He says he's frightened what he might do to me if i wind him up enough. I know he's starting Judo again for his anger like he had to as a kid. I know i deserve better but im frightened of being alone. Please Tracy don't let it get to this. He even had an asthma attack and refused to take his inhaler so i force fed it to him he got that bad. He got on the phone to his mum and said i did nothing and couldn't give a toss so they called my parents. Wouldn't that have been cla__sed as attempted manslaughter. I don't know why he hates me so much, im his wife and the mother of 2 of his children, how can he disrespect me and think so little of me to do this? I think im dillusional to think nothing went on when i think about it, and Tracy it sounds like we in the same boat im afraid tosay , just hope your bloke isn't violent to you. keep me posted.

 

Anna - February 3

Hi guys it's Anna. Well, i'm now 39 1/2 weeks, thought my waters had gone this morning, rang him to tell him to see if he was gonna come and he just said i'm going to work in an hour call me. I went with my mum and lucky 4 him it was a false alarm. He says he doesn't know if he's gonna be my birthing partner anymore as i use it against him. im sorry but who would want someone as their "partner" when they say i'm not there to support you, just to see him born,im not gonna play happy families. but i still want him there to see what im going through. I have high b.p again and got so upset yesterday i had a nose bleed, got my mum to call his to say im yet again in hospital and she told my mum that he's not moving out saturday. He hasn't told me this yet though. He also says now that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore. Oh f@*k this, just reading all the c___p he put me through on here i really have got a sad case of muppet fever. I gotta let go of this loser before he screws my head up anymore. any tips????

 

EricaG - February 3

Well, if I were you I'd be saying "I've made a decision. You're not going to be my birthing partner because I don't think you're good enough and You're definately not going to be in the room when I deliver MY baby because you don't deserve the joy of seeing his first breath or hearing his first cry. I also don't plan on letting you hold him or care for him ever because you are so reckless with our marriage that I would be afraid you'd be reckless with him. You will be getting served with divorce papers shortly and I hope you plan on fighting a hell of a custody battle mister. By the way, can i have the number of the girl you've been seeing so that I can call and tell her that she can have you because you aren't good enough for me? Oh, and by the way, you're going to have to pay to get a paternity test done, because I did a little messing around of my own a while back *smile sweetly*"

 

Tracy - February 4

Anna, I think you've done the right thing, removing yourself from the situation and staying with your Mum. Let her take care of you at the end of your pregnancy. Its not possible for me to go home to my family due to travel restrictions but I think I might have wanted a little 'time out' with no contact. This would enable you to focus on your own health and wellbeing with little opportunity for him to give you additional stress. I personally wouldn't exclude him from the birth if you believe there is any chance you may regret this decision at a later time. It is his baby too and, although this is a very personal decision that only you can make, I believe you should let him know when you go into labour and give him the opportunity to support you. If he fails you at this time, it would be unforgivable. Either way, I think you should ask your Mum to be with you as your birth partner or for additional support. You have so little time left now until the baby comes, try to stay calm and wait and see what happens during / after the birth. Good luck with everything, I hope you manage to resolve the situation one way or the other. As for me, my baby's head is engaged and I'm hoping it won't be long now. Whilst my relationship is far from perfect, and I have certainly have some trust issues, I am giving my husband the benefit of the doubt. He is not violent and wants to be there for me. I will take all the support he gives me and the baby and just see how things go over the next few months. He has hurt me, and I have made him well aware of this, but the hurt is not as raw as when I first posted and I still believe that, apart from and including the baby, we have something worth hanging in there for. Anna, take care of yourself and let us know how you get on.

 

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