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kazforrest- as a career women, I totally understand your concern. I've been on the fast track for awhile in IT, which is also male dominated. I was really worried when I was pregnant with my first on how it would affect my career and marriage. Since having my child, my career has flurished and I know I'm working smarter on the job. I want to a__sure you that while having a child does change some things, it shouldn't affect your career or relationship with your partner. With my husband, we actually have a much deeper bond due to our daughter. It all comes down to what type of relationship you had to begin with. If you have a partner that treats you well and supports your career, then will continue to do so. Don't worry!

Thanks. My partner is amazing and we are so close which is one reason why im worried. Your message helped thanks

How can I put it... These are the words of a woman who is used to having control over her life.. I hear you, sounds like the former me... Usually, though, motherhood flushes control and planning and selfishness down the drain... Wait until you hold a little person with 10 fingers and 10 toes for the first time in your arms, OK? It might be that everything else will seem different. Not meaning that you should not still enjoy each other, but there will be three of you, different dynamic.

i can definitely relate to your post although i've never been too into my career ;). But it is my relationship and my independence that I worry about. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and are best friends. We travel, and party and get along amazingly! I am very afraid of changing something that is so perfect. Also, I have a very strong ident_ty. I am concerned that in 10 years, people (my kid or kids included) will look at me and just see a mom. That may not make sense to some people, but as a kid, my mom stayed home with my sister and I, and my parents were all about us kids, and i never really realized that they had a life before us. I guess I don't have any real advice for you kazzforrest, other than to say that you are not alone in those feelings. Mine are so strong that at 33, I still don't know if I want kids. Good luck to you! xo

Hi. I became a parent at a very early age...19. I am now 40. It is my personal belief from the life experiences I have had that children respect parents who are themselves, well-rounded people. It tends to happen as the child grows older. I have always had a very strongly developed sense of ident_ty...quite separate from my daughter...now 21. That fierce independent streak appears to have pa__sed itself down to her as well. My point is....if you keep the pg or you don't...your ident_ty is yours forever. It does not have to subjugate itself to the role of "mommy" Yes there are some social pressures for women particularly to adhere to some antiquated 50s ideal of mommy....but if your ident_ty is that strong...you will survive that. I did. There is also no reason to feel guilt if parents who have a strong connection together want to take time out ALONE...away from the child. In my case...I would have to say having my dd at the early age I did...HELPED me to become a better person. She made me strong. But if you are already strong? More power to you if you do have a child. You could be a wonderful role model. Good luck

I suppose now i have had time to think im just determined that we will still have all thoses things. My relationship sounds very similar to yours cdpace ( are you pregnant?) i know it will be hard work but im 13 weeks now and can only believe its going to add to us.

No i am not pregant! After 10 years together and 6 years married, we swore we never would have children. Then over the past year, we started thinking...it won't change things...maybe we should. We have tried (pretty hard) for the past 6 months with no luck. And now we are back to thinking maybe we'll wait another year. It's funny, all of the back and forth we have done, wherever we are, we are always on the same page about it. It's pretty amazing. We'll sit and talk and both be like, "yup, that's exactly what I was thinking/feeling". It does sound like we are very similar because one of the main reasons that I didn't initially want children was because of the way my guy friends at work talk about their wives and families. The way my relationship is, is if there is a work trip to a baseball game, bar etc. my husband always wants me there. I was always terrified to suddenly have a relationship like almost everyone else I know where husband and wife basically take turns doing things away from each other and their family. After many talks, we realized that we just aren't those people, kids or not and would never be like that. It sounds like you and your husband are the same way, and will continue to be even with your baby. :) When are you due? Where do you live?