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Tracy, first of all, I didn't know that you lost your son last week. I'm stunned. There are no words to express how awful reading those words made me feel for you. I am so, so sorry. Regarding the issue of your Celexa....my first question would be if you know whether or not there are any other antidepressants that are considered safer during pregnancy. Maybe they're all the same but I was wondering if any of the newer generation drugs might be safer. Second, what happens when you start slipping into clinical depression? Specifically, what I'm asking is, to what extent does the depression itself keep you from seeking help? In other words, if you stopped taking Celexa, could you trust yourself to get back on it quickly if it became clear that you had to or does the depression come on so quickly that you get to that "dark place" too fast and won't even reach out for help? Do you know what I mean? I have two friends...well, one niece and one friend.... who were in your situation. One safely went off of her medication for the duration of the pregnancy and one went off and ended up in big trouble because she crashed so fast she went right to the dark place where everything looked so hopeless that in her mind it was too much of a chore to get back to the doctor to get medicine and was convinced that it wouldn't work anyway. Is Celexa one of the antidepressants that you CAN stop and restart with success? I thought I heard once that there are some antidepressants where if you stop taking them, they may not be as effective if you try to resume taking them and you may have to use something else instead. According to the research, is there a time during pregnancy when Celexa or other antidepressant drugs are considered more or less safe? Is there any way to "time" a temporary stoppage to minimize risks? Wow. Sorry...I guess that was a lot of questions. Ultimately, the bottom line for me is that you're Tracy and we love you and I want you to take care of yourself. That would always be true but especially now when you've had your heart so utterly broken by the loss of your son. Please don't go off your medication without a clear plan in place for what you'll do if you're slipping too much. This might sound like overkill, but I"d write it down...like a contract....and in addition to me signing it, I'd get 2-3 of the people closest to me to sign it. Part of that plan would be that those other people have the right and the the responsibility to "tell me like it is" in the event that they see scary changes in me that I'm not taking seriously enough....and my promise to trust them, knowing that my own judgment might be flawed. Frankly, I might even include in it an anti-suicide pact, and I'd list right on it the names and numbers of people I promise to call if thoughts of harming myself started to creep into my head....in case my brain was too muddled at the time to come up with the numbers. Then I'd hang my copy of it on the fridge and give copies to the other people who signed it (one of whom might be a therapist or counselor). All of that might sound ridiculous, especially since you're so far from a place like that now. Please don't be offended that I made such a suggestion....I just have reason to believe in taking every precaution possible. Last January my 29 year old nephew, who was a recovering alcoholic and medication-controlled bipolar was doing fantastic. We were certain he'd turned the corner and was finally on the road to a full and rewarding life. For some reason and without telling anyone, he decided that he didn't need to take his medication any more and three weeks later he was dead....self-inflicted gun shot wound to the left temple. In three weeks he went from happy and engaged and actively making plans for the future to suicide. All I'm saying is, please don't set yourself up for a possible freefall without first taking the time and making the effort to put a very strong net in place under you. I'm glad you 're considering taking the Celexa anyway...that means that you're not being totally self-sacrificial and automatically a__suming that someone else is more important than you are. To me that seems like a healthy place from which to make your decision...either way. If you choose to continue with your Celexa, try hard not to feel guilty. YOU are worth taking care of too! And if you need to justify it in terms of someone else so it doesn't feel like a selfish decision....if you're locked away in that dark place and aren't able to function, you can't be there to help other people through last week's tragedy either. If you don't take care of yourself at least enough to function normally, you can't possibly take care of anyone else, including the new baby who needs you to be able to eat nutritious foods and get a little bit of exercise, etc.....neither of which is going to happen if you're caught in the throes of clinical depression. So....after all of those words, I'm back where I started. Please make it your highest priority to take care of YOU and go off your medicine ONLY if you're very clear about how you're going to do it without compromising your own health and well being too much. Keep us posted.

Tracy, I am sooo sorry for the loss of your son...this is just so tragic. :( This just breaks my heart. I could not imagine my life without my own daughter and you must be in dire straights right now. I hope you can find some peace with yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you. With regard to taking the celexa. Well, I do not know enough about anti-depressants to give you educated advice. I only know from my heart and my gut what I would do in my own situation if I could...I would have to try my hardest to wean off the drug and hope I have not done any damage to the developing baby. This is going to be a trying time for you and your baby. As you are probably well aware the first trimester marks the ground work for the developing baby and this is the most crucial time to avoid anything that could put your unborn baby at risk. Taking any drug has side effects. So you must bare that in mind. A category C drug like you mentioned should only be taken if absolutely necessary. You are going to have to decide if this pregnancy is worth any risk of the baby suffering potential side effects from the drug and whether it is truly necessary for you to sustain your own existance. This is such a hard decision to make..as your own health is in jeopardy...and we don't want you to slip into that dark space. Your doctor is truly your best person to advise you medically ..We can be here for you as we are your friends. And like Aspen mentioned there could possibly be another med that is slightly more compatible to take whilst pregnant. Oh my heart just aches for you and your situation. Try to fall on a counsellor a family member, or someone at your parish if you go to church.. who could be your rock right now and help you through this time. **Hugs** I hope you are able to get through this safely and in a healthy manor..you are such a good person and you were a great inspiration to all of us. I was so pleased how you bounced back right into another pregnancy and you always sounded so cheery. I know that MANY women sacrifice alot for the sake of their unborn children. So you are not alone there. Many women in even worse situations than your own have prevailed and were able to give up a drug or an addiction or a habit that was very tough for them to do..so I think it can be done but your need medical supervision to do so. If you can do it.. try...if you are at wits end then you will have to make an informed choice about continuing the celexa.. I truly wish you all the best..my heart goes out to you and your family in this trying time. If you need us we are here. LEt us know if we can be of any more help. Kristin

I am just crushed that you lost our son.... I am so sorry, Tracy. Your ob/gyn must work together with your physician to figure what drug would be helpful to you and the least harmful to your baby.

Tracy, I am very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you during this unimaginably difficult time for you. Please take care of yourself and in doing that you will be taking care of your baby as well. Talk this over with your doctor and make a decision with their help and your DH. You are always here for all of us and I hope we can be here for you in return. You are in my prayers. Terri

Tracy, I am so in shock and it's nothing that I can say or do that will take the pain away. I will be calling you in a few hours. Love you girl. Krissy68

Ishtar - I am really lost for words. When I read your post I had to read it a number of times because what you were saying seemed unbelievable. I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that we are all thinking and praying for you and your family during this most difficult time. Please don't stop your medication until you've seen a specialist as they will know what would be the best thing for you as they may need to change or alter your meds. Just about everone knows someone with some form of mental illness as its very common and something that will all need to embrace as it can happen to any one of us at any time. My family has been struck with depression and its consequences and it really hits home that you are going through this. Please take care of yourself and follow your specialists instructions. Take care of yourself and my thoughts are with you. xx

Thank you for all your thoughts and comfort ladies, I don't know what I would do if I did'nt have you guys. I talked at length with both my therapist and my high risk ob, and they both decided that it would be best to continue on my meds, as in their opinion Celexa is safe enough and the benefits HUGELY outweigh the risks. I am a recovering addict, I have been clean from heroin for 8 years now. The reason I started using in the first place was because of my grief over the loss of my grandfather. After he died, I developed clinical depression which was never treated, so I turned to druggs to self medicate. I am afraid of relapse if I go off my meds and I told the drs this also. So, based on all the information together, they have advised me not to stop my meds. I need to be healthy for the baby, and my other kids. I am in such a fog right now. Anyway, as far as my son's accident goes, he had just gotten his license3 weeks ago. He had saved all year for a junker car and his own insurance, I was so proud of him. He was stopped at a red light, and when it turned green he started to go. Just as he started moving, an STONED 18 yr old killed barreled through the intersection and t boned him. That made his car do a 180, as he spun around he hit a ford F250 head on. I take comfort in knowing that hid death was immediate and he did not suffer, in fact, the police said he more than likely never knew what hit him. I am getting professional help right away though, because my world has been shattered and I don't know what to do. Gabriel was my firstborn, and best friend. I know I have to go on, but I just don't know how. Love you guys, let me know how you are all doing. Any more bfp's???-Tracy

Tracy, I cannot begin to imagine your pain. You have my heartfelt sympathy, and am sending warm thoughts and prayers your way. I have to add, your son must be SO proud of the way you are acknowledging your grief and dealing with this head on, getting help and support, rather than retreating in the pain. Keep reaching out, we'll be here as will others. Wish that I could give you a huge hug. Andrea

Tracy, I think you're an amazing person. You've been through so much and have managed to come back each time. You will this time too. I know you don't know how yet, but you'll figure it out one step and one day at a time. I'm glad you discussed the medication issue with your health care team and that you've all agreed on a course of action. It sounds to me that the benefits definitely outweigh the risks at this point. You have to protect your own health and ability to function. I know it'll work out for the best. Love you! I definitely wish that there was more we could do for you. Know that we're all here pulling for you every step of the way.

Ishtar how are you doing? You are in my thoughts. I bet Thanksgiving was tough. <hugs> Andrea