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I'm tired of feeling like I can't make a good choice for my family. I am currently working. My baby girl is 4 months old and she is staying with her grandparents until she turns one. Then she will be attending a montessori school 3 days a week (I am lucky enough to have this opportunity as it is a school in my husbands office building and part of the daycare system they provide). I have been considering being a SAHM. Although everytime I run this through my head I think that I will I be doing my daughter an injustice because the school would be able to provide her with more tools that she will need later in life. The benifits she will have from being there are endless (they have swimming classes, reading groups, they teach them math as early as 2 years of age, they even have karate classes for them, not to mention a playground that most children would dream of). I don't want to be a sahm just because it makes my life easier (because frankly my job is making me nuts and the pressure to get ready in the morning and get her ready is a lot). She is no longer on a routine since I have been going back to work (as my parents and inlaws feed her on demand). I know I am lucky to have them take care of her, but the truth is I miss her all day. I also keep thinking how I am not going to get this time back with her. I guess what I am trying to say is that I want to give her every opportunity, but at the same time I want to be with her at this early age. Working part time would be ideal, but I am afraid the bosses won't let me do that. I am also aware that being a SAHM is a lot of work with no lunch breaks (although I am not afraid of that kind of work). I know that by being a SAHM a lot more pressure will be put on me to get things done around the house and to take care of hubby. Honestly I have been battling this decision for some time now. I have worked really hard to get to where I am at my job (and I know a promotion is right around the corner), however I am willing to make whatever scarfices I need to for my lo, I just don't know what those scrafices need to be. I guess I am asking for your help with this one. I am very fortunate to have all these avenues, but sometimes that makes making a decision all that much harder.
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 | jas - August 25 |
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First off, I am not going to tell you what you should do - only you can decide that. I will tell you what I did.... I had my first son 11 years ago and was a sahm... For the first 2.5 years of his life I was with him... I taught him how to swim, I taught him numbers, I taught him the alphabet... We did TONS of things together and when I went back to work, I knew I gave him the best possible start in life because I was there. He is now going into 6th grade, he is a smart boy. The old he got, the more focused I became on my career. 11 years later, I was looking at a promotion, I was already making more money then my husband (although he is military so that's not hard to do) ... I became pregnant again. Although I went back and forth on it, I made the only decision I could... Jobs, promotions come and go.. Your baby is a baby only once. My son is 5 months old and I am enjoying every minute of everyday with him. There is nothing a fancy day care can offer that would make it better for a child to be there rather then with it's own parents. Some people can't handle all the alone time (it does get lonely when dh goes to work) and working is the right choice for them - that's cool. My take on it - if you want to, are able to - go for it.
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Thanks Jas. I am leaning towards staying at home. I think I just have to get the courage to tell them at work. Your post has really helped me.
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| jas - August 26 |
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You mentioned part time being ideal - if that is something you want to try, bring it up to your bosses - the worst thing they can say is no... No harm in asking.
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Hi Gigi, I'm not sure where you work, but a lot of bigger companies are now offering options such as telecommuting, work from home, etc. in order to keep working mothers on the job. You might want to talk with your employer about such arrangements. Even if they have no program in place, maybe they'd be willing to work something out for you. And, I agree with Jas...you could also ask them about working just parttime.
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Gigi19, don't beat yourself up for wanting to be home with your child. jas said it so well...they're only young once, and there's nothing fancy ANY day care can offer that will make it better for a child to be there than with its own parents. jas has got her head squarely on her shoulders, and I think her parents did a wonderful job raising her for her to have such a good set of values. Anyway, you miss your baby. For gosh sakes, don't feel you've got to keep working outside the home to keep up with the Jones'. I think it's so sad when a mother works outside the home when she doesn't absolutely need to. The reality is, especially with day care being so expensive, you either end up breaking even (giving nearly all, if not all, you earn to day care), or you pay more to work outside the home. Some people say it's because they feel their child gains so much at day care, but I've yet to read posts from those who grew up having gone to day care and thought it was preferable to being home.
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I don't have any suggestions, but Gigi, I feel I'm going to be at a similar decision point pretty soon. My dd is 9 weeks old and I'll be going back to work in 2 weeks. Originally, I was going back when she was 8 weeks, but I kept thinking to myself around 4 weeks how am I going to leave this little one and go work. My parents were helping me all these days and then my inlaws are coming over next week. I;m sure they will take great care of them, but I'm afraid I'll be missing out on all the "firsts". My mom already caught her 'first' smile even though I was home!! When I was pregnant, I told myself I'll see how things go, if I can't handle it I'll be a SAHM but with hubby not around it does get lonely and at times I feel I need to be out too. But again, seeing my daughter smile/coo at me just makes my heart melt away! Its going to be really difficult for me...hope all works out for you!
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No one can tell you what you should do however I feel that as a parent you can offer so much more to your lo at 4months than anyone else in the world can. I am sahm I quit my job of 8 years to be a sahm we also moved out of a big city to live a better live. My dh and I have sacfaficed so much and I wouldn't have it any other way. My ds is almost 10 months and I am finding myself having to go back to work full time (ds will only be with a sitter 4 hours a day) but the thought of it is killing me. Do what feels right for you but remember you will never get this time back with your lo.
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