Should I Be A Single Mom

9 Replies
wamy6365 - July 25

Hi, I am 39 weeks pregnant with my first baby. My relationship has always been up and down. My partner says he wants to commit, marry and be a family. I love the sound of this but am scared to think about this future, when I was 22 weeks pregnant I arrived home and found my partner in bed with another women, he didn't even ask her to leave and just laughed off this situation and said he was drunk. She has since left the country but I know they remain in contact. He also has lots of email contact and flirting with other girls I know that he has had s_xual relationships with, before or potentially during our relationship. He has promised this has now ended but i do not trust him. Life has been tough during the pregnancy with both of us experiences ill health, bereavements, work problems etc and he has been a massive support, but on the other hand I do not know if life would be easier if it was just me and my baby. He also has a habit of telling me I am stupid, when we are alone or in front of my work colleagues, friends and family. Any advice?

 

Grandpa Viv - July 25

Congratulations on the pregnancy and impending birth. Your man appears to have a poor self-image which drives him to put you down in more ways than one. Does what you know of his upbringing support this - a parent who was over critical? If you can persuade him to join you in couple counseling, there may be something worth saving here. Is he a habitual drunk? His unapologetic womanizing needs to stop before he catches and pa__ses on some bug.

 

wamy6365 - July 25

thank you for the reply, my boyfriend grew up in a large family and describes having anger issues throughout his childhood which ended up with him leaving home at an early age. Neither parent appears to have been overly critical, if at all a bit distant from him due to there being so many children and his dad often working away. I wouldn't say that he is a habitual drunk but when he has problems he will go and get drunk or if we argue he will make comments that he will go out drinking and insinuate that it will be my fault 'if anything happens' whilst he's out (referring to other girls). He is talking of marriage and says all the right things, i just question one whether he can be a faithful husband and two whether I will ever trust him even if he is being faithful. I don't want our son growing up in a home where out problems might have a negative impact on him, but do have a degree of hope that we can be the happy family that he talks about.

 

Grandpa Viv - July 26

Sympathy. It's a mistake to think that you can make a leopard change its spots. In my opinion your man has attachment problems that stem from his childhood, and will likely never be close to anyone. Maybe an older sib was unkind to him on top of distant parents. There are hints of manipulative behavior which come out in positive and negative ways, also learned in a large family. This does not have the makings of a long term happy relationship.

 

dekraytom - November 14

I got it .It's pretty easy to understand. Thanks.

 

RebeccaT - November 16

I DID OK BY MYSELF,,,,TO ALL WHO LET THEMSELVES BE FOOLED BY A FOOL,I DONT KNOW WHY ITS OK FOE A SAUDI GUY TO HAVE s_x B4 MARRIAGE BUT ITS DIFFERENT FOR A WOMAN,YET THEY ARE THE ONES WHO WANT A VIRGIN ON THEIR WEDDING NIGHT AFTER CORRUPTING ,,HOW MANY VIRGINS ALREADY,,RIGHT...IT ISNT FAIR AND THEN WHEN THEGIRL GETS PREGNANT ITS ALL THE GIRLS FAULT,,NO..ITS..JUST AS MUCH THE GUYS BECAUSE THEY ARE TO BE A MAN AND SHOULD BE STRONGER AND IF HE LOVED THE GIRL IN THE 1ST PLACE HE WOULDNT EVEN ASK HER TO GIVE OF HERSELF LIKE THAT,,,AND THEN TO NOT CLAIM HIS OWN CHILD,,WHEN HE DENIES THE CHILD,,AT THAT TIME,,ITS UP TO THE WOMAN TO DECIDE WHATS BEST FOR HER,,AND IF SHE CHOOSES TO NAME THE CHILD AFTER THE FATHER SHE HAS THAT RIGHT BECAUSE THE FATHER GAVE HIS RIGHTS UP WHEN HE DENIED THE CHILD-SPERM DONOR,WHAT EVER YOU WANT TO CALL HIM,,HE SURE ISNT A MAN,,THATS FOE SURE,,AND IF ANYONE OF YOU NEED A PLACE TO GET SETTLED HERE IN THE USA ,,IM A MOM & GRANDMA I CAN HELP AND UNLIKE THESE FREAKY s_x CRAZED GRANPA,S WHO JUST WANT TO USE YOU AS A s_x OBJECT,,I CAN REALLY HELP YOU,,,AND GIVE YOU THE GUIDANCE YOU NEED LIKE ANY OTHER MOTHER WOULD DO WITH A DAUGHTER....hottamalemom59atyahoodot.com.....IF YOU HAVE NO WHERE TO GO BUT HAVE THE MONEY TO GET HERE CONTACT ME...SOMEONE WHO WAS THERE B-4

 

dekraytom - November 18

I got it .It's pretty easy to understand. Thanks.

 

emersonkelly - November 27

First of all Congrats. Men is Dog in other way they are best supportive person. We as women. have natural psychology to think or keep doubts door always open towards our husband/boyfriend. Relationship stay longer if Trust factor is strong. You have to Trust on him that he has changed. And if later you caught him then make a final decision to leave him. But now its the time to think about your Baby. Time solves each and every problem, stay calm and stay happy. God bless you.

 

wamy6365 - November 30

Thank you for the advice.... to update and seek further views...I am now living with my partner and loving my baby so much! My partner appeared so committed for the first 10 weeks, he came back from work on time, or even early to be with us and helped in any way he could. Unfortunately now he seems to returning to his old ways, he comes home from work late, at weekends comes home at 5am and I have now seen messages on his phone to girls saying he cannot wait to see them. I have confronted him and he has said they are harmless and he texts in such a weigh to all his friends, i am not convinced. Am I over reacting or am I right to be hurt and considering to walk away?? I don't know if I am strong enough to be a single mom.... our baby loves him so much it breaks my heart to think of us being a broken family

 

Grandpa Viv - December 11

Wamy, his early intentions were good, but his basic character is surfacing once more. Some women can laugh off a straying man, but being left alone and ignored is depressing. It's a good thing you have the baby to keep you busy. Are you working too, or stay-at-home mom? If you want to keep the relationship going as long as possible, try some play-acting roles. Be an unexpectedly different woman at various times - slave, dom, vixen or whatever. Just be sure not to get pregnant again any time soon. Best I can offer under the circ_mstances. GL!

 

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