Anybody Up For A Tough One
4 Replies
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I'm an Asian American woman, 33, and just got pregnant by an African American man. Unplanned. We had known each other for five years, but only started dating the last several months. Before I got pregnant, he had shown signs of anger, accusing me of trying to pick up a guy at a bar, and later cussing me out over a discussion about him demanding an apology from me. When I learned about the pregnancy, he was supportive the first day. Then went silent for two weeks. I finally spoke to him and now he tells me he wants a paternity test to prove its his, he accuses me of drug use because I had a mild cough that took months to go away, and he tells me I'm unfit to have this child, that he's going to make sure he gets custody of this child, and I'd only get visitation rights. He's been extremely hostile, and has described me as a manipulative woman who is just starved for attention.
I'm a total mess, and finally told my parents about it. They say terminate the pregnancy, unless he marries you. I just don't know what to do, or what my rights are as a single mother. I also care a lot about him, and recognize that this just might be a shock to him. But his accusations, and hurtful statements have torn me up inside. I'm lost, and just want to make the best decision for the baby.
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Do not marry this person things will only get worse. If you want this child and feel a connection already then go for it. You are 33 and this is a great age to have a baby, believe in your Motherly instincts and ignore his accusations especially if they are fictional on his part. Good Luck!
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Faye,
It doesn't sound like you have a good relationship. Getting married doesn't usually make a relationship better, if it's rocky. If you're ready to have a child, then go for it, but I probably would be leery of him trying to get custody if he's serious about it. If you're not ready for a child as a single mother, then it's up to you what decision to make, whether to terminate or to give the baby up for adoption. You can also try asking the baby's father if he'd go for couples counseling with you...
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DO NOT MARRY HIM!!! unless you want a lifetime of anger and abuse.
You have all kinds of rights as a single mom. If you are indeed taking care of yourself and your baby, then he has no grounds for trying to get custody.
Let things cool off btwn you and him, you have several months before baby is born...alot could change. But I do not think you should marry him.
He sounds like an unstable person emotionally.
And dont play games with this situation.
Dont put the baby in the middle or use the pregnancy to get to him.
Take a deep breath...and remember the awesome responsibility you have right now.
BTW i dont know what the significance of stating your races is..except that I think it will be one beautiful baby!! LOL.
Take care!
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As a single mother the courts almost always favour the mother for sole custody. He would have to prove these false allegations without a doubt and even then the courts would have a hard time taking your baby from you. Do not marry this jerk. Like the others mentioned he is abusive, manipulative, and a liar. You do not need him to be with someone like this...nor would he be a good father to this baby. Do not terminate the pregnancy either...this is not the answer..you will be a wonderful loving mother and will eventually find a good man who could act as a role model for your little one. So look on the bright side, embrace your wonderful pregnancy and look forward to the baby you will have very soon. Try and remain positve as un do stress is not good for you or the baby...I wish you all the best..you will be fine. On the other hand the father of this baby needs help...and you need to take care of yourself and baby.
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