Pregnancy Info HOME

Hi ladies... I may be in the wrong place here, but it's late and I am searching my heart and soul (and the internet) for answers. I am 26 years old, and have been in a off and on relationship for 3 years. We have seen other people once. Things have been pretty good the last year. I always describe it as not bad but not great either. My girlfriend and I just found out that she is pregnant. She is 30, and has a 12 year old son. HOW DO WE GET OURSELVES INTO THESE SITUATIONS?? Well two days before she told me that she was pregnant we had a heated discussion and I rationally and calmly told her that I believe it would be better if we didnt see eachother. I asked her what made us "us". what was special about us, and I asked her if she felt she really knew me. I asked her what she thought we had in common, I asked her what she liked about me, and didnt liek about me. To ALL of this she had NO answer. Nothing, nada, zip. She is the worst at communication, and I live for it. It's a must. Anyways, she is really excited about beign pregnant, but I find it odd that just a few weeks ago I was looking for an apartment and talking about how we have nothing in common and the relationship is not life giving. And now here we are talking about having a child together?! I am ready for responsibility, I really want to be a dad and a good one at that! But If I'm not happy with mom, and not truly in love any more, how do I make this work? Part of me wants to leave her a dear John letter, but how horrible is that? I know that she is a vindictive angry person when p__sed off, and if I left and tried to take part in the child's life she would make my life a livign hell! Jerking me around in the court system and visitation rights. I just dont want tha theadache. See from a mans point of view, it is easier to leave. To just start over rather than ha__sle with a really really bitter p__sed off woman for the rest of his life. Im not trying to justify leaving, I know it is not the right choice. But my hapiness is just as important as my girlfriend or unborn child isnt it?? Do I sacrafice my hapiness and my soul and stay with her just to "do the right thing" I have so many hopes and dreams, and my girlfriend shares none of them. arg....I hope I don't get my head bit off here. I just really am confused and really have no where to turn to for advice. We havent told anyone about it yet. So I figured hey why not ask some people who have been in this situation, and are on the other end of things. please be nice, i would love to hear from any of you. Thanks alot. -Confused

Confused- I'm not one to preach about this kind of thing, as I am a 21 year old single parent of 7 week old boy/girl twins. But living this life has taught me ALOT! My ex-boyfriend and I had a great relationship before I got pregnant - we agreed on everything. We were both very excited to find out that I was pregnant (they WERE planned) but when we found out that it wasn't one baby but two, we both got scared. Around Thanksgiving, he got really sick, and had to go to the hospital for it (it was in his lungs) and I didn't want to risk my unborn babies lives by staying. So I did the only thing I knew to do, I moved back to my moms house until he was better. I wasn't as scared when I was there, as I had my mom to comfort me. During my stay at my mothers house, he kept pushing me to move back into his house, and I got scared again, this time of being alone. When I didn't move back in with him, he broke up with me. Now please understand, I wasn't the nicest person during my pregnancy... I was a BITCH! I can look back and admit it now. Anyway, after the kids were born I tried to get back with him, and he already had a girlfriend, and didn't want our family to be complete. I tried everything to get him back, I even PROPOSED to him. He just doesn't want to be involved in their lives. I saw him today, and he walked right past me and the babies. Didn't stop to ackowledge them or anything. I'm not going to tell you what decision you should make, but read my story. If I could have been nicer, maybe we would still be together. I still love him, and he doesn't care. But, you need to do what you think is right, or it will never work, you would just be forcing yourself to be in a relationship that you might not be happy in. And that wouldn't be fair to you, your baby, or her. Take a few days and just think about it. Remember, there is alwauys the court system. They almost NEVER take away the fathers right to see his kids. My ex hasn't seen his kids for almost 2 weeks, and his visitation still starts the 29th. I can't even file a pet_tion to get it lowered for the next 6 months. He shouldn't get to see his kids, as he never bothers with them as it is, unless it is convenient for him. Anyway, enough complaining about my life. I hope everything works out for you. Don't let people pressure you into staying with her if you don't feel that its the right thing to do. I tried that, and it doesn't work.

Confused... I don't think it's such a bad thing to get out of a relationship you're unhappy with... even with a baby on the way. I almost think it's better for the baby to start out life with the parents seperated rather than to have them break up later and then have the baby not understand what's going on. The baby will also sense your unhappiness. If at all possible, do your girlfriend and your baby a favor though, and don't date until after your baby's born. That was the main problem I had when my ex and I broke up. He broke up with me when I was 4 months pregnant because "he didn't have time for a relationship" and then was dating a girl 2 weeks later, and engaged to her 3 months after that.. and I'm still pregnant! He put me right through the ringer (it's one of the worse experiences I've ever been through) and stress is NOT good on a baby! I wasn't so against our break-up because I wasn't all that happy either... I just thought it was really awful of him to start dating immediately afterwords, when he said he didn't have time for a relationship. Also... he's avoided me since our breakup too. So that was awful too. Anyway bottom line: In my opinion, it isn't wrong to break up when you have a baby on the way if the relationship is pretty much doomed. It IS wrong, though, to completely abandon the woman carrying your baby. So, if you break up with her, make an effort to support her in any way you can (at least try.. if she's a biatch and won't let you... then that's okay too, at least you tried). Also... don't worry about visitation. The courts will order her to give you visitation, although it may be in her home for the first few months of the baby's life. Gradually you will get more and more visitation, and eventually overnights (most likely when the baby is a toddler) Make sure to show up for ALL scheduled visitation (I can NOT stress that enough!), and keep everything doc_mented (for instance... if she denies you visitation, write the date, time, reason, everything down.. keep good records of stuff like that) and you will be fine.

katie, somethings happen with reasons and only God know why it has to hapen that way,don't feel sorry for your self instead thanx God that atleast your pregnant despite that your boyfriend left you.don't think that where he is comfortatable!,coz i believe he is being hunted by tha child your carring. but all that has happen i trust God will help you through it coz there are some worse situation than yours like even four children and they have to raise them by them self and believe me they made it. so you too, take courage and put your trust i tha Lord coz God knows why you have that kid anyway.and he will help you through it.be proud of what you have. God bless you dear.you can email me, carolyne_kinyua@yahoo.com

hiya katie that is a real shame, but he sounds like such an arsehole. its going to be hard i know and you wont be able to forget about him but is he worth being a dad to your child if he can do that to you? what type of a father can do that to a girl of such a young age and i am very gutted about it. I hope everything works out for you hun xx

Well I am 19, and 5 months pregnant. I was living with a 24 year old man. That said that he was going to be there for me and his son, He walked out on me, and now I cry all the time. I am sceard of being alone. Because I really loved him.And now he is saying that he dose not want to be in his son's life. How am I going to tell my son, that his daddy dose not love him. What do you do when you feal like your world has come to a end. I am very happy about my son, But I still miss his father, and I think about him a lot. It is so hard to do all of this alone.

Katie dont worry i'm 6months pregnant to and my ex boyfriend left me for another girl. we where together for about a year only to find out that he had been talking to her for about 10 months and with her for about 4 think of it this way there not really scared they just aren't men because i have never come across a man who walks away from his reponsiblity. when i found out he news i brokedown then i ask GOD why but the answer i already knew like yours there not ment to be in our life or in the childs if he doesnt call dont call him and if he doesn't look for the baby dont look for him don't try to be the good person like me and end up alone with regret and a hole lot of nothing i wish the best for you and your baby and be happy because when the baby is here your going to only worry about your BABY. Best of wishes keep your head up.

Katie, I was in the same or in the same position as you. My fiance' who I have been dating for 6 years who begged em to have a baby, decides that I am not the woman for him and want sout of the relationship. I found out he was talking to other women. He says it's not about the women but I know different. I was 12 weeks pregnant and from the crying day in and day out arguing and just plain stressed out had a miscarriage. I am so devastated. More that anything that baby is your primary concern. everything that happens to you affects that baby. So stop crying (or your baby will be a cryer) and look to better things. I know exactly how you feel because I was going to be there too.

I'm 9 weeks pregnant, and I am too scared to tell my boyfriend, he already has a child with someone else he never seen it, and left the girl when he found out. Yeah I know, should have known this would happen? Guess we all want to think there is a better reason, that what you know...if you believe you really love him you try and forgive him for everything? Ok it always played on my mind, i know his daughter and he doesnt!! I've never talked to him about that situation, I am a person who doesn't like confrentation, and hates being put on the spot. I find it really hard to make life changing decisions, and I am extremely scared of being alone. Since I found out I was pregnant I have been kind of denigning the situation. I am currently living at home with my parents, but I have just got a 4 by 2 rental property. I also know my parents will not be impressed with this situation, and havent told them. I have only infact told one close friend.. I dont know what I am going to do, I have no real signs of being pregnant yet, so no body has guessed. But I think I need to take responsibility soon.. He is too busy getting drunk and going to the pub with his mates, to chat up other girls... he still talks to another ex, who has two kids, only only 3 months ago, to other people not his, but she doesnt look after her children, her parents have them. i dont know...

been there, Thanks for that, but I dont know if I am ready to this with him, let alone doing it alone. Yeah once he found out about his other girlfriend being pregnant he took off, and I mean took off around Australia for about 7 months and never talked to her again, he doesnt pay anything, was living off centrelink for 2 years, they started taking $5 a fortnight out of his centrelink payments for her, i mean whats $10 a month going to do?? nothing, and he works fulltime now, and doesnt give her anything. And he is on GOOD pay. I dont know I think he is a horrible person in that way, but i always use to think there has to me more to it? there has to be more of a reason? but i dont know i dont think there is, i think he just freaks out and take off, and you know the worst thing, his single mother who raise him and his 2 brother alone, HELPED HIM TO ESCAPE. She helped him? whats that!!! im really confused, im sure there has to be something i dont know?? maybe i am just hoping he is a better person nearly 3 years later. i dont think so. i mean if i feel sick he doesnt care, so why would he care if im pregnant. i dont know, some advise would be great.

Ally let me know what happens.

Im 2 months pregnant and my bf left me. it hurts a lot, i can see how bad it would be if you were 6 months! you need to get all of your emotions out and then you need to get strong for yourself. do things that make you happy, get your hair fixed up, do your nails. Life always gets better, it has to eventually. Beleive it or not, some day he will be in the past.

Im sorry you are feeling down right now. I am 4 months pregnant and my bf walked out on me with no reasons. Like the other women here have said, take care of yourself, and focus on brining your child into the world, Don't depend on him, and start planning on being a single parent. There are usually resources in your area that can help you with support. Take care.

Im still a chicken and havent said anything to him... so scared

Ally has he noticed that you missed your period.

hahahaahahahha he wouldnt notice if i lost an arm, he only notices things that affect him. i lost a bracelet he gave me and he noticed straight away.. other things he never seems to notice.