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A blonde, a red head, and a brunette are talking about their night out the next morning. The brunette says, "I think I'm going to have a baby!" The other two say, "Ohhh, how come?" She says, "I had s_x last night!" The redhead says, "Then I'm going to have twins!" The other two say, "Ohhh, why?" She says, "Because I did it twice last night!" The blonde looks really worried at this, and the other two ask her whats wrong. She says, "I'm going to have puppies!"

a blonde, a brunette and a red head took part in a b___st stroke swimming compet_tion. They were to swim from the mainland to a nearby island. As the compet_tion gained hype, many people clamoured to watch the finishing on the island. the first was the brunette and with the red head just a whisker away. Everyone cheered!! An hour later, the blonde was still not in sight. everyone worried. "She must have been eaten by sharks" said someone. "She must be lost!!' said another. Just as the search party was formed, an indignant voice was heard whining " No fair!! They used their hands!!" It was the final contestant-the blonde

A husband came home from work and when he pulled up to the house, he noticed that the yard was a mess. Garbage and dirty children. He went in the house and it was a disaster. It looked like a cyclone had come through. The toddler was in a dirty diaper. The dishes were all over the house, food on the floor. Dirty clothes everywhere. He started to worry, and called for his wife. He started searching the house for her. Finally he found her in the bathtub soaking in bubbles with candles lit and soft music playing, reading her favorite book. He looked at her incredulous and asked whats going on, the house is a mess and the kids are running amok. She smiled and said, you know how you ask me every day, what did you do today? He replied yes. She said, "Well, today, I didn't do it."

A French man, an English man and a New Yorker were canoeing down the Amazon. They were captured by a tribe of canibals. The chief had them tide to a pole in the middle of their camp. The Chief said "I have good new and bad news. The bad news is you are going to kill yourselves, then we are going to boil you and then we are going to skin you and use your skins to make canoes! The good news is, you can choose your way of death." So the chief goes to the French man and asks "Whats your choice of death?" The French man replied, "I will take a sword." The chief looked around and brought back a sword. The Frenchman said"Viva La France" and ran the sword through his heart. The cheif goes to the Englishman and asks "What is your choice of death?" The Englishman said "I will take a revolver" So the chief finds a revolver and brings it back. The English man put the gun to his head and said "God save the Queen!" and pulled the trigger. The chief then gets to the New Yorker. He asks him "What is your choice of death?" The New Yorker stated that he wanted a fork. The chief looked and him very puzzled and said "A Fork?" The New Yorker said "Yes, I want a fork and that is what I choose!" So the chief ordered his tribe to find a fork and when they did they handed it to the New Yorker. The New Yorker started stabbing himself all over the place, blood was all over and the chief said "Wait wait, What the hell are you doing?" The new Yorker said "F**K your canoe!!!"

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars." "Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars", and then, ask your brother "if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that." So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!" The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt. I would sleep with him in a heartbeat; are you nuts?!?!?!" The boy then went to his brother! and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?" The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes. 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars... 'realistically', we're living with two s___ts and a queer."

ROFL Chelsey!!!!!!!!!!!! That one is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like this Jokes thread.

Omg i loved that one chelsey!