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I have spent the last 48 hours going out of my mind.
My girlfriend has left me only 10-12 weeks into her pregnancy with my first and only child. I love the woman. Always did, since the second we met. But now she insists, after (admittedly) only a few months together, that she never loved me and definately doesn't now. Despite her saying she loved me, and her initially chasing me, not vice versa, she has now decided that the love she described was brotherly... friendship love, not REAL love. But love enough to get her pregnant. Oh, and she told me she was unable to get pregnant too.
All I ever wanted in life, was to have fun and love anyone I met that acts in a similar manner, I never intended to bring a child into this world, for reasons like over-population and an insight into mankinds destruction of our host world. I cannot see a bright future for mankind and never wished such a terrible future on my offspring. It might sound strange, but that's how I see life... man is a cancer that is slowly suffocating our host, like a parasite. Despite this, I love life and people.
So now I discover she doesn't love me, never did. But she carries the child I never expected, and despite my original bleak beliefs, I have come to terms with this beautiful fact of life, and wish to shower this child with love, the same way I showered it's mother with love. But now I'm told I am not loved, and never was. I have been royally dumped!
Hmm... how do i feel?
I feel terrible... I feel used.
I have always thought, that if I was to be a father, I would live in happiness with my woman, and bring this child into a beautiful, loving family. But instead I have been pushed out of the equation before our first baby scan.
She claims I was a mistake... that she was on the rebound, and that I should have known better, but I was perfectly aware of the situation, yet it was her that pursued me. Intent on making the girl happy, and extremely attracted to her, I accepted her love and returned it.
Then I learn her past history.... depression, anorexia and some time in 'the lakes', a hospital designated for people with breakdowns, mental disorders etc., but decided my life of fun and love might be the perfect cure. But I should have listened to some of the people I knew that also knew her before me... they told me she was not 'all there', but I could not believe this beautiful woman with a smile from ear to ear was the same woman they spoke of.
So now I'm dumped... I dislike abortion, but somehow feel it is perhaps correct in certain circ_mstances... and feel this is one of those. But she tells me such a thought is an attack on her, via the unborn child. It really isnt, it is just me not wanting a child i cant live with and love properly 24/7 like every person wishes on their child. She insists on having the child despite my requests to abort it.
So, I'm now expected to father a child I never expected, with a woman that never loved me in the beginning and I doubt knows what she wants, in a relationship that doesn't exist.
Life sucks eh? Well, it was good until now. I just never thought I'd get caught in a web of deciet. One life loving guy (used to be) wishing you all a good life, dont let this happen to you, ok! ;)
Any suggestions or even just a little support is greatly appreciated. I'm going out of my mind.
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 | tf - December 3 |
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I would never suggest abortion even if you can not be together as a "normal" family. Trust that any time together would be better than none at all.
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But I have 2 concerns...
1) If I was never loved by this woman, how can I love this child.
2) With her history of depression, will she actually be able to cope with the child, will it end up in care by the time it is 3 yrs.
Maybe being dumped like this is making me talk nonsense. I really can't think straight anymore. I'm in total despair. Thx for the reply tho :) I need someone sane to listen to me and slap me around the head a bit :P
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I'm just sorry this has happened to you. Althought not your ideal situation, I hope that you learn that life is not so bad on this planet when you meet your child for the first time. You have to remember it takes 2 to tango. I can't get pregnant or I can't get you pregnant are some of the oldest lines in the book. Accept the facts and love this child.
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You poor guy. I feel for your situation. I also understand your reasonings for maybe suggesting abortion at first.(I'm strongly against abortion, but still understand). I'm betting you were just confused and not thinking clearly and were just looking for an answer, ANY answer. Just keep in mind, as the father, you may not be able to tell her to keep it or abort it, but you do have rights. She cannot keep you from seeing your child or loving it with all you have. Also, if she is mentally unstable, there's probably a decent chance that you could end getting full custody of the child.(although it would surely be a court battle). As Tiffani was saying, the situation may not be ideal, but try to remember that even though most things in your life suck right now (I know it seems hopeless), you're still getting a baby! This baby is going to be half you. There's no reason for you to love it any less just because of the relationship with the mom. Take every opportunity you can get to spoil this little baby and for heaven's sake, be a huge part of his life. After all, you're still the dad.
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thanks very much for that... I'm beginning to come to terms with this now, but my heart is still broken. The support of my friends and family, aswell as replies like that are all helping me get through this. I still wish the mum would at least talk to me tho, it worries me that she will break all contact due to her inability to communicate face to face. Anyway, big thanks all ;)
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You know you have rights to this child right? If it is infact your child you are ent_tled to visitation ect. And if she is indeed and unfit parent (due to H/O mental illness) then you can take her to court and get custody. Look into your rights.
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 | KM - January 3 |
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I definitely agree with **** and Tracey.
and I wish you all the best
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You are in so much pain now that you can't imagine loving the child of someone who decieved you, but you will be surprised that parental love surpa__ses all of that. I only hope for your sake and the sake of the child that you will be able to be a part of the child's life. This child has more hope in you as his/her father than he/she does with the mother. And you do have rights!
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I'm really sorry to hear you are in such a similar position as myself, Anne. I know the pain is unbearable. The truth is, no one can say anything in this kind of situation that can help. The only thing that might help, is to tell someone you know very well all about it, that sometimes calms me down a little. The only person that can help, like my own situation, isn't interested, and it sucks.
Let me fill you in on what has since developed in my situation. I continued to keep contact with her through email and MSN in an attempt to show her i loved her and the child, and hoping she might see sense and come back to me once the hormones calmed down, But, 3 days before christmas she tells me she has run back to her ex boyfriend. That was my birthday present from her, no happy birthday, just that message in email, sweet. Now, i know her ex, he's a friend of a friend, i've met him a few times, and during our relationship, she had told me a few bad stories about him. This guy hears 'voices' and has also been in mental inst_tutions in the past (thats fact, i've heard him discuss it)... and one of her stories described the day the 'voices' were telling him to push her under a train, and as she ran away through London, she had a breakdown herself. The thought that this guy is going to even touch my child makes me feel physically sick. The safety of my child is paramount in my mind. My nightmare has become worse, alot worse. I am falling to pieces. I'm becoming utterly irrational and am probably behaving more mad than they are at the moment, but she's driving me crazy here. My child is doomed, and when i showed my disgust, she claims it is nothing to do with me, and lets me know that i utterly disgust her :( All i ever did was make her happy, I really don't understand what went wrong at all. It was like flicking a switch.... she loved me then she hated me. I have no idea what my future holds, nor the future of my unborn child. I'm being dangled over a pit of despair by a very fine thread, and she keeps shaking it to watch me squirm and scream. I'm actually shocked that someone who acted so loving one minute, can be so cruel. I'll have to wait until it's born, and consider Social Services watching them like hawks. Sheesh, i really picked a wrongun this time.
I hope things work out better for you, Anne, than me.
Thx everyone for the support.
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reading your entries broke my heart that someone cold be that harsh and cruel. i didnt think there were people like that in this world, but obviously there are unfortunately. hold your head high knowing the fact that you have done nothing wrong in this screwed up situation. look into all aspects of your rights as a father and fight for your child because it seems the mum and the new b/f dont care. just dont lose hope in finding that special someone....they do exist and when they find you they will love you and your child with all their heart. i hope there is a light at the end of this extremely long, dismal tunnel. my thoughts are with you....good luck xox
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similar experience here - terrible thing to go through. keep your head up pal.
the best revenge can be as simple as living well. one of these days, that kid of yours will come to realize he's got a dad that cares a lot for him/her. smart of you to keep things cordial with your lady friend, but you come across as an intelligent guy. you might just be better off without her around if the feelings weren't sincere.
ours is due this spring 8) -gotta go
motoro
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 | Hi - February 9 |
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This won't help a bit, but have you thought that maybe you were used by her in order to concieve as she was having no luck with her boyfriend, If she has a history of mental problems as you say this could be very likely, I'm so sorry this happened to you, I hope it all works out.
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to tiffani. How untrue, some people are telling the truth when they say they cannot get pregnant. I happen to be one of them.
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Look I know how you feel. Because I know I'm there. The only difference is I'm the one pregnant. Look thing's always happen to help us out in life. Sometime we don't know why or how. It cant be the bad. Once you see the kid you will fall in love it her/him. You will always have people to care and help you out.I don't know why she is acting like this. The more I go through life the less I understand people. I self the same way you do right now. He know that people out there will help you. You cant think about her anymore you have to think about your kid.If you ever need to talk email me at lunez123@yahoo.com.
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I KNOW THIIS MUST BE HORRIBLE TIME FOR YOU.RIGHT NOW YOU MAY WANT TO HIRE A LAWYER. THE LAWYER CAN HELP YOU WITH YOUR RIGHTS AS A FATHER. BECAUSE SHE AND HER BOYFRIEND HAVE MENTAL ISSUES, YOU HAVE A GOOD LEGAL CASE AGAINST HER. I DONT THINK IT WOULD BE HEALTHY FOR YOU TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS WOMEN.IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE USED FOR SPERM. IT IS TIME TO GET OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP AND THINK MORE OF THE UNBORN CHILD ON THE WAY.LEARN AS MUCH AS YOU CAN ABOUT FATHERHOOD.SO SOMEONE CAN BE THERE FOR THE BABY. GOOD LUCK!!
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