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As a husband or bf, you now know he's not good material. But he still has rights to his child, just be patient and give it time. You need some time to stop contact with him and work this out within yourself. Then later, allow him to see the child. He has really deceived you big time so I know you might even feel weary about him seeing the baby. Maybe allow him to visit while you supervise, but after you've had some alone time.

Im done w him. I am going to focus on my daughter. As i look back there were signs but i choose to ignore them . I am better off raising my daughter on my own. I am going to show her that you can't be walked all over by a man. I still do love him but theres no way i am going to continue hurting his wife cause i want him that would be selfish of me.

good for you, you know when enough is enough. There are certain things that can't be forgiven. In my humble opinion this would be one of them. I don't know how I could go on in a relationship with someone that was that deceitful. Of course you love him, that doesn't just fade like that. It will take time and eventually it will fade, but you can still control those emotions and not let it rule over your mind and what you think is best. But like I said that is big time deceit. He actually just conciously and knowingly just lied to you on a daily basis. That is something the best of us could not forgive so, I think you are strong for keeping your distance.

KUDOS to you Hawaiiangel! really thats so big of you! best of luck with the baby

hawaiiangel, does his wife have any idea about you or the baby? What explanation did he give you for lying all this time, not that their is any explanation except for he's a liar. I'm glad you found this out now instead of after the baby’s born. Keep your positive att_tude and know that you deserve so much better than that. Good luck to you and the little one.

Regardless of whether or not he is married I still feel that he should have to pay child support. Dont let him screw you. He got you into this mess and he should have to help support his child. WHY!!!??? Why I ask are men such freakin PIGS!!!

Hawaiiangel, I read this thinking you were going to be crying your eyes out wondering how you could get him to stay. Damn, I am proud of you for taking the stand that you are. That really says a lot about you that you mentioned not allowing his wife to continue being hurt. You are so right. A friend of mine from long ago, ended up in a similar situation and eventually gave in and went along with being the other woman, for many years. By the time she woke up, she had missed out on her 20's and early 30's chasing the dream of a guy who she couldn't trust as far as she could throw. Worse yet, when things eventually fell apart with his wife, he came to her. Then she was stuck with a miserable, lying man who she resented and couldn't trust and who she never really wanted to begin with. I know your situation is hard and not what you planned to have for your life, but you are so right to focus on your daughter and not let her see you be walked on by a man. You sound like a nice person who is going to make the best of things ~ I wish you the best in your future. Things will work out.

I'd suck him bone dry with child support, but I wouldn't let him see your baby. Does the wife know?

For all of you who are talking about "sucking him bone dry and not letting the baby see her father" etc... Do you all realize how selfish you are being? Yes he was a major jacka__s and no he doesn't deserve to be a part of his childs life, but that child deserves a father. Shame on you all for putting pirde, revenge and anger before the needs of an unborn child. A mother can NEVER replace a father and even if this man SUCKS MAJOR ASS AS A HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND, he is this baby's father and she deserves to know him.

krissy2006: Take if from someone who's been there twice. When you've got a horrible person for a baby's ''daddy'', you would do more harm to the child by allowing him in the child's life. Plus, getting the money that you deserve to take care of your child and provide a life for it IS responsible and has your child's best interest at heart.

I agree with you Krissy but I still think that she should get child support. He will legally be able to see his child if he is paying it anyways. He does have rights to the child.

Only if he pays for an attorney and takes her to court. A lot of men either aren't able to afford that or just don't want to. Plus, the most he will [most likely] get is visitation rights, unless she agrees with joint custody.

If he wants to be involved then you should let him. He may not treat you well but that doesn't mean he can't be a good father. Also your daughter should not be made to suffer cos her mother/father made a bad judgement. The father of my child is not a "model citizen" but i wouldn't dream of keeping him from our son and i believe that if he truely is a bad person my son will see that in his own time and make his own decisions. I do not want to be the person to hold him back. Having said that (and because i know people like to rip you to shreds on this forum) of course that excludes circ_mstances where the father is aggressive or abusive and having him apart of his childs life will be dangerous or harmful. But I would expect that if that was the case you would know that already and wouldn't be asking your question. And i think that you will be an absolutely fabulous mother, the fact that you state that you don't want to hurt his wife shows to me that you are kind and considerate and more than capable of putting others first-a quality i think is essential in raising a child. But your not really the one hurting her, he chose this situation. Goodluck hawaiianangel! I hope you have a gorgeous healthy little girl that brings you all the joy and love you deserve.

I am in the same post_tion. Iam 7 wks pregnant. And found out last week when my boyfriends wife called me, that he was married. And she's 8 wks pregnant too. I cant stop crying and i am severly depressed. Iam so in love dispite the fact that he's a liar and a cheat and i dont know what to do. I have no one to turn to and no family to confide in. He wants an abortion and I dont. He said if i decide to keep it he'll take care of me, but he was confused when he told me he wanted to eventually marry me and have and lots of kids. Confused?? Yeah right more like, skitso. He knew he was already married and had no plans what so ever to tell me. Im heart broken and very much alone.

Well said Chrissy.....couldnt have said it better my self

I agree Krissy! Just because he is a horrible husband does not make him a bad father. If he wants to see his baby then by all means let him. You wouldnt have that little miracle if it wasn't for him. It takes two. Good Luck hawaiiangel81 and I hope you make the right decision.