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Candance - Not everyone's life takes the perfect path. The ideal situation would be to have two parents living in a household. Do you know of any single parent families that are doing just fine? Sick of people saying it or not, it is the truth that it may very well be Dev's LAST chance to have a baby. That's nature. You probably have kids too. To abort a baby is not a simple decision that is why Dev is here. She knows she may regret it one day or she would have done it already and we wouldn't even know about her life. Raising a baby alone can be hard, but so can marriage. That's why the divorce rate is over 50%. I repeat, Dev is not in the perfect situation so what you just go destroy a life because it's the easy way to go. Let me remind you that Lance Armstrong was raised by a 17 year old mother who had nothing, and no father in the picture. Her family wanted her to abort too. Looks like she managed just fine and raised a son that has influenced thousands of cancer patients and making a difference in peoples lives with is organization. Well, his mother could have taken the easy route because she didn't have the PERFECT situation. It's a hard job to be a single mother, no one said it would be easy. There are so many people out there that have made their mark in this world that came from a single parent household. Lance Armstrong is one example.

All C is saying above is that if Dev wanted a baby so badly then why did she wait so long to have one. And I'm wondering too.

I wish I knew the answer to that question myself. It could be career, didn't meet the right person till after 30 or 35. It is usually one of those 2 things. Dev's question sounds like not matter what she'll end up leaving her boyfriend. If she terminates, she'll leave right away. I'm just saying being a single mother isn't the worst thing in the world. It's not ideal, but it's not the worst. If she's having doubts now, "doubt means don't" as Oprah would say. Dev's internal voice is telling her what's in her heart, that's all I'm trying to say. Another thing not everyone fully understands why after 35 your chances of getting pregnant decrease. My OB/GYN was no help to me in that area. There are OB/GYN's out there that misinform or under inform their patients about being over 35. So not all women realized exactly what happens to their body after age 35. Ask a 25 year old who is career minded educated - do they really understand FSH levels? I think women sort of know when they are getting close to 35, but don't know the specifics and that's what brings them to boards like this.

I understand what you're saying Sue Z, but I don't think anyone should make a decision based on "it may be my last chance". That's selfish. It's not like she's insisting she's pro life or anything. Then I'd say, Ok, she's going through with it based on a MORAL belief. But by saying it might be my last chance (no fault of anyone's but her own) she's basing her decision on losing out on the experience, not the child. The very fact that she's considered an abortion makes it clear that she's puttinig herself before her baby already. That's not right.

Kelly - I see your point. She has to make her decision based on if she wants the baby or not. Leave the boyfriend out of it. She said it may be her only chance and she is right about that. After all of us debating over her decision. I want to know how she feels. Dev - talk to us. Where are you in your decision making process? As far as doing it on your own I see 15 and 16 year olds doing it on their own everyday. Of course, you could do it and be a wonderful mother to your child.

Candace - How DARE you pa__s judgement and decide when someone else should have a child! You are a very self-centered, judgemental, uncaring person and I can only hope your husband has the compa__sision and understanding that you are lacking so that your children can grow up to be loving and supportive people. They will learn none of these things from you. Maybe you should visit a Brittney Spears or Jessica Simpson website so you can call boast about how wonderful you are and how great it is to be a young mom. Unfortunately, not everyone has the perfect life that you do and until you live in someone elses shoes you should NEVER pa__s judgement on them. I grew up with an alcoholic father, a mother who taught us that the 3 most important words are "keep the peace". And I was lucky enough to marry an alcoholic with a 4 year old son. I loved that child and have absolutely NO relationship with him at all. How would you like to pay $200 a week in child support and then another $150 a week for daycare in the SUMMER because the courts wouldn't allow us to stop child support while we had him those 3 months. And then find out his mother doesn't have any money to buy him school clothes! I could go on and on but I won't - I think you get the idea. Don't you DARE pa__s judgement on any of the women on this site, Candace. How would you like to have a mother that told you over and over again that YOU don't want children and also told you she wished she never had children in the first place. Life is not all candy and roses, Candace - people have issues. Do you think I wanted to bring a child into this relationship? No, I sacrificed at the time and worked on my marriage. Go ahead and blame me for that. If you can't be helpful and supportive to these women you need to go to another site where you can praise yourself. I just hope you have no regrets in life, Candace - I hope your husband never leaves you, your children never get hurt and life never throws you a curve. I honestly don't think you would be able to handle it. And if your friends and family are anything like you they will NOT be helpful and supportive. This site is to help people through difficult times in their lives - and if wanting to love and care for a child at a later age is a crime then I hope many many people will be committing these crimes because we need people to love and care for their children regardless of their age.

Debra - My thoughts exactly! Who is Candace to pa__s judgement on anyone! We are here to help and support one another not cut them down more. Women who come to this board have infertility issues and we are here to learn and support one another. Candace - your words are hurtful!

My opinion is my opinion. I'm shocked by your reply, Debra. Very low cla__s. Do you really care about each and everybody's opinion so much that you need to attack strangers? And again, everyone has their own opinion. In some countries, women who get pregnant without being married are stoned...that's just a fact of life, but I think it's sick, of course. Some people in that country don't. Now that would be a bad bad bad opinion deserving of your abuse, not wanting good lives for children is not a bad OPINION. I feel sorry for children born into chaos, but I'm not saying it's ALWAYS preventable. When it can be, it should be. That's all. This is not Jerry Springer, so after skimming your post, I'm tuning you out. Good luck in life, you're going to need it!

DEV...the issue here is you. YOU need to understand that YOU are a special person and with or without being pregnant, THIS man is not healthy for you. yes, eveyone gets scared but what do you think will happen when you have s_x? its NOT a game and now a little tiny baby YOUR baby is there in your belly growing and alive and if you saw a 4D ultrasound of your baby alive , growing, and so special like you are, you would not be even thinking of ending its life. Adoption is an option. I was adopted as an infant ( my mom was young) and my parents love me as their own, they CHOSE me. pregnancy is a scary time for ALL moms and dads at some point, because its the unknown, but many people raise children on their own and they survive and know they gave their child life and not killed it because of the father of the childs reaction or actions. I have been their and now married a wonderful man who loves my child as his own. I will pray for you and good luck and be strong.

adoption is an option... we are a loving family that are unable to have our own children and want to adopt... please contact us at: wannabe_mommy1100@yahoo.com

Hello. I am so glad I logged onto this site. I hope you find this useful. I was first time pregnant when I was 35 - a guy I fancied so badly and vice versa but he did not know whether he wanted a relationship. Typical scenario. We got pregnant after a pa__sionate evening, just the way I had dreamed of conceiving. This was my fairy tale come true except he was not a player - a t*** if you ask me. I met up with him on neutral territory to tell him that I had decided to keep it irrespective of what he wanted. It was my choice not his to make - or so I thought. He ended up bullying me several times during the day on most days, mostly by telephone into terminating my pregnancy. If I refused to take his calls, he'll call my friends. I terminated at 7 weeks. There isn't a day in my life when I do not regret his decision. He decided it because it was not convenient for him. Sadly I realised this rather too late. It was not a decision for him to make and somewhat I felt I had to terminate it coz I did not want to push him into becoming a father when he did not want to. I was so desperate to be a mum, a single mum if necessary, at the time. The straw that broke the camel's back was my girlfriend, who turned out to be an adopted child. She told me that a child feels rejected by being unwanted by its parent. She knows how it feels coz she is a rejected child too. She cried telling me her story one night. I felt confused and isolated. I went ahead with it because of her. I did not want my baby to feel the same way she does. I now know that they were both wrong. I should have trusted my instincts. My advice to you is leave him, get on with your life and be a single happy mum. He (my then boyfriend) had told me that we could start a family by carefully planning it after the termination. I was a fool to believe him. After the termination, he left me. I was on my own, depressed for a long time, lost my job as a result. He disappeared for good and never took any of my calls. He was there for termination. In my mind that was to make sure that I went ahead with it. Deep down he now knows it was the wrong thing to do. I can't understand my stupidity when I had the support of all my friends. I had planned how to raise it on my own and I know I would have made a good job of it. I am pretty and I know I would have met someone else one day if that was important to me. In fact, an acquaintance from New Zealand wanted to father my child to be with me. He offered for us to disappear from the UK for good without a trace. That sounded like a good plan except I did not feel I knew him well enough to take up the offer. This is the 21st century. There are lots of single parents around and yes, you can meet someone else as a single mum. Your child will be raised as you decide to raise it. If you love him/her enough, it should not miss out on much. A year after the termination, I went out with a friend. I realised that work is just work and nothing else matters to me than being happy and a mother. He is german. I left my job, my life, my friends and everything in London to be with him so we can make babies. We have been trying for babies for nearly a year now. It is a very trying time for both of us. I still have a lot of remorse for what I did. Every time I walk past a church,temple or whatever, I feel I have to burn a candle to ask for forgiveness for what I did. This is my only comfort. I am a total convert from a non believer in God to believing in anything that remotely may exist or claim to exist. At night, I still wake up and I still cry for my loss. Today, It would have been just over 1 year of age. I kept my test result and notes for memories. As I write to you, I have tears in my eyes coz I would not like you to make the same mistake I did. Your friends and family will understand and will help you. I never thought my mum would understand. We are indians after all. Never thought I would hear my mum say, "are you trying?" given that I am not married to this new guy (I don't want to). Financially, you'll be fine. Whether he likes it or not, he will have to pay child maintenance. You can choose to refuse him access to you and your baby (he deserves it). The truth is he will probably not leave you alone. He will probably come running back in which case then you will have the upper hand and can waive your magic wand whichever way you want. He will pester you till you give into the temination. Do not give in. He is only one man but a selfish one. There are many more out there, and some really nice ones who are prepared to go all the way. You are a precious commodity being a woman and a pregnant one. Men like him never change. At 39, if he cannot decide whether he wants a child, he never will. That's his problem. You've got what you want, move away. Look around yourself, there are so many single mums and yes, you can do it and be happy going alone. Wash your hands off him and let him go but keep your baby and his work address. I met up with the ex guy recently, some 2 years later. I still care for him. We had not spoken for 2 years. He still fancies me but it's too late. I have at last forgotten what he did but never will I forgive him. I finally had the guts to tell him that he was wrong to decide for me. Now, it would appear that he wished he could turn the clock back. I am told he wants me back in his life. Who is the loser now? Please don't give up. Life is full of trials and tribulations. That's what makes you YOU. Life will be difficult but hey how come so many other women have done it. You can too. If you live in Germany, I would offer to babysit for you anytime if that helps.

I agree with most posts that abortion is not an answer, especially when there are so many loving couples out there who want to adopt. But it is not fair to say that the man has no say in things. Ultimately it is the woman's choice, but why didn't she just use birth control? You don't fool around with life. It is irresponsible not to protect yourself. You stop using birth control when you take the time to discuss having a child together. I hate to say this and it's nothing against Dev, but I know 2 friends who tricked their boyfriends into getting them pregnant because they felt their time was running out. That's not right!!!! (They said they were on the pill when they weren't). At this time, with all of the birth control methods out there, there's no excuse for mistakes, per se. BUT I know there are exceptions to every rule. I'm just giving an example of when it wasn't. And men have rights too. They shouldn't have to pay for a woman's fear that she is getting older and he's her last chance to have a baby. I'm not saying this is Dev. I just feel for the other half sometimes because of what I know. A lot of people on here seem to male bash in a lot of categories. Even though it's not the man who conceives and a lot of women go on about how they'll do it all on their own, he still has to live with the thought that there is a living part of him out there and there's the guilt, etc, which is a natural reaction, and if proper birth control was used, this could have been prevented. If it was and something went wrong then both parties should be responsible, but if it wasn't or he was tricked because a woman thinks it's her last chance to get pregnant and she can't wait to meet someone who wants a child, then it's mean and unfair. A woman has to ask herself this also, does she want the child for selfish reasons, or is she really doing this for the child's sake? Dev says that she thought about termination which sounds like she is pro choice. I hope that she is someone who got pregnant because of that 1% chance that the pill didn't work or that the rubber broke. Otherwise, I'm wondering why she chose this man to take chances with.

I've read all of the posts and it sounds like everyone has some good points. Debra, I didn't like yours since it sounds fanatical and unstable. The other girl was giving her own opinion. We're not judges here. This is supposed to be a place for insightfulness and comfort not bashing. Dev, do what's best in your heart and make sure you do it for all of the right reasons. That's all you can do. God bless.

im 8 weeks pregnant and the father of the baby tells me everytime we talk it was a big mistake....a mistake for him mabey i left his house and im stayin wit my mom im keepin what i call is MINE and im overjoyed......in time u will b in a gud situation and wished u had kept that baby.......ur baby...

MANDY U'RE NEGATIVE PERIOD. NOTHING IN LIFE IS GUARANTEE. U insist that u'll wait till u've known him really well in order to bring a child into the world. And must be out of love. Your husband might find someone else one year later and leave u. Totally still wants to visit and love the child but just found somebody else. U agree that could happen, right? Or better still, u could have the baby today and your husband gets killed in an accident the next day or in Katrina. Then what? U're still forced into single parenthood, and/or u end up with someone else. Obviously u have no kids like u mentioned above, maybe u've already thought about these things, goood for u. Some things u just have no control over. But it seems to me deep down u want kids but u're scared of all these possibilities. Life is a risk and there are no guarantees. U're obviously going to live your life being "scared" because hopefully i scared u even more with these other possibilities. I pity u the most in this whole thread. U're in constant fear and u will later regret when u have everything around u and all the money and financial security u could possibly have but u'll be 70 dying of cancer sad that u have no immediate offspring cherishing every single moment with u. Some daughter who had your hair some son with your character and grandchildren bringing you a little picture they drew at school. Proud accomplishing kids and grandkids. And u certainly wouldn't be able to take your bank account or your precious 401K or IRA savings to your grave. My point is, leave your pathetic fearing opinion to yourself, because it holds no grounds and is totally unnecessary. I honestly suspect that u're infertile and u're hating on someone who can do it. U want to triple the anguish of any potentially fertile woman. To Pam, u've got options, if your situation is as bad as it is financially, the COUNTY will help and this may seem funny but enroll in a community college as well. I attended it with much older people so that shouldn't be an issue. I was 26 by the way. The county will pay for your child care while u go to school as long as u find a part time job. The college gladly prioritizes your status as a parent and the will give u a small job on the campus if u don't find one elsewhere. Only 20hrs is what u need for the county to help u if u choose to go to school. They wil pay for child care while u look for a job. They paid mine for 5 full weeks. As long as u do that the county will give u at least 555 a month for a one parent one child home. It will also give u foodstamps of about 250 dollars a month which should be enough. If your rent is higher than this, they will give u a one time 2000 dollars and pay for child care while u look for a job and they will give huge tips and leads for jobs. U will also be automatically qualified for WIC foods for baby and yourself. On top of that, the school has grants and financial aid in abundance u won't even believe. They will even give u loans if u so wish. These loans don't have to be paid until u graduate and have secured a job. Very low interest rate and if your situation is as bad as mine was the government paid all the interest. Come tax return time, you get to earn some credit for going to school for each child and on top of that u earn earned income credit. Yes that little 20hr job gives u a decent check come February. My brother earns 50,000 a yr and gets taxed almost half of his paycheck. I get taxed about 20 dollars max and at tax return time i get 5 times the amount he gets back. He gets really bitter about that too. I have 2 kids and am forever glad to the person who suggested this to me 4yrs ago. I could never thank her enough. I was pregnant at the time and was deserted once he found out. I was too proud to go to the county but my situation forced me to. When i combined the county with school i was more than able to do it. Infact i got comfortable enough to where i got pregnant again. I got enough help that i even requested the county to stop helping. I save the remaining 24 months for another time when i really need it. (There is a 5yr limit on help from the county). I kept getting grants and one good loan and couple scholarships based on need. Believe me, the government wants to keep people in school especially those who have the potential of dropping out due to dependants. I have been there for 4 yrs and it's time for me to go to university. I just got my a__sociate degree in science in nursing and now am going for a bachelors at the University in long beach. Am not even that smart but i slowly did it in 4 yrs. I used all the money i could get and even managed to save a little. I have an interview (RN) position next week. I will work and continue to go to school part time because i finally realised school is the only way to go. I did it, u can do it. i wouldn't have thought that i could 4yrs ago. I was infact contemplating suicide because i have really no family or relatives besides my brother. He has 5 kids so he can't really help. He has a burden as it is, for the amount he makes. My point is, i did it, following someone's advice. So when MANDY KEEPS SAYING NO ONE CAN TELL U WHAT TO DO, u're wrong, sometimes someone can tell u. I was told not to abort, and try exactly what i did. The job offer starts at $32 dollars an hr and if i sign up for 5 yr contract i will be making $47 an hour come my 5th year. So how's that in regards to anyone can do it?

He gave you this baby for a reason. How many times did you go against his wil and things did not work out for you. Let God speak to you, deep in your heart. No man is worth killing your baby. You can do it alone, and you don't have to be alone. Family, friends, or even a support group are there to help you. Anaclaudiariofl@msn.com