Should I Abort Or Keep My Baby

13 Replies
Lee - December 28

I'm 32 years old and I'm already a single mother of an 11 year old. I just recently found out that I'm pregnant and I don't know what I'm going to do! I've been in a relationship with the father for a year and a half but lately things have been going down hill for us and I've come to realize a lot of things about him that I never knew before. He's been very mean to me lately, even before I found out about being pregnant. He's about to be 31 and he has a dead end job, anger problems and I think even a drug problem that I've recently discovered. I tried discussing the pregnancy and the baby with him and he was all for it at first until we got into one of our regular fights. He told me last night as I went to sleep on the couch that he hoped I die in my sleep. He told me that he didn't want me to keep the baby and to have an abortion. I asked him if he would help me with the cost of an abortion and he said "how do I know that baby is mine", I'm not helping you do anything. I asked him what he was going to do if I couldn't afford to have an abortion and ended up keeping the baby and he told me I would need to find a father. He's become so mentally and verbally abusive to me and he's hurt me more than I ever thought possible. I've never had anyone be so mean and uncaring to me before and I've had difficult relationships in the past. I'm scared of the thought of bring a child into this world with this type of father. I'm also scared that I can't do this on my own again both financially and emotionally. My 11 year old does not know about the pregnancy but my boyfriend did mention something to her about me becoming pregnant in the future and she does not want me to have another child. I know this is not a decision for an 11 year old but she would in a sense be going through this with me. My boyfriend has developed no significant relationship with my 11 year old and I can tell that hurts her as well. We got in such a blow up last night that I asked him to move out and I'm assuming (hoping) he will be leaving today. I often think what have I done to deserve this kind of treatment and why can't I stop this. I'm not scared of loosing him because I feel I've already lost him but is it fare to this unborn child to be brought into such a terrible situation? Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. I'm about 9 weeks pregnant so I need to make a decision soon!!

 

apple - December 28

i don't believe in abortions yet i believe only you can make that choice. ask yourself the following questions, can you support this child on your own do you have support, it seems that you will not be happy with him and most likely he will be out of the picture, you are already nine weeks so you need to decide asap but please think because either way you will always wonder what if, i had an abortion in may simliar to your reasons i am a single mom of a 2 year old and i have also been in a realtionship for one year yet i could not afford another child and my family would not help anymore with my first child if i had another and not married so i felt as if i had no choice yet i do have regrats and i have to live with what i did for the rest of my life but i feel i made the right choice now i am single have a great child and i have find the lord and pray for forgiveness. best of luck put me posted.

 

neesha - December 28

I believe that if you feel that its the right thing then abort the fetus. I had one when i was in high school adn i've told myself it was the right thing to do at the time now i'm 24 and pregnant again

 

To Lee - December 28

If you feel that an abortion is the best thing for you then that is what you have to do. I would encourage you to do that or if you feel you can give your baby up for adoption I would strongley encourage that route. The only reason is you don't want this man in your life and you can't afford to raise another child. I'm not trying to be harsh or judgmental so please don't take this the wrong way. You said that you have been dating this boy (he's not a man) for a 1 1/2 years, and you have an 11 year daughter, right? Ok , first question is how long have you been living together? Why would you bring some guy home to live with you and your daughter if you are not married? Not to sound old fashioned but your daughter shouldn't have to live with some guy mommie met a few months ago. Didn' t you think that you know I don't know this man very well, he might be a child molester, so I think I will date him for awhile and see where this goes before we move in together, that way I won't have guys coming and going, that's not the environment I want my daughter to be in. The reason I'm being like this is you mentioned you've had pretty bad relationships before, don't you think you need some counseling to find out why? Again that wasn't to be mean but you made a very important comment at the end of your post and that was what did you do to deserve this, the answer is nothing. Please, once you've straighten out the mess you're in, please go in for some counseling, you don't want your daughter to end up in the same situation as you. Lee I wish I could make it all better for you but you will make the right decision for you and your daughter. Good luck to you.

 

Lee - December 30

Re: To Lee In regard to your comment about me moving in with a man I hardly know that could have been a child molester; I've dated this man for a year and a half but have only lived with him for 4 months. I would never put my child in a dangerous situation and I know your comment was to help and not to hurt but I feel that I'm a better mother than that. I'm pretty sure that everyone in this forum is having difficulties in one aspect of their life or another and at this point I don't need anyone to put me down. We all make decision be it bad or good and yes I've made a lot of poor decisions myself but I've done only the best for my daughter who is a straight A student and the best thing in my life. I'm asking for advice from you ladies on my current situation, not on how to raise my 11 year old daughter. Thanks to everyone for your comments!

 

ThunderKitten - February 4

This guy isn't worth squat. And as far as your 11-year old? Take her to see other people's babies so she can get used to the idea before yours pops out. Now about the baby- if you were in a more ideal situation, like having all the money you need, not needing child care, having a helping hand, etc., would you want this baby? If the answer is "yes", then instead of agonizing I would try to find support anywhere I could to make it work. For one thing- child support. Cut him out of the picture as far as any kind of custody, then make him pony up the money through child support. Next, lving arrangements- would you like to live with a mom in a similar situation? You two could split rent and take turns watching each other's kids. Try http://co-abode.com/ ,ask some pregnant women at the local crisis pregnancy center or abortion clinic if they would be interested, maybe even ask the local midwife if she knows someone, and so on. Also, are there any friends or relatives around to help you? So before you decide you can't do this, see if you can!

 

Lee - February 20

An update to any posters; I have decided to keep my baby because I could not go through with the abortion and decided to own up to my responsibilities and do what I have to do. I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant and doing well. I know it would have been unfair to my innocent child and I plan to do whatever I need to do to make a great life for him or her. Thanks for all your opinions and support.

 

APPLE - February 21

GOOD LUCK LEE! I would like to say look for childcare know make all your plans on what you will do once the baby is born I think you made the right choice, as i had a abortion because of what others said and i wish I didn't let us know what you had when you have the baby.

 

PromiseJubilee - February 21

ADOPTION! There are SOO many couples out there that can't get pregnant and are so desperate for a baby. I truly believe that abortion hurts YOU more than it would ever hurt anyone else. If you're interested and live near California, my email is promie@gmail.com

 

ba__s150db - January 29

Lee, I read your post and see it was several years ago. What did you end up deciding?

 

pet_te89 - February 8

PLEASE HELP!

 

pet_te89 - February 8

PLEASE READ & give y0ur opinion.... I am 20 years 0ld i have a 2 year 0ld b0y, single mother, i currently have a boyfriend.i just found out that i am pregnate!!.im against abortions...BUT i dnt have a career.i can berly take care of me & my son. my boyfriend is VERRY happy. He is in the army & is amazing t0 me and my son. He wants me to move in with him, but ive been talking t0 him about an abortion & he is not too happy about it. he keeps rubbing my stomac and i get soo man, i do not want to get attached to a bby if i dnt know im going to keep it!.it will just make things harder..Now the problem for me is that he is still LEGALLY MARRiED!. i need t0 feel c0mpletely secure and that i dont, i told him he is trying to find the simplest way to do it.but i just dnt buy it.i was with my son's dad since i was 16 and thought i knew him but as soon as i got pregnate i seen his real self & he left me he is currently having a baby by another grl. i really dont want to be hurt like that again. i am happy where im at and i feel like another bby i just cant raise & afford. i know my boyfriend really wants one and i know he will love our bby unconditionally!.he comes frm a great family and i love him.....what should i do??!!!

 

Grandpa Viv - February 12

Such a pity he is not free to marry - keepers are hard to find. If you are confident that moving in will eventually turn into marriage, go for it! Your first experience is making you gun-shy. If that is a major problem, remember that half of all American women eventually have an abortion, often for reasons like yours. GL!

 

Joy7 - February 16

Contact me if you need help purchSing the abortion pill. I did. There is a company that helps ladies in your situation

 

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