Why Do They Do This

10 Replies
mommyke - June 23

Anyway my questions is this - Who are these horrible women that would knowingly start relationships w/ married or otherwise taken men when their wife is pregnant??? DOesn't it say something about the way they treat the wife that someday he could treat you that way? It just makes me so angry that some women have no shame and fall for these awful men who convince them that they are unhappy or whatever. Maybe it is just b/c I would NEVER be the other woman, but seriously! Now in no way do I think the "other woman" is to blame, it is definately the creepy man's fault. But I just wonder why a woman would want to be in a relationship with a guy who would cheat on the woman who is having his child. Ok, I am done with that rant.Obviously, I myself have been cheated on by my husband, and while I mostly blame him, I also can't get my head around why she wanted to be with him, when she knew about me and my pregnancy


LL - June 23

mommyke, I'm sorry you’re having to go through this. I don't understand these men or women either. I'm not married, but I've been dating the father of my unborn child for 2 years now. The last 9 months or so of our relationship have been very rocky and sometimes on again off again. He insists that he has never cheated on me and wants to stay together during my pregnancy and for the baby to try and make things better. This is what he says but his actions are totally different and my gut instincts tell me that he has or is cheating. He is constantly out with his friends. He's been drinking a lot more than usual and makes comments to me when I get dressed that I must be trying to get cute for my other boyfriend. Last night he called me at 2:00am and didn't come in until about 3:00. I told him I just can't do this anymore and I made him give me his key to the apartment. Sometimes I think I'm hormonal and other times I know my gut instinct is most likely right but I just don’t have any proof. We both know I don’t trust him and I guess that says it all. I definitely think the men are to blame but I also feel that a lot of women could care less about being "the other women" and would rather just have someone than be alone, even if it's someone that would cheat on their pregnant wife or girlfriend. How far along are you and what are you planning on doing about your husband’s infidelity? I'm 35 weeks and I've felt so unattractive and undesirable lately but I know that's no excuse for my bf to cheat, I guess my former bf...... Let me know how you’re doing.


mommyke - June 26

Well last night we had it out, and he said the most horrible, disgusting things to me, that I don't think I will ever get over. HE called me names, made everything my fault becuase I "don't listen" (like he's my father and I am 8 years old). Today is my birthday, and it has to be the absolute worst he has ever treated me. Things have been bad over the past 6 months, but never in my life has anyone told me just how much he hates me and how horrible I am. ALl I wanted was for him to be nice to me, to come home, to spend A LITTLE time with me, and to love me. Was it asking too much? Apparently so. He made me sleep in the spare bedroom. The worst part is that I am falling apart - I feel like I am going crazy with grief. And I have to go to dinner with my parents tonight and I am going to have to tell them b/c it will be obvious something is wrong since I am spending the night alone. I just am not ready to tell them, but I have no choice. Happy birthday to me! I am 25 weeks, and though getting pregnant was a mistake, I am grateful for this little one, b/c he is the only thing getting me through the day. Good luck to you - you are stronger than me by kicking him out.


mommyke - June 28

He ended up coming to dinner w/ my parents (not b/c I invited him, but b/c my dad happened to call him and mention dinner and he showed up and acted like he was going). I let it go b/c I am weak and didn't want to face the confrontation and then have to deal w/ my parents. He was VERY nice and paid for the dinner. This is why he is SO confusing!!! One day he is the man I married and caring and supportive, and the next day he acts like a child. So yesterday, I went to dinner w/ my girlfriend and I came home to an empty house. Yup - he was at the bar again. Said he would be home. I woke up at 1:30 and sure enough he wasn't home. So I called him and told him that I couldn't do this anymore. He was nice and said that I was being silly and that he loved me, etc... that he would come home and we could talk about it. But then he called me back and said he wasn't coming home b/c I was being mean to him and he was going to his hometown (about a half hour away). So I exploded. I threw the LARGEST temper tantrum imaginable. Needless to say, he went anyway. I think I finally hit my limit. I cannot take this stress anymore. It is killing me and overwhelming my life. I am going to leave today, maybe go to a hotel (I'm just not ready to do the emotional thing with my parents, and I will need their help) And you know... I really don't think he's going to care. I just have to take myself out of this situation b/c it isn't healthy and I don't want to harm my baby. I really appreciate your posts - its good to know there is someone else (not that I would wish this on anyone). Thank you for your kind words and letting me vent.


frankschick2001 - June 28

Mommyke: Sorry you have to experience cheating, it can be devastating. I was cheated on by a boyfriend and that hurt like crazy but being cheated on by a husband must really be some painful stuff. Anyway, you ask why women do this but then say they are not to blame. Yes they are. So are the men. They both share equal fault. the only difference is that the woman never made a verbal or legal commitment to you. But she is equally to blame if she knew that you existed. I guess these women have low self esteem and will form relationships with anyone they are attracted to, no matter who it hurts, including themselves! I feel very sorry for these types of ladies.


LL - July 3

Hey mommyke, just wanted to check in to see how you’re doing. Did you end up leaving? Are you okay? I'm just concerned about you.


joylen - July 5

I really hate that there are other people going through this but it is nice to know that I'm not the only one. I'm 24 years old and have a six year old son who's father pa__sed away two years ago. For the past year I've been dating an old high school boyfriend and life could not have been better. He was wonderful with my son and really loved and respected me (or so I thought). We conceived in early January (I'm 28 weeks) and let me start off by saying that this pregnancy was completely planned and he was extremely excited about the news. Well, in early April things started to take a turn for the worse. His business started doing not so well and it started causing financial stress on both of us and then he started staying out at bars, playing cards, not coming home until 2-5 am. He would call and say he would be home shortly and not show up for hours. He would then come home and sleep until noon while I was at work and get up and run a few errands, come home and shower and was out the door about the time I come home from work. I started getting really bad feelings that there was someone else and I actually caught him about a month ago staying at one of our good female friends house when he told me that he was staying with a guy friend. He came home in the middle of the night when I showed up and knocked on the door and confronted him about it although I told him I no longer wanted him at the house. I then moved his stuff out of my house over to his mothers as he was working out of town the next day and he hasn't been back home since. For the first couple of weeks he would call and tell me how much he loved me and he wasn't going to give up on us however, he wouldn't come talk about anything and his actions were telling me something very different. He refuses to tell me what's going on with him or talk about what he's feeling. All he has told me is that he loves me and things will work themselves out. It has now been a week and a day since I've even so much as heard from him and this morning his grandmother told me that he had a female friend from a job that he just recently started come over for lunch the other day. They both swear that they are "just friends" however, I have a different feeling about this one too. Something's just not right. I have been an emotional wreck for the past couple of months and feel so lost and heartbroken that I don't even know what to do with myself. I often find myself face down in a pillow on my bed just crying my eyes out. I too haven't told my parents that things aren't right although they can sense that there's something wrong. It's almost as if I'm holding out hoping that we will be able to work things out but then again I keep wondering if I will ever be able to truly forgive him for what he's done or if this is something that I will have to deal with again down the road if I choose to stay with him. I just don't know that I can take this kind of pain more than once.


jazyjewls - July 25

I am the "other women" I slept with a married man but this guy said that he was leaving his wife and all this other stuff it started out as friends I was having problems in my relationship he "he was too" so he said well we slept together and I got pregnant and he is still with his wife and kids and his wife dont wan thim to ahve anythign to do with my daughter I know what happened was wrong but we"women" erally dont know the truth hes tells me one thing and tells his wife aother i'm sure... I want to talk to his wife but he wotn let me... I was going to show up at his house just to talk to her and he said if I do he will call the cops on me for some reson he dont want me to talk to her so now i know everything he said about him leaving and them having all these problems were nothing but a LIE I take half the blame but he his just as much at fault as I am... Honestly you dont know what your husband said to this women we dont ask for divorce papers when a guy says they are getting divorced or getting seperated... I'm sorry for what I did and I'm sorry that this is happening to you... Would you want to talk to this otehr girl and get her side or would you rather not haev anythign to do with her...


mommyke - July 28

From what I understand, she knows about me. I still have no solid "proof" that anything is going on, but I know something isn't right. She is an old high school friend and when he hangs out in his hometown is when he sees her and everyone there knows me and knows I am pregnant. There is no way she doesn't know. His sister even told me that she ran into her at the bank and asked about my husband. His sister thought that was really wierd - almost stalkerish. He claims they are just friends, but she calls him 4-5 times a day. I will admit that he rarely calls her, it mostly seems like she is chasing him, but he talks to her when she calls. Don't get me wrong - I mostly blame him b/c even if they are "just friends" and she is doing all the calling, I still think talking to her 4 times a day is inappropriate. Part of me does want to meet her, but the other part doesn't see the point. I keep telling myself to get "proof", that maybe I am just making a big thing out of nothing, maybe I am being over dramatice, etc. But I also know that I find alot of what he is doing inapproprate and wrong. But I am scared to leave. I do still love him (no matter how much I hate that) and I just want a family. I want my son to grow up in an intact household. But then I think - is it healthier to grow up in an unhappy home. He swears he's not been with someone else and that he loves me, but I can't get past this bad feeling I have and being angry, b___hy, and suspicious only makes things worse. Anyway, I have some good days, but I still haven't left and I still haven't made a decision. I know it makes me weak, but I don't want to have to beg my parents for help.


mommyke - July 28

And to JAYZ - I have read your posts on other threads and I don't want to start a war of words with you, But I do not want to hear from someone like you that would knowingly sleep with a married man. I understand he could have lied to you and told you things were bad with his wife, but I just can't have sympathy for a woman who would do that. The pain I feel cannot be described, and to hear from someone who on other threads said "the wife just may not be pleasuring her man and that's why he came looking for me" makes me disgusted. I don't feel like I have done anything wrong, that there is anything wrong in our s_x life that would cause him to look elsewhere except he is a jerk. To blame the wife is disgusting and wrong. And I for one don't want to hear it.


sonotec75 - July 29

mommyke...i feel ur pain. I was there almost 7 years to date with my 1st husband. I was 25 wks prego when I caught him in bed with his now wife. I confronted them both and surprising enough I kept my cool. She knew he was married, she was also. She also knew that I was 25 wks prego. As a matter of fact when I delivered she was 10 wks herself. I went to live with my parents immediately. I had to have their support, I was still in college and was determined to make something of myself and for my baby. It hurt like H*LL but I made it. I've alsked her what she was thinking and she said that "nothing started until you separated". WTH..I filed for the D the day after I caught them in bed. I've also asked her if she truely trusted him. " Why wouldn't I?" Stupid is as stupid does. You will make it and that baby will be your life. Be strong and keep your ground. If he did it once he will do it again. That is how I feel. If you can't fully trust somebody then you don't need them. It has been 7 years and I'm now remarried to a wonderful man. He has been around since my son was 2.5yo and just adores him. My son calls him daddy. We are expecting our first in dec/jan. You will be just fine. I promise.



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