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Dev...whatever you decide please leave the guy who is verbally abusing you and making your life a living hell. I agree that contacting Planned Parenthood is a good idea. They might have a lawyer on staff that helps them help you. Nobody can see the future. This may or may not be your only chance but you will have to live with whatever you decide. You are already protective of this baby and think of it as your baby or you wouldn't have been fighting with this decision for the last month. Your decision was to keep it...why? And your decision not to keep it is based on a selfish man who apparently doesn't care about you, your feelings, or anything that might inconvience him. I decided to fight the odds and keep this baby. As the pregnancy has continued my battle has gotten better, but it got worse before it got better. I feel bless everyday that I have this baby.You seem like a strong person and I know you will make the right decision for you and your unborn baby.

oh ... please I beg of you.. do not see your boyfriend's hurtfulness and ugliness when you think of that little baby growing inside of you!! I can imagine the fear that you have of considering to raise this child on your own... but it can be done.. I know because my daughter just turned 18 in july and i raised her alone!!! Please pray about your decision.. if you still feel that you cannot raise the baby, please consider adoption..... don't end the baby's life. I am right now 9wks with my 2nd child and yesterday I saw the little heart beating and the legs and arms moving around.. please don't terminate the pregnancy.... BUT DO TERMINATE THIS HURTFUL RELATIONSHIP that you are in.. ! Committment is more than a "feeling".... this person you are with ... he is not the one... I GUARANTEE IT! I will say a pray for you and the baby!!!

Dev - One more thing I would say is please try not to let financial concerns play a part in your decision. Many many people (including 2 parent households) raise children on meager wages. It's sad that this has to happen, but money is not the most important thing in raising a child. As long as you can work at least part time you can be creative about living arrangements, child care, etc. I am 37 and having a baby on my own. The father wants nothing to do with this baby as he is married. So I am on my own and I too thought about abortion, but I realized I couldn't live with that kind of regret. Now I am 14 weeks pregnant and very happy with my decision. Yes, my life is going to change drastically, but I am welcoming it because it will be a new and exciting chapter in my life.

1st you need to look at your child safety. 2nd start seeing a christian counselor 3rd ask him to seek counseling as well 4th if he doesn't leave. Don't wait for him. I had my 1st baby at 25 and the father left me when he found out i was pregant; do you think I chased him no way! I had a good job with benefits and a cute apartment so I did it on my own. 4 yrs later I married had another baby and the dad didn't want to work out our marriage differences so i went to counseling got **myself** together asked him to go with me he said NO and I said it's over. Don't abort. God gave you this child as a gift to get your life together. Find a church, pray and give your life to God he will guide you and keep you safe.

Hi Dev,thought I'd check on you and found that you wanted to speak to me.You can reach me here,or over on the c-section page for now.how are things?I know people are being harsh on your boyfriend,and saying go for it,but as you say this baby was'nt planned its a huge shock.I would be shocked if I found out I was pregnant even after all the yrs of talking with my husband.I expect you also want to make sure the father of your child is a good father.I was only talking today to my husband about the horrible childhood he had when his mother went off with someone else,he felt unwanted lonely and very sad.You see if you have this baby,as I say,and meet someone else it maybe harder having a child,but on top of that each has to accept the other.Personnally,and as I said,no-one can tell you what to do,but if it were me I'd only want to bring a child into this world with someone I loved and knew very well,so as we shared the same goals in raising the child with similiar ideas.

Dev. . . I really hope you reconsider and decide to have your baby. I am 39 years old and will never have a child - I regret this each and every minute of every day. My husband had a son from a previous marriage and financially we were never able to have children. Most people wouldn't understand but being a step-mom isn't easy - and not having a supportive family was devastating for me. I terribly regret not having a family. I cry every day - sometimes in the bathroom at work and most nights to go to sleep. It's horrible and I would hate for anyone else to go through what I'm going through. I will never have a child, any grandchildren, teach my child to drive, be the attentive grandmother etc. My husband doesn't understand since he already has a son who is 20. PLEASE follow your heart and have this baby. It doesn't matter whether you can have children later or not - having a family is one of the greatest things anyone can have. I just learned this too late. If you wait until you can financially have a child it will probably be too late for you, too. Please don't make the same mistake as me. Every day is a struggle - I go shopping and see parents w/their children, I drive to work and see children getting on the school bus, at work colleagues bring in their babies to "show them off", TV shows have happy families etc. The only comfort I have is that I only want to live to be 50 years old, so I only have 11 more years of saddness to live through. I count down each day because I cannot wait for my life to be over - I really have no reason to live. . .no family, children, nothing. I hope to hear that you've decided to keep your baby so you can have a healthy and happy family of your own. Take care.

Debra - your story brought tears to my eyes. I undertand your sadness. I do have a 4 year old son and I'm trying for my second with fertility drugs. My husband didn't believe me when I told him I was running out of time. I will be 39 in October. It may sound crazy to you, but I cry almost everyday about having baby #2. I'm grateful for my son, of course, but I always planned on two. Have you saught professional help. I know how hard you are greiving. Have you thought about adoption, donor eggs, or becoming a foster mother. You have so much love in your heart to give a child. There is a way for you to have a child. I don't know your fertility issues, but there is always a way. There are so many children that need a good home. I'm encouraging you to seek help. Wanting to ONLY live to 50 brought tears to my eyes because your pain is so deep that it has caused you not to want to live. And 50 is soooo young. Please seek professional help. My husband's aunt could never have children and adopted a boy and a girl who are full grown and have familes of their own. There is a child out there waiting for your love and it doesn't matter that you did not give birth to them. The child will love you just the same. Don't let money stop you - there is always a way around that. I wish you the best and please keep us posted.

Hi Sue Z - thanks for your concern but I'll be fine. As most people tell me, I'm "tough" and will be OK. My biggest concern is that Dev keep her baby so she doesn't make the same mistakes I've made by not having children. PLEASE have your baby, Dev - otherwise you might be sad for the rest of your life, too. People afraid to take the risks in life are sometimes the ones who lose out - this risk is definitely worth it. Best of luck!

Why do people wait until their late 30's and early 40's to give birth for the first time, and then fret because their time is running out?!?!?! If your dream was to be pregnant you had your time to meet a mate who wants a baby too. Don't force the issue on some poor guy who doesn't want one because you waited this long that's totally not fair. There's birth control out there. People should use it UNLESS BOTH parties decide to create a life.

Debra - I'm so glad you responded. Your reply to Dev was heartbreaking and I wanted others to see it too. I'm sure that you saw that I copied your reply so others could help too. I know it was a little bold, but I felt you needed help. "There is more power in numbers." As I said I'm going to be 39 in about 5 weeks and dreading it. We don't feel old but our eggs are way a head of us. What are your infertility issues? Your reply sounded like you are planning on leaving this world at age 50 by your own doing (because that was the only way I could figure out that you could.) Please seek out some help. If you are crying all the time, please seek out a professional infertility counselor. There are counselors that specialize in infertility issues. Men like your husband and mine do not understand what we are going through at all! My husband has said some horrible things to me lately because he thinks I crazy obsessed with having another baby. Well, it's not his body that is failing him and it is his fault that we waited. He kept telling me we couldn't have another baby because our apartment was too small. Well. it was his fault that no house suited him. Finally, I told him I was going to move out if we didn't get the hell out of that apartment. We live in a house now. And now my body suffers and I suffer emotionally. He doesn't cry over this, I do. Today I had an u/s, a cyst drained from my ovary and an HSG in the matter of 2 hours. He has no Idea what I had to do today. I know you don't know me more than the words on the screen, but promise me you will seek out some help and that you will not do anything to hurt yourself in 11 years or sooner. Your story was so sad and I felt all of your pain. Please reply and let me know more. You can email me at szewan@gvboces.org

Dev - If you have to think this hard about it. Then you don't really want to abort your baby and this may be your ONLY chance to have a baby. Could you live with this decision 5 years from now when your child would be getting ready for kindergarten? I hope that you at least decide to go through with the pregnancy. You could always put the baby up for adoption. There are thousands of families waiting for a beautiful baby to raise.

Candace - Birth control or not, having s_x may produce a baby. No birth control is 100 %. As far as the guy is concerned, they are not as connected to a baby as women are. That little life grows inside us we feel the joy and pain. There are many fathers out in the world who have no connection to the child they fathered. It is sad, but so true. I believe that it is totally the women's decision because we give birth and man injects sperm, and can walk away forever if he wants. That's my take on it.

Suz,I diagree with you that it is totally the womans decision,as its the woman who gives birth.Just like I disagree with sperm/egg donation.It should be two people in love creating a baby,it takes two to make a baby,and should take two to raise it.I realise that people break up,etc,and thats sad as the intention was there.Now Dev.I am sure you will love the baby if you have it,that is natural,and when you have it you would think "thank God,how could I ever think about not having it".However,when the baby gets older,you'll find out how hard it is,Read what Mandy has wrote,she wrote some excellent points,maybe the best points of all.I know couples who have'nt got children and are happy to come as go as they please.Not tied down with unruly kids.Raising a child can be difficult,can be moreso with a man who is not their father,in that situation life is tough,if you have a problem child you need support from someone who loves the child equally.I know parents who are tied to each other because of a child.They loath meeting,and have to only because of the child.A partner may feel rejected and hurt when the child bonds with another partner,and call her "mummy".You have not been together very long at all,don't fully know your baby's father.I have children,but in your situation knowing what its like,I'd hate to bring a child into this world starting off in a bad situation.You rely on others to help you,and I think thats wrong.

Charlotte - I do understand how you can disagree with be, but you are talking about a perfect world which doesn't exist. In a perfect world every woman would be able to have a child of their own, no one would be in abusive relationships, every man would want the child they concieved, and birth control would be nothing less than 100%. So are you saying people should not adopt either? I never said that raising a child alone would be easy, but it would be easier than raising it with an abusive husband or with a man that doesn't want or care about the child he created. You have children you said. And yes, some woman find their careers and travel a great way to spend their life and are happy. Others are in DEEP pain not being able to have children of their own. And if some women need a donated egg or sperm so that they can give birth to a child, then what is so wrong with that? If you don't agree, then you shouldn't do it. I wouldn't want to go that route either, however, I'm not faced with that being my only choice either. If the couple is happy and the donor is happy to give some their dream then who are you to say it's so wrong. For example, people have one night stands and get pregnant and keep their babies. One of my students was raped and kept her beautiful daughter. Who am I to say if they were right or wrong. It was not my choice and clearly in those situations, they didn't love each other. I think your world is more perfect than others, you have children and most likely a husband that loves you and everything is just wonderful. Dev would not be asking the question in this forum if she wasn't having trouble with making that decision. a baby at 37 may very well be her ONLY chance to have a baby. And what happens if she aborts and can not have another child. Are you going to be there and tell her to pursue her career and travel so she'll be happy? I agree Dev is not in the ideal situtation, but that's where she is. A little life growing inside of her, and who knows maybe ther father will come around. Don't be so quick to judge someone else because you have not walked in their shoes.

Again, some people are not meant to have a baby. If it's someone's last chance to have one at 37, then it's their own fault. They had years to plan, more or less from the age of 18. At the same time, it takes two people so both should be involved. Everyone knows that kids look for the missing parents later on in life or have hang ups because they wonder why they weren't wanted by one. Find a man who wants to be a dad. It's only fair to the child. I'm tired of women whining about it being their "last chance". That's just ridiculous. You don't play with a baby's life and future because you wasted time and feel unfulfilled!

Candance - Not everyone's life takes the perfect path. The ideal situation would be to have two parents living in a household. Do you know of any single parent families that are doing just fine? Sick of people saying it or not, it is the truth that it may very well be Dev's LAST chance to have a baby. That's nature. You probably have kids too. To abort a baby is not a simple decision that is why Dev is here. She knows she may regret it one day or she would have done it already and we wouldn't even know about her life. Raising a baby alone can be hard, but so can marriage. That's why the divorce rate is over 50%. I repeat, Dev is not in the perfect situation so what you just go destroy a life because it's the easy way to go. Let me remind you that Lance Armstrong was raised by a 17 year old mother who had nothing, and no father in the picture. Her family wanted her to abort too. Looks like she managed just fine and raised a son that has influenced thousands of cancer patients and making a difference in peoples lives with is organization. Well, his mother could have taken the easy route because she didn't have the PERFECT situation. It's a hard job to be a single mother, no one said it would be easy. There are so many people out there that have made their mark in this world that came from a single parent household. Lance Armstrong is one example.