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Bugs9008 - April 7

My wife and I recently got pregnant. As of now she is starting her second trimester. Shortly after finding out not only about being pregnant, but seeing our first ultrasound she tells me she is unhappy and apparently has been for a couple years. I do admit that it hasn’t been all roses and rainbows, but we really weren’t the type of couple to fight a lot after that first year. We have been together for 5 years and within that time married for 10 months. After the first 5 weeks after the first positive at home pregnancy test she started hanging out with a friend from work (who is male and works third shift). She saw him starting any time from 8-10pm and not getting home until 1-3am. At first I voiced how inappropriate I thought this was and how I believed this would be unhealthy for the marriage, as I’ve only ever saw this in marriages that failed. She insisted on going and ensured that nothing was going on. I trust her completely and knowing that she wasn’t the cheating type, gave in and dealt with the stress and anxiety from it. I later learned that this was the final nail driven in to the coffin. She opened up about being unhappy and how this guy is who she intended to start seeing. We of course went through hard conversations and arguments about it. I later learned that every night she went over there he would invited her to eat dinner with him (no matter how small the meal or reheated leftovers he had) and she would always accept. She then told me of her full intentions to have s_x with him even while we were still married. This, of course, I was not ok with and tried to convince her otherwise until the baby was born. After fighting tooth and nail to try to voice my opinions on the matter, she told me that she spoke with him and how he wanted to wait so she didn’t have to go through anything too stressful when it came to the baby. I kind of respect him for that. When talking to her about it, she openly said she didn’t see any of this as cheating and how I wasn’t taking his feelings into consideration. She claims when she is over there, everything is innocent and g rated between them. However, she recently started to leave for his place every now and then between 4-5am with a change of work cloths and wearing nothing but PJs and regular underwear(no bra) which leaves me laying awake at that time thinking the worst. I don’t know if I completely trust that everything is innocent over there and it hurts to watch all of this happen. She will occasionally have a sinner with me and has agreed to go see a movie with me in the near future, so it leaves me with a little hope. A couple of my close friends believe that she will realize when the baby is born that everything we planned is what she wanted in life and she will come back to me. This is both our first baby, and I didn’t think it would be like this. She claims she married me due to pressure from her family and peers and how she not only felt it was her duty as a future wife, but that it would also help the relationship. She even got pregnant to try to save it, but later told me “it was just s_x, no feelings behind it”. All just to get pregnant, which hurt since we tried everything for a year to get pregnant, and even planned it around her cycles. We had money saved for a house and many future plans, and it’s devistating to let it all go. We recently filed to get the divorce papers, and haven’t received them yet. I don’t want my child to live in two homes like I did, but I don’t want to try to save something I shouldn’t and cause more hurt. We are a few years apart and some people believe that didn’t help. I am 29 and she is 23. It’s sounds odd, but she was very mature with a 5 year plan at the time. She didn’t feel like she was young. Maybe it’s all too much for her at a younger age. The guy she is seeing is 27. There is a whole other story for that side though. I want to believe that she is being innocent with him, and that there is a chance she could still come back. She claimed the second she decided it was over, it was cut and dry she was done. I don’t know what to do...



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