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kmoselle, I don't think you're being irrational in any way. I completely understand that having his girls only a few times a year would be quite difficult for your husband, but I do think that he can make plans that would include you and the new baby. I can't imagine that a blended family is ever easy, but the effort has to be made by everyone so that things go as smoothly as possible. It seems that for some men, there's no real attachment to a baby until its birth, so perhaps your husband will act very differently once your son is here. Also, given that he only sees the twins so often, perhaps you can come up with a plan together that will enable your husband to spend some time alone with them, but still include you and the baby in the bigger events. I hope this helps!

Oh, believe me- it does! And you hit it right on... my DH did say the baby is not here yet, he does not have that constant reminder that baby is on the way, so he does not think of him like that yet. That bothered me, too, seeing that I'm big as a house it should be a reminder to him that WE are pregnant. But you are right, men form that attachment at birth, not during the pregnancy like the moms. Thanks, you made me feel so much better!

I don't think you are being irrational but i do think his att_tude will change once the baby arrives. I think men have a hard time getting really excited about a baby's arrival since they can't see the baby or feel it moving around. I'm willing to bet he had the same nonchalant att_tude towards his daughters before they arrived. Maybe when he says something about how he is looking forward to his daughters comming this summer, say something like "yeah i think it will be so wonderful for the 5 of us to take walks in the park together" or " I think it would be great to get a family portrait of the 5 of us together." It's fine for them to do some things alone, if fact you will probably enjoy the quiet, but just keep reminding him that you will be a family of 5.

I think it is good that he is so involved with his daughters. He does not get to see them often and it is only natural that he wants to spend time with them. He is their father after all. He will spend 90% of his time with you and your son when his girls are not there. I do think you are being a bit irrational. Trust me, if you become jellous or resentfull of his kids- or the time he spends with them- it will only hurt your marriage. Also, calling them "little brats" is not very nice( hope you never say that in front of hubby). They might not be perfect, but they are only six (thus high energy and "destructive"). How will you feel if someone critisizes your son? I think you need to chill out and appreciate the fact that your husband is a good and dedicated father to his girls, which indicates that he will be likewise to your son.

He is a great dad- one of the reasons I married him! And I am all for him spending time alone with the girls- although he never has in the past- they are way too much for him to handle! And his kids ARE brats- their mom does not discipline them at all, nor does she spend any time with them. They have no manners- it takes us 2 weeks minimum when we have them to get them to say please, thank you or excuse me without telling them to say it. They lie to our faces, hurt, kick, pinch, punch, pull hair on our dog, blatantly do things we ask them not to while staring at us while they do it, break things that belongs to me- while staring at me while they do it, write on walls and floors with markers and crayons, hide their food in or under furniture, use their food as paint on the dining room table and chairs. Like it or not, they are brats. They are 6 and act like they are 2. And if my son acts like they do, then I would call him a brat myself. DH does not like to discipline the girls since he has so little time with them. So even when he sees them purposefully doing something wrong, he takes them outside so I don't go off on them or him. Since he doesn't discipline them, that means I take on the disciplinarian role and they hate me for it- making things worse for me when it comes to them respecting me. It usually takes them about 4 weeks to adjust and settle down and act like normal kids when we get them for the summer. But the 3 other times a year that we get them for 1 week are horrendous!!! So it does bother me that DH sees the girls acting like this yet thinks they are God's gift and can do no wrong. I do not want him raising our son like that. I think he needs to discipline the girls instead of rewarding them with trips and theme parks. I am not jealous or resentful of the girls in anyway- I know they act the way they do because of their mom. I do worry that he will spoil our son like he spoils those girls- without discipline or consequences for bad actions.

I agree with the other girls, you are not being irrational and men bond with babies after birth unlike women who bond from the beginning. Also, men are quite blinded by their little girls. My 2 yo dd is a sweatheart but she is also a beast. She has my dh wrapped around her little finger. The fact that he does not see them often also plays into his rose colored gla__ses. His att_tude towards the baby and including you both in the activities will change as soon as he arrives. Good luck to you!

Oh kmoselle, how I can relate!!!! My husbands dd is 8, almost 9 but lives here in town. We see here every week and it is just as bad. She is sick with cystic fibrosis so couple that with his guilt that he's not around as much as he wants and he lets her get away with ZEVERYTHING! He always says he doesn't want us to fuss at her when she is there because she isn't there much. I say, just because she's not there often doesn't mean she can be disrespectful and if my children pick up her bad habits, all hell will break loose! This is a constant battle between us becasue she gets away with a lot mor at mom's house and I won't be disrespected in my own house! We also have the "why is everything about her, what about your son" discussion. At Christmas, he bought her presents everytime I turned around but hadn't bought our son much at all. It wasn't until I wrapped the presents and put them out that he realized she had three to every one he had and he kind of started to see my point, then he went shopping for my son and went overboard. Its so hard! I always feel like there is a special place for her that no one can amount to and I worry that our children will notice it more the older they get and will resent him for it. I know I sometimes do! And to make it workse, this baby due soon is another girl so now it will be a compet_tion in his daughters eyes and I have a feeling that when she is around, he will ignore the new baby to keep from hurting his daughters feelings. Sorry for rambling but I totally understand what you are going through and you are not irrational!

Well we all forgot to look at these situations from a CHILD's perspective. A child did not ask to be born to dysfunctional parents who divorced/separated or had an unplanned pregnancy. A child who get tossed around one day here, one week there, or worse, on summer here and the rest there...having to deal with all the emotional stress of being a product of a parents (plural) "mistake" If you think as an adult mom you have difficulty dealing with a child, IMAGINE for a moment how a child feels dumped into such a difficult situation. Calling little kids "brats, mean spiteful, destructive...." COME ON do you think innocent children were born with these traits or they are inherent from an unfortunate situation the sadly find themselves in. These sound like children acting out. Although I do feel bad for your situations moms, I do feel true pity for the children, the real innocent victims.

Amen Skyeblue! You say it like it is. Kmoselle and Jcross have already said their DH deal poorly with their children, due to guilt. So the "fault" or "cause" however you want to put it comes from the adults behalf and the children simply react. We can't expect a child to deal maturely and rationally to such situations.

Unplanned on dh part, not on her part. DH and ex were going through a divorce. Ex, in the meantime went and got fertility treatments. When she was ovulating, she called dh over to pick up the last of his things, plied him with beer and had s_x with him.She thought if she got pregnant he would stay around. Boy, was she wrong! Her kids take after her- manipulative and spiteful. Doesn't help that she tells them they don't have to listen to anything I say, she tells them "she is not your mom, I am. You listen to me and I say you are not to listen to her." And she says this so I can hear. The kids aren't that bad, they juyst have too much of their mothers influence and dysfunction. Like I said, with summers, after a few weeks, the kids are great and behave well. It's the short weeks that we have to deal with their mom's manipulations, their acting act brattiness, and dh trying to get them to act normal by spoiling them, rather than disciplining them. I hope and pray the girls will grow out of their att_tudes and see how their mom truely is.

Hmmm kmoselle, sorry for your situation, BUT (there is always a but) your dh did have unprotected s_x with an ex--drunk or not that is not an excuse. He should have not had that 1st beer. I mean, it was 100% in his control--to drink the beer, to take off his clothes and to have s_x. And if he dare say for a second he is the "victim" of her seduction...well that doesn't say much for him either. Being married to her, he would certainally be well aware of her manipulative ways, he just chose to ignore them to have an orgasm. Anyway as you said yourself it is the adult influence in these poor children's life that make them tick...for the good and/or bad. You do sound very harsh and irrational (as you say) in your initial post. These children are the victims of their parents stupidity. Good luck

I know you guys are probably right and I am just being irrational and hormonal. But at the same time I can't help but feel justified in how I feel. Only time will tell if it is just hormones or if I just really don't like his daughter. I tell you one thing though- if the one girl hurts my baby like she hurts my dog- I will never allow her back in my house again. I would leave my husband over that!

Believe me, I agree with you that a child is a product of their environment and I don't blame her for having issues, but that does not make it any less frustrating. And my frustration is directed at my husband, not my setep daughter. Despite the fact that she can be a pain, I treat her as my own and my expectations of her behavior are no different than what I expect from my other children. No one is blaming the kid for being in an environemtn they can't control, but it's not irrational or wrong to be frustrated at the husband and the situation! Trust me, I work very closely with his ex-wife to try to create a stable environment for his daughter. And he refuses to work with her. Probably a product of 6 years of constant struggle with her, however, I do what I can to make my step daughters live stable and consistent. it just is sometimes a strain on my relationship with DH.

Yes- I try to never let the kids see my frustration with them or their daddy. I play it cool while they are around, pretend to ignore their att_tutes, but then b__w up soon after they are on the plane, well, sometimes after a few days while they are napping. I do try to spend alone times with the girls, let one go with their daddy and one with me, then we switch- taking them to store or for ice cream or on a bike ride- just so DH can spend time alone with each. Together they fight each other for his attention. The girls are great with me when I am just with one. The girls are ok with me when it's just me and them- we color together, bike ride, swim, hopscotch, I paint their nails and do their hair, etc. They do gang up on me, but it's not too bad. But when it's all of us- they hate me, disrespect me, torment me. Maybe it's them competing with me for their dads attention or trying to prove that they don't have to listen to me when he's around, I don't know. What I do know, he lets them get away with it. I know they are still (and always) his babies. I just wish he would consider my feelings when he allows them to lie to me or disrespect me. Instead of him saying "Hun, they are only here for a week, let it go" he needs to say to them, "you need to respect and listen to your step-mom, she's the grown-up here." Something along those lines, anyway.