Muslim Boyfriend Left Me Pregnant

1 Replies
luna_miel - October 11

I am a 24 Hispanic  and had been dating a 26 year old Muslim Bangladeshi guy for 8 months when I surprisingly fell pregnant. When he asked me out I hesitated at first but was encouraged by mutual friends about what a good guy he was and how he didn't practice his faith. We started dating and everything was great, he was amazing and caring and we fell in love. Don't get me wrong I was aware about his strong culture and religion so I asked whether it was ok for him to date me on our first date and several times through out our relationship and he always said that it was ok to mary a woman of the book (I'm Catholic) as long as we raised our children Muslim. I asked him continuously what if his family doesn't except me and he would always use the line 'I don't let my mother choose my clothes so why would I let her choose my wife'.  (He lives with his mother, younger brother and older sister as his dad had passed away). He had even said this to my mother who was worried about me dating him as she was afraid his family would not except me. He has met my family several occasions as he comes round for dinner and they all welcomed him with open arms. He always said and we have always promised that as long as we stay strong together we can overcome anything.

I have always taken interest in his faith learning and reading about it, asking him questions to which he didn't know the answer to and then sharing with him what I had learnt to which always made him happy. I always tried to make him feel comfortable by asking whether he wanted me to fast with him during ramadan out of respect for him but he has never fasted before. He pretends in front of his family that he does but would eat straight away outside or at work. He drinks, smokes which I don't so I've always tried to encourage him to stop. His mother knows of me as she's bumped into us now and again and he did end up telling her he was dating me showing her my picture, as she has kept trying to introduce him to potential wives, but never did he say I was not Muslim. She told him he should marry me then but he was not ready as he still had not finished his studies.

When I found out I was pregnant I was surprised as I was on contraception however I have a medical condition which makes getting pregnant difficult so I found this as truly a blessing from God. He was excited and happy when I told him and for the first three months we were planing what to do.  He was making sure I was following a good diet, planning where to live and he came to all my scans. He told several of his friends and colleagues excitedly who congratulated us and he has told his younger brother.

However, when I finally told my family at 14 weeks and surprisingly they were super happy and supportive he seemed sad and that's when he got cold feet. He then met up with me to tell me he did not want a child as he was not ready to lose his mum over this nor was he ready to raise a child. He said he no longer wanted to be with me and wants nothing to do with our child. I respected his decision as heart breaking as it was as I understood he had to sacrifice a lot. I told him sadly that was fine I would raise the child by myself with the help of my family even though I was confused as we knew this was to happen and had spoken several times about the outcomes of being with me. He said he wanted a Muslim wife, I said wasn't it enough that we raised our children Muslim, but if he could respect my faith but he said no. So I told him I've always been willing to learn about his faith which he knows and that maybe if he gave me time and practised with me so I could learn from him but he said no it wasn't enough. Considering he doesn't practice at all, I can't help but realise he is only scared, trying to please his mother and using this as an excuse. He thinks he can pretend nothing has happened and plans on not telling his mum anything and carrying on with his life.

Now no longer together, and having accepted him to live his life without me or the child it is still not enough for him as he is now aggressively asking me to have an abortion as he says 'Its not fair on him having to live with knowing he has a child out there'. This is where I've drawn the line as I am against abortions and am ready to take responsibility for something that we both caused. However, he is still angry calling me to get it done calling me selfish. It breaks my heart and I have no idea what to do. Please help me with some advice. It's not fair on a innocent child to have to endure this. I love him so much as he is my first love. I can take the rejection but its not fair on my child, I want her/him to have a father.


scatteredmusician - November 1

Congratulations on your soon-to-be mom-hood and bless your heart for standing up for your baby’s life.  You fell in love with someone who does not share important life values with you and now you are seeing the fallout and I am so sorry.  It is hard to read the mind of someone whose culture is so vastly different.  Maybe he wanted a child to prove his manhood, maybe he just ignored the very real problems being with you would bring, who knows?  The reality is that he not only left you, clearly (and I am sorry to say it) does not treasure you as you thought, but now is demanding the death of your baby just to make himself happy.  This is not someone you would want to spend your life with and in time you will see this.  For now, thank God for your LO and for the support your own family is giving you.  There are a lot of resources out there for single moms, make use of them.  Can you counsel with someone at your church?  Is there a trusted friend with whom you can talk things out?  After the baby is born, try to find a chapter of mothers of preschoolers.  You can find a lot of support and advice there.  Best wishes.  I have prayed for you and your situation.



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