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Okay so I guess this is my way of venting. First off let me start by saying I love my wife and our daughter more than anything, they are my world and everything to me. I've never needed anyone to be happy until I met them and that scares me. Just the thought of letting them down sickens me. The day she told me she was pregnant was the greatest day of my life. I couldn't wait to tell everyone, kinda like I can't wait to show everyone my beautiful wife and daughter, I don't know, I am just so proud to have them in my life. Now we have another little one on the way and like I said the day she told me she was pregnant I was overwhelmed with a happiness that you couldn't believe. We weren't trying but we weren't not trying. The thought of having a kid together had been discussed, after all we were planning a wedding so it just seemed right to let God work his magic. Things were going great, I had the best daughter anyone could ask for and the woman of my dreams was now 5 weeks pregnant carrying our unborn child. I couldn't believe the way my life had turned around so fast but I embraced it with open and loving arms. Now, don't get me wrong, I've heard stories of how women respond to the hormones that over take their body when they are pregnant but didn't actually think they were true. Granted from what I've read recently this is nothing and I am truly blessed to have a wife that doesn't just bite my head off every time I say or do something so I'm not complaining at all, remember I am only venting that's it. Anyways, as I was saying, I love my wife with all my heart but since she's been pregnant things between us have changed and that scares me as well. A change is to be expected but I never thought it would be such a change as this. Four days before we found out she was pregnant she called our wedding off for the time being, I don't think she knows how much that hurt but it was the worst feeling I've had in my life, the woman I loved wasn't sure that she wanted to make that commitment just yet. It could have been a lot worse, trust me I know but it still hurt none-the-less. When the
day she told me we were expecting came I was at work, trying to stay busy to keep my mind off recent events that had happened between us when she text me and asked for me to call: "hey what are you doing? Guess what? I'm pregnant!"! I couldn't believe it I was so happy, I didn't even know what to say. I was in shock for the most part but in a good way. Naturally, this had opened up a whole new window in our relationship. We discussed the situation, which we were both happy about, and decided to put the wedding back on. I was extremely happy about this as well, though I was kind of scared that it was only about the baby and not about what she really wanted but I loved her and trusted that it wasn't. I just didn't want her marrying just because she was pregnant or any other reason except she loved me and wanted to be with me. Things were going great again she was talking again and truly seemed happy to be with me. She has never been one to let her emotions just spill out but when someone takes the time out of their day to let you know that they love you and they are thinking about you, then they usually do and are. Then like that it just stopped one day, no more random I love you's(those used to make my day), at times it even felt like she had to force herself to kiss me, and there was very little affection shown at all, no cute I love you messages on myspace or facebook which were always such a great surprise to read. I'm not laying blame on her, I know this is a difficult time for her as well. Her body is changing but she is still the most beautiful woman in the world and I think she looks amazing. On top of that her hormones are raging, the achy body, and the morning sickness she got through out the day, I mean I felt so bad I couldn't do anything to help with it besides offer comfort which she seemed to tired and sick to even want. I mentioned earlier that I've never needed anyone to be happy until I met her so you should know that if mamma's not happy then daddy's not happy. I trust that this is all normal and once everything settles down then things will get back to how they were before the pregnancy, well, except the fact that we will have a wonderful new edition to our already beautiful family. I guess I could just use some reassurance from her from time to time. I wouldn't stress myself out about it so much if I only had that. I know she has so much on her mind and I'm probably the last thing she worries about, at least it seems that way at times, but I'm scared too. Does she resent me for her being pregnant? What if I fail them and can't give them everything they need? I think about these things everyday. I hope I'm a good husband and father to them, I'm going to try as hard as I can to be but what if it isn't enough? I hope love and faith in God is enough to pull us through the hard times. When it boils down to it , that's really all I have to offer. I don't have a great job, I make decent pay but nothing great, my parents aren't loaded but would help me if need be and I have really yet to decide what I want to with my life as far as work related issues go. Really, the only thing I do know is I have an amazing family and will do whatever I can to provide for them, I love them dearly even though things aren't perfect and they probably never will be , as long as we keep working at it and communicate everything will be fine. Love is not perfect, it survives with friendship and affection. When a relationship goes sour, its usually because of lack of affection between both partners, this happens because they know they have each other, and they don't feel like they have to do as much for one another. Let me tell you I will never get tired of telling her how much I love her, nor, will I get tired of trying to make her feel like she and our children are number one, they are most important and above all to me. I guess what I am asking is this normal an is there anyway to get her to show some affection or should just leave it be for now and see how it all plays out? Advice would be great, thanks.
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