So this is going to be a long post - sorry.
So I'm old. 49 years old actually.
I had a salpingectomy after 3rd child in '96. I still have most of my tubes but no Grabby hands at ends. Tubes were cauterized.
Fast forward to 2015. I had an unplanned pregnancy at 46 and m/c at just shy of 8 wks. I was single & not planning on a child so while hard, I had acceptance. The back labour was no fun - I'd almost forgotten what it felt like.
Fast forward again to summer 2018. I'd just turned 49. I found myself pregnant again! 22 years after salpingectomy.
This time I'm engaged, though my partner is a US citizen and I'm Canadian so we live apart as we go through the immigration process. This time I miscarried at 7 weeks. It was harder. I knew it was coming the night before. I talked to my seedling trying to get it to be strong. I did not get a + test, levels too low, I'm too old. The m/c was physically harder as well this time. I found my little seedling in the expulsion and took a bit of time to simply acknowledge it.
Now, it's a few months later, and I feel pregnant again (if I am, I'd be just shy of 6 wks). There's a few pragmatic reasons for me to discount - a "period" (weird one that was about 1/3 my usual with no clots at all), my age, the salpingectomy, but I can't shake the feeling.
Basically I'm driving myself mad. I did a test about 3 days after the weird AF which came back negative. But so did the other two pregnancies so it's hard to trust. I want to test but don't. I know it will be passed off as perimenopause by a Dr or nurse if I ask them. No one I can really talk to who won't just say "menopause!"
I'm stressed, confused why my body wants a child so bad at this stage in the game, and simply need a sounding board and maybe a few kindred souls who are at least close to understanding the situation.
Figured I'd follow up with why I feel preggo & in crazy town.
- Breasts have been sore and heavy since 10 days prior to weird AF (4 weeks and counting)
- Normal AF for me is 6-8 days. By 3rd hr of day 1 it's stupid heavy (overflowing diva cup & complete pad saturation every hour) and is like that for 3 days with heavy clots tempering off to normal flow for next 2 then fades off for last couple days.
My last one started with scant dead blood spotting during a very active day 1, followed by 2 days of light, very bright, thinner Only 3 changes needed for whole days & zero clots, and then scant spotting of dead blood and done.
- Early morning light nausea
- Lower back and hips so achy and getting more so
- Tired all the freaking time
- CM has not stopped since a few days after last full, normal period
- Light cramping but not like pms, more like a heavy pulling in the centre vs pulsing from sides.
- Now at just about 6 weeks my nipnop area is starting to look full and getting random "letdown" sensations (enough so I checked to see if my bra was wet one day}.
- Also new, muscle cramps in lower legs and feet
I keep reasoning off every symptom as it comes up since odds are no (boobs aching is hard to ignore though because it won't stop!). I'm trying to keep my head screwed on, but damn. It's messing with my zen.
If you managed to read all this, Thanks! I'm going crazy.