Pregnant By A Married Man. Need Advice

1 Replies
luviano90 - January 13

I met this man 2 years ago when I started my new job. I knew he was married because he told our training class. I had no intention on talking to him, but one day it just happened he called me and we spent a long time talking about life. He told me that he knew his marriage was over within 2 weeks of being married, but never left. He has been married for 14 years and he is 41, I'm 26. He told him that his marriage was not how its supposed to be they are more like roommates, but yet somehow they have 4 children together. He claimed that he has never been in love with his wife and he doesnt know how they manage to stay together for all this time without ever being in love. Well I found out I was pregnant in November and he just recently told his wife. Of course just like any women will be she didnt take the news very well and I understand. He claims that he was ready to leave once he told his family and deal with the consequences, but when he talked to his mother in law she said something to him that he has never thought about. He said  that him and his wife have never gotten along they never considered each other feelings. Neither of them have been honest with each other. He doesnt even know how to make things right at home but his mother in law said if his actions are worth throwing away everything and walking away knowing that he never even try to make things right at home. And that he owes this to his kids to at least try. He claims at in the mist of all of this he still loves me but he is willing to try to fix things at home because if they do work out it will be worth it for his family. His wife wants me to get an abortion but he told her that that will not happened. He said she told her that in order to make this work she has to be honest with herself and accept this child bc he will be around for this child no matter what. I know I have to let him go since he made his decision, but I feel lost, I feel worthless, I feel confused. I have this man my everything and in return I got my heart broken into pieces and I feel like its too much to bare with the pain and being pregnant doesnt help. I even told him that there is a reason why all of this happened and his reason was to safe his marriage, but I feel like I dont know why my reason is yet all i know is that it hurts to let go because I'm in love with him and it looks like it is easy for him to walk away from me. He claims he is hurting too because thins is not how he thought things will go. I dont know what to do at this point. I dont even know if I want him in this childs life. I have told him that this child will have my last name and he will not be in the birth certificate he says its thats what I want he is ok with it. I have also asked him to give up his rights but he claims he really needs to think about that if that is something I want him to do. All of this is complicated and i just want to hear if there has been women in this situation before and how did all turned out. 

 

Grandpa Viv - January 27

Luvian, I feel for your heartbreak, and for the confusion this guy has thrown at himself, wife and kids. They do have first call on him. That is what marriage is all about and represents the risk you take when you cross that line.

You are not worthless. You are going to be a mother, the most important person in the world for a child. Chin up, shoulders back, look the world in the face and put on a happy face. You have made a mistake but there is no point in spending the next decades obsessing over it. Let the father still be part of the child's life, that is something it will want. You will need child support so make sure that door remains open. When you feel strong enough, apologize to his wife and assure her that you have no further designs on her husband. Make her a friend if she will accept it. Then get out there and start looking for an available man!! Good luck!

 

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