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This happened to me last year and I did abort. I have regretted the decision terribly. I now find myself desperate to have a child and I am prepared to do it on my own if I have to. My partner still is not wanting to conceive yet because of finances. Howevr I feel that my time is running out. I can only speak for myself but my decision last year has put me through so much pain and heartache. My only advice is do what you fell is right as it is you body and your soul. Good luck :-)

I just want you to know that you are not alone.. I am going through the same thing right now. I found out that I am pregnant just recently. I am only 5 weeks. The father of my baby and I just met and then I found out that I was pregnant. He wants me to abort because we have only been together such a short time, but I do not believe in abortion so I told him that I cannot. He says that I am being selfish and that I have ruined his life. I find that really unfair because it took two to make this baby and he just wants the easy way out. He also had the nerve to tell me if I had this abortion that we could stay together.. I told him that I would go it alone because I could not imagine killing this innocent baby. I am 25 years old and I never thought that I would be in this position. I wanted to be married before I had kids, who doesn't right. But, I have accepted the fact that this is what is going to happen and when this baby arrives I am going to love it and take care of it even if it is on my own. I am very scared about being a single Mom but I know that in the end I will cherish the decision that I have made because I will have a beautiful baby. I hope this helps you. I know how hard this is for you.. Best of luck to you...

Ask him of he loves you, why does he require you to terminate the little life you have created together? Is your creation in love that ugly that he would rather it die? I would tell him if he feels that way maybe you should seperate. An ultimatum will show you what his priorities really are. Im sure you wont get an abortion because he wants you to. But do you want to? Have you got any other children, if you dont do you see yourself EVER wanting children? if you do, this is your oppurtunity, but as you approach 40 your risk of birth defects rises. I know you will do the best thing for you and the baby.

Susi, in an ideal world you'd have the loving support of your partner. But this is reality. Who knows, this might be a blessing that you found out now you can't depend upon his support and therefore have lower/no expectations of him, rather than psyching yourself up as dependent upon him for help. Advice to you at 38 has to be different than to a younger woman at 18 or 28. The good news is you're not the first woman to find herself in this position. Do you have a support network? Good job/salary? Ample energy? Although these are also ideal, many women have made wonderful mothers without these benefits. The beauty of 'choice' is just that -- choice. The choice to not have, or the choice to have. It's YOUR choice, not his. Ultimately, the question at this point is what do YOU want? What do YOU really want? Decide, and then do it with all your effort and never look back with regrets -- whatever you choose.

once you are pregnant YOU are having a kid....HE doesnt want to be a father? OH WELL..too late...he already is...please dont make him the father of a dead baby..you are strong and can raise this child alone if need be..or some unfortunate couple who would die to have a child will love and take your baby if you cant...GOD B LESS

Hi Susi. There are not many in replies in support of your boyfriend.As you say,you had a I U D so was'nt supposed to happen.There is nothing wrong with your boyfriends att_tude at all.I agree with the comment from "choose wisely".I disagree with many comments,I really feel for your boyfriend,as well as you.I will also add that if you went on to have the baby,you would naturally love it and bond,but its difficult on your own,and your child will not always do as its told,and it is a great support having two adults in union in difficult times.Your boyfriend knows having a child will ent_tle him to help financially,it still could make it hard for you,unless you are like some of these mothers who live off the state.The other point is as your child grows up,you may loose contact with your boyfriend,if you decide to go it alone,there maybe elements of his lifestyle you dissaprove of,can't stand him in the end,but your baby could grow up and follow these traits you dissaprove of,causing friction.This is why I firmly believe it takes two people,not your decision alone,you could argue you are the selfish one securing him into something for a hell of a long time,that he does'nt want to be involved in.Ok,he may love and bond it,but thats not the point.My close friend,did'nt want kids,a career woman,her husband did,but he's a good man,told her it takes two,she was adament they were not for her,so he accepted this.That is what makes a relationship putting the other person 1st,then when you are both happy and know each other feel commited to breinging a life into this world TOGETHER.

Susi, You are in such a difficult situation . If you have a great support system with family and friends and can finacially support being a single parent . I would say go for it ! It is your decision if you want this baby . I think we definitely think differently when we were in our 20's vs our 30's. If your boyfriend really does love you and will want this child he will accept it. Good luck !

ABORT THE BOYFRIEND He doesn't sound like much of a keeper anyway. Who is to say he would stick around even after you did abort a baby? He might be gone anyway, it happens. I hope you keep your baby, it is a life-long gift from above and should be cherished!

ok, a friend of mine went throu an abortion last year and she kicks her self for it everyday, my opinion seems to be shared by everyone else, dump the guy, if you gotta raise the kid on your on then so be it, things will work out evenutally. just gotta think about it that way. GOOD LUCK :)

dump him . he sounds really horrible . don't have a abortion . i had 2 and i now i am always thinking about my 2 lost angels all the time and it hurts like crazy . dump the so called bf , have the kid and get on with ur life without the kid's dad . u don't need him .ur strong . u don't need a man . they are more trouble than their worth . this baby needs u . ur his mum

Hi Susi,just wondering what you decided.I am in the minority here when they all say dump the guy.AS I explained,it was'nt planned.I really feel that a baby should come from two loving parents,the next chapter in life if you like.There are people who may have wished they never had an abortion,equally there are those who have moved on,had children from a better relationship and don't regret their decision.You have to remember,no-one knows your situation,only you.If you have this baby and you are on your own,like others are saying,its not easy,adolecence,meeting a new partner and them not adapting to your child,or vice versa,I knew someone who felt guilty that they'd found a new relationship and wished they had had a child with the new person,yet felt guilty thinking that,and wondering how the child would feel about a new sibling.Its not easy.

Susi - I'm new to the over 35 board and just read your question. The answer for you is easy. You answered it in your question - "I don't want to abort." This may be your only chance to have a baby because of your age. This was God's plan for you. I'd say forget the boyfriend a baby will bring you more happiness than words can describe. I have a 4 year old son that is the #1 person in my life. I love him ore than I ever thought I could. Ther is nothing better than hearing "I love you mommy." I hope you make the right decision for you. Like I said you answered you own question. Best wishes!

Susi. If you want this child you go for it!!!! (There are a lot of us who wish we were in you shoes).I've had an abortion about 10 years ago and I regret it. "We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us"

Once again,carry on thinking seriously.Sue Z has a 4yr old son,thats entirely different to an adolecent one,who maybe hurt because his father does'nt want him,or jealous of your new man,and perhaps other children.Once you have a child they are yours for life,the young yrs maybe demanding,and the bond amazing,but your are their guardian regardless,as they grow and they have a mind of their own,things may not always be sweet,frustrating,and isolated you may feel.Having the support of a man,obviously the father,so as he can tell them what to do also,is a ma__sive feeling of security.I still believe that a baby should come from two people who've known each other and love each other,if in time the relationship fails,at least at one point you were in love.Its not easy raising a child.

CHARLOTTE, YOU READ TOO MANY BOOKS. WOMEN HAVE BABIES ALL THE TIME AND RAISE HEALTHY WELL ADJUSTED CHILDREN. ADOLESENCE AND RELATIONSHIPS IN THE FUTURE ARE ALL APART OF LIFE LEARN AS YOU LIVE DON'T DWELL ON THE PAST OR FUTURE LIVE IN THE PRESENT. OBVIOUSLY SUZI MOVED ON AS SHE DIDN'T RESPOND TO YOUR FIRST INQUIRY. SHE'S EITHER PREGNANT OR HAD THE ABORTION AS HER POSTING WAS IN MAY.

You can have two parents in a household and still be a one parent family. My ex husband took absolutely no interest in our children at all. Totally ignored and belittled them and was verbally abusive to the point where they were withdrawn and in need of counseling. Charlotte you must not have children as your views are very obscure you have some serious issues. As for women living off the state, some of us don't but if we ever need help at least it's there for us I've paid taxes for 26 years and if I need to feed my kids because I loose my job I'll get food stamps until I find another one. Have you ever been on unemployment? same thing in my book. I never have but lots of people do so does that make them bad people because they have to pay their bills? I think not. My children are well adjusted teenagers involved in many activities and church with lots of friends and family with no issues regarding my single parenting status. Both get straight A's and are on the honor roll. As for your friend who didn't want kids and her husband did. My Aunt said the same thing and her husband agreed until he hit 45 and found he was missing something he always wanted. He divorced her and left her with nothing, took all the money and nice cars and married within a year and had 2 children with another women. Your friend is happy but is her husband? Not if he truly wants a child and she is making him choose. That is not Love it is control.