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Chiquita10, Hello....thanks for your post. My triggers are exactly the same as yours. I am so grateful to have read your story. When I hear of child abuse, I literally could cry and/or get sick. I have such a strong reaction to it. I am wondering how the Lexapro worked for you and if you tried any other meds? I tried Prozac and Zoloft and was so tired that I could hardly function. I have always wanted 3 children and don't want my OCD to get in the way of that....I doubt that meds are safe to take while pregnant....but just wondering how you are doing? Thanks

Hi my name is Brandi, I have a sweet heart of a boy he is 1 year old. I to suffered from PPD OCD. Though I'm no stranger to anxiety or panic attacks I knew this was something scary. I swear I thought I was going to be on tv for doing something bad to my child! I have to say that I want to give everyone some hope, I did seek therapy from someone who knew about ppd ocd and she helped me do some expose with my son in the room and 5 appointments and I really had no need to go back. Now I was not 100 percent better but over time I got better. I got busy loving him even if it hurt and I got busy working on me, I lost all my baby weight and then some getting in to a size 8 again, when I was a 10 before I got pregnant! I got a routine going with my son which my husband and I both still have for him, when he eats, when he naps and when he sleeps and helps me know whats coming.... So there is your hope! I know it can get better its just scary as all get out when it happens and the thoughts wont stop coming and you are like omg where did that come from? Are you serious why did I think that? Does that mean I'm really going to do that? That is called fortune telling ( saying the future before you know) scaring yourself basically. If anyone ever needs to talk you can message me on Yahoo or email me on yahoo at brandi.southern at yahoo I would be more than willing to chat with you, its hard to do this alone, but you will make it.. and you WILL NOT EVER HURT YOUR CHILD, people who are scared to hurt there child are the ones who wont, its the people who dont care who do.... Think about it that way, just like if you FEAR you are going crazy your not, because people who go crazy just go, they dont know.. they dont fear it for sure.. Think on those things, they help lessen the b__w. Now on to present 1 year and 6 days from my sons birth I'm 11 weeks pregnant again! I found out a few weeks ago and I have been SCARED to death this will come back again! I did not take meds and personally I wont take meds, so I know if it comes back its going to be a long road, the only person I told was the therapist and I might have joked with my hubby about some of my fears, but he told me it was just being a first time mom and we all do it, which hey it could be true we could have all been scared and the opened the flood gates on the what ifs!! Who knows.. my question basically is Does anyone have baby number 2 yet and did it come back and if so was it less of a b__w and did you handle it better unmedicated? Thanks everyone!! And God knows there is hope have faith. I myself have had some OCD moments when I found out I was pregnant and it scared me.. but I feel more better since I calmed down, about it... but anyways please let me know .. Thanks in advance Brandi :) Mother of 1 and soon to be 2 :P

Brandi.....I had a boy my 2nd time around and I did NOT have a drip of PPDOCD or Psychosis ....:) theres hope oout there........if you need to email me you can at m_sweetgurl at hotmail.com :) hope to hear from you to share our stories Blessings to you and your new coming addition. Please email me if you want to. Michelle

I suffered from the PPD OCD with my first daughter who is now 7. I spoke to my doctor about it and she gave me Zoloft to take, but after 3 or 4 days of taking it, I was lethargic and not myself. I stopped taking it when my husband noticed it wasn't working for me, and strangely enough, the thoughts didn't come back as strongly as before. When she was 5, I had my second daughter. The PPD OCD came back, but it wasn't nearly as difficult this time around. Maybe the fact that I hadn't harmed my first baby gave me confidence to ward off the PPD OCD this time around. Now my second daughter is 2 today and well, sometimes the thoughts still come, but they're nothing I worry about acting on anymore. I hope this gives you hope with your second child and sincere congratulations to you!!! Laura

Thank you all so much for the comments and the reasurrance, I dont think it will be as bad my second round as you all said, I mean I love my son and we are great together now! I mean I would die without him, so maybe knowing and trusting that I was ok with him I will make it this round! I have faith in god and myself that I can do this! I myself do suffer from regular anxiety and panic and I have to say this pregnancy is a killer on that front! Since its so different I'm hoping a girl!! Even thought it would be less expensive to have another boy! Oh well we will see and I will keep this updated, I hope more come here and see this who are scared and alone! Women just wont come out right and talk about this and I think its more common than we think! Good luck to you all and congrats on some of your recoveries! So proud! :) Please feel free to Email me anytime I would love to chat about this disorder if you want brandi.southern at yahoo . com

Hey mama, I just wanted to say i had started this post when i was prego with my 1st in 07 or 08 and had the WORST psychosis and OCD and post partum you could imagine. I wont get into detail because your looking for good news which I HAVE!!!! :) I actually DID NOT have anything with my 2nd NOTHING no baby blues nothing. I did go back on my anxiety meds for seizure reasons after my 2nd but thats it. I am truely blessed and I feel you will be tooo. :) Blessings email me at m_sweetgurl at hotmail.com if you need further help or someone to relate to. Blessings Michelle

Hey Michelle, Thanks do much for the good news. I really had a hard time too at the beginning and it's wonderful to hear there's a light at the end of the tunnel or an oz at the end of the yellow brick road. After I wrote this post, I went to buy some diapers. I only had 5 minutes so I was really rushing and ended up buying the wrong size. I just forgot! And now I feel like this horrible mother and I'm all anxious and panicky. But I know it's stupid and maybe because the withdrawals are stronger today. Ugh. Oh well. My boyfriend just suggested we give them to his brother?! No problem right? Then why does every mistake feel like this big deal? Did you have any weirdness when coming off your meds? Or did you not take any? Anybody else? By the way Michelle, I've seen your posts all over the place and you really put a lot of hope in the mamas hearts. THANKYOU so much. Your words are truly a blessing for those of us who struggle with this taboo topic. Mary

I haven't been here for ages. I was doing really well. No meds (I just can't take them for many reasons), and just seeing a counsellor etc. Well, my OCD was all but gone, and I just had the odd depressed half a day, which is normal for me, and manageable. I fell pregnant unexpectedly three months ago, when my second was only three months old. So, was going great and then, BAM, the pregnancy hormones sent me into a tailspin and the OCD is back in force. I started almost not taking my 4 y.o. to kindy because she 'might get meningitis'; I would hardly breathe at the doc's 'in case I catch something'; I started googling disaster things and meningitis stories; had panic attacks, heart palpitations, waking in the night in terror and wanting to pack the kids up and race to the country 'in case there's a tsunami'... lol. You get the picture I think. It sucks that I know just how ridiculous all these thoughts are; so at the same time as I'm panicking, I'm fighting the rising surge of panic, trying to breathe deeply and tell myself it is all in my head. My doc wants to put me on meds, but they do nothing for me at the best of times, and I'm pregnant so want to avoid them. Anyway, what I wanted to say is this: Over the past few years, dealing with this without meds, I've become increasingly better at just letting the thoughts go. I have thoughts, bad ones, constantly. Awful disgusting ones, panicky ones, you name it at the moment due to the hormones surging through my body (most likely due to the babies being only one year apart). That stressed me out so my brain just fried... but anyway, I'm coping. How? Just that... letting them go. I get a twinge of "Oh dear God I'm a terrble horrid mother, a sick and disgusting person..." Blah blah blah, and then just go, "No that is the stupidest OCD thought yet. I'm not a bad mummy at all." And whatever I do, distract myself, watch a sitcom I like for 10 minutes, go outside for a walk, or even just make a cuppa... I let it go away. The truly awful moments and thoughts do tend to linger for a few days and come back occasionally, but what I'm trying to say it this: They have as much power over us as we allow them to have. I just think, these days... 'Oh well. It's just my stupid OCD again.' And then just get on with life. :) Not to say it isn't making me suffer. But I do know in my heart that with time it will lift again. It's worth it, to have my babies. And I know I am no danger to them, as it's just OCD. But I guess at the moment, I get a bit down sometimes about it. I just want it to go away. But I need to be patient, and let it go all the time, and it will.

Happ2be Im sooooo sorry sweetie....as you know i started this post because back in 07 or 08 when i started it NO ONE talked about it or even wrote much about it so I begged on here and now its flooded. Im much of a typer so this will be short and sweet everytime BUT my story is this i got prego my 2nd time and it went great and i think you may want to consider the meds just to get back on track for awhile with a counselor like your doing and go from there. I hope you all buy my book on PPDOCD as well and a book on DID too its a book combined it will be coming in 2013 and I think it will touch all your hearts i hope :) anyways does anyone have a name they want to call it i am willing to honor a name that NO ONE has :)....ok well Happy 2 be i wish you all the best in your journey in life and no harm to you may we pray now.....dear heavenly father as we lay our hands on happy 2 be may be bless her and touch her heart and soul and get rid of those demons and bad terrible thoughts that ALL Of us ladies on here have had. May she be able to hold her little ones without fear and be able to be happy again. May she look back on this not as a weakness but as a strength o heavenly father and may she and her counselor be able to work thru the PPDOCD and any other issues that may arise and rid of them. Thank you dear lord AMEN. Thank you for writing on my post tonight as you have touched all of our lives on here and we all wish you the best. Please keep us posted on yourself and your kiddos and how your progressing I would be more than happy to pray with you at m_sweet at hotmail.com if you EVER need it or someone to relat4e to or good news. May god hold you goodnight ~Michelle~

Mary I am so glad you wrote on my post tonight. I wish you all the best in you journey in life and I hope you cont to write on here to update us all. :) I am so happy your doing ok and yes i do take meds for seizures and i think its for anxiety too. Anways i had the withdrawls from meds too and it lasted about 2 wks or so than tappered off ........like i said i will pray with any of you that needs it as we all need it once in awhile in our lives. you know my email just email to me and i will email back :) may god be with you and hold you and your kiddos tight and to NEVER let go and look back on this as a strength not a weakness ...........I need to share my full story but I cannot right now as im binded to this book that comes out next year so they made me write a form saying i would wait to talk a lot about it until after it releases. i do alot of press conferneces to OBGYN's and Reg MD's about this disorder with my psych its nothing to mess with thats for sure and its not to be taken lightly i can say that much. If any of you are struggling with it email me or message me on here and i shall help you. thats why i started the post to begin with ....i have had a fulll hysto after my 2nd so i cannot have anymore kids which i look at as a strength because I dont ever want to get that disorder again so I just took care of the issue :) I dont think that is for everyone though. But I do want ALL OF YOU TO KNOW that im here for you all.....whenever you need me im here. :) God Bless you all ~Michelle~

Hello Michelle, it's nice of you to try to help whichever way you can, and as you are religious, that means praying for me. However, I don't believe in God, not like you do anyway; and I don't like it when people try to force their religions on others, be it Islam, Christian, or anything else. So please try to remember in future that not everyone believes the same things as you do, and that's ok. Also, I don't believe that I have "demons", as it's a problem purely located in my brain. I also can't see that you started this thread. The first post was in 2005 or 06, by someone calling themselves "A", and it looks like it is a different person to you, just by their writing style. Also, this thread was started purely for the purpose of discussing PPOCD, not psychosis, which you claim to have had. If you wish to discuss that, it could confuse the issue for women trying to discuss what this thread was started for: PPOCD. If anyone else would like to comment on my post, I would appreciate it as I could use some other input/discussion and support.

Happy 2 be I dont recall FORCING a religion on you and what you do in your time is your business. I am happy for you that you are doing better but the hatred in that last letter im going to say is just plain wrong and yet rude. I was simply just TRYING to help you i had NO IDEA that you were non religious and i am very sorry i offended you. I am not one to offend people at all i am a very loving sweet person and feel you attacked me on a level that was inappropiate. Yes your correct i didnt start this post i started a different post sorry i was incorrect but you realllllly need some manners. I was completely taken off guard by your response.......i will no longer be helping anyone with my wonderful story and recovery as i apparently offend people on a whole new level :( I feel sorry about you feeling like i was forcing religions on you i was simply praying for you i happen to suffer from a disorder that causes me to forget what i do at times its call DID look it up if you dont know what it is...i also suffer from OCD and have religious rituals and i tend to pray for people as im afraid they will die if i dont its a personal issue of mine that im in therapy for 8 years now n writing a book on my past present and future. I sincerely hope you can forgive me and understand where im coming from. Thanks ~Michelle~ :(

happy 2 be by demons i meant the bad thoughts by the way i didnt mean acutual demons in real life. i read my post and i felt it was sincere and thoughtful. i do understand where your coming from i should of asked before prayer but im sorry in therapy we always pray together and im use to that. I hope none of you's were offended also......i truely am trying to get my story out their and you were all nice to me and then BAM like hating me .............kinda strange. anyways i hope your ok and i wish you the best in life. thats allllll im going to say. thanks ~Michelle~

Thanks Michelle, Just because I have a difference of opinion to you, doesn't mean I hate you. I just felt ent_tled to voice my opinion; I didn't say anything in a nasty way. Take care :)

Actually I was worried about you to Michelle, but I feel that a lot you went through might not be strictly related to OCD and PPD. I dont think anyone was being mean!! Update from me! I feel great! I'm 16 weeks with the new baby and of course no worries with the old 1 year old anymore :) Thank god, I'm going to have a great out look on this one and if it comes back it does I will beat it I did it this time and your only as strong as your weakness ones was! So I will make it! I dont need mediation, Therapy though does help wonders and did well for me last time if I need it this time I will seek but I feel I can deal with it! I have to stay in a strong positive mind set! Good luck ladies :)

Actually I was worried about you to Michelle, but I feel that a lot you went through might not be strictly related to OCD and PPD. I dont think anyone was being mean!! Update from me! I feel great! I'm 16 weeks with the new baby and of course no worries with the old 1 year old anymore :) Thank god, I'm going to have a great out look on this one and if it comes back it does I will beat it I did it this time and your only as strong as your weakness ones was! So I will make it! I dont need mediation, Therapy though does help wonders and did well for me last time if I need it this time I will seek but I feel I can deal with it! I have to stay in a strong positive mind set! Good luck ladies :)