I am sorry if this is too long, but I wanted to share my story because so many have helped me.
I am 40 years old. I have 2 boys from my former marriage. I had easy pregnancies with both of my children. I am now single, with the father of this child being absent. We were friends, right up to the point where I told him I was pregnant. He told me to "take care of the situation." I decided to keep the baby. Even though I was single, 40, and this was a very unexpected event in my life, I adjusted my life with the knowledge that I would be bringing another child into this world. I am financially capable to care for a child, but my support system for raising another child is not one I would call "ideal". Regardless, I had accepted the fact that things happen for a reason, and I was ready to have a baby and raise him/her as a single mother.
My period was always regular. I always started on the 28th day, or maybe a day or 2 later. I was like clockwork. When I missed my period, I looked back at the calendar, just to make sure that I had counted correctly. Also, I made sure that I hadn't been sexually active during ovulation. All things looked good, so I didn't worry about it. After 5 days, I became concerned, so I bought a home pregnancy test while I was at work, and I took it when I got home that evening. I know that you are supposed to take it in the morning, but I figured since I was 5 days late, it wouldn't matter. The "test" line was dark, but the "pregnancy" line was very faint. I bought 2, just in case, so I saved the second one for the next morning. The next morning, I took the test as soon as I woke up. The line was still faint, but it was there. I was pregnant. I looked back at the calendar, and I thought to myself, "Well, I guess I will just tell my parents that there was Mother Mary and then there was me." There was no way that I could've gotten pregnant from having sex, because I didn't have sex anywhere near my ovulation date. I tried to make light of the situation, because I was definitely freaking out.
I called my OB/GYN that same day, and they sent me to do blood work. I got a call 2 days later. The nurse said, "Congratulations, you are pregnant. But your levels are low, so the doctor wants you to do more blood work to make sure your levels are going up as normal." Of course, this was on a thursday, and my doctor is closed on friday. Therefore, there would be no results until monday. We all love the weekends, except in this case, I could curse the weekend. I actually thought that it would be a blessing if my levels weren't going up. That meant that I would miscarry, naturally.
On Monday, the nurse called me to let me know that my levels had gone up. She scheduled me for an appointment at 8 weeks. She said the doctor liked to see his patients around that timeframe. It would be 3 weeks until my appointment. I was stressed out and freaked out. I decided that I wasn't going to freak out the entire time because it would only be harmful for the baby. The only thing I could do was accept what was happening and go forward.
When I had my first physical examination with the doctor, we went over my maternal age and all of the risk factors. He said there would be doctor appointments with specialists and several ultrasounds to make sure that the baby was continuing to grow normally. When I had my first ultrasound, and I saw the baby's heartbeat, things got real...."really" real. I think that I had psyched myself up that there was going to be something wrong with the baby and my body would miscarry. So, when I saw the baby's heartbeat, I teared up. The doctor said everything was fine, and the baby measured at 7 weeks 4 days +/- 5 days, due to the dates that I had given him for conceptioin. He said that I ovulated late, and there was a cyst on my right ovary where I had ovulated.
He gave me paperwork and scheduled me for a 2 week check up. During the next 2 weeks, I continued to accept the fact that I was going to have a baby. I talked to my parents, who were a huge support despite the fact that I was 40 and knocked up out of wedlock. I tried to talk to the father of the baby, but he "blocked" me on his phone, so there was support from him. There were a few girls at work that I was able to talk to. It was nice to know that I could count on them during this time. I was an emotional wreck. I was nauseated, so I ate constantly, just to settle my stomach. I stopped drinking Mountain Dew, so I had many headaches and I was constantly tired. My breasts hurt because my perky 36D was now becoming a very weighted 38DD and growing.
I went in for my checkup at 10 weeks. Again, the doctor discussed future appointments with specialists, and we went over all of the routine talking. As soon as he started the ultrasound, I knew that there was something wrong. I said, "there is no heartbeat". He pointed out the crown and the rump, and he said the baby measured 9 weeks, 1 day and he pointed to where the heart was and he said, "And this is where the heart is. I am sorry, but there is no heartbeat." He told me that it just happened, because I should have measured 9 weeks, 4 days. He said that it just happened within the past few days. He was very empathetic. He told me to get dressed, and we would talk. After I was dressed, he came back in and we discussed options. He said there was no hurry as to when I had to chose. He told me that he could prescribe Cytotec to induce contractions, or I could have a D&C to have everything surgically removed. He told me to go home and research and pray and let him know which option I would like to chose.
I went home dizzy. I am still dizzy. I never planned to have more children, but after I had accpeted the fact that I was pregnant and I saw the baby's heartbeat on the monitor just 2 weeks before, I had come to terms with the fact that I was going to have a baby. I embraced the fact and I fell in love with my baby. I never thought I would have reacted like this once I lost the baby. Having 2 children before, I knew what was growing inside of me. I just didn't think that I would feel such loss at such an early stage. No matter what anyone else says, when you lose a baby, regardless of how long you carry the baby, it is a loss that no one can explain. I still cannot grasp my head around the fact that some women just brush it off like you lost your car keys.
I searched the internet, over and over again. The reason I am writing this post is because this site helped me through the entire ordeal. I do not think that I would have gotten through my miscarriage had it not been for reading the posts of everyone who had been in my shoes before me. I am thankful to each and every woman that shared her story. Your strength gave me strength. Thank you.
I decided to go with Cytotec. My doctor prescribed 9 tablets. 3 tablets every 3 hours for 3 doses, all of which were to be taken under the tongue. I looked at every picture on the internet, no matter how gross, so I was prepared for whatever was to come. I took the first dose at 3pm, along with 50mg of promethazine and 1000mg of Tylenol. I am allergic to Ibuprofen, or else I would have taken it. Every post I read said that I would experience nausea and cramping. Since I had been nauseous since I got pregnant, I had promethazine. I wanted to take every precaution there was to prevent any unwanted side effects. I have never had bad cramps while on my period, so, I took Tylenol just to be on the safe side.
By 6pm, not much had happened. I wasn't in any pain, and I had just started spotting bright red. I took the second dose at 6pm. Around 7:15pm (4 hours, 15 minutes after taking initial dose of Cytotec), I felt a huge gush, and I p ed a large m . It was everything! I wasn't quite sure, at the time, that it was everything. Most of it came out on the pad that I was wearing (I opted for the Always Overnight 10hour pads, because I figured they would be the most absorbant). I sat on the toilet for about 5 minutes, as I p ed clumps of red tissue.
For the next 2 hours, I was back and forth to the bathroom. I had decided to watch a movie to distract me. It was a bang 'em up and kill them movie, because I was in no mood for comedy and a chick flick was the last thing I needed. I could feel when the blood clots started to come out of me, so I would run to the bathroom before they even had a chance to soak into the pad that I was wearing. There wasn't too much cramping involved. I think that I was very fortunate, because I didn't experience too many side effects.
I took the third dose at 9pm. I was hesitant, because I wasn't bleeding very much and I knew that I had already p ed everything. I did what I was supposed to, and I took the 3 tablets. At 10:30, I finally went to lay down. I was up and down to the bathroom until around 5:30am. At that point, I think I just p ed out. I never totally soaked through a pad. I think I was obssesive about changing them, though. Every time I went to the bathroom, I changed my pad. I went through an entire pack!
The next day, I was spotting, but no gushing or cramps. I just felt hollow on the inside. I spent the day texting my best friend, who lives in another state, and watching movies. My appebreaste was zero, but I tried to eat a bowl of cereal and some soup. I drank a lot of water, and chewed on a lot of ice.
That is my story. I won't ever have the opportunity to have another child. I wasn't planning on having another child, but when I found out that I was pregnant, I fell in love with this baby. I am sad and hollow on the inside, but I know that everything happens for a reason. My experience with Cytotec was as good as one could hope for. I am thankful that it went easily, as my heart could not take it if the experience had been rough. My heart extends to all Mothers who have been through this, going through it now, or will have to go through it in the future. I hope that all Mothers are blessed with a child in the future and their lives are filled with tiny footsteps, laughs, and lots of love.
Thank you to everyone who has shared their story. All of my fears were put at ease, and I could not have gotten through it without your posts. I wish everyone the best of luck.