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I have a 3 yr old and a nearly 5 month old. I don't know why it doesn't feel right this time. The first time around my baby was instantly mine, and this time it felt like I was just the babysitter or something for probably the first two or three months. I think it's getting better, at least I feel like her mom now.... but I'm just sad, all the time. I just feel like I have no ident_ty anymore. I tried talking to my husband, but he doesn't get it, and I don't have any friends with kids. I don't know if I just miss my job, or if it's just stress from life (my brother has been hospitalized twice for attempted suicide). I don't know what post partum depression feels like. I don't feel like hurting the kids or anything, I take care of them fine and everything. I just know that I'm always sad and even when things are relatively good, I can't seem to be happy. I just want to be happy again.
Anyways, any help would be appreciated. I know that I don't want to go on anti-depressants. I don't like taking any medications, I won't take pain meds or anything. I'm more of a figure it out on my own person, I'd just like someone to point me in the right direction.
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I don't know what post-partum depression feels like either but it sounds like you might have it. Even if you don't you recgonize that something is not right. Have you thought about seeing a therapist or something? I think jsut having someone to talk to who understands is helpful and they can help guide you in the direction you need to go. I wish i could be more helpful. Congratulations on your new baby.
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Since I do have a history of depression, I was often wondering if I had/have PPD, or if what I felt was appropriate for the situation. Accepting a new (or expanding) role, a husband who just doesn't get it and all the other stress in your life, you have every right to be upset and off-kilter right now. When you say that you have trouble being happy when things are good, do you still have the less-than-possitive things that are going on in your life in the back of your head? If you can say that you've actually for the afternoon not fretted about your brother (btw, family history of depression can put you at a higher risk of ppd) or the other things that are weighing you down and you still can't enjoy yourself, then I would be pretty sure that it's depression. Talking to your doctor about it, even if you don't want to take any meds, can help. Maybe s/he can point you toward a therapist or support group, or sometimes even just an actual diagnosis can help legitimize your feelings (and hopefully get your hubby to understand that this needs to be taken seriously), then you can stop beating yourself up about being unhappy and work through it at your own pace. (I don't know for sure that you are, but I'm often putting too much pressure on myself and I almost need someone else to give me permission to feel poopy before I will stop beating myself up for being unhappy). I hope you find the support you need.
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Malica - thank you... what you wrote describes how I feel. I'm always thinking about all the difficulties in my life, even at happy times. I have a hard time not stressing about the little things and I put a lot on myself and expect a lot from myself. Thank you both for your replies. I have thought about seeing a therapist, just to talk to someone, but it's hard to find the time to do it.
Anyways, thanks for all your words.
erin
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HI! I think you may have it, plus if your brother attempted suicide, it may be in your genetics too!
these things you know family do no let you in on sometimes i find.
well, i suffer from anxiety and panic attacks before I was even pregnant, and a moderate depression.
and I went on anti depressants, then when I was pregnant, i had to get off, and felt happy and fine I guess the hormones. then after her birth I felt anxious and worried about her and panicky and then quickly as the months went on I felt depressed too and sad. So I decided to go back on my antidepressants again, after 10 months of b___stfeeding. BUt I believe that sometimes you can't control your brain or what you feel .Like you say your the more of a figure it out on my own person, ok welll hope you get betta! I am better.
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