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Have you raised this concern with him? I think it best to talk with him about it... I know lots of couples that have their "out nights". He will have his, and she will have hers. And they will also head out together as well. I do agree that it's time to grow up and there is more at steak when you have a family- a child. Going out and getting drunk, well, he is really taking a big risk once the baby is here. I would raise the topic and your fears a__sociated with it- and try to have a good talk about it. Good luck!

Hi Dogmom. I'm 42 and 15 weeks pregnant with our first. My Husband and I have been together around 7 years and having met late in life, we were used to our own independence. We had talked about having a baby but neither of us felt strongly enough about it to make a firm decision. We eventually decided to let nature take it's course, secretly believing it couldn't possibly happen ,but we had beginners luck! Anyway, both of us really didn't have a clue about anything to do with pregancy so have been referring to an 'idiots guide' and that has helped us both to understand how this whole experience can affect us individually and as a couple. On a personal note, I used to really enjoy having the house to myself when he went out for the night as I got to use the remote control for a change! However, when I got pregnant, all of a sudden, I jumped from 'Fantastic - a lovely self indulgent night in for me' to 'Oh right, so you're going out -again...' ! Like your partner, mine doesn't go out much and if he does come home a bit the worse for wear, he's very funny - a bit silly and very talkative. (If he became a monster like I do, that would be a different matter!) I think it's just my own fear of the unknown which suddenly makes his previously acceptable behaviour become an issue. It would be very easy to let this simmer away until one day, you just explode. However, if it really is bothering you, could you find a time when you are both relaxed and curled up together when you could gently raise the subject of how you are feeling? I think if you handle the situation well, you will come through this stronger - he will feel protective of you and you will feel rea__sured and loved. That's the theory anyway! Now I just have to follow my own advice! Bye for now.

Thank you so much for your advice. I had a civil talk with him just this past weekend about how I feel. He responded by saying "I am excited about the baby and trying my best. I may still slip up sometimes and you will still be yelling at me, but eventually I will get it." I guess I can't expect a miracle overnight. There were many things that I never gave notice to before I we got pregnant. It's amazing how so much is changing! There are even certain friends that we have had for years that I can now do without! Boy do I sound hormonal or what????

Dogmom- that's great that he is at least receptive to your feelings. Maybe if you tell him that you are fine with the occasional night out w/ the boys but you just don't want it to be all the time he may feel better about it. Tell him you may want your occasional nights out as well!!!

How often does he go out??

He goes out about once a week. It was okay when I went with him or went out with my girlfriends. I just think differently now that we have a child on the way. I do not want to be the type of mom that goes out drinking and comes home drunk. And I would hope my fiance does not want to be that type of dad.

I thought I was the only one..!! I'm 38 and he's 41, not married yet, this was a total surprise to us ( 18 weeks now), but you would think something went wrong with him, going out, closing the bar, and it's okay because it's not all the time,, I need my freedom now because I won't have any after the baby, you can't conrtol my life, blah blah blah,, but then other times he is more excited about the baby then I am..?? I've been chalking it up to him just Freaking out,,and hopefully he'll come around, otherwise he'll have to go. I can't have this after the baby, I shouldn't have to deal with it now. But I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he will realize that it's time to grow up.

Thank you for letting me know I am not the only one out there dealing with this! Lately things have been getting better, but who knows what tomorrow will bring. This week he claims "i'm sick of the bar thing". I just pray that this behavior does not continue after the baby is born. I am going to need him more than ever!!!!

It will work out. I guess it just takes them a little longer to figure it out, being first timers, and they aren't going through what we are, maybe an ultrasound or the actual birth will jolt something in them :) I'm really trying to believe this,, as I'm at work and he got off early and is sitting in the BAR right now..!!!! I guess if i wasn't pregnant I would be doing the same trying to cool down and not wanting to be home alone. At least he doens't try to hide it. And like he said after the baby comes there will be no stopping at the bar when your off early, at that point you pick the baby up early and spend time with them. Who knows ,,but it will all work out,, I go so back and forth on it,, Thank you hormones..

Wow! How similar these two men are!!!!! We had an ultrasound two weeks ago. His expression was priceless. He was so amazed with what he was seeing on the screen. The tech gave us pictures and when we got home he ran out to the bar with his baby's picture in his hand & met up with his friends to tell them all about his experience!!!!! He came home that night a bit later than usual . The next morning I went to wake him up to let him know how upset I was with him, but when I walked over to his side of the bed I saw he was sleeping with the baby's sonogram picture right next to his head. He fell asleep while looking at it. How could I stay mad at him for that??? I can't tell you how many times my fiance has gotten off work early and headed right to the bar while I was still working. He meets up with his friends (all of which are married or living with someone) and the women get annoyed!

OMG, that is sooo cute! Really it is. I'd have to let him go for that one, too... My bf owns a bar. I can so relate to all of the going out and getting drunk, hanging w/ the boys etc. He's not so bad because he sees that- people drunk and stupid, etc. and it makes him aware enough not to be like that.. He is actually pretty remarkable, doesn't always drink- rarely drinks too much, etc. So I just keep my very hormonal and very watchful eye on him. I was kinda b___hy before pregnancy, now I think i'm a monster! I do make remarks if I'm not happy about something, etc. It does make me sad to think he wont be able to be home every night- but well, lot's of couples have different shifts and at least he can be somewhat flexible, though he does need to be a careful and responsible business owner and be there.

Hi Micsmms3, At least your boyfriend will be around more during the day. That will help you out a lot. My fiance' still surprises me from time to time. I have always been the type of person who did everything on their own and felt funny asking someone for help. I have been having some severe lower back pain with my pregnancy. Last night the pain was so bad and I had trouble walking. My fiance' was at the gym and I called him up crying. He came ritght home and took care of me for the rest of the night. I have to admit....it was nice to be taken care of.

dogmom- Aww, again, so sweet! How far along are you? One thing that keeps coming up in my fam is that we are not married. My dad is almost demanding that he marry me. How depressing and desperate is that? At least it makes me feel depressed and desperate. We've been together for 3 years this October-- and we've basically lived like we are married for the last 2 years. We even bought a house 2 years ago, got a dog, etc. I don't believe in a shotgun wedding, and being 36 (me) and 43 (him), I really think that it's a completely different situation from being an 18 year old, or teen. I understand where they are coming from but well, no one ever said that life is easy or perfect. (venting!!!). My BF has really proved himself to be an honorable guy, especially to my parents. He does alot with them, and for them. His feelings are hurt, that they doubt his character and think he'll run out on the baby. I keep telling them that marriage is no guarantee for anything... Lots of people are married to creeps! Maybe this is not the proper "order", I'm sure we'll get married soon enough. I think it would be strange to go and scurry and get married so quickly after finding out that we are expecting, especially at 5 months, and now i'm half way to 6 months. Oh, i don't know. it's a frustrating situation.

Marriage hmmmm same delima, not going to do it until I see what kind of father he'll be, that was the same thing I told my mother, this is no guarantee that he will run out, and if I'm not sure of he'll run or not why marry to have to deal with that whole mess if it does.? sometimes i feel like I'm setting it up to fail, other times I feel like i'm being realistic, who knows, Had ultrasound yesterday It's a BOY,, and he went out at 6:30 and closed the BAR.. I was hurt, mad, everything. he explained to me that he wanted to celebrate, but all i could see is it's a Thursday night, you barelyt even know these people and they really don't care, there are just excited that your buying drinks and have something to celebrate, What about me sitting here all alone, stewing. but I'm over it I guess, I have to either except it or change it, and I'm thinking he's not going to grow up anytime soon. so can I live with a man that needs to go out and act like a 21 year old to make himself feel not so old, and have his drunk self come home and disrupt me and the baby, then deal with the self pity he puts himself throught the next day,, I'm never drinking again I spent to much money,, whaa my head hurts.. WHATEVER..... I think if my parents knew that side of him they wouldn't even be whispering marriage, It would be more like WHAT are you DOING! Maybe I'm just overly hormonal,, but I thinks it's just a huge lack of respect for me and our soon to be new family. Man I feel better to get that off my chest,, at least i know his routine and I'm not in for something like this for about another 2 weeks.. I did get my claws out when he was suggesting names this am,, How dare him sit and ask strangers in a bar about baby names..!!!! but some were pretty good. see so back and forth,, I'm just soo tired,, ohh well so far everything is good, boy and everything looks like it's delevoping pretty good, so 1/2 way there WHat do you think about last names, his or mine..?? I think his even though we are not married, especially with a boy, and hopefully it all works out and we get married about a year after the baby..

I am 4 months pregnant. I also have been getting some heat from my family about not being married. My fiance' and I have been together for 8 years now. We also have a home and two dogs. Over the past few years I have looked into possibly having a wedding, but I was never happy with the locations,price etc.....Basically I realized that at 37 years old I am just not the "wedding" type. This year we discussed planning a wedding again....I told my fiance' that having a baby was more important to me than having a wedding. I realized that if I booked a wedding now then chances were that it would be another year before our actual wedding day and another year I would have had to wait to start my family. So I told my fiance' lets try to get pregnant over the next few months and in the meantime I will plan a wedding. A month later, with still no wedding plans, we were pregnant!!!! Now I will not be having a wedding. I much rather spend the money on my baby. When we do get married I would like to go to the justice of the peace with a few friends and then go out for dinner.

Hey dogmom- your situation sounds similiar to mine. My dh and I have been together for 16 years, lived together, bought a house, etc. 4 years ago we decided too get married. Spending a ton of money on a wedding was just not one of our priorities but since we were planning to try for a baby soon, we figured we'd do it. So we took a vacation, went to a NASCAR race and eloped 2 days after the race. We had a priest and the best man was my little Chihuahua. It was perfect. I had a beautiful dress, photographer (booked 24 hrs earlier) and we taped it on Dh's camera. We just came back from vacation and played the tape for our families and that's how we broke the news.