Pregnancy Info HOME

Aww hun don't be sad. Just because your first son is not the affectionate type doesn't mean this little one won't be. You are so lucky to have a little girl already so please dont be sad! Watch it will all be great once he arrives! :)

Thanks Beka, that's what everyone is saying...it just won't go away. Now my husband is getting angry with me for being sad. I really can't help it, I have tried. I only found out yesterday.

We cannot have any boys. We even spent $20,000 on gender selection. Our whole house is filled up with girls.

I'm so sorry Bali...I feel selfish for feeling this way. I wish I could change the way I feel.

Every child is different. My daughter is now 27 months and hates to be held if it isn't her idea. She has never fallen asleep with me, nor does she like to cuddle. With the exception of when whe was an infant, she isn't a very affectionate child. She does like her "owies" kissed and wants to be with us, but just not held. It really used to bother me a lot. As far as being a bit disappointed, don't feel bad. It is normal to have a preconceived notion of what you imagined this childs gender to be. I too am pregnant with a boy this time (due july 24th). I so wanted a boy this time and knew that I would feel a bit sad if it were another girl. However, it would have been short lived. Any baby is a blessing, and I just know that this little boy will adore you entirely. As far as your 2 year old son is concerned, can you spend some time with him alone? Maybe take him somewhere where the two of you can interract, a children's museum, the zoo, out to a fun restaurant, find one of those build a bear places in the mall? You could also send the other kids off to play dates and do some special art projects at home,or if it is warm already where you live, get a small pool or a slip and slide and really get in to it with him? This baby boy is going to be the best thing for you and your family. I know you feel traumatized right now and I really feel for you, but you have to pull yourself together and remember that this pregnancy and this baby need and deserve you 110% You are having a beautiful boy and he already loves you.

i know how you feel honey! i have a 3 yr old boy and a 2 yr old girl. But for me, my lil boy is the way more affectionate one, and my little girl is the overdramatic non affectionate one! And i am having another girl! But I keep telling myself that this one will probably not turn out like her big sister, they all have different personalities! I love having a mommas boy, and since this one is your last I am sure he will be very affectionate to mommy! and be spoiled rotten!

uh, i don't think bali is saying they're unable to have boys, only that they choose to not have boys by i imagine not keeping the ones that are boys and only allowing the girls to continue to develop. kind of strange, i think. but it's their choice. anyway, i don't think this boy will be the same. my mom had 3 girls and my big sister was very independent and strong and not as cuddly as me or my little sister. it's just how they are. nothing wrong with it. being independent and strong will help them later in life but i know your son loves you just the same.

La__s I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You should be able to get your time to be sad about this and think about it. You just found out and you are just on here venting about it...that is totally fair. Hang in there for a little while. I am sure you will warm up to the idea. The only advice I can give is just remember- Those little babies can sense a lot more than we know. For example, if one is really stressed about nursing the baby is not going to get a good feeding. So just remember that if you feel any resentment that babe will be able to tell or sense it.. GOOD LUCK!!!

Thanks to all of you. I feel better knowing some of you with girls have experienced the "uncuddly" baby. This helps me alot, as I really a__sociated it with boys since it was my son who was that way. Thanks ffor the support, I truly appreciate it as I wasn't getting any from my hubby. At least I am not a walking waterfall, but my nose is still red. :) Thanks

After 4 miscarriages, all I can say is that your post made me incredibly sad.

Wow. I don't know really what to say other than it seems so silly to me to be dissappointed by the s_x of your baby to SUCH an extent. It's sad. I feel for your and your problem with you son. HOWEVER, that's your son. Just because you're having another boy, he's going to be a totally seperate person. There are people with girls that have the same problem and I've spoken to SO many women who love the fact that their boys are so much more cuddly than their daughters, so it's all just different personalities. We just found out we're having our 2nd boy, 10 months apart from the first one! Everyone swore it was a girl and when we found out a boy, I was SO excited about it. I guess to give Justin a little brother so close in age. But a girl wouldn've been just as great. It's your baby. It's not about a p___s or a v____a at this point...it's a baby inside of you that's part of you that YOU made!! I'm sorry if I sound harsh or ignorant to the situation, I just can't imagine how gender can make you feel so much animosity toward a being that hasn't had any chance in the world yet. I think you need to get over the problem with your son and stop holding it against your unborn child.

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses Betty. I was a surrogate (gestational carrier to be exact) for a couple and delivered their baby boy 2 years ago this May 11th. I am proud to have shared this journey with them and helped them make a family. Sadly I was trying again for a different couple and miscarried at 7 weeks. For the first time I truly understood the pain of a miscarriage. I was sad. About my disappointment, you might find it selfish, but I am not alone in those feelings. Through posts on another site I found other people who have the same feelings and found some suggestions from experts on how to feel better. I have started bonding through picking a name, buying clothes, a baby boy crib and things like that. This has made me feel better and started my bond. If I hadn't reached out, I would have just felt sad inside without a solution. Bottom line is, whether I wanted to or not, I felt disappointed at first. What I needed was support, and I thank all who gave it! I feel a million times better. And again Betty, I am so very sorry for your losses, as I know that pain is so overwhelmingly hard.

alirenee86, la__s was just having a rough time. She needed some support, so she came here. I really don't think it is appropriate to be judging her. She NEVER said she wouldn't love her baby, she had just hoped for a girl. I think you would be hard pressed to find a woman on these boards that wouldn't adore their child regardless of gender. It is totally normal for some women to feel a bit depressed when the they find out the s_x of the baby isn't what they had envisioned. It is almost a feeling of mourning, and is short lived.

that's why when people ask me what we're hoping for, i refuse to choose a gender because when you get it in your head that you want one and you get the other, you're sure to be disappointed. nothing abnormal about that.

Well. sorry la__s...I never meant to judge and I'm one of the least judgemental people and a very undersanding, sympathetic and empathetic person.. And please don't mistake honesty or a bit of bluntness as being judgemental because it's not. I can understand an initial dissappointment, of course. And mjv, her post just sounded more extreme to me than a short-lived dissapointment and for that, I'm sorry if I read it wrong. However, It seems to me the same as not liking men anymore because of a boyfriend or husband that wasn't affectionate enough of a man to fulfill your needs. But I guess even after a relationship, it take some time. But you know what I woulud telI my own best friend that she has to get over him because there are great men out there and she's going to find one. I wouldn't be the friend that sits there and says how much men suck and she should become a nun. That's just my style and it's not a judgemental one. It's an optimistic one to show you can absolutely rise above a situation. I guess to me it was just how your post read. It sounded very cold and heartless to me and sorry for expressing a completely honest opinion rather than an easy, superficial 'cheer up, it's okay!'. I know we all need that sometimes, but I always wind up appreciating an opinion here or there from someone that is tougher than the rest of them. Those are the ones that always make me think twice. I'm here for honest support, to both give and receive. It is not judgemental to say I think you should get past your problem with your son and not hold it against your unborn child. It might not sound that pretty, but I'm not judging you. I would be judging you if I said I thought you were wrong or insane or crazy or bad for those feelings. I know you're not. Your feelings are real. I know that and I'm sorry your feeling that way, truly. But I honeslty feel that the only way for you to GET to a truly CHEERFUL state like you asked for, is to get past the problem that's causing you to feel this way in the first place. And the solution to that I feel is to move past the issue with another child and start with the freshest feelings you can for your new baby. I never said you were going to love him less. YOu said you felt so selfish and so sad and I feel a way out of that it to move past it with everything you've got so your not harboring those feelings and feeling terrible inside. To do that, you have to start with completely fresh feelings for your new baby - and I'm so glad to hear you're trying that with setting up a crib and baby clothes etc. for a baby boy. That to me is helping yourself move past it. Mjv- I NEVER said she wouldn't love her baby either. So before you judge ME and call me judgemental for offering an honest opinion to someone, please don't put words in my mouth. I appreciate every response from each of you and know that we're all posting very real feelings, problems and emotions - both good and bad.