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Hi everyone, it's my first time posting here but I will be doing it much more from now. This is a brilliant site and everyone seems very helpful and hope someone can help me too by giving me some advice based on their own experiences if there are any similar to mine. I have 2 children 4 and 2 and this time last year when the baby was 1 I started to get bad panic attacks and anxiety and that made me very depressed, I was on effexor for 5 months and things got better but one thing that bothers me the most is still with me and that's irrational thoughts and images of me hurting my own children. This is totally unacceptable for me and I can't forgive my self for ever thinking like this. My children are my life and the more I hug them and love them the more these thoughts try to come out. I had different thoughts before (s_xual ones about my family) and that was really really upsetting but the harm thoughts are the worst for me. I'm in a lot of doubt and it's hard for me to trust my self. I am so angry with my self that I have to protect my children from me!!!. Why did this happen?! Will it ever go away? I even doubt the love for my children as this monster in me makes me doubt it and makes me think I'm a horrible mother.