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Hmm....several things I am wondering about here - Is your husband the same age as you? I find it interesting that you mention YOU want another baby but does HE want another baby? a__suming he is also mid to late forties, perhaps he feels like his family is complete and he doesn't want another? Also, what are his health issues - has he even had them checked out by his doctor?? Many things can cause his difficulty in ejaculating - enlarged prostrate, high blood pressure, stress, etc. How is the relationship otherwise?? Maybe he is a little distant from you because this baby topic is causing a rift in your relationship. Have you guys talked about this? And you already mention separating, wow - are you saying that if he doesn't produce another baby for you or isnt willing to, you are contemplating leaving him??

Thanks MNMOM He is 45 .He said he would have another baby if it was with someone else as we fight too much-this is what hurts me so much!! We have a great LIFE together -friends parties holidays but not a great relationship-lousy s_x life and arguments but he is kind intelligent fun when out and great dad-we have discussed this -he is also fearful if a fourth baby had autism as his brothers -he refuses to ackowledge his problem-gridlock-I think he should respect my desire to have another baby??

minty, how often did you have s_x when you got pregnant with your three boys?

Minty - wow, sorry to hear all of that, sounds like a complicated and tough situation. I am not by all means trying to sound trite or trivial, but just wondering how long you have been married, and have the two of you tried counseling together to work through some of these issues? I think it might help, speaking from experience here! :)

Minty, sorry to hear that!..Why don't you suggest marriage counseling? Has he mentioned separation to you?..perhaps divorce? This sounds to me like he's not even sure he wants to be in the relationship at all! As for advice...I would advice you to try and work on your marriage issues first and see if there is any way you can both come to an agreement together about having another baby. If you don't want to be alone, then give your marriage the priority it deserves. Trust me there seems to be too many issues that you guys need to work on before adding the "another baby" issue into the picture. Sorry if I sound too brutal...I am just speaking from experience here!

I had similar concerns trying to get pregnant. I am 39 years old and 6 months pregnant with my first child. My husband is 48 and lack of s_x due to his lack of interest has been a huge issue our entire marriage (3 years). Past drug abuse contributes to some of his ED, but it tears me apart. It makes me feel very undersirable and steals my womanhood from me. Fortunately with the right timing, conception is possible. Sad to say, we average having s_x about once a month. While trying to conceive, we had s_x about once a week and twice a week during peak fertility times. It took us 4 months to conceive. I also used Ovulex the last month of attempted conception. He has a grown daughter and our lack of s_x used to make me wonder if he really wanted a baby with he. I now have no doubt in my mind that he does. Unfortunately, once I conceived, our s_x life dwindled again. Pills for ED help his s_x drive tremendously, however getting him to take the pills is another issue.

Hi everyone thanks so much for all youe advice We have been married for 18 years. we have never had a good s_x life because he is so anxious and that is a turn off for me so i suppose i havnt made the effort to help things -I am angry that he doesnt try to help-total gridlock. BUT i know he really loves and cares for me-thats why its lasted so long. I suppose i want another baby -weather or not we get on because its more people to love!We have tried marriage couselling but hav't found a good counsellor -didnt help us or our s_xual problems. I know lots of friends who are divorced and NOT happy so i am not sure if separating would make me any happier at my age-any thoughts thanks?? Any thoughts Thanks

hi minty...in your second answer on this thread you asked there was thought that he should respect you for wanting another baby....but the thing is, it really doesnt sound like you are respecting him for not. you also mentioned that your life is good, but your relationship is not. why would you want to bring another child in to that. what would happen (god forbid) if something major happened with the pregnancy or the baby and your relationship was what you needed to get through it? parties and holidays are not going to help you. how fair is it to bring a baby in to the world where its parents have a bad relationship. parenthood is a team effort, and though i can understand the longing to have a baby, perhaps you ought to consider the "love" that you already have and working on that rather than making another baby just to have one more person to love.

Leslie m Everything you say is true and I think that is exactly how my husband feels-especially since his brother has a child with Autism-BUT our children have a great life and our relationship is OK but not great (Lousy s_x) .Maybe I should just accept and be grateful for waht ive got-even if it means no s_x for the rest of my life-i dont know???

Minty - The decision to have or not to have a baby is something that you and your husband will have to agree on together. There is not a right or wrong about the decision, but I think the ultimate outcome is resentment and heartbreak if the decison is not mutual. Please remember though that your feelings are valid and should be respected, even if opions differ. I understand the frustration of a husband with a low s_x drive. Its nothing short of devastating. Please remember that it is his dysfunction, not yours. His difficulty with ejaculation may be out of his control but the willingness to address the problem or ignore it is in his control. As in my own marriage, I feel that a man ignoring s_xual dysfunctions reflects selfishness and is cowardly. I understand that getting a man to communicate on this topic is challenging, however I think communicating the issues is the only way to resolve them. If he has a baby against his will, I think it could prove catastrophic to the marriage and the child. I am sorry for your pain and frustration.

Thanks Moonmaiden for sharing your thoughts How do you cope ?? My husband and i are in Gridlock because i am angry that he wont address what i see as HIS dysfunction and he thinks I dont make an effort and dont appreciate him.I think he should try to arouse me and he thinks i should arouse him???BUT i find it hard to want s_x knowing it will be full of anxiety. I guess I dont find him s_xy anymore. For 20years i have asked him not to touch my c___touros too early and he just ignores me -I have asked him not to use his asthma puffa in front of me before s_x as i find it a turn off and he still uses it right before bed (rather than in the bathroom)so of course i am already angry.He refuse to slowly arouse me as says i shoud do that to him Etc etc BUT he shows love by doing things -the washing etc(ok i know i wont have any more sympathy. With the baby -it could go either way-he might love it or if there was a complication THEN there would be resentment

Minty - I understand your frustration. It is certainly justified. I think his verbal desire for you to arouse him could prove to your advantage. Even though unfair, if you can re-spark his interest for s_x in general, it may later provoke his desire to please you. If he is willing to be seduced, then go for it. My husband quite harshly rejected my advances on multiple occa__sions which led to resentment and a put my seductive nature at a quick halt. I would welcome a chance to master the art of seduction toward him. I personally think a good s_x life enhances all aspects of a marriage. Negativity in the bedroom is difficult ot overcome but if there is chance to sweeten the mood, then it may prove worth efforts to please him (for a while) without having the favor returned (right away). Good luck!