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hi bubbagirl, you are the only person i have found on the net who has said anything about how they went with their pregnancy and whether or not it helped your condition afterwards. i waited till i was married to have s_x, and gave up using tampons at a young age. my wonderful husband waited 4 yrs for me, and then we got married and was very understanding on our wedding night and the year following where all i would do was cry when we tried to have s_x. i no longer cry, emotionally i have tackled this issue, however we still have not managed to 'penetrate' at all. we call it practice now rather than s_x. lol here is my surprise tho, i got pregnant last year, and its a dream come true. i have spoken to my midwife which is when i discovered this was an actual condition, not just me, and she thinks i will be fine to give birth even tho i have never ever... in your post you say giving birth naturally stretched you out and you have now enjoyed s_x and have 3 kids. that is great to hear, i was wondering if you could tell me if you did anything to avoid tearing as that is a worry for my midwife, and i am simply hoping that giving birth will help me have s_x? if its not too personal, is there any advice or clarity you could give me??? i give birth to my daughter in a month! even if you cant help, thanks for your post, its a relief to know that someone did give birth naturally and get on with their s_x life.

Hi everyone; I have suffered from vaginismus for a year and a half of marriage, only in the past six months I was able to somehow enjoy intercourse and have -almost complete- penetration. My dad is obs/gyne and he recommended me the dilation exercise: may be many of you heard of it already, but Id love to share it because it was a succesful experience. I used different sizes of cuc_mbers, from very tiny to very thick (almost p___s size) and I wrap a condom and lubricant around a thin one, and I insert it (Better to use a mirror) and once it reaches PC muscle, try to contract and relax; contract and relax the muscle; You have to train your muscle to be under your control rather than being merely a muscular reflex. Try to increase the width of the cuc_mber everyday until you are comfortable with a p___s size one. That will re-wire your brain and will prevent involuntary contraction when real intercourse happens. Idealy, try to abstain from intercourse during that week, I know its hard but the exercise is more efficient that way. Now I have been trying to conceive for 20 months and hope to get pregnant soon :)

Hi pregnantvirgin! I'm so happy i came accross this forum and found your disccussion. I am married for 1 and half year and suffering from vaginismus (undiagnosed). Just like everyone else here, we are having difficulty doing the act. We are scheduled to see a doctor next month to help us with our problem. I really...really want to have a baby :-( I am just curious, how did you get pregnant with vaginism? I've read that when a man ejaculate on the v____al opening, there is a chance of getting pregnant? Is it really true? Thanks so much and would really appreciate any advice or tips on getting pregnant from you. :)

Hi wannabemommi, Unfortunetly im not pregnant yet, my fourth cycle of Clomid started yesterday :( however there is so much hope to get cured, and actually enjoy intercourse rather than just pressuring yourself to have a baby. And yes, I know people who got prego with vaginismus, but from research I made its very rare. Please try to follow the training I described to you above, its simple and you can do it at home at your privacy without having a doctor knocking at your v____a with scary specula !! Hope you get prego soon :) tc

Hi wannabemommi, I am happy to help with my experience, will sit down soon and write what i think helped me. By the way, i had my baby girl naturally, and really succesfully. Baby bridgette and i are very happy. i should have time in a couple of days. and i can certainly understand avoiding the cuc_mber idea,although i was also told to do that too, i much prefer to work on this situation with my husband as its alot less intrusive and far more personal. and he is pretty good at getting me to relax, i dont think i could relax with a vegetable, or anything else. talk soon.

Will look forward to your "post",pregnantvirgin. =) So happy to hear u had your baby girl naturally, and i'm sooo happy to hear this kind of stories. I guess we are very fortunate to have a very understanding and supportive husbands. and to you Human, I hope this will be your last cycle for clomid =)take care! Nice to talk to someone like you here. [3

Hi pregnantvirgin, i'm sorry i did not get to your post until now. in fact i had forgotten that i had written anything on this site. i'm sure you now have your baby--i'd be curious to hear how it went. as for me, i tore delivering my first, but i think long labor and other things may have been a factor in that also. but they just st_tched me up. in fact i recovered faster after being torn (a 2nd degree) than with c-section scars. my subsequent two babies were breech, so we had to go c-section. so to all the soon-to-deliver mommies out there, it is NOT the end of the world if you tear. you'll recover just fine.

Hi pregnant virgin, I was wondering how you went with your birth?? Congratulations!!

Hi pregnant virgin, I was wondering how you went with your birth?? Congratulations!!

hi all.. i too suffer this problem.. i am 28 now.. i and my husband want to start a family.. i thought i wud never be able to get pregnant bcoz of my condition.. but i read that few of you lucky ladies hav given birth to wonderful kids.. i know this is personal but i want to how it is possible to become pregnant without penetration.. pls pls advice me.. i am in a desperate situation..

hi to all the people going through this. a few people have posted asking how i went with my birth last year and i have been so busy i havent answered. also i was hesitant to answer as i really dont have the answers your looking for. i did however have a natural birth without drugs. it was an amazin experience. i will tell you the things i think are relevant based on what i have seen people say on this forum. firstly, there were ways around pelvic exams throughout my pregnancy. my midwives were very helpful, i recommend always use a midwife, not only are they there for your baby but they are there for you too. no one went anywhere near my v____a until my water broke. even when i had my ultrasound and tey needed a better scan and had to do it internally she only just touched the outside of my v____a, she never went in and she got what she needed. i have a good friend who has had 5 kids and is frequently birth partner for alot of people she knows. she recommended perineal stretches to aviod tearing. although she insisted i do this i put it off consistently and never did it. i also put off birth cla__ses, and i wound up with a month to go and not sure what i was going to do. i was very worried that i would have to have a c section. let me tell you now- IT IS NOT A PROBLEM! giving birth is entirely different to trying to have s_x. i was lucky for an easy birth, but still i would give birth anyday compared to trying to have s_x early on in our marriage. now i did tear slightly as the baby came out, i was surprised i didnt tear more considering my history. it was a little uncomfortable, but certainly not hard to deal with. the hardest part of my birth was afterwards when they had to st_tch the small tear and get the last of my placenta out. i used gas after my birth for this part which madde it a little easier but my friend still had to hold my legs so i wouldnt pull away or kick the doctor. also thy did not check my dilation until they were sure i was ready to give birth because thye knew i couldnt bear to do it more than once. if i was in the labor ward i guarantee it would not have been so easy, i had a midwife, and my very informed friend and a group practice midwifery group that i was in, alot like a birth centre group inside the labor ward.i was still in a hospital but it was a section of the hospital dedicated to helping mothers give birth the way they want. look it up, group practice in manly hospital or better yet, a birth centre! my labor was only 8 hours from the minute my water broke, i was very lucky. if you have a c section then you will never know if you could have done it. im so glad i did it the way i did. our bodies are made for this, contractoins just felt like a natural process and when my baby started to come out it mostly hurt because the skin was stretching, like a stinging feeling almost. but nothing like the pain we go through trying to have s_x. and that doesnt even last long, once you get through the process of the head coming out, you have a big push for the shoulders and then the rest slides out. without fear or drugs, and with faith in your own body and trust in the people around you, it is so worth doing. and do not do it lying down! there are alot of ways to do it, for me, leaning over pillows on my knees, but however you do it, give gravity the advantage. my baby came exactly 4 weeks early, and some could say early is better cause baby is smaller but in my case, my baby was a chubby healthy 395 grams, even her umbilical cord was unusually fat! i cant imagine how big she would have been if she waited any longer tho! The doctors actually asked if my due date was right cause of her size. other than a little jaundice which kept us in the hospital over a week, she is perfectly healthy and happy and now 14 months old. as for how i got pregnant, it has taken me this long to really figure out what info would be useful to you, since getting pregnant was a complete surprise. Whenever we tried to have s_x, it felt like he was hitting a wall. he did get inside, just a little, and that would hurt alot. one of the frustrating things was he would keep pulling out and going in again so i would have to go through the first part over and over again. once i got up the courage to tell him to keep going once he was in, but slowly we started to get somewhere. it still really hurt, and from what he tells me he hardly got in at all and there was alot further to go. but that is what we were doing when we got pregnant. someone on here said getting really turned on first helps and i agree with that. some people say use dilators or cuc_mbers! but half the battle i believe is emotional, so making out is alot more relaxing than using a cuc_mber. i suggest get yourself to a point where you really want him to do it, by doing everything else you can for as long as it takes. that i beleive is how i got pregnant, my sister after i explained it to her said with a laugh that i got pregnant because of my husbands super Pre-c_m. and that is essentially, if not crude how we did it. i asked that we stop and try again the next day because it is alot of work to try to concentrate so we stopped but he had made a bit of a 'mess' and i said you know we should probably buy condoms as you never know we might get pregnant?? he bought condoms the next day, and we were so busy the next two weeks we didnt try again, and then i found out i was pregnant. suffice to say the condoms were never used. i hope this story isnt disappointing as i can imagine you were all probably hoping for some amazing breakthrough in getting pregnant without s_x but there really isnt one. getting your partner to the point of climax inside of you atleast a little even just at the entrance and at time of ovulation is really the only way i see that it can be done without being too invasive or emotionally draining. it took me months after birth to get up the nerve to try again, but that was emotional more than anything. once i did, now that i had more understanding of "myself" i said it feels like your hitting a wall. he didnt understand that. i spoke to my mum about it in frustration, and learned that she has always found s_x painful! which tells me she may have had the same as me, she said even now it hurts, but one thing she learned over the years that really helped was pelvic floor muscle. my birth partner had told me to try pelvic floor muscles, they say after birth you should pull your muscles up to exercise and strengthen them again. but my friend said do both pulling up and pushing out. i didnt give it much thought until mum told me that it helped her during s_x to physically push her muscles out on penetration. amazingly, IT WORKED. im sure you would all agree, that we tense our muscles up making it impossible. physically learning to push the muscles out at the right time actually stops you from tensing up and makes entry alot easier. she also told me that if it feels like he is hitting a wall, then he probably is. she said v____as are not a straight tunnel. i explained this to my husband and he made sure to move around a bit and i pusshed my pelvic floor muscles out. he got further than ever before and it is still a struggle now, especially with a baby all the time but i have to say those two peices of advice were crucial to my getting anywhere. when we are ready to have another baby we will stop using condoms and hope he is still as super as before. lol i am going to try the perineal stretches that were recommended to me tho, now that i am more comfortable, i would like to not tear next time. i hope i have helped by telling you this, and feel free to ask me any questions. dont give up, it is so worth it.

hi wannabemommi, wasnt sure if you would be notified that i had written on the forum, it took me along time to answer you but i have in response to someone else asking me, just writing this directly to you to ensure you get an email. Go on and have a look at what i posted, it should answer the question s you asked me some time ago.

Hi all, this here is Ash the thread starter. I don't know what happened to my original login or even what email it was under 6 years ago, but I changed my name here to Fawna back in 2007. A LOT has changed since my last reply in 2008. Firstly, I probably won't reply anymore after this because we aren't actually planning to have kids anymore. I'd like to, but it's a want my husband does not share. I've made peace with this so no worries. Well did stop having s_x like I had said in that post from 2008. We went through a lot of hard times together as well. Our intimacy had ebbed and flowed in the last 4 years. It's now 2012 and I still have this condition. But recently some progress was made. Something we had enjoyed for years (during the times we actually were intimate) was holding his p___s in my hands and rubbing it against my vulva. We are both able to climax from that. Well recently we were doing that and he somehow easily slipped in. It was a little uncomfortable but we both had a great time. The next time we did that he slipped in again. I don't know how, but for some reason, he has been easily slipping inside me. That time he went deeper and it was a little more uncomfortable than before, but I relaxed and just tried to enjoy myself. I think I need to get used to the feeling of something inside me. So ladies, please don't ever give up. And it's ok to take a break if you need to. We took breaks that lasted years. I still haven't visited a gyno, but it's a goal of mine to have a pap smear within the next year. I hope all of you make progress!

Hi, I had this problem, but I knew it might be an issue because my mom had the same thing. She had an operation shortly after her marriage to make a little "cut", which helped. I wanted to get the same thing, but she urged me to wait and see. It was a bit difficult but did seem to resolve itself after a while. However, if it hadn't gotten better, I would have sought the procedure. During my first birth, I didn't use drugs, and I think that was probably unnecessarily puritanical of me. I did tear and have to get st_tches, both without anesthetic. That hurt. I wouldn't get st_tches on my arm without an anesthetic, so why did I think I needed to get them down there without? I was brainwashed into thinking this would harm my baby. Well, I had the next two babies after an epidural, and they were just fine! This time the doctor made a cut before I could tear, so the st_tches were smaller and healed faster afterward. So not only was I not in any pain when I first greeted my baby, I was able to enjoy my first week with my new baby much more too.

Ladies, vaginismus can be helped greatly (and in some cases cured) with physical therapy for pelvic floor dysfunction. Pelvic floor dysfunction is caused by trauma, chronic pelvic illness (endometriosis, interst_tial cyst_tis, etc), or chronic pain, etc. You need to find a physical therapist that specializes in women's health and pelvic floor dysfunction. Just remember, you've been this way for quite awhile and it will take awhile to get better.

Please help me. I've been married for 10 years with no intercourse. It's too painful and both my husband and I have lost interest in the act. I think we stopped having foreplay 3-4 years into our marriage and have basically just become good friends living under the same roof. We love each other, but I think it's now taking a toll on us as we're growing older. I'm 41 and he's 44. Life doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Just dragging on. I am just broken and I know so is he.