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I can't believe how many of you are having the same problem I am. It's good to know that I'm not alone, but at the same time it's sad that it has to happen to so many of us. I was 4 months pregnant when my boyfriend left me. He said he didn't want a relationship, now he's got a new girlfriend (although he won't admit they're together but it's obvious) I just happened to get pregnant by a drifter. I didn't know until after I was pregnant, but he had gotten the girl before me pregnant too.. but she lost hers. Now this new girl will probably be pregnant within a year and going through the same thing I am and I would LOVE to warn her, however I don't feel like it's my place... that and she knew I was pregnant when she started dating him so I figure any girl that dates a guy who dumps his pregnant girlfriend deserves what she gets... anyway... sakhmet was absolutely right about the process... those were the same steps I took to getting over what happened. It gets easier every day. I've now realized that it's him that's missing everything, and it's not my fault if his daughter doesn't know who he is. So just keep your head up... it's really hard right now.. but it WILL get better...

~S~ you were definately right about not being able to tell how a guy really is.. my ex seemed so perfect for me. He's baptist like i am, same interests, same sense of humor, he was raised the same way i was, he's 27 so i THOUGHT he was mature, i never dreamed in a million years that he would do what he did to me. He's really shown his true colors and I can't believe that I was so blind. Turns out our relationship went almost exactly how his last one did. I never thought that would happen either (me and his ex are exact opposites.. but at least that proves it was him and not us). I really feel sorry for all of his future girlfriends (but not the current one). He really puts up an amazing front. Sad part is he's never once told me he was sorry.

knowing you man is not by being from the same religon or the same skin color. Its takes more to know someone, more time and more experiances with that person. In my opinion the ladies must and I cant be convinced other wise must be married before concieving any children. Some of you may come back and say well that does not garentee that hes not going to abuse me or leave me. Yes thats very true. But marriage doesnt come from just meeting the person, it takes time to really get to not just know the person but really understand him. How does he react in tough situations during your courtship? How does he treat his mom and dad? Does he respect woman in general or is he a pig that just want s_x? How does he treat you in bed? Does he care about your pleasure or just his? Does he drink a lot and does he check out other girls to much? What is his experiances in life? is he mature or does he still need teder loving care from mommy? How does he feel about his fianaces? and what are his ambitions and dreams when it comes to family? and of course theres more. Now I am not saying go interviewing your potential partner but keep and eyes for these things with out him realizing it. Knowing a person is shallow, its not enough to just have babies with him and or her if yor a man. Knowing a person is being able to conect with his soul, being able to read his next step with out any spoken words. Also what makes him happy, sad or angry? does he anger easily? Is he on some sort of prosac and bad drugs? Ladies we need to be able to think logic and just love. Or what we think is love. This does not raise children. Our brains need to think before we make a step with someone that has children from a previous girl friend. Dont say to your selves oh he wont leave me heck he left his kids his flesh and blood why would he not leave you? I dont care if you thought he was an angel think twice before you enter is someones mess. They always tend to go back to there first even if they impregnated you. It took me 8 years before I married my husband and i knew him well before I got in and I made sure he knew me well. We have been together for another 7 happy and ups and down years with children and one on the way. I feel comfy secure that our marriage will last untill death due us part. My intention here is not to put any of you ladies down but to make your aware that there are men out there that are wonderful and are looking for that wonderful girl, they are not all bad, but its your job to pick the best of the bunch and keep him and him you. Besides when you married to him and he leaves you because of any reason he still will be responsible for his child and there is still that bond that you both shared when you stood together and wed. its different than just begin boyfriend girl friend.

Sunshine I agree with you about marriage... I have made the decision not to have s_x again until I'm married so I don't have to go through this again. That, and I don't want to bring guys in and out of my baby girl's life so I'm not going to date either. Also I am going to get some educated opinions on guys before I date again (apparently my stepdad saw right through my ex but didn't tell me.. i told him to tell me next time! hahah) I have to say though, I never said that I thought I knew my ex JUST because we have the same religion. I lived with this guy for a year. He put up one hell of a front. He is sooo respectful to everyone he meets. Everyone loves him. My family loved him. He is very involved with his family, treats his parents like gold. His family loved me! He bought his grandparents land (213 acres) and their house so that it could stay in the family, and he now lives across the street from his parents. He has a 3 year old neice that he is soooo great with, he's great with all kids. He loves them. He doesn't drink much, doesn't like to go to the bar. He's very focused on his business, ambitious, goal oriented, successful. He had to write a list of goals as an excersize for his business and one of the goals was "to be an excellent husband and father," for the first few months of our relationship we would just talk about what we wanted in the future, what places we wanted to travel to, and learned a lot about each other... I know what makes him sad, happy, angry, upset...he seemed perfect....... or so i thought. As time went on in our relationship he began to be self-centered, he would only do things if HE wanted to do them. He would make plans with me but they would always fall through. Then he started to just completely neglect me. He would wake up in the morning and go to his parents before I even got out of bed, and then wouldn't come home until 10 or 11. He just didn't want to spend any time with me at all. And it's not like i was TRYING to have a kid with this man. I was unhappy for the last few months of our relationship, but something always got in the way of us breaking up (long story) well we had s_x ONE time in the month of october (the last time) and that's when I got pregnant. I just figure I was meant to have this baby. It just sucks that it has to be with someone who seemed so perfect but turned out to be a jerk... anyway after I got pregnant, our mutual friend told me that he had gotten his previous girlfriend too... and the more I looked back on our relationship, and what he told me about their relationship (his and his ex) our situations were VERY similar... which is strange because me and his ex were complete opposites (she was a tall brunette stripper raised by abusive parents... i'm a short blonde "good girl" raised by loving parents... that'll create some major differences) and I believed that things didn't work out with them because they were so different... turns out that wasn't the case! anyway at least i know that it isn't me and it isn't her... it's him... because if he does the same exact thing to two completely different girls... he's obviously the one with the problem... he's living on a timeline... he didn't want to be married or have kids until he was 30... and I think he's firmly sticking to that

Sunshine...Thanks for your comments, like I said, I do agree with A LOT of what you've said but I guess I like to play devils advocate everynow and then. The thing is, I don't believe marriage can prevent a person from doing wrong. I know it SHOULD, but it doesn't. Just like, a child should not keep a family together. My bf and I had a talk before I became pregnant that if we ever conceived and brought a child into this world and sometime down the road our relationship went totally sour, we would not stay together just for our kid. I grew up in that sort of family environment and I hated it, even as a kid, it provided me nothing but negativity in my young life. Also, you say that you should spend years getting to know someone before you enter in marriage. This I agree with whole heartedly. But I also believe that you can spend those years getting to know who you THINK this person is. Like I said, people can put up a front and act like they are something they are not, some are even capable of doing this for years. It's definitly not unheard of, sadly, I hear about it a lot. And unfortunatly, I myself am in a situation where I thought I knew my bf 100% but I'm starting to think "who is this guy??? this is NOT the guy I fell in love with" We've been together for almost 4 yrs now. If you were to meet him, you would most definitly think "wow, he's really a great guy and treats S wonderful" He's very poliet and kind to everyone, his friends, his family, strangers, me, everyone...He's very, very family oriented and loves everything he does. He treated me like I was his queen, he showered me with love day in and day out, there's not a day that goes by that he doesn't call me to say hello and ask how I'm doing and just to tell me he loves me. He cooks for me, he cleans for me, he helps me finacially without question, when I find myself in a rut, he buys me things that I need or want (I'm not selfish, so I don't ask for a lot) He's loving towards me and he's excited for our baby. He tells me things like "If we ever broke up for whatever reason and I was laying in a hospital dying, I would want you to be the last person I see and talk to" Now how sweet is that, it brought me to tears. My family loves him, he gets along GREAT with them. He's an amazing father to his 2 other children and just plain great. He's someone I pictured myself with forever, he's someone that I can confide all my secrets and problems to, he shares all his secrets and problems with me, he's someone I could have seen myself marrying sometime down the road.....He sounds great huh! Well guess what??? HE'S NOT! After almost 4yrs of believing that he would never hurt me, that he loved me endlessly and faithfully, I find out that he had or possibly still does have another woman on the side. He's actually got a full out relationship with this other woman. He won't admit to it when I question him, I do not want to go to her as this is my problem, not hers, the only way I know this is by very, very obvious items that I've seen and heard. Love notes from this woman, letters talking about how much she loves him and how happy she's made him over the YEARS they've been together and blah blah blah.....So, I thought I knew this guy, I thought he was perfect in every way, I thought he was someone I could enter a marriage with, but he fooled me and he fooled me for years. *sighs*

I was in the same situation 2 months ago. My boyfriend put me through so much stress all through our relationship and all through my pregnancy, when I was 6 months pregnant he left me.I was pregnant from twin girls. I lost them a week later. Dont make my mistake.Worry about whats important.I have to deal with my loss everyday, I lost them 3/04/05. I would rather have them here with me next month than to have him in my life. im 16 years old.I thought if you heard my story you'd think about it from different point of view, pain goes away that baby will be there forever. I feel like theres not enough that I can say to help you , but Im trying my best. Your story really worries me PLEASE dont let what happened to me , happen to you.This sounds pretty typical but when i was in the hospital for that whole week I sang Jesus songs and it comforted my heart. everythings possible with him on your side. Try it. everything will work out.

I am 31 and almost 8 months pregnant. Got married to the dad in Feb and he left me the next week for a week, came back...got a job for "us" at a topless bar..then I asked him to quit, he did and then just last week asked where he was and BAM...too many questions, I am too contolling and he moved out and left me again and this time won't even answer his phone. I am crushed..he said he was committed to our family and the smallest thing set him off and he ran away. It DOES hurt. Nothing else I can say except we don't have an option of running away. I never thought a man could be so hurtful to the person carrying his child we both wanted but like all of us...love is blind until we see the true nature of these immature men. I am hurting too, but take it day by day, cry and talk with your loved ones.

Read "STRESSED, i need advice, PLEASE" I am in the same situation, except, i'm 19, is your family going to let you stay at home? I moved away from home about a year and half ago, and now i'm living with my sis trying to get on my feet again, but i have to be out by the time the baby is born, my job doesn't pay enough, so i have to look for another and am running out of time

Does it really matter why he left you? Give the child up for adoption. This unselfish act will give your child and you a second chance in life.

honey as for the last posting by trish...you don't give that baby up unless you feel in your heart that you cannot provide for him/her, both financially and emotionally, but always remember that things do get better...adoption is not always that answer. it's your baby!!!! and no one can ever take that away from you...it's not like you are on drugs and sleeping with a million men. you know who the dad is and hopefully you are healthy and smart enough to know not to do drugs. A baby makes a BIG difference in life...sometimes, most of the time, its a positive thing. BE SELFISH ITS YOUR BABY!!

I have the exact same problem, except he left me for another woman right after conception. Then I found out I was pregnant and he wouldn't return any of my phone calls. It's been two months since I've seen him and I really am better off without him. Women need to get with it and stop depending on MEN. We don't need them. What good do they do for us anyway? As for a college degree don't let that be your main focus. I dropped out of high school and now I make 150k a year. Find something your good at and do that. Always remember you don't need a man's help at all. I mean, they pay us less, knock us up and leave us, and for the most part make women feel the need for cosmetic enhancements. Please. Learn your lesson early in life. Be a STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN.

This is for Yessnia and Ginger's benefit as well as YOUR'S - My advice to you as far as Adoption goes was not made in haste, Yessnia! Katie, you are an uneducated MINOR who is filled with emotional disgruntledness and physiological instability. As far as the advice on not furthering your education, I applaud you Ginger (by the way, were you a pregnant 17-yr old?) I started out a young, single-parent (still am). Although my now 16-yr old son is an academic scholar as well as an athletic one in a very tough Catholic High School, the road for his and my success were not paved. If you feel unable to choose adoption (understandable), I hope you educate yourself on parenting and actively practicing the art of patience. As far as your ex-boyfriend is concerned, HE IS JUST A KID. I definitely support holding him (at least) financially responsible, but I hope and pray you do not waste negative energy on hating him when you can be putting that energy toward being a wonderful parent (not just a so-so parent, not just an okay-parent, but a wonderful parent), because that is what it will take to get your child through the everchanging, social complexities of today's society. I'm not saying it can't be done. I'm just saying the statistical odds are against you. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping you do not receive this as an unsupportive opinion . . . I like to think I am proof that you can do it. I will, with all sincereness, hope you grow in compa__sion and patience. Good Luck Katie, from one unmarried single-parent to another, I wish you comfort from the bottom of my heart and will continuously think about you from this day forth. Good Luck!

I was 3 months pregnant with TWINS when my boyfriend left me. 3 days after Christmas he decided to break up with me. My twins were born in April, and while he does come to my house to visit them, it doesn't make things any easier. I still love him, and I can't stand being away from him anymore, but he says he has no feelings for me. I guess all we can do when we are in this situation is to hold on to that little bit of hope that they will realize when they are missing and come back to us. I have tried repeatedly to get him back, even went as far as to propose to him. I want to spend my life with him and he doesn't care. It is hard, but time heals everything. I hope your ex soon realizes what he wil be missing before it is too late.

Sweetie sounds to me someone is scared of what he made.. and dont worry if he wants to leave you and not be with his child and be in his or her life.. then let him you can always take child support out.. Just remember you and your baby are gonna be better then him and hes gonna get that t_tle as being a unfit father and not being a good one.. your gonna be the one thats gonna be in her or his life.. not him and if he is seeing the other girl. let him you can always do better then someone dead beat dad!! Im 17 and 6 months pregnant too so i know what ur saying.. and dont worry about it.. cause its not good for you and its really not good for the baby!!! Hope i helped a little !!

Hey just read your Question. I am sorry to hear that. He might feel overwhelmed. I dont know what to say. But I pray God will Help you through this. By now you may have possibly already had your baby. I am going to pray that God help you . That is all I can do. You can contact me at tiffany_mcmeeken@hotmail.com

Hi ladies... I may be in the wrong place here, but it's late and I am searching my heart and soul (and the internet) for answers. I am 26 years old, and have been in a off and on relationship for 3 years. We have seen other people once. Things have been pretty good the last year. I always describe it as not bad but not great either. My girlfriend and I just found out that she is pregnant. She is 30, and has a 12 year old son. HOW DO WE GET OURSELVES INTO THESE SITUATIONS?? Well two days before she told me that she was pregnant we had a heated discussion and I rationally and calmly told her that I believe it would be better if we didnt see eachother. I asked her what made us "us". what was special about us, and I asked her if she felt she really knew me. I asked her what she thought we had in common, I asked her what she liked about me, and didnt liek about me. To ALL of this she had NO answer. Nothing, nada, zip. She is the worst at communication, and I live for it. It's a must. Anyways, she is really excited about beign pregnant, but I find it odd that just a few weeks ago I was looking for an apartment and talking about how we have nothing in common and the relationship is not life giving. And now here we are talking about having a child together?! I am ready for responsibility, I really want to be a dad and a good one at that! But If I'm not happy with mom, and not truly in love any more, how do I make this work? Part of me wants to leave her a dear John letter, but how horrible is that? I know that she is a vindictive angry person when p__sed off, and if I left and tried to take part in the child's life she would make my life a livign hell! Jerking me around in the court system and visitation rights. I just dont want tha theadache. See from a mans point of view, it is easier to leave. To just start over rather than ha__sle with a really really bitter p__sed off woman for the rest of his life. Im not trying to justify leaving, I know it is not the right choice. But my hapiness is just as important as my girlfriend or unborn child isnt it?? Do I sacrafice my hapiness and my soul and stay with her just to "do the right thing" I have so many hopes and dreams, and my girlfriend shares none of them. arg....I hope I don't get my head bit off here. I just really am confused and really have no where to turn to for advice. We havent told anyone about it yet. So I figured hey why not ask some people who have been in this situation, and are on the other end of things. please be nice, i would love to hear from any of you. Thanks alot. -Confused