In Need Of A Shoulder To Cry On And Wise Words

3 Replies
lonely and confused - November 18

 When I got pregnant, my boyfriend was so excited that he never wanted to leave my side, even wanted to marry me. He would always tell me how proud and happy he is, that I have given him a reason to live. Then suddenly when I was at 16 weeks, he started behaving strangely. Only to find that he had gotten back together with his ex who is also pregnant with his child . He started lying to me and coming up with every excuse in the world as to why he can't see me. A few days later, I found out he has moved in with with this girl at her home. When this started, he would ignore my calls and never responded to my texts and it used to hurt like hell. Then to add salt to the wound, his girlfriend started calling me and telling me to leave his boyfriend alone. Soemtimes she would call me with his phone in the middle of the night just to prove that they are together. I remember it felt like my whole world just came crashing down, I hated myself for falling pregnant.

Now at week 25, nothing has changed and I haven't even stopped thinking about him. No matter what has happen, my lonely little heart still has hope that one day he will come back to me. Am I naive to think like this? At the same time, I have this strong urge to destroy him. I keep thinking of ways to destroy him the same way he destroyed me. He destroyed my life and my career and doesn't even seem to care about it. Sometimes I feel like I am loosing my mind, I even want to go to court and find a lawyer who will help my lay a civil claim against him. I mean: am I wrong? He promised to marry me, impregnated me and then ran off to be with someone else while I pick up the pieces of what used to be my life and move on. Now I am at a verge of loosing my job since I can't work in the mining industry while I am pregnant. So when I go sit at home, who will provide for me? How will I be able to provide for me and my baby? The money people get for maintenance will not be enough. Even so, what happens if I need medical attention before giving birth (before clainming maintenance)? Where will I get the money to buy maternity wear and new born clothes? This is my last month at work and with each day that comes, confusion strikes.


Grandpa Viv - November 18

Sympathy! You have lost him and the sooner you can accept that, forget him and move on the happier you will be. I know it takes a while to get over trauma like this, but the memory will fade over time.

Start focusing on a plan for the future. You have some savings. Canada has universal health care, correct? Your company's health care plan may cover you for a while after you quit. Talk to personnel, there may be a desk job you can do for the next four months. There's more to mining than driving truck.

Check out the used clothing store, talk to mothers who are not planning any more children, join a prenatal class where there may be others who can sympathize and help.

Once your baby is born you have the option of adoption or going to back to work and trying to make ends meet. It can be done though your life will be much different. I feel a special bond here since i spent my career in the mining industry too.


lonely and confused - November 19

Thank you for your response Grandpa Viv. I am residing in South Africa and I am not sure whether there is universal care. 

When I disclosed the fact that I am pregnant at work, they gave me an office job only until the end of this month. But this was a favour from their side because according to the contract I signed, my contract had to be terminated as soon as I got pregnant. 

The other thing that is hurting is the fact that this other girl I was talking about is also pregnant with his child. So there is no chance of fixing this relationship and I think I have made peace with that. 



Grandpa Viv - November 19

Oh dear! I don't suppose for a moment that ZA is as generous with benefits as Canada or USA. Do you not have family to fall back on, even if they are poor and rural? In some parts of Africa a baby like this is cared for by the extended family while mother goes back to work to send money home.

Thinking outside the box, the other woman is going to have a child to look after and may be able to look after yours too. You can pass down your maternity clothes. The five of you with two salaries make a viable financial unit. You don't have to become a second wife to do this. All you have to do is get over the insult to your dignity and negotiate appropriate relationships.

Say Hi to Jo'burg for me. It is over 50 years since i was down the City Deep. Visit my profile for more.




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