I Am Going Through Stress
5 Replies
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i am a week away and I feel pressure now from familes. Same problem as Kristen regarding name issues. My family and my inlaws dislike each other very much, I had agreed to name baby after father of my husband. My Mom and sister are giving me guilty trip that they will not call baby after his dad as his family has shown my family no respect. I really want peace in my life. My dad passed away last year and I would of like to use my Fathers name but In Italian tradition its usually after husbands father's name. This feud between family has gone on for over a year. His side of the family never came to my baby's shower which I was really upset about because of past bad relations. We were willing to make peace but they werent at this point as it was too late. This whole situation has been a nightmare. Do i listen to my husband, my family? I do not need this stress right now I am fed up. I am very forgiving person but obvisouly no one else is. My husband will take his family first over me and that is where the problem lies. He is kind of a mama's boy and listens to his family and I find myself in a tought situation. We argue constantly about our families and I cant take it anymore
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Anna~I feel for you..I know your situation all too well..I too have been pleading for advice because it is such a touchy subject for all...especially for me. I have been crying over this more months and with 12 days to go I can not handle the stress either. What about middle names? Is it your tradition to have middle names. I don't know what your FIL name is and I completely understand your families opinion on respect. But, If I were you and your husband was a reasonable man..I would take your FIL's name (if you at all like it or respect the FIL) and use your fathers name as a middle name. Middle names can be held close to the heart. Despite the pressures everyone in your family is giving you..everyone will support your decision after the fact and love the baby just the same. The problem with me is the hatred between the FIL and myself and the personal dislike of the name and that I am not even married...I will be causing major uproar for my future dh..and their family..but not once have I been considered nor has my own family tradition been honoured at all. I have to stick to my guns..I don't want anymore b__wups when I go to name the baby especially after giving birth..This whole naming thing is just way to stressful for all of us. I truly wish in my heart that you can make the best decision for you...you and your baby have to live with the name as does your husband..if you want to name it after his father go for it if not..nobody...I mean NOBODY has a right to pressure you either way. THey are all going to have to live with your choice and you tell them next time anyone brings it up.."This is my life and I have made up my mind and you will all have to live with my decision END OF STORY" I wish you all the best Anna..now I just have to contend to my own problem...arghhhh!!!
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Anna - hi. wow. bad situation. Excuse my preg brain freeze, but do you know you are for sure having a boy? Probably or you wouldnt be going through this right? Stupid question... In my tradition (Jewish) it is customary that the woman gets to choose the first name and the man the 2nd baby. I let my dh have the name of my first son, since his parents are over a decade older than my parents, and my dh their youngest and prob only one still having children. I never had a great relationship with them, and I dont know if they knew of the tradition, but I hope somewhere it was appreciated :). My parents were cool with it, and my last son got the name they wanted (although I only gave them middle name since my parents are easy going). I can tell you what a friend did who had similar problems... she REALLY milked the whole birthing situation, and not saying she played it up, cuz it was hard for her, but when your hubby sees you in such a vulnerable situation like that, hopefully he will remember how much you mean to him, and how big a deal it is to give birth, and try to be more compliant to your needs. Sounds manipulative, but your situation requires game playing!! Perhaps same with your own family. Regardless, if you do choose name of FIL and its not cool to use middle name for your Dad (in which case your family could call him by middle name), then at least come up wtih some nickname for your family so they dont have to call him by FIL's name exactly. Best of luck. SOrry for rambling..
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I feel for both you and Kristin. I think you should choose whatever name and/or tradition you want. This is your baby and you should choose the name he will have for the rest of his life, regardless of what either of your extended families (or anyone else) thinks. Personally, if someone was rude to me as your dh's family has been to you, I wouldn't want to name a child after any of them!! It is completely your choice, though, and just follow your heart and do what you want to do. I get along w/my dh's family but am not close to them at all. When dh and I got married, I kept my last name and we agreed that any children we have will have my last name. I am bracing myself for the wrath from his family when we send out the birth announcements. I will likely be persona nongrata for a while. However, I am not sweating it or worrying about it at all!!
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Hey Anna ~ Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you, but I did want to reiterate what Kristin said - regardless of what you decide to do, once your little one is born and both families meet him for the first time, I'm sure none of this will matter as much. I really do feel for you and Kristin ... best of luck
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thankyou so much for you answers, I really need to think about this and make my decision next week. I cant wait for this to be over, the next argument will be who will the God parents be? it never ends.lollll
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