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Hey guys,
I am 18 years old, have my own car, house and a WONDERFUL father figure for my future children, we have been best friends since we were 4 years old. I have desperatly wanted children since I was 16 but knew I would have to wait, my financial situation is 100% clear and I have a WONDERFUL job, I accepted a traineeship with a childcare centre after leaving year 11 last year. I also am a live out au pair for 6 girls as soon as I leave work, so from 8-5 I am at the Childcare Centre and from 5-6am I am with the children. I have enough put away so that I am able to have 8 months off with my first born and plan to get re-pregnant 2 months after having my first. My guy pal as we should call him is NOT my boyfriend, but my best friend, I do not want a relationship and am extremly independant. He would play a very active roll in my childrens life, my aunty and uncle have this kind of relationship, their children have never seen their parents fight and they spend plenty of time together, its a far better relationship and Its what i plan to follow with Keenan. My family are 100% supportive and I believe I am stable in every aspect. The problem is, last year I was forced to quit school midway through year 11 after my brother commited suicide. I struggled with Agoraphobia and would only leave the house after 6 months when offered my traineeship, as it is my dream job and I knew I couldnt fall where my brother had fallen. Occasionally I get rebouts of this and find it very hard to leave my home.. Its rare but it is mildly there, and 90% of the time im 100% carefree but there are times where I crash, would you say it would be stupid to try for a baby when I have this issue? Ive overcome it VERY far and know i HAVE to work so I do, but im worried It may affect my child.. What are your oppinions? am I safe to go ahead and try? Everything is literally perfect, but I do get a lot of critism for even thinking about a child when 1 year ago I couldnt even walk out to the letterbox.... am I being selfish?
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I don't think it's the Agoraphobia you had a year ago that should prevent you from doing this, it is the relationship with the father. I too know of a couple who are just friends who had a child and it worked out well for them, but let's face it, this is not the ideal situation for a child. The difference for you is that you are only 18 years old, not that I feel 18 is necessarily too young for a baby, but you have all the time in the world still. You may find (and most likely will) that in the future you are going to meet the man of your dreams. But you already have a child with someone else who will now be from a broken home. Is it so terrible to not have the birth parents together? No, I mean, I think the vast majority of us have had to deal with that. But, IMO, it would be so much better to wait a while and see how your life pans out. There is nothing better than raising a child with both happy parents together. If you were 35 and still ot happy in a relationship, I could understand a little more with the clock ticking. But you are young enough that you have plenty of time to make the good things happen. Don't rush it now because you want a child (and I was the same way at 18). Gather up some willpower (not easy, I know, lol) and wait....do it for what is best for your future child. Just my 2 cents. Good luck in whatever you decide.:)
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P.S. I don't think you are being selfish at all (to answer your last question). I selfish person would not even take the time to consider whether they are ready or not. When the time IS right for you, I'm sure you are going to be a fantastic mommy. Good luck!
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I agree with Bonnie. You may not want a relationship, but I think that your children will benefit from a sound relationship. Maybe you should take time out for yourself, and deal with any issues you have. I don't know if you know who Paula Dean is but she is a famous chef on the Food Network, but she too suffered from Agoraphobia, at least it is good to know that you aren't the only one. I think that maybe you should wait, and re-think your relationship ideas, there is nothing wrong with marriage. God Bless and Good Luck
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 | Mel - November 16 |
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You have a wonderful "father figure" for your future kids? i think that says it all.
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You're ONLY 18 years old regardless if you have a father figure or not. What happens with you turn 21 and want to go out drinking on the weekends? How are you going to handle that with a 4 year old? Or how are you going to handle when everybody is going to parties, concerts, bars, you're at home changing diapers, taking care of the kids. Live your life a little before you decide to start a new one. You've only just begun your adulthood to give that up right away and go right into the next chapter in life? If you crash and realize it was a mistake, there are no return receipts for babies and it will affect THEIR lives. Life becomes not only about you but them. Remember that when thinking about being selfish
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 | *X* - December 8 |
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I'm sure there's a possibility that you're quite capable of being a wonderful and loving parent (though I worry about the agoraphobia bit). That said, you'd be cheating yourself. You still have a lot of growing and self-discovery ahead of you (*especially* between 18 and 25), and you'd be missing out on a lot of independent life experience by starting a family now. Take some time, get an education (i.e. finish high school AND college), and do some travelling. It would all be MUCH harder to do after having kids than before, and those are wonderful experiences you don't want to miss. I've waited until my 30s to have kids, and if I had to do it all over again, I'd do the same thing.
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