hi to all the people going through this. a few people have posted asking how i went with my birth last year and i have been so busy i havent answered. also i was hesitant to answer as i really dont have the answers your looking for.
i did however have a natural birth without drugs. it was an amazin experience. i will tell you the things i think are relevant based on what i have seen people say on this forum. firstly, there were ways around pelvic exams throughout my pregnancy. my midwives were very helpful, i recommend always use a midwife, not only are they there for your baby but they are there for you too. no one went anywhere near my v____a until my water broke. even when i had my ultrasound and tey needed a better scan and had to do it internally she only just touched the outside of my v____a, she never went in and she got what she needed. i have a good friend who has had 5 kids and is frequently birth partner for alot of people she knows. she recommended perineal stretches to aviod tearing. although she insisted i do this i put it off consistently and never did it. i also put off birth cla__ses, and i wound up with a month to go and not sure what i was going to do. i was very worried that i would have to have a c section. let me tell you now- IT IS NOT A PROBLEM! giving birth is entirely different to trying to have s_x. i was lucky for an easy birth, but still i would give birth anyday compared to trying to have s_x early on in our marriage. now i did tear slightly as the baby came out, i was surprised i didnt tear more considering my history. it was a little uncomfortable, but certainly not hard to deal with. the hardest part of my birth was afterwards when they had to st_tch the small tear and get the last of my placenta out. i used gas after my birth for this part which madde it a little easier but my friend still had to hold my legs so i wouldnt pull away or kick the doctor. also thy did not check my dilation until they were sure i was ready to give birth because thye knew i couldnt bear to do it more than once. if i was in the labor ward i guarantee it would not have been so easy, i had a midwife, and my very informed friend and a group practice midwifery group that i was in, alot like a birth centre group inside the labor ward.i was still in a hospital but it was a section of the hospital dedicated to helping mothers give birth the way they want. look it up, group practice in manly hospital or better yet, a birth centre! my labor was only 8 hours from the minute my water broke, i was very lucky. if you have a c section then you will never know if you could have done it. im so glad i did it the way i did. our bodies are made for this, contractoins just felt like a natural process and when my baby started to come out it mostly hurt because the skin was stretching, like a stinging feeling almost. but nothing like the pain we go through trying to have s_x. and that doesnt even last long, once you get through the process of the head coming out, you have a big push for the shoulders and then the rest slides out. without fear or drugs, and with faith in your own body and trust in the people around you, it is so worth doing. and do not do it lying down! there are alot of ways to do it, for me, leaning over pillows on my knees, but however you do it, give gravity the advantage.
my baby came exactly 4 weeks early, and some could say early is better cause baby is smaller but in my case, my baby was a chubby healthy 395 grams, even her umbilical cord was unusually fat! i cant imagine how big she would have been if she waited any longer tho! The doctors actually asked if my due date was right cause of her size. other than a little jaundice which kept us in the hospital over a week, she is perfectly healthy and happy and now 14 months old.
as for how i got pregnant, it has taken me this long to really figure out what info would be useful to you, since getting pregnant was a complete surprise. Whenever we tried to have s_x, it felt like he was hitting a wall. he did get inside, just a little, and that would hurt alot. one of the frustrating things was he would keep pulling out and going in again so i would have to go through the first part over and over again. once i got up the courage to tell him to keep going once he was in, but slowly we started to get somewhere. it still really hurt, and from what he tells me he hardly got in at all and there was alot further to go. but that is what we were doing when we got pregnant. someone on here said getting really turned on first helps and i agree with that. some people say use dilators or cuc_mbers! but half the battle i believe is emotional, so making out is alot more relaxing than using a cuc_mber. i suggest get yourself to a point where you really want him to do it, by doing everything else you can for as long as it takes. that i beleive is how i got pregnant, my sister after i explained it to her said with a laugh that i got pregnant because of my husbands super Pre-c_m. and that is essentially, if not crude how we did it. i asked that we stop and try again the next day because it is alot of work to try to concentrate so we stopped but he had made a bit of a 'mess' and i said you know we should probably buy condoms as you never know we might get pregnant?? he bought condoms the next day, and we were so busy the next two weeks we didnt try again, and then i found out i was pregnant. suffice to say the condoms were never used. i hope this story isnt disappointing as i can imagine you were all probably hoping for some amazing breakthrough in getting pregnant without s_x but there really isnt one. getting your partner to the point of climax inside of you atleast a little even just at the entrance and at time of ovulation is really the only way i see that it can be done without being too invasive or emotionally draining.
it took me months after birth to get up the nerve to try again, but that was emotional more than anything. once i did, now that i had more understanding of "myself" i said it feels like your hitting a wall. he didnt understand that. i spoke to my mum about it in frustration, and learned that she has always found s_x painful! which tells me she may have had the same as me, she said even now it hurts, but one thing she learned over the years that really helped was pelvic floor muscle. my birth partner had told me to try pelvic floor muscles, they say after birth you should pull your muscles up to exercise and strengthen them again. but my friend said do both pulling up and pushing out. i didnt give it much thought until mum told me that it helped her during s_x to physically push her muscles out on penetration. amazingly, IT WORKED. im sure you would all agree, that we tense our muscles up making it impossible. physically learning to push the muscles out at the right time actually stops you from tensing up and makes entry alot easier. she also told me that if it feels like he is hitting a wall, then he probably is. she said v____as are not a straight tunnel. i explained this to my husband and he made sure to move around a bit and i pusshed my pelvic floor muscles out. he got further than ever before and it is still a struggle now, especially with a baby all the time but i have to say those two peices of advice were crucial to my getting anywhere. when we are ready to have another baby we will stop using condoms and hope he is still as super as before. lol i am going to try the perineal stretches that were recommended to me tho, now that i am more comfortable, i would like to not tear next time. i hope i have helped by telling you this, and feel free to ask me any questions. dont give up, it is so worth it.