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I am 41, and have 4 children ages 24, 21, 8 & 7. My boyfriend is 43 and has one child age 18. We do not have children together.
On Aug. 6th, I went to my Dr. for a routine physical. Instead of leaving with my regular prescription for birth control pills, I left the office with a positive pregnancy test and an appt for an ultrasound. I spent the next 3 days in tears. I was in shock, I have never missed taking a pill in the past several years.
I have talked about my pregnancy with a handful of people. Most of the reactions I get are negative (my age, money, 20 yrs from now... etc.), which is not helping me.
I had an ultra sound done Aug 12. I am 7 weeks along with a due date of March 30, 2009. I am emotionally drained and a complete basket case.
I want to know if anyone else has had negative reactions from family and friends and how do I handle the comments when I'm such a hormonal mess.
Thank you for reading.
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Hi Rylyn: I feel for you girlfriend. People can be very thoughtless and hurtful usually because they have not thought before they have opened their yaps. I think the best thing to do is be honest and tell them you need positive support at this time and that you a very aware of every thing it's not your first ride on this wagon. It seems to me that this was meant to be. I totally understand you being a basket case, I feel like I am walking around right now in a fog and I cannot believe I am pregnant at 45 and my boyfriend is almost 42 and has never had any children but has been a wonderful stepfather to my two sons. He is thrilled and I am freaked out. I would probably be thrilled if it was him that was the one pregnant. I have only told a couple of people, one being my mother who dropped the phone and said Jesus C_____ are you nuts. I said oh come on mom you are going to have another grandchild, she said I have enough. At this point I wanted to cry my eyes out and tell her where to go. Instead I took a deep breath and said mom I am really frightened right now and I really need your support. I don't need to hear that I will be going to a high school graduation the same year I will be going to a kindergarten graduation, etc. etc. However I do need to hear that it's going to be ok and I am here if you need me. She called me back the next day and told me she was sorry, that she was just in shock and opened her mouth without thinking. So I hoping to try and remember when people first hear the news they will be in shock, however I will be honest with them and tell them that ya don't worry I have laid in bed at night thinking of everything and what I need right now is support not negative tales of how hard it will be etc. It would be great for us right now if people would have the motto "IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NIE TO SAY, DON'T SAT ANYTHING AT ALL"
Try to be strong, really at the end of the day who gives a____ it's your life, and you are obviously meant to be a mom and I bet you are a great mom. I am right beside you I am due April 8th and forty five and freaked out. However today is a good day cause I have only had my head over the toilet bowl-3 times. Hang in there Rylyn it will get better, and you will feel stronger after the first 3 months.
Sorry I rambled on. Take Care
Veigh
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Sorry just read over my last entry, I was trying to say if they don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, sorry not at the top of my game right now.
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Rylyn, its very obvious that this was meant to be. I am pretty sure you have been and will continue to be a wonderful mom. Comments come and go...but in reality who gives a d__n. I have 2 kids of my own...my oldest is 17 (Ouch!!) and my youngest is 9. My husband of 7 years has 3 kids from his previous marriage. We just started trying for our 6th back in June...and trust me I haven't heard the last of it all!! Honestly, I don't give a c___p if they want to give me the support or not....and this goes for family too!! Like my grandmother used to tell me....."Where there's food for one, there's food for 2,3 and 4 more"! The way I see it is,...None of them will be there emotionally or financially!! My biggest supporter is my dearest husband...and that to me....it's more than enough! Be honest to yourself and the rest of the world and make it clear like Veigh said in her comment. If they have nothing nice to say....then keep it tight. In regards to handling the comments.....Tears and joy are in fact a big part of being a mom...wether tears of sadness or tears of joy. Its ok to feel overwhelmed and cry and its ok to feel happy and cry too....and honestly its completely ok to be pregnant again at 41!! Blessings to you and your family.
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We had some negative reactions as well- $, age, relationship status, etc. Though we don't have any children, other than this pregnancy. It's a miracle that I did get pregnant as well. It is ovb. meant to be!!! We strongly believe that anyone that isn't positive about this can mind their own business and back off. We know it's a wonderful thing, and that we'll be great parents- even if we are a bit older. There are more and more older parents out there... so don't beat yourselves up about it. The kids will keep you young! I've heard that a lot! Which is nice... : ) Chin up! And take care!
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Thank You for your responses.
Veigh: I have to laugh when you bring up your mom. My Mom's comment was "That's the last thing you f-k-n need" in the midst of my 3 day hysteria.
I will say that like my mom, my boyfriend is not so thrilled either. He claims we're too old and need to plan for retirement instead of having a baby. I have an Aunt & Uncle who are very supportive of me from halfway across the country, while the 2 people who should be supporting me are making me feel so alone.
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Maribel: I would have liked your Grandmother. Thank You.
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