When To Get Pregnant -pg114677385518
3 Replies
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I am 22 years old and married for about a year now. I have graduated from college and have a great job. My husband is 24 and also has a great job. We have been together for five years now and both know that we want kids. I brought up wanting to try to conceive a baby at this time next year (which means I would be 24 by the time I had the baby). But, he is very concerned about money. He does want to have kids but doesn't think that is a good time. He wants to be more financially stable. We do really good financially considering how young we are. I know he is concerned though because I want to stay at home when we do have children which would mean a significant drop in income. But, I do want to have all of my kids before I'm 30 for several reasons. I'm afraid that a year from now, if I say, "next year can we try" he will say no for the same reason. I don't think anyone ever feels like they have enough money to have a kid, but I am willing to sacrifice to make things work because its very important to me. But, I would never want to have a child if my husband didn't want to. So, when is a good time? I'm afraid each year he will keep putting it off and then I'll be 30 and not want to have children. As it is already, if he does agree to try to have a child two years from now, I'll be 25. I want to have three kids though, so I'd have to have another child every other year, and I don't want to have them that close together. I guess I'm just frustrated because when we got married, we agreed we wanted to try to have kids two years after we were married and he is backing out. I don't want to pressure him at all, so I guess I just need to get over it and let him decide when he wants a child, but I don't know how to just let it go.
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Put yourself in his shoes. If the roles were reversed and he kept bugging you to have a baby and you didn't feel ready (for whatever reason) it wouldn't be very nice of him to pressure you. So you'll have to just wait until he is ready. I am sure he won't have you waiting until you are thirty. And part of life, is having a game plan and then NOT seeing that game plan played out as you imagined it. Life has it's own paln for you.
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I'm not entirely sure how old this forum is but I can tell you that I am right there with you. I fear that my fiancee (soon to be my husband in August) will want to put off having children for a very long time. He has gone back in forth on when he wants them and is always concerned about money. I was raised incredibly poor and feel that within the next two years we will have enough money for just about anything. I am graduating from college in two weeks with my second degree, and will be twenty five in about a month. My clock has been ticking for a long time and it physically hurts inside sometimes because I am afraid that my time will run out. I also do not want to have children back to back but want to be done by the time that I am thirty. I am running out of time. Sometimes I really want to nag and pressure but I know that won't do any good. I just cry by myself. Today just happened to be one of the days that I was seeking out fertility answers hoping that I would not feel so alone. I know I can't tell you exactly what you should do but I hope that this helps you to feel less hopeless as you are not alone. I have wanted children for a long time, but kept going with my education because it just wasn't the right time yet... I wish they could understand what we feel, but I also wish that I could understand my fiancees issue with money, then maybe I could stop feeling this way. Maybe not...who knows...best of luck
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You will never be financially ready. You will earn more money with time and experience, yes. However, for every dollar the average person makes they spend two... It is a vicious cycle. I can however gaurantee you that if you do become pregnant, that baby will be supported just fine! You will put all of the babies needs before yours, and you at that point will decide if it is best for you to quit your job, or just cut back on the hours. (depending on what it takes for you to raise that buddle of joy). I do have one cautionary note for you: Please don't wait too long... like when your 40 and then decide to have children. My husband(at the age of 20) just got the privlidge of watching his father die from old age because they decided they wanted children later in life. It tore my husband up! I think waiting too long, only creates pain for your children!
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