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As some of you on the January moms thread know, my husband left me on December 2, at almost 36 weeks pregnant. I was devastated. I'm ashamed to admit, but I stopped taking care of myself completely. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, and couldn't get off the couch. My mom convinced me to go to her house for dinner on December 6. I was there for 20 minutes and my water broke. Contractions started immediately. When I got to the hospital, my doctor stopped my contractions and decided to try and hold off labor for a few days since I was only 36 weeks when my water broke (which they think was due to dehydration). I spent the next 3 days waiting to meet my little guy in the hospital. My husband was up there twice to visit me, but I eventually had to tell him not to come back until they induced me because it was just too painful for me to see him. I had a panic attack after the second visit, they were giving me Ambien so I would sleep at night, and Xanax to calm me during the day. My doctor actually tried to convince me to have him banned from the floor, but I didn't feel it was fair to deny him the right to be there when our son was born. So, finally, on Tuesday, Dec. 9th they put Cervadil in to start thinning out my cervix (when I was admitted I was only dilated to fingertip), and I made huge changes overnight. So, at 6 a.m. on Dec. 10th, they started Pitocin. Oh, holy c__p, it was the worst pain I'd ever felt in my life. They kept cranking up the Pitocin to try to get me dilated to 3 (I had to wait until then to get an epidural), but it ended causing me to have a contraction that lasted for almost 20 minutes (literally). But, finally, I dilated to 3 and got my epidural. Thank God for good drugs. After that, I started dilating really fast. Once I hit about 7, my epidural started wearing off and I got the urge to push. It was horrible trying to hold that off. Finally, 10 cm rolled around, and I got the ok. I think I pushed for about an hour, and at one point, my doctor reached inside and turned baby because he was coming out with his head sideways. And, of course, I ripped. When he finally came out at 7:34 p.m. weighing 7 lbs 12 oz (at over 3 weeks early!) and 21 inches long, it was the most amazing sight I had ever seen in my life. They whisked him away to make sure he was ok. However, I my pain was not over. Somehow, my cervix ripped during delivery, so he had to sew me up. However, by this point, there was no more epidural. I felt every st_tch from my cervix rip and from my other rip. That was the worst part of the whole thing. I screamed it hurt so bad. However, after that was finally over (45 minutes later), everything was fine and I got to hold my little angel for the first time. He looks EXACTLY like his dad. That is a little hard for me, but I think he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. David (my husband) and I are still up in the air, I think. I'm fighting for our marriage and I don't know how it's going to turn out. I ask that everyone keep fingers crossed for us. We've gone through so much with infertility and finally having our baby boy that it is so sad that we aren't being able to share this together. Good luck to all the moms still waiting to deliver. I was terrified of the pain, and, I'm not going to lie, it hurt. But, it was so worth it. And, truthfully, I've already forgotten how bad it hurt. I would have another one in a heartbeat!
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