44 Pregnant And Alone

56 Replies
Julie - September 4

Hi - is there anyone out there who's pregnant and alone in their 40s? I'm 44 and have just found out I'm pregnant. This will be my first (and only) child. The father wants me to terminate and it looks like I'm going to be doing this alone. I've never really thought of myself as being "middle aged" before because I don't feel that way. And neither have I worried too much about what other people think, but all of a sudden I'm terrified of walking my little baby and people commenting on my grandchild! Or this little person being given a hard time at school because of his/her older mummy. I don't know whether to go through with this or not. Is there anyone out there who's "been there done that" and is willing to share her experience. I live in Auckland (NZ) and my family's in Wellington so I don't have any on-hand support there and no real, close friends I can talk to. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks!


Lisa*9 - September 4

Julie I am 41 1/2 years old with a 5 and 3 year old. I am not pg but my son started school this year nobody said or says I am old,even my son and when they do I could not care less. Anybody my husband runs into at his work and meets people at the door who are older like ourselves only have one regret is they wish they had kids 20 years earier that's all. Here is a link to read from below http://www.pregnancy-info.net/QA/answers-Anybody_here_pregnant_over_40_/


j. - September 4

Julie, congrats on your pregnancy!! For many women it is so hard to get pregnant at 44, and they would envy you so much. It is tough you have to go it alone, but please don't worry at all about what your child might or might not feel about your age. I think most kids think their parents are old, whether they are 20, or 40 years older doesn't matter. Parents are old by definition, because they are parents. The relationship you have with your child, is so much more important than how many years are really between you. You can have the greatest 'thing' going, no matter how many years older you are. There are a lot of women out there, who desperately wish they could still have a baby in their 40s, the trend is growing. But you are one of the lucky few, with enough youthful fertility to have made it Julie! Thats great. Just imagine, people might not think you're a grandma at all, they might guess you're several years younger than you are, because of your little one!! Now who looks more youthful, he he - you with your baby, or your 44 year old friend with a grown up child? You win hands up! Well, it's not about that of course, but I just want to show you, that you might not seem old at all...on the contrary. Good luck Julie, and I hope everything works out fine! Oh, and chat or vent on here anytime you need to!!


Julie - September 5

Hi Lisa *9 and j. - thank you soo much for your encouragement. Your words touched my heart. As well as the *age* issue, is also doing this alone. As I mentioned, he wants me to terminate/abort my pregnancy and I don't want to. I'm sad and scared that I don't have anyone to be with me when I have the scans, antenatal, etc - I'll probably even end up going into labour by myself. I don't have any close friends to be able to call on (I've recently moved cities). However, thank you for your words of wisdom:).


Ana Claudia - September 5

Julie, you don't ned to do it alone. FInd a support group. Where in the USA do you live?


Julie - September 5

Ana Claudia - Hi - I live in Auckland, New Zealand and have only just moved to this city (this year) so don't really have any close friends here I'd feel comfortable in confiding in. My family lives approximately nine hours drive away.


j, - September 5

Julie, there are lots of support threads here, for the different stages of pregnancy. Like on the first trimester board, 2nd, 3rd. You can have chats with other moms, if you have worries. If you google support groups, maybe baby support groups NZ, you might find something too! Also, maybe you can ask your doctor to put you in touch with an antenatal group, for other first time mothers. Labor alone is do-able, not everyone wants or has somebody there. You can have some really sweet midwives/nurses and doctors to help you through. Not sure how they do it in NZ. But like I said, sometimes they give you lots of extra attention, if you are going it alone, for whatever reason. Once you start going to a doctor, you might feel a bit more comfortable, once you know you're in good hands. It's sad about the baby's father, is there a chance he might change his mind later on? Many men think it's something they can and will not handle, but change when their baby's born. The unknown fetus becomes a real person, a part of them. It can change things a lot. Right now, he might feel hostile towards you, or put pressure because he knows you could still theoretically abort. But once that phase pa__ses, and it becomes inevitable, he might come around. Or, if not then, then maybe later. I think that sometimes somebody can be convinced they won't change how they feel, but then they just do. Nothing is set in stone. The main thing is now, you look out for yourself and the baby. Just try and think about what a miracle it is. How many weeks are you? I hope you find a good supportive doctor, that's important too. Will you be wanting all the tests? Well Julie, like I said before, we will help you anytime you need help. As best we can. Take care!


Ana Claudia - September 6

New Zeland? A little too far for me Julie, but I am sure they have support gtoups over there to help you. Any chances you could move back closer to your family?


Maidencanada - September 6

Hi Julie and congratulations on your pregnancy. Don't worry. We are all afraid whether we are alone or not. Any emotion you are feeling is ok. Having your first child at 44 is a daunting step, but also a wonderful one. And one that will change your life for the better, for once this baby is born you will never ever be alone again. I am 41 and am trying to concieve with my new hubby. I have a daughter who is almost 19 and a son 14. When I found out I was pregnant with my son it was a very rocky time for my husband and I and we ended up splitting up. I went through the pregnancy alone. I went to the appointments alone. And I gave birth alone. Then I raised my children singlehandedly for the next 12 years. And it was wonderful and hectic and scary and fantastic, and I would never change a thing. Now I am 41 and I have recently suffered a miscarriage, but I will probably be 42 when I give birth (God willing). I worried about what it would be like being called Grandma and what disservice I would be doing to this child, but frankly I will love this child to pieces as will his half siblings and father. And love really is the number one ingredient for a happy childhood. It is not money, it is not 2 parent families. It is love. And when my child's kindergarten teacher calls me Grandma I will laugh and correct her, for it will be the teacher who is embarra__sed. Me? I will be proud. Good luck and congrats and don't worry about the father. This is your last chance for a happiness you have never dreamed of. Enjoy every moment and know that this baby will be happy to call you mommy


sm - September 8

Hey Julie, great that you are pregnant, and made me think of the time i told my mum that one of my friends has never been married and doesn't have a man in her life "She's just lucky".... you are just lucky too! You will not regret having the baby and as for the father, tell him to get over it. Actually i worked for a man who talked his girlfriend into having an abortion and HE was regretting it. I am older and a single, well was single, not anymore, mum. It is great. And don't worry about people commenting on you being the childs grandmother, you are not that old... though i do take a bit of care with hair, make up & skin care, nail polish, wardrobe and keeping my figure so that i don't have to worry about these comments. Even if i didn't have my kids (and yes, some of my girlfriends my age ARE grannies) i would still care for myself. Actually i am really happy to be a mum of little kids rather than a granny, now THAT would make me feel old!


sandy - September 9

Hi Julie, I am 44 and have a 2 year old little boy. He is the love of my life. I just found out that I am pgt again and am thrilled. You shouldn't feel "too old"- your baby will bring you so much joy.


Cindy - September 9

Julie; I wish you the best of luck. I found out I am pregnant with my 5th child at 42 and my others are 16,15,14, and 8. I cried because I thought I was too old and my husband said to me, "Cindy; Noah had his first child when he was 110!" All my friends are excited for me as my other children. I think you will have a beautiful baby and when you look into that little face you will know that whatever scary feelings you had at the beginning it is all worth it!


Angela - September 9

Julie - I'm 37, so I'm not THAT far behind you. I have never felt too old (certainly don't think you'll be mistaken for grandma). Where I live in California there are lots of moms in their late 30s early 40s. It's normal these days. I too am single and doing this alone. It's harder sometimes that way, but in other ways it's easier (no husband to clean up after and argue with :) You're brave for doing this, but you will be rewarded 100 fold when your little one arrives. Good luck!


eldest child - September 9

hey julie, my mom had my younger brother and sister at 40 and 41 respectively. Everyone thinks they are my children, I am 35..its really cool..she's now 51 and still doing her thing as a mom with children..she coaches, is involved with their sporting events, she travels with them..its really great seeing my mom coach my younger sister who is 10, she coached me at 10 as well :) I support my mom and personally, I think its cool, she's 51 and still being a mom and yes she is a grandma too. You'll be fine, its great having children when your older my mom said, your more relaxed about parenting...good luck it will be fun


Kim - September 10

Hi Julie, I'm 44 and trying to conceive. I've had 3 m/c this year already. I really think that your age will not be a problem. There are so many variations of families these days, grandparents raising their kids children, blended families from remarriages, almost anything goes. At my daughter's school, 3 kids were there with the grandparents that were raising them, and another 8 of us were over 40 with very young children. There is also a chance your boyfriend will come around when he sees his own child. My hubby was not pushing for us to have any of the first 3 kids, but he adores them now and wants me to have another! I'll pray for God to send a special friend for you to lean on ok? God bless.


Connie - September 11

Hi Julie...I am 42 and will be 43 when my 4th is born. Men don't always know what they want until they get it!! I was 35 when my husband (boyfriend at that time) and I had our first. Even though we had planned to get pregnant, by the time we did he had changed his mind. We now have a 7 and 5 year old and he bugged me for 6 months to have another, so here goes. The father of your baby may come around, but if he doesn't you can do it alone. Many of us have and would do it again. Good luck!!


Heather - September 13

All I can say is....the first time you look down on that sweet little face, you'll know you're not alone. You and that little one are a family, and he or she is going to love you for loving himor her enough to see things that way. In April I'm looking forward to looking down on our 5th little one's sweet face. It doesn't matter if you've got 1 or 15....you're the only precious mommy your little one has. God's best to you.



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