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yay i read this and am so proud of you!!! good job mama! it takes a lot to ask for help and then go thru it. you did good! talk to me anytime on yahoo im pretty much always on and would love to hear from you about how you and the lil one are doing :) talk soon Blessings to you and your beautiful family michelle

I have had this too!I would worry about even touching people cause maybe I meant it in a bad way. Here recently I was changing a diaper and was thinking maybe I'm doing it in a "bad way" or something but I did it anyway.Now I have convinced myself I did something horrible and bad to my baby because I wiped her!!!It's put me in an awful depression cause I feel I acted on it because I wiped her anyway.

Thank goodness for this discussion, because without it I would think that I was going crazy. My baby boy is 7 months old and within the last 2 months I have had extreme anxiety and depression when it comes to my son. I've started seeing a therapist who has helped with some issues, but just today I realized that I'm becoming obsessed with my thoughts. For instance, I'll be fine and then I'll say to myself "Wow, you are doing great, you haven't had a bad thought in a while" and bam - I'm right back to being anxious and worrying again. My biggest unwanted thought right now is that someone will hurt or molest my son. It's driving me nuts and I can't seem to get it to go away. Also - because I'm already anxious, the thought that I never wanted children pops into my head. So needless to say it's a vicious cycle in my head. I'm currently on 150MG of Zoloft and 5MG of Zyprexa; however I'm beginning to think that I need a change. I will continue to follow this discussion as I see it as a coping tool.

Hey Y'all, forgive my writing because I am using my phone during a road trip. I wanted to come back and mention that I'm doing sonmuch better since January. I truly have never felt better. My relationship with my child, my husband, and my thoughts are pretty dang stable. I have learned the correct way to deal with intrusive thoughts and obsessions with only the help of a wonderful therapist. I am not on medication to this day, ibhavent been since December of 09. I have helped myself and I am so proud to say this. I was scared just like all of you. Being scared though is exactly what hurt us. When I realized that if I scare myself it becomes constant and when i think a thought and put NO emotion to it, it just filters through.... I move on and then the thoughts don't become a problem for me. I know how it cam be worrisome hat you have The thoughts in the first place, however if you understand that they are only thoughts and nothing to live by always .. You can put things into perspective. did i worry that If I had these thoughts and now without emotion bat they would become real? Yes. Ibworried about them still. If that made sense. I have learned to handle these and I feel so much better and soncan you. I am no longer scared about my future and I am willing to have another kid. My herapist is so supportive of me and she has similar stories to tell about her thoughts. She is a blessing but truly I am the blessing to myself and you can be to yourself. Our future can not be so worrisome. Thoughts will always be there but we have to learn how to handle what they mean to you. Again, I wanted to give a positive outlook to a scary time. Take care of yourselves and marvle in the good. It makes all. The difference. If you would like o email me feel free. Lindsayrae4 at gmail. I'll be willing to help and talk with you if you need to let it out. I know that telling someone is the first nice release and the rest gets better :) thanks ! Yay

Hi, my new beautiful daughter is about 8 weeks old, and I've been diagnosed with both Bi-polar and OCD for over 3 years. A month before my little one was born, I had a serious battle with both disorders. My sleep became broken up and then reached a point that I could not sleep at all. I had full b__wn insomnia for two some weeks, and reality because I could not control my racing obsessive thoughts about the baby. I truly started to lose my grip on reality, and believed that I was a horrible monster that deserved death. But I was pregnant, and so I wouldn't consider suicide as much as I wanted to end it. I became fearful of sleep- almost believing that if I were to fall asleep then I would hurt someone. It was the scariest thing I had ever been through, and I felt completely and utterly broken-stuck in a world that didn't even exist. Stuck in thoughts that weren't real. Unable to sleep and process them rationally. I suffered from horrible shakes, convulsions, hot sweats, cold sweats, throwing up everything I tried to eat. My partner started to become more and more frustrated with me. He was adamant that I "just get over it" and avoid the hospital all together. Eventually, I had to go. The nurses found out how suicidal I was, though I kept reiterating that I wouldn't do that for my daughter. I was hospitalizied and misunderstood. The nurses were nervous around me. They believed I wanted to hurt my baby, when really, all I wanted was to keep her safe from everything. Including myself. I considered adoption, but a therapist there coached me through telling me I would be making a mistake. And I knew that was something I truly didn't want. I didn't want to base a decision completely on fear. I wanted to base it on love. And I loved my unborn daughter with a fervor I had never known. I was in and out of the hospital because I wasn't to be placed on certain medications until after the birth. But I made progress. I met a pyschiatrist who knew what he was doing. I had a psychologist who knew me well over the course of four years. These doctors and therapists helped save my life. I was so scared I wouldn't get better fast enough and that my partner would leave me and that social services would take my daughter away. After she was born, I was on my way to recovery and now 8 weeks later, I'm not cured, but I'm making progress. Some days are worse than others, and I'm still trying to find the right combination of medication and therapy. If anyone has any ideas, let me know. Just seeing that there are others there out like me helps remarkably. I've felt so alone for so long. Thankyou.

Hi mamagreensleeves You're a brave and loving soul. My wife had terrible postpartum depression and she got through it. Here's a suggestion or two: Take a good quality Omega 3 supplement. Personally, we use Herbalife's Herbalifeline. One of my friends is a psychologist and homeopath. I believe a combination like this can work wonders to cure postpartum depression. Keep on loving your baby and your husband. No one can resist continuous love. Regards, Francois

can anyone share there ocd story and hoe they got through it

can anyone share there ocd story and how they got through it

Saymo...hi there. I'll tell you a little bit what happened to me. While I was giving my daughter a bath around 2 mo postpartum, I went to splash her behind to get soap off her behind and thought to myself "What am I doing!?." Like I had done something wrong. It freaked me out so bad that it got much much much much worse. I don't think that I ever have had a nervous breakdown like that. When I look back on it now, it seems incredible that I even made it through. Anyways, I didn't want to talk to a doctor about it figuring they might think I was going to hurt my baby, when I had no intention of doing so. However, I knew that I needed to go on something. So, with that said, I went to the doctor and told them I was going through some severe post partum....my blood pressure was about 165/80. She immediately knew that I wasn't lying. My blood pressure has always been around 110/70. So, I went on Zoloft. 25mgs. I thought I was starting to feel better, when BAM! It hit and it hit even harder than before. I didn't want my daughter, I was so terrified. I had reoccurrent thoughts that really upset me and scared me beyond anything. I didn't want anything to do with babies or my daughter--when two months prior, I loved her. It hurt me so much. Then, while I was bed ridden for a week, I started to remember my psychology and watching OCD episodes. I had remembered a very similar story. And then at that moment, I had to get a therapist. I loooved my therapist. The first session was the worst. I think I went home and died that night. Lol. The second was better because I was starting to feel better. Then I got the news that I really wanted to hear--I have something called Pure OCD. I have thoughts that disturb my and I control them by trying to push them away or repeating something in my head or counting in my head...I obsess about it and then compulse by trying to push things away or count. It was that cycle for a looooong time. I didn't think I'd ever get better. I'm learning though, OCD doesn't go away over night. It can take months to get better. I am in my 5th month of true recovery. I bought a book called "Overcoming OCD" it's a workbook that really pushes you to face your fears. I also had major fears that every man who looked at my child was going to molest her or already did. I had fears that I was going to get in a car accident and die and she wouldn't know who I was. It was the most exhausting thing. The most important thing that I have done is remember "They are just thoughts, they are not actions unless it happens." No matter what horrid thing I may have thought it's just that. A chemical reaction in the brain. Thankfully, I have been amazingly better. Me and my baby have a very special bond. I sometimes feel guilty for missing and not appreciating her when she was smaller, but it was nothing that I could control.I admit, I do have my bad moments--especially when others are holding her and around that time of the month. I'm still very happy that people are posting to this. :-) We all need some support sometimes. By the way--I'm still on Zoloft 100mgs. I'm hoping that very soon I can start coming off of them. :-)

I've had OCD since I was 10 years old, and it changes forms and intensity, but I've never got rid of it. When I had my daughter three years ago, I had the most horrible year, trying to deal with the intrusive thoughts. They have thankfully subsided a lot, but now I'm dealing with a constant panic that if she is in contact with other children, she will become ill and die. I'm fighting this new 'version' at the moment. I get over one, and another crops up. I'm starting to read more about OCD though, and I'll be doing some recovery programs soon. Now, I'm pregnant, and having trouble connecting with the baby because of my huge fears for my daughter. I guess I'm subconsciously thinking that if I don't bond and connect with my baby, I won't be so afraid for it. But of course I'll just have to get over that one as well. I wanted to ask if anyone else has had a bad experience with 'the secret'. Did anyone watch and read that? It made me feel that my thoughts might have power, which for someone with intrusive, unwanted thoughts is a terrible thought to have. Knowing my thoughts are not actions and have no power helps a great deal; thinking the universe somehow responds... that sent me into a tizzy, thinking that if I am too afraid for my daughter, that thing will happen. Just magnifies the OCD... has anyone else had this experience? Thanks :)

please contact me my info is m_sweetgurl at hotmail please contact me and we;ll talk further about OCD i have it very bad and tkae a pill for it. so i can be of great help and have 2 kids now and survived it. i would love to talk to you. blessings michelle

saymo my hubs got ppd with our 2nd and is now on 100 mgs of zoloft as well and is doing AMAZ so im happy hes able to connect with our son now. i fortunately got my OCD and PPDOCD under control right after my 2nd so i didnt have to have ECT"s with Monkey. take care and god bless you all. Michelle

Hello,I was wondering if anyone else had felt this way, or could offer advice as to where this could have stemmed from or how I could control this. I have a beautiful healthy 3 mongh old baby and ever since she was born I have felt like I have been 'trapped in my head' with silly thoughts reapeated over again. After she was born I was obsessed about the birth and how I could have done it better, and feeling guilty that I had a perfectly healthy baby and I can not appreciate this. I feel like something is going to happen as a punishment because I am not grateful. I am so so grateful for her and feel like there is a veil over my life, all I want to do is be happy with her and find out what this veil of anxiety is so I can lift it. I am particularly obsessed with her getting older, all I want to do is rewind back to her birth (I would even go through the labour again!)so she is a little new born again. I'm constantly thinking if only it was three months ago. I just don't understand it all or why I feel this way. I love her so much and just want to enjoy our time together while she is a baby.

Hi new mum, you're absolutely not alone... I know you feel like you are, and that you might be going crazy, and that nobody out there could have such silly thoughts as you... I've had every kind of thought imaginable just about, a lot of them repeating like a broken record in my head. The best thing to do in my experience (and I've had OCD since I was ten) is to imagine that your thoughts are just clouds, drifting across the sky, and you watch it drift along and out again. The less power you give to a thought, the faster it will go away. It doesn't mean the OCD will be cured, because you'll get more unwanted thoughts; but that's the best way to deal with them. Thinking about them, attaching emotion to them, that's the way they become obsessive. I know how hard it is. Get counselling with someone specialising in post natal OCD if you possibly can, because the sooner you get help, the better. It's not something you feel you can discuss with just anyone, and even some people in the medical field would have no clue what you're going through, so you need someone who specialises in it. Talk about it to me or others here as much as you like, we understand. The thought of your child being a baby has become your obsessive compulsive thought, and you'll need to let that one go, and have a strategy in case another thought takes over. You've probably often focused in the past on your 'mistakes'; try to remember that perfection is only a figment of the imagination. Take care x

Thank you Happy2B You are absolutely right in what you have mentioned. I am obsessing about perfection and regrets, my mind is latching on to these things and not letting go. I have tried to rationalise through my emotions but each time I feel better about one thing another pops up to take its place. After reading everyones posts last night I decided to tell my partener how I was feeling and open up to how I was feeling. I thought if I was brave enough to stand up to this problem it might diffuse some of the power that these thoughts had over me. I am pleased I made the brave decision as I now feel that I am not held at gun point by my own mind. You are trapped even more with this ocd as you can't talk to anyone about it because you are so worried about how you will be perceived. Thank you to everyone who has written so honestly on this forum, without realising that other people experienced these feelings I would have continued to think that it was just me in the world - held at ransom in my own mind. I still have the ocd thougths but it is the first time in my life that I can let go of some of the guilt that I have been feeling so this must be a good thing. You are correct in what you are saying Happy2B about atributing emotion to thoughts as this makes the OCD even more powerful. As I have a new baby there are so many 'firsts' I am obsessed with attributing good feelings to everything that we are doing. I can't take her new born clothes out of the wardrobe until I have a truely happy day as if I don't this will how I remember her in her clothes, I only took her cards down a couple of weeks ago as I wanted to wait for a happy day, I can't put her pictures up if we have had any quarrels that day. On and on it goes and I have been unable to stop it, my life is on hold waiting for a perfect day. Of course the perfect day is always self sabotaged by these intrusive thoughts and on and on it goes. Hopefully now that I have made the first step by opening up I might be on the right path to recovery. Thank you to Happy2B and all the mums who have opened up so honestly on this forum I really appreciate you all giving me the courage to start walking out of this prison.

again contact me anyone at m_sweetgurl at hotmail.com because i have been thru everything and back and i feel fantastic now .......trust me it gets wayyyyy better with meds, psych and therapist :)