Long Vent I M At Wits End
11 Replies
|
|
|
|
|
|
I posted earlier about having trouble sleeping. Four nights in a row I've spent 1-2 hours popping a pacifer in my dd's mouth. She'll start nodding off with it (it calms her down) and then it'll fall out and she wakes up to cry. So she goes to sleep, I lay down, nod off and within a few minutes I have to pop that thing back in her mouth. I'm still averaging 6-7 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period but 1-3 hours at a time. It's the nodding off and then being awakened that does it but I get really frustrated, like to the point of anger.
Last night, I got so wound up, I punched the computer chair. I'm embarrassed to even type that. Instead of getting "depressed" I just get more and more angry. I don't worry I'll do anything to the baby, I just feel at times that I'm just a few minutes away from having to sit her down and scream my head off into a pillow, or punch a wall or something. Then my husband wakes up and asks what's wrong and I explode,"This is the fourth night in a row that I've spent hours trying to get this stupid pacifier in her mouth so she'll sleep so I can sleep." I know she'll sleep better as she gets older but the idea of having to do this for even a few more weeks not only sounds like an eternity but it makes me literally sit and cry.
The odd thing is, I only get like this at night. During the day up until bedtime I'm perfectly fine, even when she's throwing tantrums.
I get resentful at dh at night too. Like he'll say "maybe she's hungry" (again, this is at night) and I think "Well that's easy for you to say, I'm the one that's going to be awake holding her bottle." But I refuse any help from him because he works long hours during the day and I know he needs sleep. If he tries to help, even if I'm sobbing, I feel guilty.
I even feel resentful towards dd at night. I think "You're tired, I'm tired, just go to sleep and we'll both be happier." But then when she calms down I feel awful for having any negative thoughts about her because I do love her, and she's beautiful and innocent and I feel horrible, like I'm a terrible mother for feeling any resentment towards her. Sometimes I feel like I should never have been a mother because I don't have the patience.
Sorry for the length, I suppose it's been building up
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sweetie, it's normal. Sleep is a necessity! At least you have the presence of mind to take your anger out on something else! Does she sleep in her crib or with you? Some people don't believe you should sleep with a baby, but my theory is, it doesn't matter how you sleep, as long as you sleep! And about letting your dh help you.....LET HIM! Don't try to do it all by yourself. You'll get burn't out. I know he works, I'm in the same boat you are, but you need help. Maybe you could make a deal that tonight he gets up with the baby. Tomorrow is Saturday. You'd be surprised how much better you'll feel and how much patience you'll regain with a solid nights sleep! And, maybe you should just make it a point to take the paci away from her. It'll be hard for a few nights, but hey, you're already there. Just a few suggestions. I hope they help! I'm here to talk! Good luck!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yeah I'm definitely thinking of tossing the pacifier. It's become more of a ha__sle. She slept in the swing a few nights, sometimes she sleeps in an infant cosleeping bed in our bed. I try to avoid that now because my dh had a nightmare the other night and started flailing about and I worry about him hitting her accidently. I can sleep with her in my arms just fine though. Usually I do that once he goes to work.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You could put yourself in the middle and the cosleeper on the out.side. But I would do that after you are rested.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
she is 6 weeks old. I thought about that, but I worry it might somehow fall off the edge. It probably wouldn't but you know, terrified new mom syndrome.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I do know. I'm mommy X2. The second time is some much easier! You are so much calmer. If I could give you any advice, it would be to not obsess about everything. Enjoy every second. A little dirt won't hurt her, if she's sick, you don't have to rush to the emergency room, if she falls and hits her head she'll be ok, etc etc. The list could go on forever. Just trust your instincts. You know that baby more than anyone else in the world. If something is wrong, you'll know. And I really don't think the co sleeper will fall off the bed. That's why I said you need to be rested first. If you are exhausted, then anything could happen, but rest up and it'll be ok. My dd sleeps right next to me. I bought a co sleeper, but ended up taking it back. Just trust your instincts.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Renee924, I have been having the same problems as you are at night. Not every night but there are some nights where my 13 week old son will let me drift off to sleep and then wake up crying because his paci fell out. I get frustrated too because it's hard to live on little, broken up sleep. You are NOT a bad mom and I am NOT a bad mom. It is normal and for the record I have even gone as far as saying shut up to my son a few times. Not yelling or anything but then I feel horrible afterwards. My hubby works full time too and I don't expect him to get up when I am a sahm right now. He does do all the Saturday night feedings so I get to sleep in on Sunday. I love my son more than life but I have bad nights too and he still gets up once between 12 and 6 for a feeding. There are probably many moms out there in our shoes. Don't feel guilty at all! I hope you get some much needed rest soon dear. Good luck! :-)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
my oldest didnt' take teh pacifier, and I tried with my 2bnd, but like you she would nod off and then cry when it fell out. I tossed it then and there. Of course now she uses my b___b as a paci, she is bfreastfeed. Oncem, she is out, it isnt' a big deal, I remove my b___st from her mouth and put her down....you have a couple of options, wait until she is old enough to keep the paci in by herslef longer, or toss it. In the mean time what you are feeling is normal. Ifyour hubby offers, let him help sometimes. I need a brake sometimes and feel guilty for it but I do take some time to myself while dh deals with the girls. I usually do not take as long as I tell him I will cause I feel so bad, but once I have taken just a little time to catch a nap, read an article or take a bath, I feel 110% better. Good luck and you are not alone and it will eventually get better....
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
oh renee I FEEL your pain. You ARE NOT a bad mom. I will tell you my story which may be looong!!! My ds is 3 months old, well when he was about 3 weeks old he would just be breathing really loud and flailing his arms all over so i would NEVER get much sleep so one night I called him a retard (of course i felt terrible the next day) well about a week after that night I found out he has Laryngomalacia which makes breathing more difficult and loud, boy did I feel like an a__s!!!! Well now at 3 months he is sleeping right next to me EVERYNIGHT and he is waking up ALOT. I work full-time (8-5 monday through friday) and am waking up about every 2 hours, sometimes more, I feel fine during the day but at night I get more and more growly toward everyone ( i have a 2 year old and a 9 year old also). My dh WILL NOT get up at all with ds at night and I'm at the point where I've told him I want a divorce because of it. Last night I kept telling him "if i don't get sleep soon I will end up sick then what will you do". He just jokes around like it's no big deal. Anyway, what i'm trying to say is YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER. It will get better, I promise. Get someone to take over for a while for you and get some rest, it will help you. Take care and good luck.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I do the same thing with my husband-not accepting help and then sobbing during the week. He works such long hours too-I feel guilty. My advice is ditch the pacifier. The only reason I ever use one is my son has GERD and it helps the acid reduce in his tummy. I only use it when nothing else works-he falls asleep 99% of the time without it. Help her find her hands, or just take it away and don't give it back. I sleep with my lo in bed with me because I am afraid he will choke and spit up (he has been doing it a lot lately) so I feel you. I just got sleep for the first time in 3 days. You are not a bad mom and are doing as well as you can considering you are on sleep deprivation. Hey, raising a child would be easy if we all got our sleep first!! :)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
OMG! That was like reading something I would write. You are just very over tired & need to get a somewhat full nights sleep, easier said then done. But here Im giving advice that Im not even following myself. I too get angy at night b/c Im sooooooooooooo tired. I feel guilty & Im to stubborn to ask for b/f to help, even though we both work. But anyways dont feel guilty ask for help b/c it not fair to either you or the baby. Good luck
|
